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The funniest Rock climbing article EVER
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hersh_ml


Apr 15, 2005, 3:22 AM
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I don't know if anyone noticed this, but check this out.

"Aid climbing: When the face of the mountain doesn't offer any more grips and holds, some experienced climbers pull out tools like hooks, nuts, camming devices, ascenders, hauling pulleys, aiders, and wall hammers to climb up. This is a very dangerous method."

I was disappointed that there was no change to the bouldering description. I didn't look over the article very good just now, but there may also be more changes that were made. I think our comments and hate mails affected our friend Steve enough to motivate him to do some editing. Way to be Steve, I am proud of you!

Mike


changling


Apr 15, 2005, 3:44 AM
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In reply to:
I don't know if anyone noticed this, but check this out.

"Aid climbing: When the face of the mountain doesn't offer any more grips and holds, some experienced climbers pull out tools like hooks, nuts, camming devices, ascenders, hauling pulleys, aiders, and wall hammers to climb up. This is a very dangerous method."

Damn, that was the funniest part! I should have saved a copy of the original when I had the chance. :(


cmacblue42


Apr 15, 2005, 4:22 AM
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excuse my language but: THIS GUY IS A TOTAL A@# i will psot all his blatant remarks l8ter


sdwoods


Apr 15, 2005, 5:25 AM
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Before going on that climb, make sure you're fit, have the right equipment, and know how to get down.

Same could be said for "How To Go Night Clubing".


Partner ctardi


Apr 16, 2005, 6:12 PM
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I Have sent them this e-mail, and i think everyone else should send them one too.

"Being a climber myself, I would like to complain about your article, and offer some advice.

1. Bodybuilding is not necessary for rock climbing, nor is it necessary to be able to lift your own weight.
2. Hiking is not a large part of rock climbing, but there is usually a short walk to the base of a cliff.
3. It is good to be afraid of heights, as then you will be more determined not to fall.
4. Rock climbers do not climb mountains, mountain climbers do.
5. The dutch marine bowline and figure-of-nine are not accepted rock climbing knots.
6. Full safety climbing is actually called top-roping. The person on the ground is called a belayer, and does not pull on the rope to make it easier for you, they hold it using a friction creating belay device such as an atc or a grigri so that when you fall, you do not hit the ground.
7. Bouldering is really not hiking with obstacles. Bouldering is usually a climb with only a few moves, low to the ground, that are usually really hard.
8. You do not see free climbing in movies. If you think that a movie has good climbing advice, you should not be climbing.
9, Most of the best climbers in the world solo.
10. Belaying is the act of holding the rope for the other climber, weather you be top roping, sport climbing, aid climbing, trad climbing or ice climbing.
11. In addition to what you have listed for supplies, you also need a belay device, Helmut, about 50 feet of tubular webbing, and many other things .But you must also stress that you should not be using any of this gear without the training and supervision of an experienced climber.
12. Yosemite decimal system goes up to 5.15
13. You will not find good climbing locations in the yellow pages, as most of them are not businesses.
14. Rappelling is never safe and easy, no matter how much training you have. This is the part of the climb when most climbers get killed.
15. Raising your arms higher than your head is less exhausting, because than you can hang on straight arms, not using any of the muscles in your arms.
16. it is not always possible to have contact with the rock in three places.
17. small footsteps usually set you up for big footsteps.
18. If you climbed like Sylvester Stallone, you would be dead.

I please ask, and on behalf of rock climbers around the world, that you take this article offline before people get themselves hurt or killed.
--
Cam Tardi"

Their address is generalsports@askmen.com


yanqui


Apr 19, 2005, 3:32 PM
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My favourite quote is:
"Bouldering: This method consists of climbing small boulders without any equipment. Basically, it's like hiking with some obstacles thrown in. "
HAHAHA I fell of my chair when I read that..."like hiking with some obstacles thrown in"..

This sounds like a good definition to me. For one thing, it excludes gym climbing as bouldering. You see, I'm especially fond of exploratory bouldering. That means I like to go hiking in the hills, looking around for obstacles. When I find them, I try to complete them, like this:
http://www.rockclimbing.com/...p.cgi?Detailed=51252

After working on obstacles for awhile, I like to start hiking around again, looking for new obstacles.


Partner euroford


Apr 19, 2005, 4:42 PM
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In reply to:
In reply to:
In 1981, "Spider Dan" Goodwin climbed the glass of the Sears Tower and the John Hancock Center in Chicago using suction cups.

From what I remember hearing, they had a three second release on them so he had to keep moving.

Alain Robert is another famous builderist (featured in the above link) who is arrested after pretty much every climb.

on sears he actually he used a small part (i really don't know how to describe it or another better word to use for it) which fit into the mullion tracks used by the suspended scaffold system. he had two of them allowing him to basiclly jug up the curtainwall mullions.

on hancock he used glass cups to rest every now and then (yes, glass cups would the alusive 'suction cups' we all want to have for aid climbing) but otherwise free climbed the building again using the i-beam shapped mullions which make a tieback for the scaffold system. i actually think the hancock would go about 5.8, though quite sustained.

fyi: to add substance to my opinion, i'm a building facade consultant in chicago and i've both spent time on the facades of these buildings and met people who were involved with the buildings at the time of the climbs. though i have no 'first hand' knowedge.

more fyi: you really could aid with some glass cups, they can support several hundred pounds, of course, only on glass. damn, i tried a quick search to show you the cups that commercial glazers use, but obviously typing "glass cup" into google yields a variety of results.


crimpandgo


Apr 19, 2005, 5:34 PM
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In reply to:
I Have sent them this e-mail, and i think everyone else should send them one too.

"Being a climber myself, I would like to complain about your article, and offer some advice.

1. Bodybuilding is not necessary for rock climbing, nor is it necessary to be able to lift your own weight.
2. Hiking is not a large part of rock climbing, but there is usually a short walk to the base of a cliff.
3. It is good to be afraid of heights, as then you will be more determined not to fall.
4. Rock climbers do not climb mountains, mountain climbers do.
5. The dutch marine bowline and figure-of-nine are not accepted rock climbing knots.
6. Full safety climbing is actually called top-roping. The person on the ground is called a belayer, and does not pull on the rope to make it easier for you, they hold it using a friction creating belay device such as an atc or a grigri so that when you fall, you do not hit the ground.
7. Bouldering is really not hiking with obstacles. Bouldering is usually a climb with only a few moves, low to the ground, that are usually really hard.
8. You do not see free climbing in movies. If you think that a movie has good climbing advice, you should not be climbing.
9, Most of the best climbers in the world solo.
10. Belaying is the act of holding the rope for the other climber, weather you be top roping, sport climbing, aid climbing, trad climbing or ice climbing.
11. In addition to what you have listed for supplies, you also need a belay device, Helmut, about 50 feet of tubular webbing, and many other things .But you must also stress that you should not be using any of this gear without the training and supervision of an experienced climber.
12. Yosemite decimal system goes up to 5.15
13. You will not find good climbing locations in the yellow pages, as most of them are not businesses.
14. Rappelling is never safe and easy, no matter how much training you have. This is the part of the climb when most climbers get killed.
15. Raising your arms higher than your head is less exhausting, because than you can hang on straight arms, not using any of the muscles in your arms.
16. it is not always possible to have contact with the rock in three places.
17. small footsteps usually set you up for big footsteps.
18. If you climbed like Sylvester Stallone, you would be dead.

I please ask, and on behalf of rock climbers around the world, that you take this article offline before people get themselves hurt or killed.
--
Cam Tardi"

Their address is generalsports@askmen.com

I think many folks would take exception to your first two comments.

Although true body building is not necessary, weekly workouts are essential to improving your climbing strength and stamina. There is a pictue of Bacher in this months issue of R&I showing him do chin-ups with weights strapped to his body. Sure looks like strength training to me.

Second, I believe "parking lot" climbing is more the norm now, but most avid climbers would prefer to find more remote locations to climb and thus would believe that hiking is an essential part of climber.


lenexa


Apr 19, 2005, 7:00 PM
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Here is a copy of the email I sent ol' steve. I also wrote the publishers and told them to fire or take the money they gave steve.

You are what my climbing buddies would call a 'poser.'
That was the most ridiculous attempt at a rock climbing article I have ever read.
First of all, rock climbers do not try to impress anyone, we don't do it to look cool or to get girls. I'm sure you and the unsecure men who read your articles do activities for that reason, but real climbers don't. Second, what is 'full safety climbing'? And I have never even heard of pulling up the rope to make it easier! Third, bouldering is extremely difficult and is not hiking with obstacles. Forth, nobody buys all the gear you suggest--unless they want to impress people, and in that case they will only impress non-climbers. A climber would laugh at a newbie with all that gear they can't use for at least a few months. Fifth, climbing will get you in shape to climb, you don't need to start lifting for a month before you go to a gym. (Further, most climbers don't go to a gym unless they are forced to by bad schedules or weather, and then it is not to 'climb'--rather to stay in shape to climb outdoor). Sixth, I do not know a single climber who says that rapelling is their favorite part of climbing (you also contradicted yourself and said it was dangerous and safe). I could go on and on, but my all time favorite is using suction cups to aid climb.
I don't know where you got your information, and I don't know why you used the style of writing you used, but it didn't fit at all. I'm suprised you wrote it. Was it free lance? Or did they assign it to you? Furthermore, did you read internet articles or talk to real live people? Either way, there are thousands of climber that could have written a fine article, its not like we're marmots, you could have enlisted better help then you had. Sorry to be so blunt, I wouldn't have written if it was just bad writing. But it was aweful journalism that misrepresented the subject you wrote about. If it didn't injure the reputation and even safety of climbing I would have just laughed--but I felt it my obligation to warn you to stay out of subjects you have zero knowledge about.

In fact, on rockclimbing.com there is quite the forum enjoying your ignorance in your article, the link is http://rockclimbing.com/topic/86292

I hope you stay within your bounds and write about things you actually know about in the future--or at least research better before you write.

Good luck in future articles,

I have you bookmarked so I can read your next article

robert bradbury


davidji


Apr 19, 2005, 7:12 PM
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I have you bookmarked so I can read your next article
Then I would call his article a sucess, wouldn't you?


lenexa


Apr 19, 2005, 7:17 PM
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yeah, I should have specified 'for entertainment'


davidji


Apr 19, 2005, 7:24 PM
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*deleted*


phlsphr


Apr 19, 2005, 7:31 PM
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9, Most of the best climbers in the world solo.

How do you know this?


In reply to:

11. In addition to what you have listed for supplies, you also need a belay device, Helmut, about 50 feet of tubular webbing, and many other things .

Who is Helmut, and why do I need him??? :lol:


Partner nostalgia


Apr 19, 2005, 8:23 PM
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In reply to:
In reply to:
11. In addition to what you have listed for supplies, you also need a belay device, Helmut, about 50 feet of tubular webbing, and many other things .
Who is Helmut, and why do I need him??? :lol:
He's obviously your belay slave. Notice how he follows belay device ;) The tubular webbing is to keep him in place.

-Joe


cerikpete


Apr 19, 2005, 8:30 PM
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5. The dutch marine bowline and figure-of-nine are not accepted rock climbing knots.

Um, isn't that another name for the Yosemite backup?


Partner nostalgia


Apr 19, 2005, 8:33 PM
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In reply to:
In reply to:
5. The dutch marine bowline and figure-of-nine are not accepted rock climbing knots.

Um, isn't that another name for the Yosemite backup?
It depends on who you ask. My father-in-law - boy scout leader and knot expert - maintains that a figure of 9 is not a Yosemite backup, but a figure-8 with an extra turn around the standing end of the rope.

-Joe


sleepy


Apr 19, 2005, 9:02 PM
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did anyone use his link for the rubber-soled climbing shoes under his equipment list?

you can pick your favorite climbing shoes from distributors like reebok, johnson and murphy, shoemall.com, and my favorite place payless shoe source. :roll:

Sweet, I can buy rubber soled shoes to use climbing at Rockport!!!! Now I can go to that dance at the crag and still look dressy :D


sleepy


Apr 19, 2005, 9:10 PM
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I have a question for everyone....If I do a dyno move, is Steve going to find out and scold me :?: :lol: I just don't think that I can keep 3 parts of my body on the rock at all times, I'm sorry :!:


gochubug


Apr 19, 2005, 9:28 PM
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I think we should use the spell checker when we are writing to someone like that if we want him to take us seriously.

But does anyone here think that he is actually reading all these long e-mails detailing how dumb he is, much less paying attention to what they are saying to him? :roll:


Partner hosh


Apr 19, 2005, 9:30 PM
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very funny stuff...


hosh


Partner ctardi


Apr 20, 2005, 2:22 AM
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In reply to:
In reply to:

9, Most of the best climbers in the world solo.

How do you know this?


In reply to:

11. In addition to what you have listed for supplies, you also need a belay device, Helmut, about 50 feet of tubular webbing, and many other things .

Who is Helmut, and why do I need him??? :lol:

9 - A good guess :wink:
11 - http://www.helmutlang.com/ (duh)


:lol:


juststrange


Apr 20, 2005, 3:40 AM
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OOO check it, I work on cars, and I know we got suction cups for pulling dents, we should use these!!! Damn i been doing it all wrong!

http://www.cvfsupplycompany.com/sucusucupdep3.html

Check it out, searching for suction cups i came across them and a "Monkey-on-a-stick" I wonder if the guy from AskMen thinks we should use that too.......I mean, monkeys climb well right?

http://jcsonlinetoolshed.com/section.php/737/0

This is almost as good as the time when Red Bull said thier man Ivan climbs "just .01 of a point below the worlds hardest difficulty" i.e. 5.14


reunionron


Apr 20, 2005, 6:01 AM
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11 - http://www.helmutlang.com/ (duh)


:lol:
Wow is that the new fall line up in climbing wear? :roll:


brokenarmboy19


Apr 20, 2005, 6:58 AM
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Rock climbing is incredibly dangerous. You need to be tremendously physically fit in order to stay alive -- blunt, but true


ok but I am fat and outof shape and yet i climb???? and i am still alive if you were wondering.

and that stallone coment at the end. no thank you i would rather free solo elcap than be like him in cliffhanger

i found this article disturbing at best


oldfart


Apr 20, 2005, 10:15 AM
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Come on. All this overwrought "what a retard" rhetoric won't hide the truth: this is the future of our sport, and it's already arrived, brotha, ushered in by the climbing gym crowd and its very own brand of reprehensible yuppie trend freaks. The less required knowledge, the more accessible the sport, kind of like frisbee. The direction climbing will take in the next year or two will make for some funny fucking reading, not that it hasn't in the last 10.

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