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wanderinfree
Feb 22, 2005, 4:57 PM
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
Now I have to ask WHERE you are meeting them for drinks? Looks like the coldest walk of shame ever. hehehehe
well...you could always come this way and check out the BRC.
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macherry
Feb 22, 2005, 5:53 PM
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get up woman, the battle's over, but the war's not done!!!! :lol:
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friktion
Feb 22, 2005, 6:10 PM
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Hey guy here as well. Just because I am a closet romantic doesn't mean my post should misconstrued as female rhetoric.
Friktion
P.S. Thanks to whomever rated my post :D
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andrewbanandrew
Mar 2, 2005, 9:41 AM
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You've either got to find another climber, or an equally passionate guy. He does not necessarily have to be passionate about climbing, simply passionate about something, so that he understands when you tell him at 6 a.m. you are leaving for three days to drive across the state because the weather has turned nice, he will roll over, smile, and say "I understand. Have fun, and be safe." And hopefully, if his passion requires him to take off from time to time, or give you less attention, you will also understand. Truthfully I think if you do find someone passionate who does not climb, it could work, so long as both of you are willing to make the occasional compromise.
I guess it comes down to how 'needy' each person in a relationship is--i.e. how much time they must spend together in order to feel that they have a valuable relationship. And that time ought to be spent wisely, otherwise the relationship begins to feel less like fun and more like work.
I am, for the most part, new to these waters, so I cannot even pretend understand any of it, but this is what I have learned in my (short) past.
edit: maybe it's a good idea to read the entire thread before replying so I don't beat a dead horse
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footprint
Mar 2, 2005, 12:32 PM
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mother_sheep:
I don't know which is worse - your situation or mine.
see, mine is quite the opposite of yours: I got the „perfect guy” 4 months after starting with the climbing in my life. He’s got it all - best climbing partner, nice guy, great sense of humor, helps me with my training, hard climber etc… you know – the world through pink glasses. The problem – I got divorced with my husband because of him (just last month).
.. and what really bothers me and I cannot give a one-way answer to is: did I really get divorced because I am so in love with my climbing partner or the fact that he is as obsessive with climbing as I am has some (HUGE!) part in it. (my husband didn’t get along with climbing very much, actually not at all – he couldn’t understand it, or me)
I have a kid 4 years old, so the answer to the question “why did I f… up my marriage” is of great importance. And I’m a little bit confused because after I got into climbing I am not sure I can trust my judgment anymore – I somehow relate everything to climbing (it’s all over my life!?!)
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adnix
Mar 3, 2005, 9:37 PM
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In reply to: Its like your exchanging time with one love to find another, because you know that when you find the one that gives you balance that whatever you gave up in the process will be seen as insignificant.
Going climbing something like Great Trango in Pakistan for 2 months would be pretty heavy stuff, too. I think this thing might hold together through that, too, since she's really smart and independent. Her being driven could be translated as her not getting bored too quick and as me not feeling like abandoning her once I leave doing my stuff.
I would say I was very lucky in finding someone that driven outside climbing community. If I'm spending 90% of my time working, climbing or planning climbing the odds aren't too good. I would also claim plan A is only an option if the other person is independent and smart. From what I understood Winter shared that opinion. I'd suppose most climbers don't feel like listening nags about spending too much time climbing, which is what most not driven people do. They got too much time in their hands to ploy and focus on stupid details.
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1800lotions
Mar 3, 2005, 11:43 PM
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Climbing is a hobby....Perhaps when you started to use it as something more you stopped needing the support created by a relationship because you used the self esteem and individuality you found in climbing as a substitute. It is really easy to use this sport as a way to escape the real world. Climbing is like beer in my life. I only give it to myself when my ducks are in a row. Throwing caution to the wind and just believing in climbing only works when climbing can pay the bills and watch the children IE:Never.
This entire climbing industry is built on the backs of people who found this out to late. Good luck with your predicament I hope that I was able to give a different perspective to your question!
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wes_allen
Mar 4, 2005, 1:37 AM
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In reply to: Problem is that I am 40 years old and I climb relatively hard (harder than I ever thought I would). Find me a 35+ guy who climbs, isn't married, isn't bitter and cynical, doesn't care if I climb harder than him, isn't gay who is interested in a relationship and I'll happily meet him. Hell, I'll fly someone to meet him!
Ha, while it might be hard for a climber chick to find a guy like that, I think it is much harder for a guy to find an equivalent women climber.
How many 30+ year old women do you know that:
1: Can climb 5.12 sport
2: Swap leads on 5.11 trad routes
3: Like to boulder
4: Like to roadtrip (at the expense of not having much in the way of *nice things*).
5 Then there is the whole isn't married, bitter, crazy etc thing. :wink:
Wes
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adnix
Mar 4, 2005, 5:13 AM
Post #35 of 48
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In reply to: Climbing is a hobby....Perhaps when you started to use it as something more you stopped needing the support created by a relationship because you used the self esteem and individuality you found in climbing as a substitute. It is really easy to use this sport as a way to escape the real world.
In reply to: But what if something does happen? What if they don't survive? This is a question that has long been taboo in mountaineering. Most climbers are happy to discuss the reasons they climb—the thrill, the joy, the sense of purpose—but ask about the people waiting at home and their tone changes. The ebullient Slovenian alpinist Tomaz Humar, a 34-year-old father of two, suddenly grows silent. "This is the hard question," he says. Andy Kirkpatrick, a 32-year-old British alpinist who also has two young kids, becomes defensive: "If I were an armed first-response cop, would it be any different?" Only Royal Robbins is unflinching in his reply. "We have to remember that if we're talking about true risk," he says, "occasionally there has to be a price paid." "By whom?" I ask. "The people left behind?" "Yes," he says. "That's part of the largeness of the price." http://outside.away.com/...309_survivors_1.htmlIn reply to: High-sensation seeking plays a huge role in relationships. Highs favor friends with interesting or offbeat life-styles, and avoid boring people. They're also far more sexually permissive, particularly in the number of sex partners, than lows. Highs favor mates with similar proclivities for stimulation, while lows generally pair off with other lows. And woe, apparently, to those who break this rule. "The combination of a high- and a low-sensation seeker," says Zuckerman, "seems to put the marriage relationship at risk." http://cms.psychologytoday.com/...19941101-000027.html |
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kellie
Mar 4, 2005, 8:35 PM
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In reply to: How many 30+ year old women do you know that: 1: Can climb 5.12 sport 2: Swap leads on 5.11 trad routes 3: Like to boulder 4: Like to roadtrip (at the expense of not having much in the way of *nice things*). 5 Then there is the whole isn't married, bitter, crazy etc thing. :wink: Wes
I don't know anyone of any sex or age who meets those criteria.
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iamthewallress
Mar 4, 2005, 10:52 PM
Post #37 of 48
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In reply to: This entire climbing industry is built on the backs of people who found this out to late.
Too late for what?
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1800lotions
Mar 5, 2005, 3:59 AM
Post #38 of 48
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In this instance....to late to realize that the man that lies next to you and tries to be a good husband is a better bet than a cut gym rat that waxes his ass, back and crack and fornicates to the speed of his drum for the sole purpose of short term gratification...
To really succeed at climbing in the moray sense of the word, you need to climb for the pure joy of it. Like a gardner finds joy in the colorful bud after hours of what the uninspired would call labor, you need to climb to simply enjoy it! Climbing can never be anything more than an activity. My peer group will hate me for this but here I go ....
Why do you think that so many "professional climbers" have such poor social skills? Have you ever noticed how competetive they are?
Imagine if you where the gardener and you went around telling everyone within earshot how your buds didnt bloom because of this or that?......You would be considered crazy and labled as LOW-SELFESTEEM. This is a common occurance among climbers...scary I think. Why the fuck does it matter what you climb or hiw bright your buds are? I hate to ask a question and then answer it but the answer is: LOW SELFESTEEM perpetuated by a sport that is easily misrepresented by people who consider a number greatness. My IQ is 122 ad they tell me that this is pretty good. If I walk around telling everyone that I meet that my IQ is 122 I would be labled an ego maniac. I guess that I am now an ego maniac and if it sheds light on this issue I will take the abuse! Climbers are ego maniacs...Th entire social structure of climbing is built on reputation not performance. I really hope that people realize that Prana pants and North Face vests are nothing more than feeble outlets for those seeking to find what they couldnt learn from climbing for the source......
Free yourself from what the "MAGS" tell you and stop pretending that your recent assent means anything to the world. Climb for fun! Have a family and love your life... Do you know why we love super heros so much? Because they do it for the pure love of it and dont spray!
Good Luck!
Sinc,
1800lotions
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coreydacat
Mar 5, 2005, 10:42 PM
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mother sheep, i dont really have much in the advice department, but all i can do is send you good wishes in your search for a life partner who can fulfill your expectations the way you want... a lot of us are looking for that person who won't get in the way of our desire to climb but rather support us, whether it is from on the rock or off, with whom we also happen to be intensely in love. i dont know if i should go with a, b, or c, or just wing it and see what happens but at least you know you have lots of empathizing fellow female climbers... climb on!
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libtechh
Mar 7, 2005, 4:12 AM
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It's not an age thing trust me, I'm 27 and have tried the Match.com thing, eharmony(I'm unamtchable) ect. there are no climbers out there that are single. I have met a few climbing partners on here too but one fell in love with me and didn't want to go climbing with me but rather his buddies he was just looking for a girlfriend I guess and the the other was 19 and had no money so I payed for everything, gas, campsite fees, ect and now I am climbing with a nice guy but hes just that a climbing partner no interest what so ever and if I was picky I would never climb. You have to meet someone and then train them to like climbing, show them pics, tell them they won't see you unless they go climbing because that's how you spend your weekends. Love is an involuntary reflex-and we as climbers are control freaks-let go and maybe it wil happen. Hey I'm in Squamish BC if anyone want to go climbing check me out on MSN Libtech152@yahoo.com or match.com lol!
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icenwy
Mar 7, 2005, 11:18 PM
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In reply to: I’ve met some pretty cool guys but I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t possible to be in a relationship with someone who does not climb or who is not interested in the types of climbing that I do. The reason being is that I’m selfish with my time. As a single mom, there is no way I’m going to give up kid time for dating (NO WAY IN HELL). Then on those days where my sons are with my ex, I want to climb. I have no idea how to find the balance.
Hmmmm, I understand all to well mother sheep. I am single dad myself, and have been finding the balance difficult as well. My daughter is pushing five, and I have been raising her for the last three years. Balance is difficult to attain, even more difficult is it's maintenance. Lemme premise with the last several realtionships ended going down in flames like Icarus doused with gasoline. So, I guess givin' advice on the succesful end isn't my place, but maybe I can add elsewhere.
If you have come to the conclusion that you can only date a climber, think about how many people are automatically excluded. Somewhere, in that excluded group, might be someone who is empathetic to your passion(s) of climbing/the little ones. Just don't write in stone because you never know who or when yo might meet someone, but if you have it in stone, look me up, I enjoy long ice routes, stand 5'10".... :wink: hahaha
For myself, I am open to dating a non-climber as long as the women will understand climbing is high on my priority list. This is interwoven with my number 1 priority. Ya' see, my daughter comes first(first stumbling block for my ex-gfs) and with that comes my maintenance/happiness. If I am not happy, then this will affect my daughter. This means I need days for climbing when I can create the time, otherwise my negative/grumpy self will be around my kiddo. I take her rock climbing, but she is obviously too young for the ice (even though she begs to go, and is sure she can hang with us). As it sounds, you are doing this already, and that in itself, is a difficult balance to achieve. Kudos for that.
So, what I am saying is keep yourself, as I assume you are, positive and happy(the maintenance and the need to go climbing), and I believe this benefits you and your kids. In turn, being positive will attract the same quality of people, and maybe one them will be more than a partner. (I obviously believe that when you are not looking, the good one will show face.) Good luck from a single parent!
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justhavefun
Mar 8, 2005, 12:47 AM
Post #42 of 48
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Registered: Mar 23, 2004
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You're a dumbass.
Just kidding. :) But really, what is it that you want? You just said that you don't want to give up climbing time and you don't want to give up kid time. So uh... where are you planning to fit this dating thing in?
Unless you want to date someone and climb with them (Option B) I don't see how you can. Personally I'd rather climb with someone a few times before I dated them. (Or date them a few times before I climb with them. Either way.) If you want a relationship badly enough, you will make the time sacrifices to make it happen. My first thought was to get a babysitter for the kids for an evening, but you were very clear that wasn't an option. So something else has to go, unless you make climbing a date.
It sounds like you want everything and it's not working out. Sometimes it helps to sit down and write out your goals. This sounds cheesy, but it really works. It helps you prioritize everything you want and make adjustments where you can't have everything.
I'll give you an example from my own life... I live in San Diego. It's really freaking expensive to buy a house. I wanted to live close to work, I wanted to live in something larger than a shoebox, and I wanted to be able to afford my mortgage payments. I learnt quickly that I could only have two out of three, so I had to decide what was most important to me. I ended up with a condo moderately close to work which is slightly larger than a shoebox. And I'm at peace with the choice.
I'm not trying to be a smartass, just trying to say that sitting down and consciously thinking about your priorities should help with the decisions. I think you're off to a great start by coming up with options A, B, and C. I guess it's a matter of finding all the options out there and picking the most attractive one. (Kind of like dating ;)) Good luck!
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justhavefun
Mar 8, 2005, 12:57 AM
Post #43 of 48
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You're a dumbass.
Just kidding. :) But really, what is it that you want? You just said that you don't want to give up climbing time and you don't want to give up kid time. So uh... where are you planning to fit this dating thing in?
Unless you want to date someone and climb with them (Option B) I don't see how you can. Personally I'd rather climb with someone a few times before I dated them. (Or date them a few times before I climb with them. Either way.) If you want a relationship badly enough, you will make the time sacrifices to make it happen. My first thought was to get a babysitter for the kids for an evening, but you were very clear that wasn't an option. So something else has to go, unless you make climbing a date.
It sounds like you want everything and it's not working out. Sometimes it helps to sit down and write out your goals. This sounds cheesy, but it really works. It helps you prioritize everything you want and make adjustments where you can't have everything.
I'll give you an example from my own life... I live in San Diego. It's really freaking expensive to buy a house. I wanted to live close to work, I wanted to live in something larger than a shoebox, and I wanted to be able to afford my mortgage payments. I learnt quickly that I could only have two out of three, so I had to decide what was most important to me. I ended up with a condo moderately close to work which is slightly larger than a shoebox. And I'm at peace with the choice.
There are hard climbers out there who are single. (I'm dating one I met last year.) I wonder why the guys aren't out lamenting that they can't have girlfriends because they spend all their time climbing? Maybe we need a Men's Room so we can match us all up!!
I'm not trying to be a smartass, just trying to say that sitting down and consciously thinking about your priorities should help with the decisions. I think you're off to a great start by coming up with options A, B, and C. I think it's a matter of finding all the options out there and picking the most attractive one. (Kind of like dating ;)) Good luck!
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clee03m
Apr 1, 2005, 7:25 PM
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Hey. I started climbing after I met my boyfriend. Then we got married. I was so depressed when I moved away from California about not having a belay partner, and my husband started climbing with me a little, but the truth is, he still complains about my climbing. I wish he was my climbing partner, but I would never give up this relationship. I think it is possible to have a relationship with a non-climber and be happy.
And one of my girlfriends met her boyfriend on Match.com. She is crazy about snowboarding, and her boyfriend doesn't ski or snowboard. And she is making it work.
I think it is hard enough to meet men, and I agree with you that limiting the pool to that extreme would make it so much harder. You meet someone who is right for you, and both you and he will start making sacrifices.
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gym_wench
Apr 1, 2005, 9:50 PM
Post #45 of 48
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You ladies need to come visit my gym in St. Louis. We have plenty of available, nice, single men, the mojority of which are either in grad or med school.
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climbingbetty22
Apr 1, 2005, 11:23 PM
Post #46 of 48
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In reply to: You ladies need to come visit my gym in St. Louis. We have plenty of available, nice, single men, the mojority of which are either in grad or med school.
hehe....maybe you should change your handle from "gym_wench" to "gym_pimp"
:D
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maculated
Apr 1, 2005, 11:51 PM
Post #47 of 48
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In reply to: It sounds like you want everything and it's not working out. Sometimes it helps to sit down and write out your goals. This sounds cheesy, but it really works. It helps you prioritize everything you want and make adjustments where you can't have everything.
I really have nothing to contribute here - I'm slightly bitter about never having been in a decent relationship and how everyone tells me how "surprised" they are I've not been "snatched up," etc . . .
I also get tired of being told, "How can you find time to do everything you want to do?"
Yeah, well - I am in grad school, I teach college courses, I rock climb every free weekend and 2-3 times a week, I train dogs to trial 3 days a week, and this spring I'll be showing when I'm not climbing. I have become a climbing writer, too. I also have some damn good friends in town and abroad - but it takes a lot of work to stay in contact with them.
Is it any wonder that I'm too exhausted to put too much into even the hope that I'll meet a guy to do it? I'm apparently not the kind of girl a guy feels the need to randomly ask out. The thought of "going on a date," much less finding a guy to go out with, means I have to rearrange everything else to do it.
I've been thinking about stuff a lot lately, everyone wants me to commit to the dog thing, to the clmbing thing, to visit them, to go have a beer with them, to get good grades, to teach effectively - and it gets tiring.
One of these days I'll decide that as effective as I am, and as happy as I am, it's just not worth it and I'll give something up in order to finally spend time finding the right guy for me. I want the family and the husband and all of that, and right now my life is looking like it's the single life for me.
That's also why I see wanting a climber guy. It would be magnificent if this guy shared my interests so I wouldn't have to give something up - it won't be dogs, most dog guys I know are gay or married, it won't be teaching (all married) or grad school (married or dating) . . . so it's climbing, or some how fitting a guy that's not so convienent into my schedule.
Something has to give. And, if you find the right guy, the giving seems to come naturally - so long as they want to give as well.
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avalon420
Apr 5, 2005, 3:11 AM
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im a male climber so i may be out of place here, but i too am an OBSESSIVE climber woh has a problem with most of my relationships becaus i spend "too much" free time climbing, which has been the ending factor of all my relationships nomatter how well we get along :cry: in fact im still great friends with all but one of my exgirlfriends.some times i almost wish i wasnt so addicted to climing, ALMOST, but i know some where out there is a female with calused finger tips and chalk stained clothes for me, perhaps waiting at the top of great trango tower.some day evrey one will find their match.
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