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wes_allen
Jan 8, 2008, 1:49 PM
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That looks alot like our rings, though we did white gold.
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macherry
Jan 8, 2008, 2:37 PM
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i could never put money into diamonds or expensive rings, it just seems like a big waste.
We got simple gold bands from the jewellers. At the five year mark, the hubby got me a gold irish wedding ring, the one with the hands holding the heart with the crown on top. Even now, though, i don't wear rings anymore, just don't like jewellery for sports, etc.
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erisspirit
Jan 8, 2008, 5:32 PM
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jgloporto wrote: erisspirit wrote: carabiner96 wrote: jgloporto wrote: ... My brother just spend $12,000 and its not even 1 carat total weight.... JESUS CHRIST!!!!! YIKES!!! and here I was thinking I would be lucky to have that much for a wedding AND honeymoom... I can't imagine have that much money on a finger I dunno... My wedding cost $35,000 and I got married on Friday... everything is so fucking expensive out here... I gotta move.
Dayum How do you even come up with that kind of money? My sisters husband had a savings, and they still had to keep their wedding at about 7,000 total 
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kimmyt
Jan 8, 2008, 5:45 PM
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I never wanted a ring. Well, it's not that I didn't want one. I just didn't care. And I hate how when people get engaged all of a sudden it's polite to grab their hand and pull it in front of your face so you can inspect their ring. WTF.
That being said, I got a ring. It's pretty. It's simple, and it's a heck of alot more money than I really feel comfortable with being spent. But the thing is, it's what HE wanted. And I didn't feel strongly enough about it to either decline the engagement or demand no ring. Because like I said I didn't care.
So now I have a shiny thing on my finger people seem to think means something. To me it shows a commitment I'm willing to make (and I'm acutely aware that he wears no ring either, but then I'm sure of his commitment, and its another thing i just don't care enough about to raise a stink).
He doesn't pitch a fit when I take it off for climbing or skiing or running or swimming or cycling (read, much of the time), or even when I forget to put it back on for several days. It doesn't signify ownership, no matter how much he jests about it solely to piss me off. But I can feel it's missing when it's not there. It took me very little time to get used to the darn thing.
It was the first step in this crazy ride we're going on, to realize that compromises need to be made. If he feels strongly about having a ring, then I can have a ring. If I feel strongly about not being given away by my father, then I don't have to be given away by my father.
We both know what each others ace cards are, and if we don't have a strong opinion on something and the other does, it's easy enough to make everyone happy. Now, when we both have strong opinions on something, thats when the fun begins :).
On to other things, Granitegirl... your ring sounds lovely and I was imagining getting something like that designed for us if he would be into it (either that or a plain band, I don't want too much jewelry), do you have a photo of your rings, I'd love to see!
K.
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clee03m
Jan 8, 2008, 5:48 PM
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I wedding industry is a scam. I wish my parents would have given us what they spent on the wedding in cash. Would have made a nice down payment on a house. But my mom said that I am her only daughter, and she is going to have the wedding she wants. Good thing was I didn't have to do anything for the wedding planning (and I could have cared less about what flowers were used or how the church was decorated or what food was served or what was on the cake or etc, etc).
If your budget for a ring is a 1000 bucks, then I think non-diamond or diamond substitute are good options. Why not spend the money one a beautiful setting? You can always swap out the center stone... But really, I wear my engagement ring so rarely, I am not sure if it was worth it.
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geogoddess
Jan 8, 2008, 6:28 PM
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Interesting responses.
Interesting how some people have very strong responses to the whole wedding/engagement deal.
IF you are motivated by your own sense of style, then you are spot on. If your sense of style includes giving your mother her opportunity to throw a huge wedding for you, and you allow that from a place of love, don't be angry or resentful! It was a gift to her. You're her only daughter. Have another party at a bar in the woods if thats what you need to. Just try to be honest about what you really want. Its a celebration!
We got engaged at Virginia Falls, halfway thru a wilderness whitewater canoe trip in the Canadian NW Territories, running the Nahanni River. Needless to say, there was no ring. Several months later we still hadn't set a date: we'd made our vows to each other and were in no hurry. We didn't tell anyone for several more months.
A few months before the wedding, Gary asked me whether I wanted an engagement ring, or a kayak as an engagement gift. I chose the diamond. All my life I've been an outdoor girl, and for me, an engagement ring was a rare nod to my femininity. I am not the least bit ashamed of it. We bought it from a danish diamond broker right before prices skyrocketed, its a clear .73 carat mounted in a simple platinum band. Cost: $2,300.... present value over $7K. It was ready, maybe, 6 weeks before the wedding, but I flew to Alaska soon after and didn't want to wear it in the field for fear I"d drop it down a well or something!
We got married at Alta in late summer; on their deck, with a couple kegs of Uinta beer and a bluegrass band, it was a super fun day. I found my wedding dress in Anchorage, while I was on a weather delay waiting to load a C-130 with gear to mobe out to an island, so I was killing time shopping. My sis made me a cascade of Casablanca lilies, you could smell them all the way from the parking lot. Our wedding cost way less than $5k.
We had custom platinum bands made, with a continuous wave encircling the band. The jeweller fretted and swore over those rings.... $1500 worth of raw platinum. Interestingly both bands are now lost. I miss mine, it was quite a piece of work. I still love my diamond ring and yet I would happily give it to my only son to wed his girl, if I live to see the day.
Its the intent and the spirit, not the $ or the bling.
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granite_grrl
Jan 8, 2008, 6:32 PM
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Kimmy, I really need to get shots done of the rings...but I should probobly get them polished first. They're a little grungy right now .
Funny thing is that neiter Nathan or I really wear our rings often (actually, he can't wear his at all 'cause he blew a tendon on his ring finger last fall). On days that I'm not at work (no rings on factory floor) or climbing, or working out in the garden, I'll wear it. But how often does that happen? But I'm pretty happy just to keep it with me all the time, wearing it on a cord around my neck. But yes, another reason why a really expensive ring would be a waste.
It would be good to find a good tatoo place to tatoo the knot design on our fingers though.
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lena_chita
Moderator
Jan 8, 2008, 7:54 PM
Post #34 of 105
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My "engagement ring" is plain gold band-- I believe it costs less than $50, and it served it's purpose for the past 14 years-- today is exact anniversary, actually.
FYI, the idea that a diamond engagement ring is a "must" for a wedding is simply the result of the most successfull advertizing campaign by de Beers.
Read up on it here, if you feel like it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring
Now, are you really the girl who does stuff b/c everyone else does it? Comeon, you are not like that-- don't become like that just b/c you are thinking of a wedding.
And there are SOOO many great uses for that 1 Grand, Really, trully! So much you can do with it, instead of spending this money on a sparkly stone...
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iamthewallress
Jan 8, 2008, 8:02 PM
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We will probably get wedding bands (that we probably won't wear) when we get married...eventually...but I don't have or want an engagement ring.
I'm pretty psyched about the bands that I found. They are special to me, b/c they seem to reflect something personal about our style (although they are not custom). They are simple, crudely hammered silver bands that are inscribed on the inside with "Love Life + Be Brave". They will set us back about 2 nice dinners out...which is an amount I'm willing to spend for a great momento to keep in my jewelry box.
After 6 years together and totally merged finances, if he turned up w/ a diamond, I'd be thinking, "This baby could replace your truck when it dies...Now what?"
I actually LOVE looking at jewelry, although I rarely wear it. But I see how swayed by fashion I (and my friends) have been over time. I used to oggle the marquis, then the bagette, now the cushion set w/ a fine row of little guys all around. If I ever decide I really, really want a little bling and buy my own (or ask for it for a present), I won't feel guilty about coveting the latest bestest styles or opting to wear a relative's big cocktail ring instead.
Also...You can get a great CZ set in 14K for a lot less than a diamond, if your really love the looks of some of the $20K diamonds that you're seeing. It's still a nice stone that should last your lifetime, and you can have a better conscience about the conflict associated w/ diamonds.
(This post was edited by iamthewallress on Jan 8, 2008, 8:04 PM)
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bizarrodrinker
Jan 8, 2008, 8:30 PM
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Marriage is for the birds.
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kiwiprincess
Jan 8, 2008, 10:18 PM
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As a climber you will not be able to wear your ring a lot.
A cheap ring can be just as special (no matter what cost it represents the same thing) and before we were offered my ring by the mother in law we were looking in Art shops at silver and gold rings. There were really Awesome rings for about $200. And often reflected something special about our culture/ country/ natural surroundings that jewelery stores didn't.
I used the one ring as wedding and engagement. You can get bling on an anniversary later in life when you can afford luxuries.
Alot of people stop wearing the engagment over the years as fashion or their lifestyle changes but continue to wear the simple band.
I have a big fat band with a diamond set flat in it (a bit like a man's ring, but bigger diamond) This is a family piece but i love it since it dosn't catch or scratch and is practical to wear most of the time.
On the Anniversay I am getting a tatoo as well so I still have my ring climbing.
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clausti
Jan 9, 2008, 2:51 AM
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I didn't want an engagement ring; I honestly never have. I can't stand to wear rings, and, lets be honest, I lose stuff a lot. In no way do I ever want $$$ on my finger.
Plus, gifts of jewelry in my life have almost without exception been signifiers of the giver not knowing me at all, or deliberately trying to mold me into something I'm not. Example: for my 17th birthday, I begged for a new climbing harness. My dad got me a beautiful gold and garnet ring with diamond fleck accents. It is aesthetically stunning... I have worn it zero times (I'm now 22).
Also... I don't like diamonds that much. In terms of solely looking pretty, emeralds are prettier, rubies are prettier, deeply colored garnets are prettier, sapphires are prettier. Cubic zirconium is just as pretty as diamonds (honestly, who can tell the difference?) and they are so much cheaper.
And, I am offended at the societal construct of an engagement ring being as expensive as possible so that the guy can put a down payment on the girl's virginity in case its lost during the engagement (look it up, even before DeBeers, rings were a social construct). I am offended at the idea that somebody would have to "give me away" at my wedding. Not gonna happen. I don't think I'm gonna have my dad walk me down the aisle, either, since the property transfer (kiss on the cheek, handshake, handing over) occurs at the end of that jaunt. Luckily, my dad is gonna do the wedding ceremony, so dropping that tradition doesn't exclude him from the ceremony. Oh, and I think its crap that women "have" to wear engagement rings, but guys don't wear one.
Luckily, my fiance never wanted ring either. So now we have engagement tattoos, and we'll add a second band after the ceremony. They cost $128 for the pair. (yes, they are very small tattoos, shop minimum was $60).
i love them. I think they're gonna look great forever.
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iamthewallress
Jan 9, 2008, 3:11 AM
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Rock on, Clausti.
That's the first engagement-hand photo I've ever seen that:
1. Had two hands in it and
2. Where both hands had crack climbing dammage.
I love it!!!!!
Congratulations too. 
(This post was edited by iamthewallress on Jan 9, 2008, 3:12 AM)
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climbs4fun
Moderator
Jan 9, 2008, 3:17 AM
Post #40 of 105
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carabiner96 wrote: jgloporto wrote: carabiner96 wrote: Not that I'm anywhere close to getting engaged yet...just been looking at rings, and have been wondering how on earth you chose the ring that you're supposed to wear for the rest of your life. I think we'ree going to get ours made custom, but can't afford to spend a forture. We're planning on a pretty economic wedding, and the boy has commited to spending no more than 1G on a ring (which, sounds like plenty, but after looking at some...OMG!!$$$) So can custom be an affordable way to go if we go with some small town back woods jewler? What's your ring story? If he gave you a ring out of crackerjack box would you say no? I'm guessing the answer to that question is 'no.' So then it really doesn't matter. You can always get a bigger ring later on when money's more readily available and if it's a sentimental value thing, you put the stone from the ring he originally gave you in as a side stone in the setting. Good luck, and I better get an invite to the wedding... so I can get drunk and make a gibberish laiden toast pretending to have known you for years and then later get into a fist fight with some of your guests which will result in a door being pulled off of a guests car in the parking lot (which is how other peoples weddings usually end for me). It would be a BBQ/picnic/kegger style wedding, so those kind of antics would only be appropriate. I'm not big into jewelry, but a wedding/engagement ring symbolizes so much. So no, the cost doesn't matter to me, but i know what I want. The best I've found so far is this: [image]http://www.abracadabrajewelry.com/images/Diamond-leaf-Eng-set.jpg[/image] which is pretty spot on, except i'd want a MUCH smaller stone and maybe make it more symmetrical.
The pic can be deceiving as to what size the stone is and I could make that.
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petsfed
Jan 9, 2008, 3:40 AM
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clausti wrote: Cubic zirconium is just as pretty as diamonds (honestly, who can tell the difference?) and they are so much cheaper.
Easiest way to tell the difference between diamond and cubic zirconium?
Throw 'em both in a fire.
The one that survives? That's cubic zirconium.
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wes_allen
Jan 9, 2008, 4:02 AM
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Yep, the link to Slate I posted talks about a lot of those issues. So, I am psyched that Tania isn't into diamond rings, and that there is a great alternative - getting and wearing our bands (on the right hand) well before the wedding as a symbol of the engagement. I wear mine all the time when not climbing, even though I have never worn jewelry, even a watch, before.
I love the tattoo idea, and it is something that we talked about as well.
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warthog
Jan 9, 2008, 4:59 AM
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some friends of mine in Arizona got her a bracelet and him a belt buckle, both of turquoise. easily removed when climbing or for other safety issues.
(This post was edited by warthog on Jan 9, 2008, 5:01 AM)
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maww
Jan 9, 2008, 5:20 PM
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Clausti I knew I liked you! Amen sister.
Not married, not even close but I will say I second the others on this thread: go with what YOU want. It's your day & it's your celebration.
Same thing for the rings.
I wish you all the best 'Biner! I'm excited for you. :)
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wanderlustmd
Jan 9, 2008, 6:01 PM
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Hey Clausti, did it hurt? I don't know if you have other tats to compare it to, but I've always thought getting a tatoo on one's finger would hurt significantly more than on, say, the arm or leg. With the bone being right there and whatnot...
Just curious...
Congrats BTW
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erisspirit
Jan 9, 2008, 6:02 PM
Post #46 of 105
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Hey Clausti -
right on.
I actually worked with a girl in college who told me if her boyfriend proposed with a ring that was under $20,000 she wouldn't marry him.  Not only did she totally miss the entire point of marriage, but she would be quite surprised when she finds out after marriage that she will be helping make payments on that ring FOREVER
also has a friend you had to buy his wife 2 diamond wedding bands because she thought her ring looked too lopsided 
I do have a girly side, and I will admit I do want a ring (but not super costly or shiny or anything like that, I like the interesting metal work the best) tho I don't absolutely need a ring. The commitment is the important part not the jewelry to show off...
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clausti
Jan 9, 2008, 7:19 PM
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wanderlustmd wrote: Hey Clausti, did it hurt? I don't know if you have other tats to compare it to, but I've always thought getting a tatoo on one's finger would hurt significantly more than on, say, the arm or leg. With the bone being right there and whatnot... Just curious... Congrats BTW
thanks! and, yeah, it hurt like a bitch.
i have another tat on my arm, on the inside crook of my right elbow, the fore-arm side, but it backs up right to the crease, and sits over a bunch of climber-prominent veins. and i thought that hurt really bad.... until they did it on my finger.
you'll notice that my ring goes down farther on the sides than paul's- this is also because it hurts worse the farther down you go. and it swelled, unlike my arm one. and it was a pain to put gloves on for labwork.
but i still like it so much better than i could have liked a jewelry ring.
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chadnsc
Jan 9, 2008, 7:22 PM
Post #48 of 105
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clausti wrote: Luckily, my fiance never wanted ring either. So now we have engagement tattoos, and we'll add a second band after the ceremony. They cost $128 for the pair. (yes, they are very small tattoos, shop minimum was $60). i love them. I think they're gonna look great forever.
Not to burst your bubble or anything but I actually looked into getting a ring tattoo since with climbing and backpacking I don't wear my wedding ring much. The tattoo would have been similar to yours, a simple band on the ring finger. The idea behind the tattoo was to show my commitment to my wife and to show others I was married even when not wearing my ring. Oh, by the way my wife doesn’t mind in the least that I take the ring off for days at a time.
I then was told by a tattoo artist with 15 years experience that ring tattoos are the worst idea possible. Because of its location the tattoos on the finger wear nearly completely off very fast, usually within 6-7 months, faster if you climb or wear a ring over it. Touching up the tattoos is a problem as well because you can't simply reapply ink to an old tattoo indefinitely. Usually you can only re ink an area 2-4 times before you build up scar tissue and your skin simply will not take the ink. All of this was news to me!
The tattoo artist strongly recommend I not waste my money or skin on such a tattoo due to its brevity.
On a side note I always thought the wedding ring was worn to show others you’re taken, not solely as a symbol of commitment.
I hope you and Cam have a great wedding by the way!
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mindaa
Jan 9, 2008, 8:24 PM
Post #49 of 105
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chadnsc wrote: I then was told by a tattoo artist with 15 years experience that ring tattoos are the worst idea possible. Because of its location the tattoos on the finger wear nearly completely off very fast, usually within 6-7 months, faster if you climb or wear a ring over it. Touching up the tattoos is a problem as well because you can't simply reapply ink to an old tattoo indefinitely. Usually you can only re ink an area 2-4 times before you build up scar tissue and your skin simply will not take the ink. All of this was news to me! The tattoo artist strongly recommend I not waste my money or skin on such a tattoo due to its brevity.
I have a good friend who's husband is a tattoo artist/shop owner. They both have full body pieces. She doesn't like to wear much jewelry. Both are climbers, so they deal with having to take their rings off. But neither of them have tat rings for this reason.
Which is too bad, since I think their are really cool :)
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tuna
Jan 9, 2008, 9:04 PM
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What Clausti is off the market.
Damn Damn damn
Congratulations Damn it
So where is the wedding going to be?
ciao
Santana
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