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dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 7:54 AM
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Re: [wonderwoman] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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wonderwoman wrote:
I'm a happy full time step-mom and yet I still hear an endless stream of 'When are you going to have one of your own?' from co-workers and relatives. It makes me mad for a few reasons. First, it dismisses the fact that I am already raising a great kid (just because she is not biologically mine, doesn't make this less true. She is my daughter. I am her mother. I am raising her.). Second, it's none of their business why I don't have a baby. And third, I never seem to hear this question asked of my childless male colleagues.

I hear you and am sensitive to this topic. I have a weird sort of blended family much more complicated than yours.

Anyway, the one thing I would ask is this - if its none of their business how do they know yours is a step child as opposed to bio. And if you told them then I reckon it IS their business? You made it so?

Just asking, not provoking. But it seems to me we enable our questioners with details that in turns provokes their curiousity. Its one of the reasons I do not talk about climbing at work, for example. it IS none of their business and I work to keep it that way.

DMT


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 8:06 AM
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Re: [mojomonkey] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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mojomonkey wrote:
You are really reaching. I was giving an example to illustrate the flaw in your statement:

In reply to:
you breed, you succeed, you don't, you fail.

well, conversely, in order to see my point you're not reaching far enough.

In reply to:
So fine, we can jump species. Take a bee hive. Other than queens, the females are sterile workers. They gather food and maintain the hive. They are essential to sustaining the life of that hive and can't possibly breed. So they are failures.

actually that's a really good analogy, and I have to agree, though yes individually they fail, but in the efforts of the collective organism - the hive - to survive, they succeed. This analogy follows to the human scale, verifying yoru assertion regarding Dean Kamen, and that list upthread.

still, though these non-breeders can be shown or argued to have a positive effect in terms of species survival, without that essential core of breeders their efforts are lost.

This doesn't refute my crank not-a-theory, but offers a corollary?

In reply to:

There is a more global view you are missing.
no, I disagree. of the two of us, my view is Life - all species, all entities, - viewed as a single collective organism - the "cell" analogy, a few posts ago - is more congruent with a "global" - as in all-encompassing analogy.

In reply to:
Yes, any form of life needs, as a group, to reproduce to sustain itself. Not every single one of its members needs to breed.

this falls back to eh human scale, and disregards the global, Life-as-one-organism view, see?

editted to fix cheesetit


(This post was edited by robbovius on Aug 7, 2009, 8:16 AM)


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 8:18 AM
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Re: [robbovius] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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robbovius wrote:
mojomonkey wrote:
You are really reaching. I was giving an example to illustrate the flaw in your statement:

In reply to:
you breed, you succeed, you don't, you fail.

well, conversely, in order to see my point you're not reaching far enough.

In reply to:
So fine, we can jump species. Take a bee hive. Other than queens, the females are sterile workers. They gather food and maintain the hive. They are essential to sustaining the life of that hive and can't possibly breed. So they are failures.

actually that's a really good analogy, and I have to agree, though yes individually they fail, but in the efforts of the collective organism - the hive - to survive, they succeed. This analogy follows to the human scale, verifying yoru assertion regarding Dean Kamen, and that list upthread.

still, though these non-breeders can be shown or argued to have a positive effect in terms of species survival, without that essential core of breeders their efforts are lost.

This doesn't refute my crank not-a-theory, but offers a corollary?

In reply to:

There is a more global view you are missing.
no, I disagree. of the two of us, my view is Life - all species, all entities, - viewed as a single collective organism - the "cell" analogy, a few posts ago - is more congruent with a "global" - as in all-encompassing analogy.

In reply to:
Yes, any form of life needs, as a group, to reproduce to sustain itself. Not every single one of its members needs to breed.

this falls back to eh human scale, and disregards the global, Life-as-one-organism view, see?

editted to fix cheesetit

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT


(This post was edited by dingus on Aug 7, 2009, 8:18 AM)


zchandran


Aug 7, 2009, 8:19 AM
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Re: [Toast_in_the_Machine] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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Toast_in_the_Machine wrote:
In reply to:
Whatever happened to the old 'seen and not heard rule?'

The rule was an awful mistake of parenting that somehow got credence as a “rule”. It is a parenting theory designed to build individuals who can successfully be on the bottom of a highly hierarchical organization where extreme deference to ones superiors is required. If you were raised that way, please seek counseling. It may be the only hope for you.

And yet by some miracle the kids raised under those anachronistic principles managed to win World War II, set foot on the moon, build the US into a superpower, and in general become "the greatest generation".

The current crop raised with self-esteem workshops and planned playdates might be psychologically very well adjusted, but I'll vouch for this, you put them in a high stress situation where it's all on them, and they usually can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight. They're so busy being special and unique they don't know when to shut up and just get the job done.

Yeah, yeah, I'm an old grouch. Stuck inside this weekend so even more so...


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 8:25 AM
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Re: [zchandran] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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zchandran wrote:
Toast_in_the_Machine wrote:
In reply to:
Whatever happened to the old 'seen and not heard rule?'

The rule was an awful mistake of parenting that somehow got credence as a “rule”. It is a parenting theory designed to build individuals who can successfully be on the bottom of a highly hierarchical organization where extreme deference to ones superiors is required. If you were raised that way, please seek counseling. It may be the only hope for you.

And yet by some miracle the kids raised under those anachronistic principles managed to win World War II, set foot on the moon, build the US into a superpower, and in general become "the greatest generation".

Talk about a blanket statement!

My Pop wasn't raised that way. His Pop engaged him and his sibliings, much as my Pop engaged me and my siblings and much as I engage mine.

Dissent was not only tolerated it was encouraged and debated. Sure me, my pop and his pop before him had limits, we all do.

And yet? GOod parenting will out - most often in the form of parenting the next generation.

Child of a silent parent who demands silence in her children? You too will foist that on your kids, is the MOST LIKELY outcome.

We all respond to deep currents of time and generational learning. Its easy to pretend each generation is in isolation from those before and after bnut really its a continuim of course.

As my Pop says - we try to get better with each generation, but in the end its all sine waves and bell curves baby!

I visited 1000 year old ruins this past week. I bet the folks who lived it that city in the year 1000 were no fundamentally different than you or I.

DMT


mojomonkey


Aug 7, 2009, 8:28 AM
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robbovius wrote:
mojomonkey wrote:
Yes, any form of life needs, as a group, to reproduce to sustain itself. Not every single one of its members needs to breed.

this falls back to eh human scale, and disregards the global, Life-as0-one-organism view, see?

I'm not sure how I fell back to the human scale... The success of the entire life-as-one-organism view still doesn't map to any individual "cell" reproducing or not as success or failure. There are other ways that it can contribute to the success of the organism as a whole than simply reproducing. This is the point of the Dean Kamen or worker bee examples.

And jamincan illustrated another flaw in your statement that breed=you win, no breed=you fail. Reproduction of a single class of "cells" may not be good for the whole. Taken to an extreme, some super virus that is able to indiscriminately spread across and kill species would breed like crazy. And wipe out life (including itself when it has no hosts left). It would be crazy successful, by your yard stick.

You defined the situation as
robbovius wrote:
you breed, you succeed, you don't, you fail.

From my view, that is false on an individual scale (bees and Dean), and on a everything-is-one scale (virus, tumors).

Finally, the way you state it as some definitive, universal truth is what irks people. Even if you were right, your delivery is annoying and not going to convince others.


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 8:31 AM
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Re: [dingus] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 8:31 AM
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zchandran wrote:
The current crop raised with self-esteem workshops and planned playdates might be psychologically very well adjusted, but I'll vouch for this, you put them in a high stress situation where it's all on them, and they usually can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight.

Tell that to the combat soldiers coming home from the war their boomer fathers started in Iraq.

Fact is most folks don't respond well to extreme stress. Now we climbers get to confront some elemental stress in our lives and so develop notions about what we can and cannot handle.

But a lot of your peers, how ever old you are... can't handle stress at all. They are, as a group, fat, stressed out and dying from diseases of obesity.

And these folks would presume to criticize combat soldiers as generationally lazy - merde! Those kids are going to be paying YOUR BILLS their entire lives and still you criticize them.

Talk about biting the (baby) hands that feed you...

DMT


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 8:32 AM
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robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.

Now you're just flailing. I game set matched you brother. Feel free to change tacks though, to more favorable winds.

DMT


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 8:33 AM
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mojomonkey wrote:
[Finally, the way you state it as some definitive, universal truth is what irks people. Even if you were right, your delivery is annoying and not going to convince others.

well, i did admit to my arrogance being entirely credible, point taken.

isnt' it a universal truth though? think of the Shakers.


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 8:36 AM
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dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.

Now you're just flailing. I game set matched you brother. Feel free to change tacks though, to more favorable winds.

DMT

how so? how does it fall apart under the conditions you mention?


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 8:38 AM
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robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.

Now you're just flailing. I game set matched you brother. Feel free to change tacks though, to more favorable winds.

DMT

how so? how does it fall apart under the conditions you mention?

Your own words - breed or fail. You made this at the individual level. As soon as the fatal flaw was identified you started back tracking. Have the integrity to stick to your original argument and stop with the ridiculous qualifications. Its not like this 'theory' is yours anyway.... Sounds way Jurassic Park to me haha. The whole "Life wants to.." bit -= I know you know what I mean haha.

DMT


Toast_in_the_Machine


Aug 7, 2009, 8:39 AM
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zchandran wrote:
Toast_in_the_Machine wrote:
In reply to:
Whatever happened to the old 'seen and not heard rule?'

The rule was an awful mistake of parenting that somehow got credence as a “rule”. It is a parenting theory designed to build individuals who can successfully be on the bottom of a highly hierarchical organization where extreme deference to ones superiors is required. If you were raised that way, please seek counseling. It may be the only hope for you.

And yet by some miracle the kids raised under those anachronistic principles managed to win World War II, set foot on the moon, build the US into a superpower, and in general become "the greatest generation".

The current crop raised with self-esteem workshops and planned playdates might be psychologically very well adjusted, but I'll vouch for this, you put them in a high stress situation where it's all on them, and they usually can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight. They're so busy being special and unique they don't know when to shut up and just get the job done.

Yeah, yeah, I'm an old grouch. Stuck inside this weekend so even more so...

Yeah but you put that old grouch into a meeting requiring them to multi-task and build consensus across multiple teams and multiple time zones and they will not do as well a them uppidy young-uns. Play dates and self esteem classes are better development skills for kids today than practice with their hunting rifle.

Sorry yer inside this weekend.


bobbj22


Aug 7, 2009, 9:12 AM
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Physical maturity is static, everyone has the same process- at a point in your life your body will change the same way everybody else's does because its a stage of growth. It is indisputable to say that every persons' mental stage is time sensitive and the older you grow, the more likely you are to fulfill your own version of "our" purpose if you decide to do so.

Another thing is the difference between having children and raising children. Men can spread their seed and create children without ever knowing their existence. So, there is nothing chemically or mentally changing. The act of creation means nothing for men. In raising children, you accept the largest responsibility and job that you can imagine. You spend a large portion of your life dealing with things pertaining to that person. You express such a large amount of care and love that you feel as if you have finally filled your purpose in life. Well I wonder why. You spend a major portion of your life with them, you made them and have genetic similarities that make you"alike" and make them interesting, you feel more depended on and important than before, and you've cared so much that sometimes you forget that they are people and not posession (esp. when they are younger).

With that said, the same emotions and duties are felt and carried out by many CEOs. If this CEO is emotionally and mentally fulfilled with their life as it is, would bringing a child into the world make their life more fulfilled or important? I highly doubt it. There are people out there that don't even like their kids even though their kids are great people. That disproves your entire theory of success through parenting.

Another thing to discuss is the difference in what you call success. Viewing life based on the scale of the universe is meaningless in this discussion. You act as if we are mindless organisms with the inability to reason and will simply eat, bang, and rid ourselves of waste. Our brains evolved and we now have the capacity to understand that "life" will continue whether we decide it should or not. We don't need to aid in reproduction because we know we aren't in danger of losing our species.

Also, life doesn't care if you survive because life does not act as a conscious. We've used our newly-found brains to make birth-control without even a peep from life. If creating life was truly the purpose and acted as a conscious we would hate life itself because there would be so many people. Sexual stimulation is not a conscious, but a feeling, not a purpose. If it was truly the purpose then it would be a requirement for survival i.e. if starving-you eat, if bladder's full-you pee, if aroused-your choice.

I won't go further into detail but the purpose of life (to remain "alive"), the purpose of man (very disputable), and the purpose of an individual (varying) are entirely different and seem to overlap many times in this discussion.

Also robbovius, you are a dufus and need to come back down to this planet. You're probably obsessed with bacteria and other small organisms aren't you.


zchandran


Aug 7, 2009, 9:35 AM
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dingus wrote:
zchandran wrote:
The current crop raised with self-esteem workshops and planned playdates might be psychologically very well adjusted, but I'll vouch for this, you put them in a high stress situation where it's all on them, and they usually can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight.

Tell that to the combat soldiers coming home from the war their boomer fathers started in Iraq.

Fact is most folks don't respond well to extreme stress. Now we climbers get to confront some elemental stress in our lives and so develop notions about what we can and cannot handle.

But a lot of your peers, how ever old you are... can't handle stress at all. They are, as a group, fat, stressed out and dying from diseases of obesity.

And these folks would presume to criticize combat soldiers as generationally lazy - merde! Those kids are going to be paying YOUR BILLS their entire lives and still you criticize them.

Talk about biting the (baby) hands that feed you...

DMT

Well, actually being in the Army, I talk to combat soldiers quite regularly. Wink

It's not a picnic right now in the Army and Marines, no matter what you believe from watching CNN. I think the overall consensus among the people who know better than me, i.e. those who have been in 20-25 years, is that younger people are just less capable of handling stress than older soldiers. Right now there's an epidemic of suicides, a special court is being set up for veterans who commit crimes after getting back, and the PTSD counselors can't keep up with their work loads. A few years ago the Army handed out "stress cards" during basic so that if you stressed out, you could wave your little white card and the drill sergeant would give you a time out. Even now the emphasis is on getting recruits to feel less stress because there are so MANY washouts.

As far as "multi-tasking", I think it's the biggest crock ever. Yeah, it looks impressive when you're updating your Myspace page while talking on the cell phone and watching TV, but how much are you actually getting done?

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/CAREER/trends/08/05/multitasking.focus/index.html

Also, I'm solidly Generation X, so by no means anywhere near the "greatest generation". I thought we were a bunch of slackers, but after seeing some of the lower twenties coming into the workforce now, I just have to go WTF?! If you don't give them constant daily praise they think you're out to get them. And heaven forbid you actually criticize anything they're doing without wrapping it in a proper 30 minute presentation to avoid hurting their feelings.

And obviously, I'm not talking about everyone. It's just the overall pattern. Come to think of it, combat soldiers probably aren't even that good a representative sample. The latte-drinking urban renewal types are too edumacated to send their kids anywhere near a recruiter...


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 9:36 AM
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dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.

Now you're just flailing. I game set matched you brother. Feel free to change tacks though, to more favorable winds.

DMT

how so? how does it fall apart under the conditions you mention?

Your own words - breed or fail. You made this at the individual level. As soon as the fatal flaw was identified you started back tracking. Have the integrity to stick to your original argument and stop with the ridiculous qualifications. Its not like this 'theory' is yours anyway.... Sounds way Jurassic Park to me haha. The whole "Life wants to.." bit -= I know you know what I mean haha.

DMT

fuck! I can't even find where I wrote that, I mean, I know I did, I thought it had a nice ring, but i want to read thur all my posts and see where my arguments disassociate, but I've been back anf forth thru this stupid thread, and damned if I can find it...wanna link it for me?


robbovius


Aug 7, 2009, 9:39 AM
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bobbj22 wrote:
Also robbovius, you are a dufus

dude, please, its "Doofus"

In reply to:
and need to come back down to this planet.

as much as I wish I could (all the BEST superheroes can fly), I can't fly.

In reply to:
You're probably obsessed with bacteria and other small organisms aren't you.

well, on the cosmological scale, humanity is arguably pretty infinitesimal, so...


jamincan


Aug 7, 2009, 9:56 AM
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robbovius wrote:
marc801 wrote:
robbovius wrote:
the truest fullness of your humanity, the only true measure of success, is in raising children. all else is gloss.

to not parent, the individual arguably denies his or herself the fullness of thier humanity. Also, they arrest their own development at some level between adolecence and adulthood. they never really have to do that last little bit of growing up, since, their lives still get to be pretty much all about them.
Who the fuck are you to be so incredibly arrogant to impose your self-righteous value judgment bullshit on the rest of us?

[Edit to fix quotes]

Oh no, I think my arrogance is quite credible.

there's no rigtheousness to it, really. Consider "Life" itself, as one great, ameobic, non- (or semi-) sentient organism. It has but one imperative, and one motivation, simply to continue its existence, and survive.

viewing Life on the scale of the universe, this imperative to survive and continue is the only thing that matters - the ONLY thing.

Thus, the only meaningful success, in fulfilling Life's agenda, is to propagate the respective species you belong to. you breed, you succeed, you don't, you fail.

Life doesn't care if you climb, or spend your existance in altruistic pursuits, or anything. it only cares that you continue its survival.

Life has its own agenda, and we are only another in the many experiments its tried in its pursuit of continuation and survival. all else, all human-scale endeavours and cares, are a gloss over Life's imperative.

There you go. In all fairness, your original statement closer to the beginning of the thread was more along the lines that a person only fully matures by going through the stage of raising a child. Which is radically different from "you breed, you succeed, you don't, you fail."


zchandran


Aug 7, 2009, 10:03 AM
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jamincan wrote:
there's no rigtheousness to it, really. Consider "Life" itself, as one great, ameobic, non- (or semi-) sentient organism. It has but one imperative, and one motivation, simply to continue its existence, and survive.

Hmm... this has the flavor of "let epsilon be the smallest positive real number" that I used in many, many, homework assignments in college...


bobbj22


Aug 7, 2009, 10:05 AM
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Re: [robbovius] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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Dufus is a variant of doofus. Consult Webster's. It's like prussic and prussik.

You are mentally in your own little world...physically you are very much grounded. Nice try in making yourself seem clever.

Size is typically used in relation to yourself by us humans unless stated otherwise. Of course you are probably using the planted or the universe since you are obviously a massive nerd. Do you use a clock to tell time? After all, time is relative as well.


Partner happiegrrrl


Aug 7, 2009, 10:23 AM
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Re: [robbovius] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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robbovius wrote:
fuck! I can't even find where I wrote that, I mean, I know I did, I thought it had a nice ring, but i want to read thur all my posts and see where my arguments disassociate, but I've been back anf forth thru this stupid thread, and damned if I can find it...wanna link it for me?


....Talk about Fail!
It's post # 82 where you wrote
In reply to:
then you will never, ever, not ever, fully mature, and will spend your life in a state of arrested adolescense.

....and every other parent reading this thread, knows that for the truth.

the truest fullness of your humanity, the only true measure of success, is in raising children. all else is gloss.

That may not be the exact quote but I think it does show Dingus' point that you had originally meant the "failure" was on a personal level, and not of the organic unit.


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 10:24 AM
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Re: [robbovius] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:
robbovius wrote:
dingus wrote:

Seriously I think your 'breed or fail' theiory falls apart with herd and pack animals. It certainly falls apart in the hive world, where 99.9999% of a given species never breed, ever and yet... we still seem to have bees around, go figger!

DMT

Its the essentiality of breeding as neccesary to continuation, not the species-specific breeding behavioural model.

without breeding, creating new individuals, new "Cells" as it were, for the collective organism, the collective organism doesn't survive.

Now you're just flailing. I game set matched you brother. Feel free to change tacks though, to more favorable winds.

DMT

how so? how does it fall apart under the conditions you mention?

Your own words - breed or fail. You made this at the individual level. As soon as the fatal flaw was identified you started back tracking. Have the integrity to stick to your original argument and stop with the ridiculous qualifications. Its not like this 'theory' is yours anyway.... Sounds way Jurassic Park to me haha. The whole "Life wants to.." bit -= I know you know what I mean haha.

DMT

fuck! I can't even find where I wrote that, I mean, I know I did, I thought it had a nice ring, but i want to read thur all my posts and see where my arguments disassociate, but I've been back anf forth thru this stupid thread, and damned if I can find it...wanna link it for me?

Nah, I don't really care mate. Just passin time.

How's this... YOU WIN.

Cheers
DMT


marc801


Aug 7, 2009, 11:46 AM
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Re: [dingus] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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dingus wrote:
How's this... YOU WIN.
I don't know that he's won. All he did was take a nice growing thread about a rant and devolve it into self-indulgent philosophy 101 masturbation that should embarrass any college freshman.


dingus


Aug 7, 2009, 1:51 PM
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Re: [marc801] Leave your damn kids at home [In reply to]
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marc801 wrote:
dingus wrote:
How's this... YOU WIN.
I don't know that he's won. All he did was take a nice growing thread about a rant and devolve it into self-indulgent philosophy 101 masturbation that should embarrass any college freshman.

Right. And this is rc.com....

any questions?

DMT


wonderwoman


Aug 7, 2009, 1:59 PM
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I bet you get this all the time, then: 'But Dingus! You are too beautiful! You need to have a baby of your own!' Sly

Dingus wrote:
Just asking, not provoking. But it seems to me we enable our questioners with details that in turns provokes their curiousity. Its one of the reasons I do not talk about climbing at work, for example. it IS none of their business and I work to keep it that way.


I think it's probably easier avoid talking about climbing at work than it is to not discuss your family. If your coworkers were climbers, you would have that in common and might talk about climbing just a little bit. If your coworkers have families, you would be able to relate to family life and may talk about your kids a little bit. It's probably more likely that your coworkers will ask you how old your kid is rather than where your next climbing destination is.

I do introduce D as my daughter to coworkers. She comes to work with me when she has half days. Lots of people even comment to both of us that we look alike, and we both smile and say thanks. Sometimes they say ‘You’re going to be tall, just like your mom!’.

Usually it's people who work closer with me who ask 'When did you get married? 2005? But isn't your daughter 13?' People start to get perplexed and it's innocent enough, but that's usually when the 'step' relation is revealed. People sometimes ask really crazy questions, and boy, do I have some stories that you would not believe (or maybe you would). I don't answer the crazy ones!

If you have advice on how to field these questions, I'd be open to hearing some. I don't tell someone it's none of their business when I got married or what grade my daughter is going into next year. That's a friendly normal okay question to ask. But when it comes to the make up of my family or asking me why I don't want to have a baby 'of my own' - I politely tell people that I would rather not answer those questions.

But I really don't understand why people want other people to have babies. Kids are wonderful, and the world is full of some that are already here and need parents. You don't need to breed to actually have one.

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