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milktoast


Feb 6, 2005, 7:28 PM
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Wow, D.J. and Mr.O working out the wrinkels of past Zion climbing history!! Who is the casual observer to believe?? Dave, keep the stories coming.

What is the story behind the boulderes with large drilled pockets?? Could a climber have been responsible for such destruction ?? Anyone know?


dmckj


Feb 6, 2005, 8:40 PM
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Ahhh....

the thread now has some intrigue...

Who is 'milktoast'? and how does he know about the drilled boulders?

What is his place in this whole sordid affair?

Does he have dark tales of his own?

Sounds like time for TALES OF CRIME AGAINST NATURE....

tomorrow that is...


rockprodigy


Feb 7, 2005, 7:32 AM
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Ah yes, you are quite right about Mr. Bowie's real name...funny I hadn't made the connection before you brought it up...I thought your name sounded familiar. He has a few other aliases as well: Ziggy Stardust and Arnold Corns, among others.

If any of you ever make it up to Ogden (home of many notorious Zion climbers), you will find a plethora of routes named in honor of David Jones.


dingus


Feb 7, 2005, 8:05 AM
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In reply to:
Ahhh....

the thread now has some intrigue...

Who is 'milktoast'? and how does he know about the drilled boulders?

Maybe from the Mormon branch of the family?

DMT


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 8:40 AM
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'The Courtship of Rhan'

Mini-mini installment IV -- 'Show Me Da Money'

We last left our protagonists reverberating with the ominous thunderclap and the over-chalked finger of fate.... Rhan heading home, Dave and Co. camped out. None of them had any idea what was about to go down....

Then, the catalyst......

George Allen sort of starting eyeing Devo with a modest disdain and sidled up to Dave saying ....'Dave, that Devo guy owes me some money from a climbing trip we went on together. I don't want him here if he isn't going to pay his own way'.
'Geez, George, you know you're right, Devo is chronically short of cash, but as long as he can pay his way he's more than welcome here. Why don't you guys just work it out between yourselves, O.K.?' I rolled my eyes, because I was here to have fun and not negotiate over petty change.

So, George had a longish brother to brother or father to son chat, Devo looking a bit chagrined, George looking a bit righteous. I was happy because the long and short of it was I didn't hear another word on the topic. I thought the situation was over. Exactly at this point I heard a giant cosmic 'HAH!!!!!!' reverberating and rolling through the canyon walls. I swear it triggered some minor rockfalls, and maybe even shifted some of Rhan's welded drilled baby angles in their safe and tight little holes.

I slept well that night, the sleep of the damned!!! All night long, however, I could hear, or was I just imagining?, the chalk from the finger of fate settling on my tent like an early light winter's snow.

The next morning broke clear and beautiful, but nothing out of the ordinary for Zion. Slow to get our asses in gear we were just getting whatever plans we had going when Rhan's camo rig once again rolls into view..... 'Gee, graced again by his presence', I thought.

Rhan swaggered out of his rig, and went over to Devo for a little chat. Devo talked long enough that I was sure he was relating George's little lecture from the afternoon before. I didn't want to know or hear anything about it.

Then....the insanity broke full open, like the breaking of the ice dams in the scablands of Washington at the end of the last ice age, sending torrents of irrepresable bad ju-ju over our protagonists. Not unlike stepping into fresh dog poop with your new high-tech Nikes that have a zillion treads in them and then wondering how the heck you are going to get it all out, or at least avoid the smell. Yeah, sort of like that.....

Rhan swaggered over to me and positioned himself manacingly in my path....

'Well, if you're going to hassle Devo over money, I want you to pay me back the (approx.) $3.25 you owe me!!!' said Dangle.
'First off, I'm not hassling Devo for money, and secondly what the heck are you talking about' said I. I felt blindsided. What was this crazed man talking about?
'You made a collect phone call to me (insert exact # of months here, not less than 3 months, not more than 10 months) and it cost $3.25, and I want you to pay me for it.'

Now my first, and current thought, about all of this was 'what an unbelievable fucking asshole!' Luckily, I maintained my cool and replied, my rising anger seething just underneath the surface, 'you mean the collect phone call you told me to make to you so I could take YOU skiing?...you mean THAT one?'.

'Yeah!' said Dangle, really thinking he was just on top of the world with this pathetic attempt at retribution.

I quickly decided it was well worth paying Dangle just to tell him to 'F%&K OFF', so I reached for my wallet and started to pull out a $5 from which I would ask for no change. As I started to do this it occurred to me that life, already being cushy, should not be so easy for Rhan...so I said 'See this $5 Dangle? This is for you for the friggin phone call, but first I want to see a COPY OF THE PHONE BILL WITH THE ITEM HIGHLIGHTED, then I'll be happy to pay you, never mind the fact that you never chipped in for a penny of the expenses to go skiing.'

O.K.....here comes the good part....

'Until that time, Rhan, get your friggin' ass out of this campsite RIGHT NOW!' I said, about ready to deck the guy.
With his best blustery swagger Rhan replied 'YOU can't throw me out of this campsite. It's not yours.'
That was it. I had reached the breaking point. I looked at Devo and at George and said 'Anyone who is staying in this campsite is agreed that Rhan has to get his ass out of here immediately, or you are no longer welcome in this campsite! Am I clear?' George, of course, was a given. He thought Rhan was (and George being jewish has a right to say this) a real schmuck. Devo looked nervous, but quickly nodded his head in up and down agreement, realizing his only other option was to hang with Rhan. Case closed.

'O.K. Rhan' said I, 'I am going to put the money for this campsite in the pay slot right now. If you're still here when I get back I'll report you to the Rangers for harrassment, and we KNOW how happy they'll be to throw you out of the Park'. It was, of course, an ace in the hole. If there was one issue everyone in law enforcement in the Park could agree upon was Rhan was a nuisance, to put it mildly. In fact a former Ranger had once told me he had seen Rhan riding on a horse and said 'First time I've seen two asses on one horse.' (for lawsuit purposes Rhan I of course have the name and address and phone number of this Ranger...a very credible person I might add).

Not surprisingly, as I returned from paying for the site, Rhan's camo-mobile sped off out of the campground.....but as he left I could see an odd vengful gleam in his eye......what did he have up his sleeve?.....were we finally at peace in the campground?...........

'HAH!!'...there was that booming, mocking laugh again, shifting more of Rahn's pitons in their little holes and marking the POINT OF NO RETURN FOR THE FORMER FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN DJ AND RHAN.....

The big chalked up finger of fate trembled in the sky for a moment, then withdrew, possibly to merely pick it's nose while waiting for the next installment.......'Drinking Beer I See'....

stay tuned....


rocknroll


Feb 7, 2005, 10:47 AM
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How time clouds the memories (or maybe it was all that weed I smoked with Rhan). I swear the exchange happened at night , but you jostled a few brain cells into position with the small details -the five dollar bill that would have ended your troubles, and that you hadn't actually paid for the site. I better come clean right now...although we climbed headache crack together, I don't think i was there when you got the summons, or was I.

This is why, dear readers, the Timbertop story has remained an elusive mystery on this thread. I don't remember! Perhaps I'll skip the introductory details like stepping on a nail in the mule shed the day before we went in on the animals; the fiesty beast peeing on my injured foot...I'll take it from the moment Rhan and Mark Pey returned after walking out to go to court. I thought that there was no way any judge would let such a frivoulous amount of money clog up the courts system. I was sure Dave had planned an intelligent defense that preyed on Rhan's sordid past and character. As they walked up I asked the verdict. I could see by the looks on thier faces that one person was happy about the verdict and the other wasn't...but I am getting ahead of the story...Dave, if you will, continue..


rocknroll


Feb 7, 2005, 10:53 AM
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How time clouds the memories (or maybe it was all that weed I smoked with Rhan). I swear the exchange happened at night , but you jostled a few brain cells into position with the small details -the five dollar bill that would have ended your troubles, and that you hadn't actually paid for the site. I better come clean right now...although we climbed headache crack together, I don't think i was there when you got the summons, or was I.

This is why, dear readers, the Timbertop story has remained an elusive mystery on this thread. I don't remember! Perhaps I'll skip the introductory details like stepping on a nail in the mule shed the day before we went in on the animals; the fiesty beast peeing on my injured foot...I'll take it from the moment Rhan and Mark Pey returned after walking out to go to court. I thought that there was no way any judge would let such a frivoulous amount of money clog up the courts system. I was sure Dave had planned an intelligent defense that preyed on Rhan's sordid past and character. As they walked up I asked the verdict. I could see by the looks on thier faces that one person was happy about the verdict and the other wasn't...but I am getting ahead of the story...Dave, if you will, continue..


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 11:20 AM
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Hey Devo,

Now we're clearing out the cobwebs!!

No, you weren't there for the you-know-what....but I don't want to give it away because it will be in the next installment...... 'Drinking Beer, Are Ya?'

meanwhile, Devo, it would be great to slip into the start of Timbertop......


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 11:28 AM
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Devo,

No...it was definitely in the morning, because the events went down the very same afternoon, an amazing testament to Dangle's single-minded determination to, as you say, 'clog up the court system', to settle a dispute over something over which, if anyone should have been after anyone, it should have been me asking Dangle for money to pay for our ski trip.

But, hey, don't want to give too much away....

C'mon thread readers, let's help Devo get back on the Timbertop Tale


imnotclever


Feb 7, 2005, 11:56 AM
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(chanting) Timbertop, Timbertop, Timbertop ....

(chanting) 'Drinking Beer, Are Ya?', 'Drinking Beer, Are Ya?', 'Drinking Beer, Are Ya?' ....


Enchanting isn't it.


milktoast


Feb 7, 2005, 1:58 PM
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I agree with imnotclever........ TIM BER TOP, TIM BER TOP, TIM BER TOP....


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 2:40 PM
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Devo,

Looks like we have an OVERWHELMING 100% of gentle thread readers pressing for a Timbertop installment.

Meanwhile, I must retire to my dark room.....


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 2:44 PM
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BTW, 'Milktoast' should reveal himself somewhat.

Does he have a tale to share on 'D.J.' or 'Rhan' or, perchance, BOTH??

Where will this lead us?


caughtinside


Feb 7, 2005, 2:49 PM
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This gentle reader eagerly awaits the tale of Timbertop! Outstanding and delightfully colorful stories, gentlemen! Bravo!


tenesmus


Feb 7, 2005, 2:57 PM
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In reply to:
5.11 granite slab climbers storm Zion
Yeah, I never considered Les Ellison anything but total hardman. Never been more freaked out than trying to do Butcher Knife on Bell's Tower.... in the summer. I bailed.

I'm a dumbass.

To my suprise, it was almost as hard in the early spring too!

yes, I bailed again.


bloquer


Feb 7, 2005, 4:04 PM
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TIMBERTOP TIMBERTOP TIMBERTOP TIMBERTOP TIMBERTOP TIMBERTOP

cOMON hows a guy to sleep without his fix.


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 5:23 PM
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Devo.....

Your public awaits your precious words....


bsmoot


Feb 7, 2005, 6:28 PM
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Tenesmus:

It's an amazing coincidence that you mention Arm and Hammer on this site. Les actually tried to climb that very route with none other than Dangle himself! They roped up at the base of the climb as a party of three....only two of them topped out.

Yeah, I've been trying to get Les to chime in to this thread...he made an early ascent of Touchstone...used PINS! A real rebel!


no_one


Feb 7, 2005, 6:52 PM
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So if I read this right, Dave Jones has been on a ten page rant along with some jackals because Ron Olevsky said that the statement by John Middendorf on page 14 of the Bjornstad Guide is a hoax. That Jones didn't put up anything.


Well, OK.
Jones says that Middendorf is his close friend. What is the basis for the claim?


If Jones can't come up with a '70s resume maybe all the rest is BS too.


bsmoot


Feb 7, 2005, 7:20 PM
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No_one:

I think you're really RonStoppable!


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 7:56 PM
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Dear No_one,

In your case there are 3 possibilities:

1) you haven't been paying attention
2) you didn't log on with your logic chip in
3) you are Dangle or his surrogate.

I'd say number 3 is the most likely.

Yeah, I have always fantasized about my friends, and I've even conned Middendorff into writing articles...as follows:

http://www.bigwalls.net/climb/Cave.html

Open mouth, insert foot 'no_one'

Hang it up.


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 8:02 PM
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Oh my!!!

Brian Smoot a 'jackal' and Devo too???? What do you guys have to say about that?

Man, I had better choose my friends with more care.

I guess that means Mark Austin, Steve Chardon, Josh Leiberman, Bob Yoho,........well, I guess they're ALL jackals. Oh yeah, and Dean Woods too (sorry Dean, I almost forgot ya).

Man, there goes my self-esteem! Back to my dark room.....


dmckj


Feb 7, 2005, 8:30 PM
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more real, true, honest, and, hopefully, fun.....

ROUTE NAME STORIES FROM ZION

as humbly presented to you by our sponsors....

Dancing With Zully (West Face of Mt. Spry: 5.10+, 5 pitches)

After having put up 'Mouse Turds in The Oven', John Middendorff (my imaginary friend) and I were looking for some fresh meat. I told John about a 'great' line I had somewhere, we took a look at it, but he wasn't too keen (grody start with poison ivy). So.....I had this cool splitter picked out on the W. Face of Mt. Spry, about 100 yards to the S. of Sandblaster.

We motored up to the base, and as luck would have it the cracks didn't reach the ground. Bummer. Further, this was my brilliant idea, so I was the sucker who had to figure out how to get to the crack. Luckily, the first pitch, mostly face with incipient cracks, turned out to be pretty brilliant, and a tad scary. I shed a sentimental tear when I used on of my old 'BANDITO' hangers, courtesy of 'little buddy' out of Flag. Anyway, once to the base of the splitter we were treated to 4 more pitches of sterling cracks.

Great cracks. So sweet, in fact, it reminded me of a real cutey I had met at a strip joint in Mexico. Spent most of the night drinking and dancing with her and......(nah, you guys don't want to hear the rest of that story). Anyway, her stage name was 'Zully', and I couldn't think of anything much finer than 'Dancing With Zully'.


bandycoot


Feb 7, 2005, 8:35 PM
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That's just a great route name story! :lol:


no_one


Feb 8, 2005, 7:09 AM
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Nice try with the article but I SAID you were friends with him.

My name is Steve. I would like to say Ron is becomeing a friend. You know despite all the nasty things I've heard about him he really is a good guy. I haven't climbed with him yet, he always seems to prefer soloing. He has been over to my house a few times to play Texas Hold'em with my other friends, some climbers some not. Every time someone thinks he's bluffing turns out he isn't. Three rounds and he always leaves with everybody's money. (What Ron doesn't know is I'm realin him in!) He does leave us entertained though.

OK. One more time.
What routes did you pioneer in Zion in the late seventies?????

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