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lewisiarediviva
Aug 25, 2005, 3:39 PM
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I just bought a 50# bag of dog food and I was asked, like usual: "Do you need help out with that?"
I figure if I need help out I'm really out of shape (and I'm still working on the fat my kids gave me eight years ago).
It really makes me mad when a WOMAN asks me this question- because they don't smile when you say "No, thank you."
I had to vent, and I thought you ladies would understand more than anyone. (Granted, if I am 5'9" and if I was 5'3" the bag may be in my face when I walked out of the store with it in my arms, but. . . )
Uhg. I'm so sick of it I may tell the next cashier what I think she should do.
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caughtinside
Aug 25, 2005, 3:43 PM
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FYI--It's generally store policy to ask every customer that question. They ask me every time, even if I just have a small bag or two of groceries.
And if the bagger is cute, I'll let her help me out with that. 8^)
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lewisiarediviva
Aug 25, 2005, 3:57 PM
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yea, I know about store policy- but they rarely ask my husband and he has a bad back (from a climbing accident), not that they can see that.
Really though If I were you I'd stick with your position on the cute girls, because that is fun, but not only is that not as important to me anymore but they usually call someone else to take things out around here (so you have no idea who you're getting).
What really erks me is the looks I get from the women. It makes me mad that because- well they are victims of the culture I was raised in and they are maintaining that cultural norm. The mail cashiers love my answer and suddenly respect me and we chat just fine.
So many times I have to tell my daughter after she comes home- "I don't care if so and so did that for you, you can do it yourself." She also got away with poor running in soccer because "that's how girls are." Many people at the games said that- We'll I've seen her run when her brother chases her.
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kimmyt
Aug 25, 2005, 4:05 PM
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Take a survey of women your height and build and I bet most of them would have taken the help to carry the bag.
Was the cashier supposed to know that you're a hardcore climber chick with guns the size of Mt. Everest? She was being nice, and doing her job, I'd wager not putting you down (unless there was something in her demeanor that I didn't get from the OP).
Say no to the offer and go on your merry way.
Try not to let the little things like that bother you. It's how you see yourself that matters, not how others see you.
K.
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macherry
Aug 25, 2005, 4:24 PM
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i agree with kimmyt. I get asked if i want help all the time. Sometimes i even have my kids with me and they are teenagers. Store policy, they don't want someone coming back to sue them over a back injury.
As for the reaction of the worker, well, who knows if they're having a bad day or they hate their job, my reponses are a reflection of myself and i try to be courteous.
If you're worried about women's right's/perceptions.......there's bigger battles to be fought
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maculated
Aug 25, 2005, 4:50 PM
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I was over at my friend's house for wine and a movie. She is fond of telling girls that they are "half man" (not me yet, thank God). She falls into the stereotypical thin, breakable girl. She also has the most adorable boyfriends - because they like that she needs them. She asks me and her best friend Katie to carry things for her all the time - and sees nothing wrong with that. She thinks it's odd we don't ask guys to do it like she does.
It's one way of showing vulnerability which the average guy tends to like in a girl.
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lewisiarediviva
Aug 25, 2005, 6:14 PM
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Don't get me wrong, I don't mind asking for help and I don't mind recieving it- I really think I only notice when I get those strange looks from the ladies. I never think they are putting me down when they ask, it's the look I get when I say no thank you.
I just realized maybe they think I'm putting them down- never my intention- but with my attitude about not doing things yourself will make you vunerable, I bet it comes out that way.
Oh, and I'm not hardcore, just ask jt513, or what ever his name is.
I have accepted the offer a few times, when I'm wearing heels and a short blowing skirt. I'm not very good at dealing with two things at once.
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angelaa
Aug 25, 2005, 6:18 PM
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[quote="lewisiarediviva"] attitude about not doing things yourself will make you vunerable.... In reply to: I really try to live by that!!! I enjoy doing things myself, even if it is as simple as carrying out 7 bags of groceries (including 2 6packs of beer :shock: ) She-Ra. . .he he he :oops: )
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lewisiarediviva
Aug 25, 2005, 7:03 PM
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angelaa, [violet]You go girl![/violet]
I should have noted earlier that my original issue has happened with two palstic bags of light weight groceries and a six pack, and I was not wearing heels.
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blonde_loves_bolts
Aug 25, 2005, 9:10 PM
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I always smile and decline when I'm asked if I want help out... I always try to assume that they're just abiding by store policy and I always say Have a nice day before I can get "the look."
What really used to kill me was when I worked at the first of 2 country club jobs... I was 16 working in outside services (driving golf carts, carrying clubs to and from the driving range, etc) and I politely asked this elderly woman if she would like a hand with her clubs (since my male coworker was busy on a task assigned by our supervisor). She took one look at me, noticed I was working with a guy, and said "I'm sorry, but this is a MAN's job and I need a MAN to help me with this." I had been nice, because she looked like she could have been my grandmother, but that still made me a little infuriated.
Nowadays, my boss usually admonishes me for carrying more than one storage box at a time, but I think that's because we do a lot of workers' comp law, and he cringes at the sight of any potential new case.
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lewisiarediviva
Aug 25, 2005, 9:55 PM
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I had a supervisor for four years who would ask my boss, "Do we have a guy that can wheel these boxes of books to storage?" He said "Send Marina (me)."
My question is why are guys more relaxed about it than the ladies?
And their is this to consider: I already lifted the bag from the bottom shelf and put it in the cart. No employee hangs out in the dog food section strictly to help lift bags. So if they think I can do this much, why shouldn't I be able to take it out of the cart and put it in my vehicle?
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degaine
Aug 25, 2005, 10:16 PM
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Even as a guy, I am systematically asked if I need help out. Safeway is definitely the worst. A cashier once asked me if I needed help with a Balance Bar, and then sheepishly looked at me realizing the ridiculousness of the request. It's probably store policy and an automatic response to avoid retribution from a manager.
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lisae
Aug 25, 2005, 11:29 PM
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In reply to: What really used to kill me was when I worked at the first of 2 country club jobs... I was 16 working in outside services (driving golf carts, carrying clubs to and from the driving range, etc) and I politely asked this elderly woman if she would like a hand with her clubs (since my male coworker was busy on a task assigned by our supervisor). She took one look at me, noticed I was working with a guy, and said "I'm sorry, but this is a MAN's job and I need a MAN to help me with this." I had been nice, because she looked like she could have been my grandmother, but that still made me a little infuriated.
I would have assumed she just wanted to check out your co-worker....
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gblauer
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Aug 26, 2005, 12:21 AM
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I will be the dissenter here...
I love it when they ask me if I need help out...
If the load is light I always say no
If the load is heavy, why not say yes? Why turn down the kind offer of help? (yes I could wrestle something that ways half my weight, but why bother?)
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elshells
Aug 26, 2005, 1:19 AM
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First it is always store policy to ask if you need help out at many grocer's/walmart/pet smart/etc. So it is not the cashier's fault she is trying to do her job. If she didn't ask there would be a lot of people upset at him/her for not asking. Double edged sword.
Second maybe the reason a cashier does not smile when you say no thank you, has nothing to do with you. Maybe it is a problem with-in her.....maybe she is worrying about how to pay rent and feed to kids on a cashier's salary or maybe she is sad because due to poor health she cannot do the same things as you.
So before you go telling someone what you think she should do, maybe take the higher ground and show some compassion.
Also before you jump on the elderly. Think of the time and age they lived/grew up in. Things were different then, women had different roles which I see as harder jobs that what we have now...HOUSEWIFE yuck! Can you imagine always being in your husband's shadow. Not to mention women were only qualified to be teachers, secretaries, and nurses if they did work. Those ladies however paved the way for the opportunities we have today. So instead of juding them try understanding.
It sucks everytime I visit my grandfather and he insists on carrying my 40 lb suitcase from the car to his house. I know it would be super easy for me and I have argued with him, but do you how much shame and hurt it causes him if I try to carry that stupid case. And my grandmother is right there yelling for me to let him carry it. Things were just different for them.
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blonde_loves_bolts
Aug 26, 2005, 1:31 AM
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I know you have a good point about the elderly, but it's still frustrating. He would probably shoot me if I called him elderly, but I think my relationship with my dad exemplifies that point. I was going to get the wheel alignment on my car checked the other day, and my dad called me up to warn me beforehand that "they try to take advantage of girls at those places," and that I should call him before they charged me for whatever they were going to do to my car. He and I also disagree on some issues, namely my "lifestyle choices," as he always says, but I have to respect the fact that it takes a lot more for him to accommodate me, based on his upbringing, than it takes me to accommodate him based on mine. If that makes any sense... Even so, it's 2005 (2000 when I was working at the country club), and some "traditional" values should be viewed as some kind of a relic IMHO.
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elshells
Aug 26, 2005, 1:53 AM
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I agree that some ways are definitely out dated, but I think before I can bring up a righteous arguement I have to see things from the other person's perspective. Also, I have to think about who I am arguing with and if they are open to change and learning. It was pointless trying to argue with my 90 year old grandmothers how cruel the word n*gg@r. I still cringe at the word....and no longer live in SC.
Sorry if I sounded harsh earlier.
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lewisiarediviva
Aug 26, 2005, 7:03 PM
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In reply to: Also before you jump on the elderly. Think of the time and age they lived/grew up in. Things were different then, women had different roles which I see as harder jobs that what we have now...HOUSEWIFE yuck! Can you imagine always being in your husband's shadow. Not to mention women were only qualified to be teachers, secretaries, and nurses if they did work. Those ladies however paved the way for the opportunities we have today. So instead of judging them try understanding.
I've been a Homemaker for 10 years. I find elderly people a hoot, lots of laughs with them.My grandparents have all passed away of quality old age.
I wasn't judging the lady cashiers, I was judging their response.
And I was misleading, I wouldn't tell them what they should do. Granted, since I said I wanted to, everyone has a right to believe I am awful- but all I wanted to share was the point that they didn't ask the guy in front of me, and that no one helped me get it in the cart, which as I said earlier- is harder with this large of a bag, than it is to get it in the car. Back safety experts say over and over again that it is dangerous to lift heavy weight from the floor.)
My grandmothers were two teachers and one scientist who volunteered her expertise to all sorts of people. They paved the way for us to be independent.
Really, what I really really want to say is to everyone, male or female, young or old (these looks I get remind me of it and my heart aches for society as a whole): there are many activities that made women strong in the "old" days that we no longer do because technology has made life so much easier. When I was in college I volunteered an hour a week for a year at a Retirement home. I talked to many ladies who helped set up the farm when they arrived in this land that had hardly anyone. They did the men's work- and if they are still alive they are at least 100, My great grandmother took a canoe and a horse to work, as a teacher, but I don't recall the stories saying anything about guys saddling the horse for her or navigating the current . For myself I make a point of getting exercise when I can, out of routine of the day, it's how people have stayed healthy for thousands of years.
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elshells
Aug 27, 2005, 11:31 PM
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Well said. :D
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