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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 3:41 PM
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...wjca:
If discretion is the better part of valor, then what is the other, worse part? And just how many parts does valor have?
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tradman
Dec 2, 2005, 3:48 PM
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Um it doesn't mean the "superior" part of valour, it means the "larger" part of valour.
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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 3:54 PM
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Then what is the smaller part(s)?
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 3:54 PM
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I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 4:05 PM
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If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 4:10 PM
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I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 4:21 PM
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One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 4:40 PM
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I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 4:43 PM
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Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 4:47 PM
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Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say: Think again, bat man.
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crimpergirl
Dec 2, 2005, 4:53 PM
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When I was about six, my mom came to my room on Christmas eve to tell me there was no such thing as Santa Claus. I cried and cried because my six-year old mind couldn't believe that my own mom had killed Santa Claus. After a bit, she said, 'never mind, there really is a Santa Claus.' I smiled and went to bed.
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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 5:02 PM
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I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was easy." Good joke, huh.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 5:25 PM
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As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 5:39 PM
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In reply to: As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
:lol: :lol: :lol:
hadn't read that one before ... ewwwwwwwwwwww
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 5:54 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! :lol: :lol: :lol: hadn't read that one before ... ewwwwwwwwwwww
I love Jack Handy :)
How about this one...
The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 5:55 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! :lol: :lol: :lol: hadn't read that one before ... ewwwwwwwwwwww
I love Jack Handy :)
How about this one...
The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 6:24 PM
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:lol: that's hillarious ...
I'd have to say that my favorite uncle was Uncle Caveman. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and occasionally he'd eat one of us. Later, we found out he was a bear.
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 6:37 PM
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I love that one... :lol: <----but I hate that smiley.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
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thorne
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Dec 2, 2005, 6:50 PM
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
You kids go ahead a yuk it up now. HAHAHAHA
Go ahead and enjoy your deviant, sicko selves. :x
Yer
All
Gonna
Burn
in
Hell
for
Eternal
Damnation.
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
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climberchic
Dec 2, 2005, 7:10 PM
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Stay on the hijacked topic please.
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reno
Dec 2, 2005, 7:34 PM
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Is it still premarital sex if you never plan to get married?
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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 7:44 PM
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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boondock_saint
Dec 2, 2005, 7:51 PM
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In reply to: Stay on the hijacked topic please.
I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a million ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.
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wjca
Dec 2, 2005, 8:18 PM
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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