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russman
Dec 19, 2005, 7:50 PM
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....from an Engineers Perspective
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in
the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference
Bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold; that comes
to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in
each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels
east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per
second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child,
Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for
the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.
On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal
amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating From a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
8^)
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russman
Dec 19, 2005, 7:54 PM
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...as a follow up to that first post...
Memo from Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio, Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." When Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Get r' Dun" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated Viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey And the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens Of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
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j_ung
Dec 19, 2005, 8:57 PM
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:lol:
Glad you roved and wandered by you nomad vagabond. Hope all is well and hppy holidays to you and yours... I mean, y'all.
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reno
Dec 19, 2005, 9:17 PM
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There's a nomenclature issue at hand that has been long since overlooked.
Santa Claus must be a female.
"San" is the masculine version of Saint in Latin: San Luis, San Pedro, San Miguel, etc.
"Santa" is the feminine... Santa Maria, Santa Lucina, and so forth.
So either Santa Claus is female, or "he" is transgendered and has taken a woman's name.... like "Michelle" the Drag Queen I met in Vegas.
Either way, the character has some issues.
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timd
Dec 20, 2005, 12:35 AM
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Registered: Dec 21, 2003
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Hey russman,
First of all you forgot to exclude the Jehovahs' Witness, they do not celebrate Christmas either.
Second it's called magic you bird brain :lol: :lol: :lol:
Tim
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tattooed_climber
Dec 20, 2005, 12:54 AM
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PFFFFFFFTTT....you got it all wrong, santa is is a Speed and Crystal Meth Addict, thats how he travels that fast...a few years back i saw him do a rail of coke off my fireplace mantle..SEE, thats why santy endorses Coke-cola, its all a whacked out metaphor for his drug habbits....as for "flying reindeer," elves and all that magic crap, its all apart of his radical blast of drug influenced hallucinations and what not....Thats RIGHT! the jolly man is a drug user with a big heart, a hobby and A LOT of spare time....
ah russ, just tell your kids ol' st. nick likes "sugar", they'll understand better when they're older...
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tattooed_climber
Dec 20, 2005, 12:56 AM
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i know its hard to take, but the big guy is under alot of pressure :roll:
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kasharp
Dec 20, 2005, 2:19 AM
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Registered: Apr 18, 2005
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awww... cute puppies and small children. that's what christmas is all about :)
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climbingnurse
Dec 20, 2005, 2:34 AM
Post #10 of 14
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Russman, as someone who has small children at home I am quite surprised you were not able to solve the riddle yourself. Let me help:
Santa stops time on christmas eve. This is plainly obvious from observing the behavior of small children on christmas morning. How else do you explain that they have twice as much energy as usual after getting only half as much sleep?
Aren't your children usually sleepy on any other day that they get up super early?
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kantkatchme
Dec 20, 2005, 2:41 AM
Post #11 of 14
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In reply to: .... Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. 8^)
i like that..... :twisted:
does that mean that im getting coal in my stocking?
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thetroutscout
Dec 21, 2005, 7:27 PM
Post #13 of 14
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Registered: Jun 23, 2004
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You sit on a throne of lies.
You stink. You smell like beef and cheese.
^^ike
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talons05
Dec 21, 2005, 7:49 PM
Post #14 of 14
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In reply to: ....from an Engineers Perspective IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Of course, air resistance is determined by surface area and speed, not mass and speed. So if his sled is shaped like an 83 Chrysler, then it'd be like, way less...
Also you forget that he greases up his reindeer with KY before they leave and feeds them about a pound of meth each.
Cheers,
A.W.
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