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yogiegirl
Dec 12, 2006, 1:17 AM
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Yes, sounds domestic but this short paragraph will save you a few heartbreaks. Also clear up some relationship BullSh*&*&T
From Ophra
if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he dosen't want you, nothing can make him stay. stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. allow your intuition or spirit to to save you from heartache. stop trying to change yourself for a relationship thats not meant to be. slower is better. never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truely happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you cant be "friends". a friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
dont settle. if you feel like he is stringing you along, then be probably is.
dont stay because you think 'it will get better" You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men whove got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. he didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. he will use i against you later. YOu cannot change a man's behavior. changes comes from within.
dont ever make him feel he is moore important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. **or a good climber** Do not make him into a quasi-god. he is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.
Never Borrow somone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
All men are NOt dogs. you should not be the one doing all the bending,, compromise is a two way street. You time to heal between relationships.. there is nothing cute about baggage.. deal with you issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consist of two whole individuals
look for somone complimentary not supplemetary
dating is fun. even if he dosen't turn out to be mr right make him miss you sometimes. when a man always knows where you are, and you re always readily available to him, he take if for granted
never move into his mothers house. never co sign for a man
dont fully commit to a man who dosent give you everything you need. keep him in your radar but get to know others
The Yogie Climber Vanessa :)
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bizarrodrinker
Dec 12, 2006, 12:42 PM
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In short...don't bother.
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pro_alien
Dec 12, 2006, 2:33 PM
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(for men)
Two words a friend of mine thought me:
Yes, dear.
Pascal
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stonefoxgirl
Dec 12, 2006, 5:24 PM
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Why wasn't this manual handed out with yer school books when you start 9th grade!? Gosh.......!
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yogiegirl
Dec 12, 2006, 5:46 PM
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Its the learning curve!
Yes the post was kind of a soap box but I had to get it out there!
V
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notch
Dec 12, 2006, 5:54 PM
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pro_alien wrote: (for men) Two words a friend of mine thought me: Yes, dear. Pascal
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tigerlilly
Dec 12, 2006, 6:49 PM
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stonefoxgirl wrote: Why wasn't this manual handed out with yer school books when you start 9th grade!? Gosh.......!
Ya' know, you can know this intellectually and still get it wrong. I knew all of the above going into my last relationship and still violated the first 3. It's hard when you get attached to someone, even if they are wrong for you and you know it. At least I figured it out before I wasted any more time. Sigh.
Kathy
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stonefoxgirl
Dec 12, 2006, 7:24 PM
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I feel ya Tigerlily. So much invested and to not have it work, it's devestating!!!! But we all keep coming back for more and more, is it that we are in love with being in love? Know what I mean??
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maww
Dec 13, 2006, 5:33 PM
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Maybe it is, maybe it's just that we are holding out hope for something better. I seem to prove an eternal optimist when it comes to relationships. Heaven only knows why I bother!
(This post was edited by maww on Dec 13, 2006, 5:34 PM)
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snoangel
Dec 13, 2006, 6:23 PM
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Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date".
"A woman has the exact love life she wants."
...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true.
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clausti
Dec 13, 2006, 6:28 PM
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snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true.
meh... i suppose in a sense. but if you're a woman who is not gona settle, then it is basically a conditional statement that you want nothing, unless it meets your non-negotables. and if you have NOTHING, then that is sort of partof the equation, but its not really what you want, is it?
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olive
Dec 13, 2006, 7:40 PM
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snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true.
Well, no, I dont quite agree with that.
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snoangel
Dec 13, 2006, 7:45 PM
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clausti wrote: snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true. meh... i suppose in a sense. but if you're a woman who is not gona settle, then it is basically a conditional statement that you want nothing, unless it meets your non-negotables. and if you have NOTHING, then that is sort of partof the equation, but its not really what you want, is it?
Or...are these non-negotiables really just a way to keep distance and avoid commitment?
Some non-negotiables are absolutes, i.e no violence. Others are not as non-negotiable as you may now think. I used to have a list a mile long. It included everything from intelligence to eye color. As I've gotten older (and hopefully a little wiser), I am starting to realize that many things which were once non-negotiable simply no longer matter. 
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clausti
Dec 13, 2006, 9:26 PM
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snoangel wrote: clausti wrote: snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true. meh... i suppose in a sense. but if you're a woman who is not gona settle, then it is basically a conditional statement that you want nothing, unless it meets your non-negotables. and if you have NOTHING, then that is sort of partof the equation, but its not really what you want, is it? Or...are these non-negotiables really just a way to keep distance and avoid commitment? Some non-negotiables are absolutes, i.e no violence. Others are not as non-negotiable as you may now think. I used to have a list a mile long. It included everything from intelligence to eye color. As I've gotten older (and hopefully a little wiser), I am starting to realize that many things which were once non-negotiable simply no longer matter.
so then what's the difference between choosing to decide that stuff doesnt matter and settling? or is settling even bad?
i dunno just seems like having a short list of things you have as needs in a relationship isnt a horrible thing. and if nobody meets them, well then you're alone. and if you dont want to be that kind of sucks. as does hearing perpetually that you're alone "cause you want to be."
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maww
Dec 13, 2006, 9:30 PM
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I agree with your post snoangel..in part. I have definitely used those Must-Haves as a blocker sort of. But as I have gotten older, I get much pickier about certain things and much more lax about others (ie eye color, car he drives..stuff I consider incidental now but didn't before).
For me it boils down to this: when I find a man with the basics - he makes me laugh, I see a friendship there or the possibility of one and we are compatible in the fundamental ways..I am usually a smitten kitten with relative ease.
But if I don't see those things within the first three dates or at least see a good potential for those things, I choose not to get further involved with him.
I've been single for about 6 years now and some of that has been choice and some of it has been lack of qualified applicants (as I like to say).
I guess that doesn't disprove your theory or Clausti's. I agree with both of you!
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maww
Dec 13, 2006, 9:32 PM
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Clausti I've chosen not to settle. There are men I have met who have been decent guys but they weren't "wow". I don't mean looks - I mean the kind of man who knocks you on your ass when he comes into your life.
My personal philosophy is that I've waited over 30 years to find a great relationship and GD if I'm going to settle for decent or average as I am neither.
Perhaps that makes me an arrogant B but so be it!
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snoangel
Dec 14, 2006, 12:04 AM
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Don't get me wrong. I'll never settle. No one should settle. I think maww summed it up nicely.
The point I was trying to make, though, spoke more to people who are miserable and wonder why.
Think of it this way, Jane is dating Dick. Dick is everything Jane ever wanted in a man. Dick dumps Jane. Jane is completely crushed and miserable. Of course Jane does not want to be single and miserable, she wants to be with Dick. But Dick doesn't want to be with Jane. So in essence, Jane wants to be in a relationship with a Dick who doesn't want to be with her. Well, in reality, she is. Except the "realtionship" isn't flowers and candy, it's drama and pain, but a relationship none-the-less.
Once Jane grieves for her loss and decides she no longer wants a one-sided relationship, she is able to let go and find a new relationship. It may not happen the next day, but she will feel like her life is hers again and feel good about the relationship she is currently in (the relationship with herself).
I've just found that so many women, myself included, take on the victim role when they are single, expecially if they have just been dumped. I know they are not single because they want to be, but they are single usually because they haven't yet let go and truly moved on from an old relationship.
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mudbunny3
Dec 14, 2006, 1:37 AM
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snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true.
I do believe that to be true. And since I'm on a learning curve...I anticipate that I will make smarter choices in the future...It's not so much that I know what I "want"...it's more like I know what I "don't want"...
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maww
Dec 15, 2006, 6:22 AM
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mudbunny3 wrote: snoangel wrote: Here are some cheesy, but wise words from the movie "The Wedding Date". "A woman has the exact love life she wants." ...or something like that. Think about it. It really is true. I do believe that to be true. And since I'm on a learning curve...I anticipate that I will make smarter choices in the future...It's not so much that I know what I "want"...it's more like I know what I "don't want"...
My dear that is the recipe for finding a healthy relationship.
You know one of the basic principles of science - if you don't know what something is, find out what it isn't (paraphrased). Well dating & love are very much like that and should be approached in the same way! You're on your way!!!
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stonefoxgirl
Dec 15, 2006, 4:33 PM
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maww wrote: Clausti I've chosen not to settle. There are men I have met who have been decent guys but they weren't "wow". I don't mean looks - I mean the kind of man who knocks you on your ass when he comes into your life. My personal philosophy is that I've waited over 30 years to find a great relationship and GD if I'm going to settle for decent or average as I am neither. Perhaps that makes me an arrogant B but so be it!
MAWW you hit the nail on the head! Amen sister....
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maww
Dec 15, 2006, 7:14 PM
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Thanks Stonefoxgirl - I certainly have had years and years to think about it.
Now if I only I could figure out how to get those "wow" men to stick around permanently. 
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maww
Dec 15, 2006, 7:27 PM
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stonefoxgirl wrote: maww wrote: Thanks Stonefoxgirl - I certainly have had years and years to think about it. Now if I only I could figure out how to get those "wow" men to stick around permanently. There is a chance, this time, that I figured it out for myself. It's taken 30 years and a lot of tries and I may have the equation correct this time
Oh how wonderful!!! I do hope so - keep me posted. :)
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lena_chita
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Dec 15, 2006, 7:39 PM
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stonefoxgirl wrote: maww wrote: Thanks Stonefoxgirl - I certainly have had years and years to think about it. Now if I only I could figure out how to get those "wow" men to stick around permanently. There is a chance, this time, that I figured it out for myself. It's taken 30 years and a lot of tries and I may have the equation correct this time
30 years of tries?!?!?!
LOL, you either started in the crib, or you are much older than you look.
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stonefoxgirl
Dec 15, 2006, 7:39 PM
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you bet!
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