|
carabiner96
Dec 12, 2008, 4:21 PM
Post #26 of 52
(946 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 10, 2006
Posts: 12610
|
wideguy wrote: You guys got it all wrong... it's a coyote thing.... Back in the day Biner got really drunk... woke up in the morning in a strange bedroom with her arm pinned firmly under a passed out Magnus.... in her desperation, she chewed her own arm off to escape. She and Aaron Ralston are going on a 13 city tour giving motivational speeches about their bravery
Please tell me we had clothes on. Please!
|
|
|
|
|
chadnsc
Dec 12, 2008, 4:22 PM
Post #27 of 52
(944 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 24, 2003
Posts: 4449
|
Biner is way more hard core than Ralston. Ralston used a knife, biner used her teeth all without screaming and waling up Magnus.
Neither biner or Magnus had clothing on. Her hand was trapped between Magnus's thigh and sweaty chonson.
(This post was edited by chadnsc on Dec 12, 2008, 4:24 PM)
|
|
|
|
|
wideguy
Dec 12, 2008, 4:22 PM
Post #28 of 52
(942 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 9, 2003
Posts: 15045
|
carabiner96 wrote: wideguy wrote: You guys got it all wrong... it's a coyote thing.... Back in the day Biner got really drunk... woke up in the morning in a strange bedroom with her arm pinned firmly under a passed out Magnus.... in her desperation, she chewed her own arm off to escape. She and Aaron Ralston are going on a 13 city tour giving motivational speeches about their bravery Please tell me we had clothes on. Please!
not according to the video he posted from the cam hidden in the closet... but you have a great ass if it's any consolation.
|
|
|
|
|
Gmburns2000
Dec 12, 2008, 4:26 PM
Post #29 of 52
(934 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Mar 6, 2007
Posts: 15266
|
granite_grrl wrote: Gmburns2000 wrote: granite_grrl wrote: chadnsc wrote: Actually I remember 'Biner saying online that she was born without the hand. Sorry, not crazy story how it was torn off during a horrific naked bike riding accident. (If I am wrong then I apologize 'Biner)  U R RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to go with Binrat on this one for the real story. pffttt... my version is way more creative and, as a result, more likely. I didn't read it. Paragraphs dude, paragraphs.
That's part of the pleasure of reading it. It just doesn't stop.
|
|
|
|
|
sungam
Dec 12, 2008, 5:55 PM
Post #30 of 52
(912 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
|
chadnsc wrote: Biner is way more hard core than Ralston. Ralston used a knife, biner used her teeth all without screaming and waling up Magnus. Neither biner or Magnus had clothing on. Her hand was trapped between Magnus's thigh and sweaty chonson.
And Chad, I don't want to be the one who teaches you about the birds and the beez, but that wasn't sweat...
|
|
|
|
|
chadnsc
Dec 12, 2008, 7:06 PM
Post #31 of 52
(903 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 24, 2003
Posts: 4449
|
Ewww! Magnus juice! 
|
|
|
|
|
Valarc
Dec 12, 2008, 7:15 PM
Post #32 of 52
(902 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 1473
|
sungam wrote: And Chad, I don't want to be the one who teaches you about the birds and the beez, but that wasn't sweat...
If it involved a night naked in bed with Sungam, it was most likely tears. Or vomit. Or a combination of both.
|
|
|
|
|
reno
Dec 12, 2008, 7:16 PM
Post #33 of 52
(900 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 30, 2001
Posts: 18283
|
Valarc wrote: Reality has nothing to do with it, this is the Campground for fuck's sake.
That's going to be someone's signature before long.
|
|
|
|
|
artm
Dec 12, 2008, 7:44 PM
Post #34 of 52
(892 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 22, 2001
Posts: 17990
|
I heard she tried to retrieve the HBeez from Klownjaya's rectum in order to get in good with the BET.
Klownjaya's ass teeth snapped her hand off...
It's Klownjaya's Fawlt!!!!!eleven
|
|
|
|
|
limeydave
Dec 12, 2008, 7:57 PM
Post #35 of 52
(884 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 2453
|
You guys have it all wrong.
I heard from this guy who's sister used to date Biner that she was working as a naked alligator wrestler down in Florida during her Junior year.
You know, to early a little spending cash.
Anyway, one day this gator snuck up on her, all quiet and stealth like, and she swung around just it time and one inch punched him so hard her hand fell off.
I swear it's troo/
|
|
|
|
|
limeydave
Dec 12, 2008, 7:58 PM
Post #36 of 52
(881 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 2453
|
<----------- PS I was actually born with a chalk bag instead of a hand.
|
|
|
|
|
sungam
Dec 12, 2008, 8:33 PM
Post #37 of 52
(874 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
|
Touching on the disk drive, the monitor got hot
I knew from then, I was a motherfucking robot.
|
|
|
|
|
limeydave
Dec 12, 2008, 9:02 PM
Post #38 of 52
(869 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 23, 2006
Posts: 2453
|
sungam wrote: Touching on the disk drive, the monitor got hot I knew from then, I was a motherfucking robot.
It's a Goldie Lookin Chain Boy!
|
|
|
|
|
sungam
Dec 12, 2008, 9:04 PM
Post #39 of 52
(866 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
|
limeydave wrote: sungam wrote: Touching on the disk drive, the monitor got hot I knew from then, I was a motherfucking robot. It's a Goldie Lookin Chain Boy!
Those lines are in serious consideration for becoming my temperary sig.
|
|
|
|
|
notapplicable
Dec 12, 2008, 10:19 PM
Post #40 of 52
(854 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 31, 2006
Posts: 17771
|
Gmburns2000 wrote: a lady who doesn't like seeing blowjobs at the gym, stuck her little arm in the way...and it was her hand that got lopped off in tha end. I felt badly, of course...
Don't feel bad at all, any one who holds to such a idealogy deserves any punishment they get.
|
|
|
|
|
angry
Dec 13, 2008, 1:18 AM
Post #41 of 52
(836 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 22, 2003
Posts: 8405
|
Twas the night before christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap
Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed.
Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream
The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired.
She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal
From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack
She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead.
She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high
In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties.
"Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight"
"Don't know about Santa but I came all right"
"She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say"
"Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick"
"Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here"
She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail.
"Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?"
"Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same"
"I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch"
"Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch
"Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick"
"You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick
"I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen
I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off"
She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed
"That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?"
"Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants"
She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow.
"in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said
I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit"
"Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in"
"Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas"
"Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business"
Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride.
"Where is your sleigh, I just see a van"
"Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan"
She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms.
"I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?"
I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked
With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears
Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly"
"How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task"
"I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you"
|
|
|
|
|
Gmburns2000
Dec 13, 2008, 1:30 AM
Post #42 of 52
(831 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Mar 6, 2007
Posts: 15266
|
winner ^^
|
|
|
|
|
fenix83
Moderator
Dec 13, 2008, 3:35 AM
Post #43 of 52
(817 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Feb 23, 2004
Posts: 2397
|
angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" If those are adapted from somewhere please let me know, I have half a mind to make them into an actual song! -F I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you" |
|
|
|
|
angry
Dec 13, 2008, 3:54 AM
Post #44 of 52
(814 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jul 22, 2003
Posts: 8405
|
fenix83 wrote: angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" If those are adapted from somewhere please let me know, I have half a mind to make them into an actual song! -F I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you"
That was an epic cheese tit.
|
|
|
|
|
sungam
Dec 13, 2008, 4:48 AM
Post #45 of 52
(810 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jun 24, 2004
Posts: 26804
|
angry wrote: fenix83 wrote: angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" If those are adapted from somewhere please let me know, I have half a mind to make them into an actual song! -F I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you" That was an epic cheese tit.
PS, how'd she lose the hand?
|
|
|
|
|
dr_feelgood
Dec 13, 2008, 1:04 PM
Post #46 of 52
(779 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Apr 6, 2004
Posts: 26060
|
sungam wrote: angry wrote: fenix83 wrote: angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" If those are adapted from somewhere please let me know, I have half a mind to make them into an actual song! -F I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you" That was an epic cheese tit. It sure was. PS, how'd she lose the hand?
Who cares? He got his.
|
|
|
|
|
obsessed
Dec 13, 2008, 2:41 PM
Post #47 of 52
(772 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Sep 26, 2003
Posts: 9341
|
angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you"
|
|
|
|
|
fenix83
Moderator
Dec 14, 2008, 8:56 PM
Post #48 of 52
(726 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Feb 23, 2004
Posts: 2397
|
angry wrote: fenix83 wrote: angry wrote: Twas the night before christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stocking were hung in the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. Both mother in kerchief and father in cap, had just settled down for a long winter nap Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads, while one special girl lay awake in her bed. Alone in her room was little Maureen, too excited to sleep and too exited to dream The christmas spirit made her feel so inspired, even though she'd been working, she still wasn't tired. She worked 9-5 at American Eagle, and just turned 18, which is good as in legal From inside her closet I saw through a crack, her rosy red cheeks and her super sweet rack She smiled as Santa Claus danced in her head, I smiled too, though Santa is dead. She sat up in bed and looked to the sky, listening close to the reindeer up high In the glow of the moon, Maureen looked so pretty. From the top of her head to the base of them titties. "Oh Santa" she asked "Will you come tonight" "Don't know about Santa but I came all right" "She turned to the closet where I'd hidden all day, and "who is that, what did you say" "Uhh" I mumbled and zipped up quick "Can't you tell, it's me, St. Nick" "Oh Santa" she said smiling ear to ear "I should have known you'd be hiding in here" She fell for it -PHEW- the lie didn't fail, at least for today I won't end up in jail. "Yes Maureen, it was I in your closet" I then winked my right eye and said "Or should I say claus-et?" "Oh my gosh Santa you know my name, but the joke doesn't work, both words sound the same" "I'm sorry to say but your joke has a glitch" "Well HO HO HO" man what a bitch "Oh santa are you here with presents for me? Some in the stocking and some under the tree? Did you get what I wished for, please tell me St. Nick" "You bet" here's hoping she'd wished for some dick "I'll give you your presents but first one condition: What I say is important so please Maureen listen I'm tired after all the toys I've dropped off, to lift Santa's spirit, please take your top off" She paused just briefly, scratching her head. As I slowly but surely inched to her bed "That doesn't sound right, are you lying by chance?" "Girl don't be crazy, take off your pants" She didn't say yes though she didn't say no but clearly suspicion was starting to grow. "in all the christmas stories I've read, people keep their clothes on" she finally said I knew I was caught I shouldn't've pushed it but I charmingly said "all your stories are bullshit" "Santa" she asked while rubbing her chin "I don't have a chimney so how'd you get in" "Where is your beard, your belt, and your boots? Where's your red hat and your big Santa suit. Why aren't you giving out presents, it's Christmas" "Frankly Maureen, that's none of your business" Back to the window Maureen looked outside, searching most likely for Santa's sleigh ride. "Where is your sleigh, I just see a van" "Don't worry bout that but please call me Dan" She faced me again this time with alarm, she squinted her eyes and folded her arms. "I know you're not Santa you better not lie, who are you, how'd you get in here and why?" If those are adapted from somewhere please let me know, I have half a mind to make them into an actual song! -F I took a deep sigh, "Alright I'll come clean, I won't lie this time, I'm sorry Maureen. I'm a regular guy who's down on his luck, our country's a mess the job market is fucked With all this misfortune I saw no reason to smile or laugh this holiday season. I saw you this morning at the bus stop by Sears, I couldn't help but to well up with tears Your smile so wide and your eyes so bright, for the first time in years I thought "i'll be allright" So I followed you home, slowly, discreetly. And I hid in your closet masturbating sweetly" "How does one masturbate sweetly" she asked "that seems to me to be an impossible task" "I suppose I could tell you the process I go through. But" I said with a grin "why don't I show you" That was an epic cheese tit.
Epic cheestit indeed. Still haven't answered my question!
-F
|
|
|
|
|
uhoh
Dec 15, 2008, 4:51 AM
Post #49 of 52
(704 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 2281
|
Valarc wrote: carabiner96 wrote: Valarc wrote: carabiner96 wrote: I'm still waiting for that to happen to me, after the rabid polar bear took my hand off. You know, it occurs to me that I have never actually heard the story that lead to the badass cyborgness. If you care to share, that could be some good reading. I think it would be way cooler to see what other people came up with. After all, J_ung came up with a masterpiece about where my missing chair ended up, imagine what he could do with a missing hand? As was pointed out in the lame "Is Tommy missing a finger" thread, this topic deserves a thread of its very own. And since it's destined for the campground anyway, might as well stick it here from the start... So, WTF Happened to 'Biner's Hand? Let's put those imaginations to work - most creative story wins at least 100 internets. Extra points for traveling far into the land of Tuphar.
I had always thought she cut off her own hand intentionally and replaced it with a hook because she was an aid climber.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
