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melham
Feb 27, 2009, 3:15 PM
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I see a lot of discussions about the guys getting their girlfriends into climbing, but what about the other way around? Have any of you ladies turned a BF on to climbing? Did the guy get hooked on climbing or bail on it? Did it help or hurt the relationship? I climb with my BF, and we both climbed before we met, so it's more of an academic curiosity to me. Funny stories about exes welcome 
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wonderwoman
Feb 27, 2009, 3:26 PM
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I met my husband on his first day climbing outdoors, in the middle of the woods. At that point, I had just split up with a guy who said 'you climb too much. You need a hobby.' So I knew that whoever I got serious with would have to be a climber or it would not work.
One our first vacation together he would want to do other things like climbing AND mountain biking or hiking. I wanted to climb all the time and do these other things on our rest days. Lucky for me, he got hooked and now we both only want to climb!
He also used to say things like 'I wish I could climb as hard as you'. Now he has surpassed me in ability and strength. So, maybe that was a little hit to my ego at first. But I'm totally fine with it now and we are very well matched partners. I lead at my limit, and can follow him at his limit. And when I can't do that, I can bust out the prussiks! 
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tigerlilly
Feb 27, 2009, 4:02 PM
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I got divorced before I took up climbing, but I did get the ex hooking on cycling.
We'd been married a year when he agreed to go on a self-contained bike tour, as long as I planned everything. The trip was from Brattleboro, VT, up along the CT River, bearing west near White River Junction, wandering up through Monpellier and back south along Rt. 100 and then some smaller roads back to the start. It was 6 days of riding, and we camped at night. We had fully loaded 12 spd bikes, no granny gears (this was 1987). We started riding in a chilly light rain.
Now the ex was a good athlete, but a new cyclist. He played hockey all his life, and when playing hockey, you don't eat while you exercise. I couldn't get him to snack while riding (he usually tuned out anything I said if it conflicted with his view of the world, which contributed to his being the "ex"). I had a bag of Oreos in my unzipped handlebar bag and nibbled the day away. Loaded touring in hilly country will burn somewhere around 500-800 calories per hour. You have to keep stoking the fire or you'll bonk badly. He refused. By the end of day 4, he was totally cooked and hollow-eyed. I finally got him to nibble, but he still lost 15 lbs off his 175 lb frame by the time we got home. He swore I tried to kill him, but miraculously stuck with cycling (and learned to snack properly).
Kathy
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granite_grrl
Feb 27, 2009, 4:06 PM
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I've taken previous boyfirends out climbing in the past. It never worked out, they didn't mind the gym aspect, but they were never really hooked. I couldn't get them outside either. Go figure.
I met my husband when we were both on climbing trips. We had actually arranged to climb together through RC.com and then sparks flew.
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stonefox
Feb 27, 2009, 4:48 PM
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I have learned that for myself it is absolutely impossible to be my regular climbing self if my SO is not also a climber.
I won't ever date a nonclimber again and I also wouldn't invest all the time into teaching someone the ins and outs of climbing if they are never going to go or have no plans to invest in climbing.
I would rather be single and climbing than be in a relationship where doing the thing that keeps me pretty level mentally is compromised.
(And I am totally speaking from 6 years of lame ass experiences that I regret).
**edited for spelling
(This post was edited by stonefox on Feb 27, 2009, 4:52 PM)
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melham
Feb 27, 2009, 5:58 PM
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stonefox wrote: I have learned that for myself it is absolutely impossible to be my regular climbing self if my SO is not also a climber. I won't ever date a nonclimber again and I also wouldn't invest all the time into teaching someone the ins and outs of climbing if they are never going to go or have no plans to invest in climbing. I would rather be single and climbing than be in a relationship where doing the thing that keeps me pretty level mentally is compromised. (And I am totally speaking from 6 years of lame ass experiences that I regret).
No regrets. I firmly believe that people move into and out of our lives for a reason.
Case in point: I am happier now with my wonderful climbing BF than I have been in ten years, and I would never even have met him were it not for me being in a bad relationship. The ex was a non-climber who I tried to get into climbing. He always got so upset that I could climb better than he could when he was more athletic than I was. The last time I ever invited him to climb with me was the day he threw a full-blown five year old type temper tantrum half way up a climb at the gym. The whole place was looking at him while he pitched his fit, and all I could do was resist the urge to give him a nice hard lower and leave him with his tiptoes barely touching the ground. I didn't do that, of course, but I never climbed with him again. The trouble was, I let him keep me from climbing, and as a result was out of the sport for about 6 years. What a huge mistake! When I finally had enough, I started climbing again despite his protests (thank goodness for my awesome climbing buddies who took me back in, no questions asked. I love those guys!), and the ex threw another fit. Light bulb moment. Dumped him after 7 years. Never felt better about anything I've ever done in my life, and ended up meeting my BF, who I love dearly, at the rock gym! He was also in a relationship while I was with my ex, so had we met years ago, the timing would have been wrong and who knows what would have happened. I also learned a valuable lesson about giving up on myself to keep someone else happy. Never again.
I think that the only time you should regret a past relationship is when you learned nothing from it. It sounds to me like you're a lot smarter than that, stonefox, and you've learned what you are and are not willing to accept in an SO. Well done! 
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stonefox
Feb 27, 2009, 6:21 PM
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melham wrote: stonefox wrote: I have learned that for myself it is absolutely impossible to be my regular climbing self if my SO is not also a climber. I won't ever date a nonclimber again and I also wouldn't invest all the time into teaching someone the ins and outs of climbing if they are never going to go or have no plans to invest in climbing. I would rather be single and climbing than be in a relationship where doing the thing that keeps me pretty level mentally is compromised. (And I am totally speaking from 6 years of lame ass experiences that I regret). No regrets. I firmly believe that people move into and out of our lives for a reason. Case in point: I am happier now with my wonderful climbing BF than I have been in ten years, and I would never even have met him were it not for me being in a bad relationship. The ex was a non-climber who I tried to get into climbing. He always got so upset that I could climb better than he could when he was more athletic than I was. The last time I ever invited him to climb with me was the day he threw a full-blown five year old type temper tantrum half way up a climb at the gym. The whole place was looking at him while he pitched his fit, and all I could do was resist the urge to give him a nice hard lower and leave him with his tiptoes barely touching the ground. I didn't do that, of course, but I never climbed with him again. The trouble was, I let him keep me from climbing, and as a result was out of the sport for about 6 years. What a huge mistake! When I finally had enough, I started climbing again despite his protests (thank goodness for my awesome climbing buddies who took me back in, no questions asked. I love those guys!), and the ex threw another fit. Light bulb moment. Dumped him after 7 years. Never felt better about anything I've ever done in my life, and ended up meeting my BF, who I love dearly, at the rock gym! He was also in a relationship while I was with my ex, so had we met years ago, the timing would have been wrong and who knows what would have happened. I also learned a valuable lesson about giving up on myself to keep someone else happy. Never again. I think that the only time you should regret a past relationship is when you learned nothing from it. It sounds to me like you're a lot smarter than that, stonefox, and you've learned what you are and are not willing to accept in an SO. Well done!
Oh girl.
I've learned.....then chosen not to believe.
Then learned somemore......
*I am my own worst enemy*
Nothing says it better than that......
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caliclimbergrl
Feb 27, 2009, 7:07 PM
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Sort of.
Since I started climbing 5 years or so ago, the only guys I've dated were climbers. This was sort of purposeful and sort of just who I happened to be meeting since I spend most of my free time climbing.
But my current boyfriend didn't climb when we met. He'd been to the gym a few times, but he was really uncomfortable with it. He didn't have much confidence in his belaying skills and had trouble making it up a 5.6 in the gym.
But he wanted to go with me for both our sakes. I told him I didn't care at all if he ever climbed -- I was okay with it just being my thing as long and as long as he was okay with me being gone on climbing trips a lot, we'd be fine. But I would enjoy climbing with him if *he* wanted to do it and would be happy to teach him.
We've been to the gym several times now. He only goes once a week, but I gave/lent him a spare harness, and an extra chalkbag I had laying around and he bought a pair of climbing shoes. Climbing doesn't come naturally to him and he's still getting comfortable with the ropes and everything. But he's a really fast learner and wants to go with me on some of the more chill cragging trips outside.
He's never going to really be a climber in the way that I define climbers. He's never going to be as into it as I am -- it's not a passion for him, more like a hobby. But we do enjoy climbing at the gym together and I'm looking forward to taking him outside. He's not going to be my main parter or anything the way previous boyfriends were, but it would be fun to have him along sometimes.
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Gaia
Feb 28, 2009, 2:59 AM
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Has anyone had a successful long term relationship with someone who doesn't climb? I can't imagine a relationship with someone who doesn't share my love of climbing, but the pool of single men who are my age (50) and who are passionate about climbing is just about empty. What's a girl to do?
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petsfed
Mar 2, 2009, 2:33 AM
Post #11 of 18
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Registered: Sep 25, 2002
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Gaia wrote: Has anyone had a successful long term relationship with someone who doesn't climb? I can't imagine a relationship with someone who doesn't share my love of climbing, but the pool of single men who are my age (50) and who are passionate about climbing is just about empty. What's a girl to do?
Travel more?
My roommate turned 56 this year, and while he's not at his peak at the moment, he remains a professional climbing instructor and sometimes guide. He's not the first lifetime climber/divorcee I've met, and he certainly won't be the last.
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maculated
Mar 2, 2009, 6:26 AM
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I got my ex into it. Bought him shoes and we went once. He lived in a different town, and we broke up. i went to that town and randomly went to the climbing gym - and ran into him there. He was better than when I left.
My work here is done. :)
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blueeyedclimber
Mar 2, 2009, 7:44 PM
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wonderwoman wrote: I met my husband on his first day climbing outdoors, in the middle of the woods. At that point, I had just split up with a guy who said 'you climb too much. You need a hobby.' So I knew that whoever I got serious with would have to be a climber or it would not work. One our first vacation together he would want to do other things like climbing AND mountain biking or hiking. I wanted to climb all the time and do these other things on our rest days. Lucky for me, he got hooked and now we both only want to climb! He also used to say things like 'I wish I could climb as hard as you'. Now he has surpassed me in ability and strength. So, maybe that was a little hit to my ego at first. But I'm totally fine with it now and we are very well matched partners. I lead at my limit, and can follow him at his limit. And when I can't do that, I can bust out the prussiks!
Ahhh....memories! Yeah, I was a complete n00b when we met, but she was so totally into me .
I remember that first time in Acadia, when we hiked and biked as much as we climbed. Fast forward a few years and now sometimes WW has to beg me to take a rest day. A couple years ago in NH, I climbed with a friend while she took a rest day. I climbed 9 straight days. I fell on a climb about 3 number grades below my limit.
I wouldn't say WW got me into it, but she got me hooked.
Josh
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amstone
Mar 7, 2009, 5:20 AM
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You two are so friggin cute I can't stand it!!! :)
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blueshrimp
Mar 7, 2009, 6:21 PM
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I got the boyfriend into climbing, once. It was really nice, we'd go climbing in the gym every Friday with a bunch of friends from work, then start a great weekend going for picnics and wine-tasting in Napa and Sonoma. (sigh). He was a bit competitive though, would get a bit miffed if I could make it up a 5.10a and he couldn't (but it was expected given he had never climbed before!). Then he got up a 5.10a after about 4 or 5 weeks climbing and I was so proud of him. :D.
He broke up with me 2 weeks after that. I'm hoping it was unrelated. 
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acacongua
Mar 9, 2009, 1:36 PM
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Climbing relationships can be tough because it's the perfect opportunity for the sleeping ego to awaken. Egos and relationships just don't mix well.
My advice is try to avoid being a coach. It's the rare relationship that can survive through being constantly criticized and directed - even in a sport in which you are more experienced. Guys especially I've noticed don't want that from chics and being on the receiving end where I was constantly criticized and directed with little filtering as to how I would perceive it, I began to HATE climbing. Even though I had climbed for years before dating this guy (btw, we're not together ... go figure).
(This post was edited by acacongua on Mar 9, 2009, 4:53 PM)
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clee03m
Mar 9, 2009, 10:07 PM
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I have been with my husband for over 10 years, married for over 6. I started climbing without him when we had been married for a few months. I never could get him to really love climbing. We both make compromises, and we have made it work. It wasn't easy, but here we are. I can get him to go climbing, but it is like pulling teeth. Or may be a bit more painful. I've sort of given up on making him love climbing (I say sort of, because I secretly hope he will love trad climbs now that I can lead them), but I have devious little goals for him. My next project: getting him to take the lead test at the gym, so he can lead belay me at the gym. The man has lead belayed me on 2 week trips and up 8 pitch climbs, but the man refuses to take the lead test. Of course that would take getting him to go to the gym... *sigh*
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chalk_bag
Mar 24, 2009, 2:51 AM
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When my ex common-law partner and I started dating, I was training for a mountaineering trip up Mount Athabasca. Although we ran, biked, hiked, and camped together, we never climbed together. He supported me pursuing my own interests and encouraged me to take courses, join clubs, and to get out and meet people to climb with since he wasn't into mountaineering or climbing.
There were times when he was jealous of all the time I spent with my partners climbing during the week, on the weekends, and on climbing trips. Especially the climbing trips, since I took a couple trips with just me and another male climbing partner. Eventually we worked out a compromise where I would spend half of my time climbing and the other half at home. For example if I was gone climbing one weekend, I would spend the next weekend at home. This definitely affected the grade and level that I climbed at since I didn't get out as much as I would have had I not been with him. I don't regret anything looking back though, I loved him and we were planning our lives together; climbing is not the most important thing in my life.
After we got divorced, he started climbing!!!! Three years together where he had tons of opportunity to learn and get out and he only got out climbing with me a few times! He now climbs 3 - 5 times a week, boulders harder than I do, and is now one of my main climbing partners. Go figure!
Since him, I dated a climber and although it was nice to spend so much time climbing with him, he was a much better ice climber than me and I felt like I held him back when we got out together, which I didn't like.
After having dated a climber and a non-climber, I don't think it's important. Yes, it would be lots of fun to date a climber, and we would share a deep passion, but it's more the person that I'm interested in, and as long as they are outdoorsy and active I'm fine.
After having dated a few climbers, I've come to the conclusion that I prefer to climb with people where there is zero romantic interest. We're more focused on the climbing, no distractions (key when you're climbing/mountaineering), and somehow, it just seems more "serious".
That's my 2 cents.
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