Honestly, I thought this was a really great story right up until I saw your unfortunate choice for an email address.

Hello all,

Have I ever mentioned that I really hate people that litter? Well, I do - alot. And people that illegally dump their crap because they are too lazy/cheap to take it to a proper dump like a respectable human being? Yeah - they are, like, 100x worse. Well, it is with no small amount of joy, pride and amusement that I hereby relate to you the tale of an illegal dumping fail at the Quarry, and how a band of excellent climbers - including yours truly - helped make the fail really epic.

So there I am, at the top of Balrog, starting to clean the anchors and set up a rap down, and what do I see? A beat-up blue pickup truck, loaded down with drywall, driving into the Quarry. Well, there is really only one thing that could be going on here - illegal dumping. So I yelled to the other climbers at the base to get pictures, call the Riverside Sheriff's department, get their license plate, etc. They all started going about these tasks, leaving me, at the top of Balrog, to yell at the dumpers, telling them in fairly direct terms what I thought of their value as human beings, and how their capture and flogging at the hands of the Sheriff's department was imminent. Well, they apparently had a big haul-strap tied around their bundle of illegal dumping drywall, and to that attached a pretty study chain. They promptly wrapped that chain around a rock, got into their pickup, drove off, with the bundle being pulled out of the back and landing on the ground - all the while with Ian's (my climbing partner) brother Patrick and two friends of his standing about 20 feet away taking down their license plate (good work Patrick - you guys rule!). And Ian's girlfriend - Mary - got some good pics as well. We were already finishing up for the day - Ian & Mary loaned me their camera, Patrick gave me the license plate (5E90943), and I called the Riverside County Sheriff's Department - who sent out a deputy. I gave him the pics and plate, and walked him into the Quarry to show him the pile of crap the illegal dumpers had left. Thats when I saw the haul-strap around the drywall, attached to a sizable length of chain wrapped around a boulder. To top it all off, there was a nice pickaxe tucked into the drywall pile under the
strap. Thats right. These dipshits had left in such haste that not only did they leave behind the haul-strap, what no doubt is a none-too-cheap length of heavy-duty chain, but even left their pickaxe in the pile. Hey, if you're going to be a fuckwad who is too lazy/cheap to take your trash to a proper dump, well why not be a retard also and leave behind gear that probably cost more than what the dump would have charged to take your crap? Oh, and in the process get license plate and pics of said illegal dumping recorded and passed on to the Sheriff's department? I mean, hey, if you're going for fail, certainly don't be half-assed about it, right?

Well the deputy seemed quite interested in pursuing this case. He asked me to email him copies of the photos, and contact info for Patrick and the others who got close enough to the dumpers to ID them again. He also ran the plate, said it was registered in San Bernardino county, and that he would be tracking down the registrant to see if they are still the current owner of the truck. I asked 'what about the haul-strap, chain and pickaxe - they will probably return for these'. He agreed, and said he could take them as evidence, but probably in the end they would not be useful and probably be destroyed - or I could take and dispose of them. So I took the chain and pickaxe and hid them in the bushes, then went back up to the base of the main wall to finish packing up my ropes & gear, and took them out to my car. Upon my return I discovered the haul-strap had been cut and its removal attempted. Someone had returned for the dumpers' gear, and sooner than I had anticipated! A quick scout around revealed no one, so I cut loose the haul-strap, and left affixed a note to the pile of drywall:

"That sure was a nice pickaxe, chain and strap you left behind Mr. Illegal Dumpers. I have them now. Clean up all the trash you dumped and maybe I'll give them back. email: dumpersrphags...@gmail.com."

I took the haul-strap and retrieved the pickaxe and chain from their hiding places and brought them back with me. I created the above gmail account. Most likely the dumpers won't come back looking for their gear again, but they might return to dump more crap, and then might spy the note. I'll be watching that email address. So, what do you think will happen if I get an email at that account?

And the cute little fox? Yeah - had to throw in a pic of Slylock - just too adorable. At merely the crinkle of a food wrapper one can get this guy to come closer, turn or otherwise pose for photos. I would feel guilty for not actually giving Slylock any food if it weren't for the fact that is one of the worst things one can do to a wild animal.

So boys and girls, if you ever decide to become subhumans that illegally dump their crap on other peoples' property - which you shouldn't because you'll be complete bastards - let the above be a lesson in what not to do. Otherwise, like, we will hate you, and try our best to get you caught and screw you over, and to top it off at the end of the day we will laugh at your epic stupidity.

In the mean time, anyone know of a good charity that I could donate the pickaxe and chain to? Maybe some group that does trail maintenance, or other backwoods work? People that will use it for good instead of evil?

Let me know,
Greg Huey

So.....
You admit that was you that put that note with a pile of garbage?

*Cue up music from Alice's Restuarant.*

.... I bet that feels great to finally catch one.