I don't do well with someone attempting to intimidate me...

That is clear from your stories. Not only is responding in kind deplorable and dangerous, it sounds like you actually started both confrontations.

No...

In the first, I accommodated the other person by moving to one side of the sidewalk. I said, to my dog Teddy, "Let's move over..." and it was said in a voice of politeness.

The man responded by stepping directly into our path and moved into a position nearly nose to nose with me.

I in no way instigated that confrontation, unless being a woman or worse a woman with a little dog, existing, is cause for an angry person to feel affronted.


The second one - yes, I unintentionally began that confrontation. Perhaps I could have ignored it. After all, what's it to me if some lady is being harassed by a man.


I'd rather be "deplorable" for standing up to both those people than allow them to intimidate me or another. And if I end up dead because I pointed out a person's disgusting behavior, I would say it was a better way to die than the myriad of ways people go these days.

Your way may be to duck and cover, or of employing non-violent communication or some other way. Mine is to point out the obvious when a person is too blind to see their self. I can live with this aspect of my personality, and as the saying goes..."What someone else thinks of me is none of my business."

Being a woman has nothing to with it except for making you feel like your actions are somehow heroic when in fact the same actions from a man would be seen as being in just as poor taste.

In the first instance she described, a man uttered a threat to kill her in a public place and aggressively put his body in her way to prevent her from getting by. I am sure, like many men who abuse women, he did not intend for other people to witness it. I think she did the right thing by making a scene. This guy will think twice before he pulls that crap again. And no, I do not think he would have done that to a man.

Being a woman had EVERYTHING to do with that man on the sidewalk getting in my face and calling me a cunt, among other things. Let me remind me that you were not there, and I was....

Could it possibly be that your having been "surrounded much of your life" by "militant feminists" might be triggering a reaction not completely rational here?

Many people who train martial arts discover that the cool head borne of greater personal confidence in confrontational circumstances seems to magically reduce the number of confrontations they get in. It is the converse principle that seems to be at play in the situations you described that stands out to me.

If only that was true then I would not be so critical.

And how many times has someone larger than you, unprovoked, used the bulk of their body to prevent you from passing by while either attempting to grope you, threatening you, or saying something crass to you? Just saying that one in four women has been sexually assaulted (never mind assaulted) within her lifetime. No matter how zen-master you want to go about it, bad shit happens to us that may not happen to you.

So you are saying that the next time a man threatens a woman on the street, she should shut her mouth and get out of his way? Total victim-blaming.

Ever had a gun jammed in your mouth while someone choked you? I have.

No, what I am saying is that if she had found a way to offer help to the woman rather than focusing on the man she would be more likely to get good results.

Some situations are beyond our ability to rectify, but if she had ignored the man and said something along the lines of, "excuse me miss, but I can't help but notice how down you look. Is there anything I can do to help?" It turns the attention away from the man, offers the woman a chance to receive help without a confrontation and puts her in a position of directing the situation.

Experience suggests that the chances are low that the woman will accept your help, but ignoring the man as he tells you to mind your own business and starting an interaction that he is trying to get in on shifts the power balance without the aggression. Offering to buy her a cup of coffee gives the woman a chance to move to a more secure location with nothing more confrontational than a nod.

There are probably better ways to handle the situation, but these are tactics that I have used in similar situations with some success.

So you are saying that the next time a man threatens a woman on the street, she should shut her mouth and get out of his way? Total victim-blaming.

Letting it wash off your back as though you don't even notice minimizes their power.

I was referring to instance #1. And I still don't blame her for speaking up during instance #2. Too many of us are taught to be submissive and to not intervene when we see something wrong.

No. It encourages the bad behavior.

I disagree.

I think of the old maxim that one should not bother trying to wrestle a pig. You both end up dirty and the pig doesn't mind.

Antisocial people know that they win when they drag you into their kind of interaction. They see you lose your cool, while most of the time they are much more in control of their own emotions since this is a place they have much more experience in.

I hope that if you ever have a daughter, you don't tell her to silently let it roll off her shoulders if someone threatens her safety on the street. That could be deadly advice.

No, what I am saying is that if she had found a way to offer help to the woman rather than focusing on the man she would be more likely to get good results. ...
...ignored the man and said something along the lines of, "excuse me miss, but I can't help but notice how down you look. Is there anything I can do to help?"

I read a lot into the dialog..

...I would suggest that it was the men's self control that kept her from being attacked.

They see you lose your cool,...

Do you really mean to suggest that saying "Fuck you, you small-dicked asshole!" to a person who appears unstable and aggressive is a safer approach?

I can tell you with full confidence that if I had ignored that brute and said I noticed she looked a little down and could I buy her a cup of coffee, I would have gotten exactly the same reaction from that man.

Why is it that you can't conceive that maybe if the MAN had accepted the lady's meek "no" and left it at that, the situation would have resolved itself? Why are you blaming ME for that man's response? HE was the one who escalated the situation - NOT me. I can tell you that. I just didn't skitter scared like apparently you - who was not there - believed would have been appropriate. I FACED the fucker down.

A person doesn't need a gun jammed down their throat to understand someone means business, and instead of running scared I stood up to the threat.

So, you reacted the way you did when your life was threatened, and I reacted the way I did. We both walked away to live another day... yet only one of us is telling the other person they were wrong to respond the way they did.....



You certainly have! I am truly amazed at how you are so damned sure I am wrong when it doesn't appear to have occurred to you that perhaps you are imagining a different scenario than what was really there. YOUR situation has got me egging a person on who started the shit. I've walked away from people at other times this sort of stuff happens. The follow you, they will spit on you, they will scream obscenities as you walk...

No thank you. I'll take the creep on face to face.



It was the men's LACK of self control which STARTED the events which followed, dude.

What stopped #1 was that we were on 18th Street on a busy morning, and no doubt the person realized that my loud voice was bringing attention to his attempt to get his rocks off on whatever game he calls what he was doing.

What stopped #2 was my moving quickly out of the direct area and into a safer zone.

Do you REALIZE that you are DEFENDING men who actually SAID they could/would kill??????



I can guarantee that I did NOT lose my cool, in either of those situations. I can guarantee you that neither of those men thought for a second that "they won."


Again, I would like to suggest that you have said your piece; you have explained how polite society, in your view, responds. I am going to ask you to have to courtesy to back away from continuing to read my mind, tell me what's wrong with my attitude and keep the focus on your self.

You may feel I am being histrionic., but funnily, I don't feel like I am being hysterical. I feel quite calm, and have been patiently explaining to you.

You don't seem to understand. I believe I have - calmly - asked you to desist.

Twice already.

You are hijacking a climbing-related thread to make your point.

For the third, and final, time - stop.

No. It encourages the bad behavior.

There is more to the story in what you didn't say. Was there any inconvenient parking? Did you park there just to stake your claim as an entitled climber?

You are pretty quick to stereo type people, beers going, techo music, fire burning, must be boulderers!

Lighten up Dude! Crack a six pack when you approach those folks and they may see you as a friend instead of a dick!

I hope your attitude was worth the sugar they most surely dumped into your gas tank!