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passthepitonspete
Apr 22, 2003, 4:03 AM
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Registered: Oct 10, 2001
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In the past, I have been called a wanker. I wish to assure you that the preposterous myth is true. And never is this more true than on those long and lonely solo ascents, where I am up there by myself for weeks at a time, with nary an internet connection to check out littletitties.com. My Playboy and Penthouse magazines have become tattered and torn, barely even readable. [I buy them for the articles, you know] Fortunately, there is a Better Way - there is always a Better Way! Her name is Helga, and she is my partner. What can you say about an Inflatable Helga Doll? [Funny you should ask, eh?] Consider the benefits: [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She never talks back [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She never needs to share your beer, though you may choose to share your wine with her [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She can be comprimed for easy storage in your pig [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She can ride on your Catch Lines or be flagged above your ledge [beware sharp and pointed rocks] [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She is an attention grabber [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She is cuddly and warm on cold nights [*:b1d0ccfc4a]If she doesn't lead, you can claim a legit solo ascent [*:b1d0ccfc4a]On those desperate A4 leads, you can inflate her with helium and hand her the rack [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She never complains about your choice of CDs on your ghetto blaster [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She never gets a headache [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She's bomber on #0 heads [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She dries quickly after you take a solar-powered shower with her [*:b1d0ccfc4a]Her toenails never need repainting [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She will never keffle out on you [*:b1d0ccfc4a]If she asks you, "does my ass look fat in these pants?" you can tell her the truth without fear of reprisal [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She does not have an attitude, and is generally "low maintenance" - but bring a vinyl repair kit [*:b1d0ccfc4a]You can dress her any way you like, and she won't mind [Helga]hot in skanky lingerie, let me tell you....] [*:b1d0ccfc4a]She does not require a separate airplane ticket [*:b1d0ccfc4a]And how 'bout them lips, eh? [*:b1d0ccfc4a]Most importantly, Helga NEVER says "no". In fact, she doesn't say much of anything..... I bet you can think of other benefits for YOUR Inflatable Helga Doll, can't you? Maybe the ladies have their own Chippendales version - a Bill Doll, perhaps? Dr. Piton eagerly awaits your replies.
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galt
Apr 22, 2003, 4:48 AM
Post #2 of 19
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Registered: Jan 3, 2002
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Reason #823 why I love Pete... just not in that "Helga" kind of way.
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savedbymynuts
Apr 22, 2003, 4:56 AM
Post #3 of 19
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Registered: Apr 15, 2003
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Is it because of your Inflatable Helga Doll filled with helium that you're a levitator?
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bones
Apr 22, 2003, 5:01 AM
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Registered: Feb 17, 2003
Posts: 253
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two words... carpool lane
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beercanclimber
Apr 22, 2003, 5:05 AM
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Registered: Sep 17, 2002
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with her, i never have to drink alone, and that is reason enough for me!
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philbox
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003, 5:13 AM
Post #6 of 19
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Registered: Jun 27, 2002
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The pages of Petes Penthouse and Playboy magazines are stuck together that`s why they are so tattered and torn. ...Phil...
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savedbymynuts
Apr 22, 2003, 5:15 AM
Post #7 of 19
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Registered: Apr 15, 2003
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Maybe I'm only being silly but couldn’t you use your doll full of helium to haul??? Just something to think about.
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redpiton
Apr 22, 2003, 5:17 AM
Post #8 of 19
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Registered: Apr 8, 2003
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Easily fits into any overhead storage compartments. marital abuse? unheard of! unless she bounces back of course.
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onelung
Apr 22, 2003, 5:23 AM
Post #9 of 19
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Registered: Dec 8, 2002
Posts: 436
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Hey Buddy!?! What is going with calling him the "Bill"? Actually since I am soooooo Bitchin........I tink I kinda like it! The "Bad Billy" doll rules......for the ladies that is.... actually this is kind of a sick thre.......ahhhh....... Its an AID forum, Now I know. Cheers, I am Bill
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kindredlion
Apr 22, 2003, 11:03 PM
Post #10 of 19
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Registered: Aug 7, 2002
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I gotta say Pete that is some funny shyte. Helga your infellatable partner, is she exclusively yours, or does she get around a little. What I am asking is, does she ever have anything for you that you aren't expecting? Can you put her in your coffee pot to warm her up in the morning? I couldn't imagine cuddling with a cold fish... Take Air Pete, Hilarious!! :lol: Adam
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bighigaz
Apr 23, 2003, 12:07 AM
Post #11 of 19
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Registered: Sep 30, 2002
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Pete, no picture of Helga for the rest of us?
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passthepitonspete
Apr 23, 2003, 5:44 PM
Post #12 of 19
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Registered: Oct 10, 2001
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{Dr. Piton looks down his glasses and snorts} Hmph! "Infellatable" indeed. Sheesh.
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tanner
Apr 23, 2003, 6:06 PM
Post #13 of 19
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Registered: Apr 28, 2002
Posts: 491
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I must ask what does you crab think of her? Or does she have crabs of her own and they get along?
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tyify
Sep 9, 2003, 2:38 AM
Post #14 of 19
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Registered: Apr 22, 2003
Posts: 905
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Thats *(&_)* disgusting that picture is...
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jookyhead
Sep 9, 2003, 2:59 AM
Post #15 of 19
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Registered: Jun 2, 2003
Posts: 667
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PETE IS MY HERO
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passthepitonspete
Sep 9, 2003, 3:00 AM
Post #16 of 19
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Registered: Oct 10, 2001
Posts: 2183
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What's so heroic? All you need is a good set of lungs to blow her up, and some vinyl repair compound in case she gets intimate with some of your frayed copperhead wires. As for that inflatable Guido doll...... How'd you like to wake up and find him on your ledge?! {shudder} Scaaaaaary stuff, Count Floyd.
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philbox
Moderator
Sep 9, 2003, 3:21 AM
Post #17 of 19
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Registered: Jun 27, 2002
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Just be careful that you don`t blow Helga up inside out. :oops:
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passthepitonspete
Sep 9, 2003, 3:22 AM
Post #18 of 19
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Registered: Oct 10, 2001
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Laughing my ass off, mate! Only a true pervert would even think such a thing. I'm proud of ya!
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epic_ed
Sep 9, 2003, 6:40 PM
Post #19 of 19
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Registered: Jun 17, 2002
Posts: 4724
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up2top moved this thread from Aid Climbing to Community. This one has deteriorated considerably and really never had much relevance to aid climbing, anyway. Not sure why it had to resurface, but off to Community it goes. I miss my Helga...
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