Forums: Community: The Ladies' Room:
the childbearing debate
RSS FeedRSS Feeds for The Ladies' Room

Premier Sponsor:

 


Partner missedyno


May 22, 2003, 8:26 AM
Post #1 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Nov 21, 2001
Posts: 4465

the childbearing debate
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

okay, so we've discussed birth control... let's go to the other end of the spectrum

having kids. why?

Is it society's norm, is it to have security when you're older?

Why do you want to have kids?
this being the ladies' room all of us women are capable (pretty much) of breeding. Do you see yourself taking this step? why or why not?

If you have children, how has it changed your outlook on climbing? Do you climb as often/as hard or does any of that even matter anymore?

discuss!


mwbtle


May 22, 2003, 9:04 AM
Post #2 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Nov 22, 2002
Posts: 5891

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

I plan on having children eventually, unless I decide that the world is too yucky to subject children to.

I guess I always just assumed it was the natural progression of things. But also, I know how I am with my mom, and I'd like to be as cool a mother to someone.

Thats pretty much it I guess. I want to take care of a child as well as my mom took care of me, kind of passing along the love.


gblauer
Moderator

May 22, 2003, 11:27 AM
Post #3 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Oct 3, 2002
Posts: 2824

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

Okay...I always knew I wanted children (husband or no husband). It seemed to be my destiny. The only question was how many? I don't think it was societal or family pressure...it truly was my path. I have three kids (16, 14 and 12) and they have been a total blessing to me. It is remarkable to watch them grow up into responsible and caring people. They all work (2 at the rock gym!), do well in school and are very independent. It has been a wonderful journey and I feel truly blessed.


footoo


May 22, 2003, 11:32 AM
Post #4 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Dec 21, 2002
Posts: 28

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

This is the perfect subject for me. I'm 24 years old married for almost 3 years, and don't have nor want children. I am always being asked when I'm going to have kids, my reply NEVER! This was our choice not to have kids. I have 3 wonderful nephews and lots of cousins thats plenty for me.


jaylaka


May 22, 2003, 12:31 PM
Post #5 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

becoming a mother has been the most rewarding and challenging thing in my life.

being a mother is rewarding in that when i looked at my newborn son, i couldn't breathe, he was so beautiful. it's incredible to see him grow into a strong and confident little boy who swims, climbs, and plays soccer. and nothing can describe the feeling of having him whisper, "i love you, my mama" before he falls asleep cuddled up next to me.

it's challenging in that i'm a young, single mom with no support, monetary or otherwise, from his dad. it's a constant internal struggle - "am i being a good enough mom?" it's a challenge to find any "me time" in the course of a busy day that includes work and grad school, let alone all the mundane chores that go with being an adult. and i want to tear my hair out when he's being a whiny and beligerant (albeit normal) soon-to-be four year old. :?

would i do it again, had i known it would be like this? in a heartbeat. :D

do i think that next time around, i want to have a supportive, loving partner? hell yes.

i think that in some respects, i'm a better runner and climber because i'm a mom. i have a high tolerance for pain (15 hours of drug-free labor followed by a delivery of a 9.5 pound baby :shock: ) that i didn't have before. and i have an appreciation of the little things - seeing five deer on a wooded trail as i run at dusk or a beautiful sunset after a hard day's climb. i know how precious life is and i respect it. and i push myself. hard. my time to run and climb is limited, so i make the most of it.

so in that respect, i'm not the best i could be. my time to be active is limited - and when i try to incorporate cole into my activities, it can sometimes backfire. (ever try to run five miles, pushing a 40 pounder in a jogging stroller, to the constant whine of "are we there yet?")

becoming a parent is a lifestyle choice in some respects. and it's not for everyone. but do i, personally, think it's worth it? without a doubt.

jen


gardenfrog


May 23, 2003, 11:45 AM
Post #6 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Feb 27, 2003
Posts: 12

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

I am with you footoo!! I have been married to an awesome man for 8 1/2 years, and we did try to have children for about 6 of those years, but decided to go child free instead of enduring who knows what kind of drugs and procedures, and we have never been happier. Our family still tries to guilt us into having kids though, and it sucks! Why do people always try to talk you into having kids when you tell them you aren't planning on having any? Can't they just let everyone make their own decission? When I tell people who have children that I am not planning on having any, they always look at me like I killed their first born. Why is that? Well, footoo, I am always glad to see others who have made the same decission I have, there aren't many of us out there!!


eowyn1025


May 23, 2003, 7:15 PM
Post #7 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Jul 27, 2002
Posts: 267

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

i hate kids. ok that was a reeeeally huge generalization. i don't mind them but only in very very small numbers. i had a couple of very bad babysitting experiences and decided i was going to never have children...i think i've changed my mind but i only want two. my mom's always told me it's different when they're yours. actually i really don't mind them...they're so fascinating! if they're disciplined and not given run of everything that is. i want to have a boy and a girl...best of both worlds. like someone mentioned earlier, i want to be as cool a mom as mine has been with me...i want that special bond with someone that's part of me. i don't know, you really can't put in words why you want kids! i guess it's just instinctive in most of us. i want to do everything with and for them...i want to give them experiences that will stick with them for ever like my parents did with me...i could go on but i won't. I totally understand those of you who don't want them...more power to you. don't listen to the guilt trips...it's up to you not anyone else. but anyway, i've got a few years to worry about this one but i thought i'd stick in my .02


watersprite


May 27, 2003, 1:56 PM
Post #8 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Jan 21, 2003
Posts: 1601

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

my children are 21 and 17 so I didn't have the issue before this year. They are cool with me climbing, but not excited about coming to watch, and they have no interest in it.
I'm ok with that - the climbing I do is the safest possible - TR one pitches with experienced people - I'm talking 9-20 years experience.
I am not going to die climbing.


winter


May 27, 2003, 3:25 PM
Post #9 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Apr 9, 2003
Posts: 2961

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

yay garden frog! I never want any either. I think I'm getting past childbearing age anyhow (not really but that's what I'd like to think). I've had a few long term relationships that were on the verge of marriage that failed because they wanted kids and I didn't. I don't think I will ever change my mind. I am constantly harrased and belittled by people who look at you as though you are the antichrist simply because you chose not to spend your time, money and energy on some small people.
Personally I have no interest in sharing anything I have with any children of any sort, I have barely enough money for the sports I like to do already...it seems a terrible waste to me that in order to afford to have kids I would have to give up alot of what I do. The thought of becoming all distended and getting saggy breasts and eveythign else that comes with pregnancy doesn't appeal to me either. The lifestyle that includes alot of noise and crying and screaming and nurturing holds no allure in my books. There are plenty of people who, like myself, abhor the idea of children but had them anyway because it was expected of them. They turn out to be bad parents and sometimes go crazy and drown whole packs of them in the bathtub or something else equally horrific. I don't want to be one of those people thank you very much. Horray for women who rebel agaist the norms/expectations set for them by society.


climb.on
Deleted

May 27, 2003, 6:57 PM
Post #10 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered:
Posts:

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

I find myself torn about the kid thing. In all honesty I do not want children. If my doctor would let me I would go out and have my tubes tied tomorrow (at least then I would have no part of the birth control pill fiasco). Nevertheless, what if the man I truly loves really wants kids? Would I be willing to toss over a great potential relationship and wonderful guy because I have been unwilling to see kids as any part of my future?

I do not want kids - I think that having children is a very selfish thing while being a parent requires a great deal of selflessness. Moreover, I am a teacher - I could never support a kid; the cats are already more than enough for me.


Partner missedyno


May 28, 2003, 6:32 AM
Post #11 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Nov 21, 2001
Posts: 4465

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

i just don't feel the urge to have kids.

to put it the way my partner does: "i'm too selfish"

i want to have my money for myself, i want to travel when it's convenient for me....
if i'm around families with kids, i get kind of uncomfortable. i make a good aunt, but i'm not sure about being a mom.

i put this thread up just to try to understand the reasoning for people that do have children....


jaylaka


May 28, 2003, 6:51 AM
Post #12 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: May 1, 2003
Posts: 382

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

i respect that having children (either biological or adopted) isn't for everyone. i have friends, some of them teachers, who have decided not to have kids and it's the right decision for them. i DON'T think it's good to harass or question someone about their decision. i'm sorry to hear that some of you are having to deal with that.

and i know that not everyone is comfortable around kids - i can usually sense when my 4 year old has crossed the line from "cute and fun" to "annoying and in the way" and then i fix the situation.

life's about choices. i'll respect yours and you can respect mine. (along those lines, ever seen moms get into a work-outside-the-home versus stay-at-home debate? those can get vicious.)

when you're not a mom, life's about doing what's in your best interest. once you become a mom, your life becomes about what's in your child's best interest. and often, that involves self sacrifice which is not always easy. but whatever you choose, don't feel that you have to justify your decision - to friends, loved ones, or society. :wink:

jen


winter


May 28, 2003, 6:52 AM
Post #13 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered: Apr 9, 2003
Posts: 2961

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

I know what you mean about the relationship thing because it's happened to me. Near the end of the relationship I was starting to waver slightly on the kid thing just because I didn't want to lose him. Now I realise that I was comprimising something of myself in doing so. I think that for a relationship to work comprimise is something that has to happen, however I also think that there are certain things about ones self that have to remain steadfast. For me kids is one of them, I am just completely not interested. Could I change my mind if Iwere married to someone who I loved intensly and who wanted kids? Maybe, but now I don't get involved with people who want that lifestyle, it's just not for me. I have luckily found a boy to be with who has one kid (from a teenage accident) and doesn't want anymore, it's perfect!


dar-la-la
Deleted

May 28, 2003, 9:38 AM
Post #14 of 14 (1282 views)
Shortcut

Registered:
Posts:

Re: the childbearing debate [In reply to]
Report this Post
Average: avg_1 avg_2 avg_3 avg_4 avg_5 (0 ratings)  
Can't Post

Great Topic!
For all you ladies that are climber's and considering children. No! Having kid's don't really change life much. After my son was born I wanted to jump right back into climbing and back into shape. I guess it all depends on the motivation and drive. Right now my son is 2 and he is such a blast! My husband and I take him everywhere we go. Climbing for us has not changed much because we both enjoy climbing way too much to stop. I think that taking the child climbing with you right from the beginning helps them deal and understand os they get older that Ok, this is the way it is. I don't know if it's because we took Colin when he was wee little or if we are just plain lucky, But Colin loves the outdoors and very well behaved when we are out climbing. Yes, we don't get the full days of climbing in when it's just the three of us. But, we take turns with friends and get out and take the opportunities when they come. I see that as colin gets older he is more easy to manage and the climbing days get more longer. Having a child is so awesome and rewarding. To all those mother's reading this, will agree. My husband and I told ourselves before colin was born that just because we are having a child, doesn't mean we have to change our lives completely, It just means that colin will grow up being a part of what his parents both love and enjoy! :D Good Luck!


Forums : Community : The Ladies' Room

 


Search for (options)

Log In:

Username:
Password: Remember me:

Go Register
Go Lost Password?



Follow us on Twiter Become a Fan on Facebook