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bumblie
May 23, 2003, 5:22 PM
Post #1 of 12
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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No, but personalizing does add something.
Let's just file it under Urban Myth.
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citybehindthesevenmountns
May 23, 2003, 12:39 AM
Post #2 of 12
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Registered: Apr 21, 2003
Posts: 306
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Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. Herman told her that he couldn't help it.
She begged him to visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning.
Before dawn, Martha went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkeys innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard Herman awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. Martha could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
"Honey," he said. "You were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked Martha.
"Well, you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all back in.
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john1987
May 23, 2003, 12:50 AM
Post #3 of 12
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Registered: Jul 27, 2002
Posts: 613
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there is a fine line between funny and just plain gross :D
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merlin
May 23, 2003, 2:40 AM
Post #5 of 12
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Registered: Jun 5, 2002
Posts: 315
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luckily that doesnt quite cross the line... :lol:
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bumblie
May 23, 2003, 12:39 PM
Post #6 of 12
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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GOOD ADVICE
I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year,
and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged
me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one
thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be.
She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful
and sexy, and who sometimes flirted with me, which made
me feel uncomfortable.
One day she called me and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. So I went.
She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me,
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and
desires for me that she couldn't overcome. So before I got
married and committed my life to her daughter, she
wanted to make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a
word. So, she said, "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are
up for it, just come and get me."
In great anticipation I just watched her delicious behind
as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and
went to the front door. I opened it, and stepped out of
the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his
eyes, hugged me and said, "We are very happy and pleased,
you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for
a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN THE CAR.
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josephine
May 23, 2003, 1:10 PM
Post #7 of 12
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Registered: Nov 8, 2002
Posts: 5794
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:lol: :lol:
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w6jxm
May 23, 2003, 2:49 PM
Post #8 of 12
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Registered: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 792
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WOW. Now that was a breather.
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extrememountaineer
May 23, 2003, 5:15 PM
Post #10 of 12
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Registered: Apr 28, 2003
Posts: 377
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Bumblie, forgive me if I am gullible but was that a TRUE story?
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bakedjake
May 23, 2003, 5:20 PM
Post #11 of 12
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Registered: Jan 24, 2003
Posts: 3755
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In reply to: Bumblie, forgive me if I am gullible but was that a TRUE story?
It's an old joke... been around awhile!
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bumblie
May 23, 2003, 5:22 PM
Post #12 of 12
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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No, but personalizing does add something.
Let's just file it under Urban Myth.
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