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bumblie
Sep 15, 2003, 6:19 PM
Post #1 of 28
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient.
First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.
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New Sex Study...
It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead...
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
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Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
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If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
The one that's labeled "IDAHO"
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Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.
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turockgirl
Sep 15, 2003, 6:27 PM
Post #2 of 28
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Registered: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: 190
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for all you science geeks:
What do you get when you have one mole of moles digging one mole of holes?
A mole of mole-asses! :lol:
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onbelay_osu
Sep 15, 2003, 6:35 PM
Post #3 of 28
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Registered: May 5, 2002
Posts: 1087
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what does a fish say when it hits the wall......DAM
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turockgirl
Sep 15, 2003, 6:36 PM
Post #4 of 28
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Registered: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: 190
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fssssssshhhhhhhh
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edge
Sep 15, 2003, 6:40 PM
Post #5 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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What do you call a blind doe???
No eye-deer.
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edge
Sep 15, 2003, 6:41 PM
Post #6 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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What do you call a blind doe with no legs?
Still no eye-deer.
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edge
Sep 15, 2003, 6:42 PM
Post #7 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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What do you call a celibate, blind doe with no legs?
Still no fu@%ing eye-deer.
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bumblie
Sep 15, 2003, 6:48 PM
Post #8 of 28
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter. You can call him anything you want. He still won't come.
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camhead
Sep 15, 2003, 7:06 PM
Post #9 of 28
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Registered: Sep 10, 2001
Posts: 20939
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what's a cow with only two legs?
lean beef.
what's a cow with no legs?
ground beef.
BOOOOOOOOO!!! HISSSSSSS!!!!
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edge
Sep 15, 2003, 7:08 PM
Post #10 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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What do you call a quadrapalegic on the floor?
Matt.
What do you call a quadrapalegic hanging on the wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadrapalegic in the ocean?
Bob.
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bumblie
Sep 15, 2003, 7:14 PM
Post #11 of 28
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Registered: Mar 18, 2003
Posts: 7629
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In a hole?
Phil
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edge
Sep 15, 2003, 7:28 PM
Post #12 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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Wedged in a crack?
Cam.
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thomasribiere
Sep 15, 2003, 7:31 PM
Post #13 of 28
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Registered: Aug 24, 2002
Posts: 9306
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:lol: thanks folks for the free laughing!
The first blonde joke was really excellent! "Just a minute..." :lol:
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overlord
Sep 16, 2003, 8:43 AM
Post #14 of 28
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Registered: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 14120
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what is red and is scratching on the glass :?:
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edge
Sep 16, 2003, 1:26 PM
Post #15 of 28
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Registered: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 9120
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In reply to: what is red and is scratching on the glass :?:
I give up. What is red and scratching on the glass?
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calamity_chk
Sep 16, 2003, 1:38 PM
Post #16 of 28
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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okay, so the squirrel asks the elephant, "uhh, what are you doing in this tree?"
the elephant: "eating apples ... duh"
squirrel: "but, um, this is a pine tree"
the elephant rolls his eyes, "duuh, i brought my own apples"
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calamity_chk
Sep 16, 2003, 1:39 PM
Post #17 of 28
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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In reply to: New Sex Study... It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead...
/cleaning coffee off the keyboard and screen/
hahah .. this sounds like most of my relationships, only reversed.
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rckclimbergurl
Sep 16, 2003, 11:42 PM
Post #18 of 28
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Registered: Oct 4, 2002
Posts: 748
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What's a quadrapalegic???
:shock:
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jono13
Sep 17, 2003, 12:01 AM
Post #19 of 28
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Registered: Apr 10, 2001
Posts: 3286
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What'd the white shirt say?
Im 100% Cotton!!
What did the baker say as he was driving home from work?
Oh no I left the oven on.
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calamity_chk
Sep 17, 2003, 2:05 AM
Post #20 of 28
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
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calamity_chk
Sep 17, 2003, 2:06 AM
Post #21 of 28
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn't keep control of her pupils.
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calamity_chk
Sep 17, 2003, 2:07 AM
Post #22 of 28
(697 views)
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
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camhead
Sep 17, 2003, 2:07 AM
Post #23 of 28
(697 views)
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Registered: Sep 10, 2001
Posts: 20939
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what does the medical profession call a female sex change operation?
and "addadicktome"
(you know, like, it sounds like "appendectomy?")
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calamity_chk
Sep 17, 2003, 2:09 AM
Post #24 of 28
(697 views)
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Registered: Apr 23, 2002
Posts: 7994
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:roll:
boo
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camhead
Sep 17, 2003, 2:10 AM
Post #25 of 28
(697 views)
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Registered: Sep 10, 2001
Posts: 20939
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what happens when you throw a grenade into a french kitchen?
linoleum blownapart.
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