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xcaliclimber
Nov 17, 2003, 1:15 AM
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Ok, I know there is a thread about breakups but here is a new one. I need to know how to gracefully break up with someone over the phone. Please post any tips you have.
~Cali
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calliope
Nov 17, 2003, 3:04 AM
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According to Seinfeld, if there've been more than three dates, you have to do an in person breakup.
Yeah, I know. Seinfeld. Unless this is an extremely long distance relationship, though, I'd do it in person. Breaking up sucks. There's always drama, but a voicemail or a sticky on the mirror are not cool.
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jaylaka
Nov 17, 2003, 3:44 AM
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yeah, i'd say if you're within a three hour drive of each other, you gotta make the trip and do it in person.
if you're far away (or extreme, obscure extenuating circumstances), then by phone's ok. "i wish i could be there in person to tell you this...", and be upfront with them. if you want to be friends, say that. but if you want to limit contact, say that and why.
good luck.
jen
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missedyno
Nov 17, 2003, 1:48 PM
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i think you'd get a better response if this was posted in community....
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traddad
Nov 17, 2003, 1:56 PM
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Do it in person....in a public place like a resturaunt. Be truthful and don't be afraid to say: "I just don't like you". If there's something specific, tell them. That'll be useful data in the future.
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kathy
Nov 17, 2003, 2:09 PM
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In reply to: Do it in person....in a public place like a resturaunt. Be truthful and don't be afraid to say: "I just don't like you". If there's something specific, tell them. That'll be useful data in the future.
Well said!
also, keep in mind that you have every right to make that decision, so do not take any grief or insults if the other person doesn't like your decision.
and stick to your guns - if he/she tries to convince you to give it another go - either say no, or if in doubt, ask for time to think about it. Do not be pressurised into continuing a relationship which you don't want!!
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crazygirl
Nov 17, 2003, 3:52 PM
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i disagree that you have to do it in person in a restaraunt. you are forcing the person to sit through the entire dinner and listen to your reasons why you think it doesn't work. They are not allowed to get upset, because it's in a public place. How selfish. Do it over the phone.
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gblauer
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Nov 17, 2003, 9:20 PM
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In reply to: i disagree that you have to do it in person in a restaraunt. you are forcing the person to sit through the entire dinner and listen to your reasons why you think it doesn't work. They are not allowed to get upset, because it's in a public place. How selfish. Do it over the phone.
Good luck.
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jabtocrag
Nov 17, 2003, 10:10 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: i disagree that you have to do it in person in a restaraunt. you are forcing the person to sit through the entire dinner and listen to your reasons why you think it doesn't work. They are not allowed to get upset, because it's in a public place. How selfish. Do it over the phone. I agree, I think you can do this over the phone. In fact I think it is preferable. Spares those akward "what do we do now" moments. Be honest. (Easier said than done!) Good luck.
I think that any reasonably serious relationship deserves an in-person breakup. I don't necessarily agree with the public place concept, but give the other person the respect of doing it to his/her face...and as gblauer said, be honest and accept that it is not supposed to be easy. Be a man for christs sake (or woman, as the case may be!!).
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xcaliclimber
Nov 18, 2003, 1:06 AM
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Yea, well, I honestly would do it in person but I live 11-12 hours away by car so I figure that's a long way to drive to talk for half hour. Thanx for everything...that was really helpful. If anybody has anything else to suggest go for it!
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traddad
Nov 18, 2003, 1:14 AM
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Doing it in a public place cuts WAY down on the wailing, gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. Maybe a restaurant may not be the best, but somewhere where there are people. Callous but pragmatic....and safe.
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moabbeth
Nov 18, 2003, 2:47 AM
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In reply to: Doing it in a public place cuts WAY down on the wailing, gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. Maybe a restaurant may not be the best, but somewhere where there are people. Callous but pragmatic....and safe.
Well, if you fear physical violence maybe, but otherwise it IS just plain callous and not fair to the person being dumped. It's a selfish, cowardly easy-out on the part of the dumper. If that person isn't going to be coming after you with weaponry, then you should have the common human decency to do it in person and in a more private setting where they CAN cry, wail, ask why, etc. If it's more than just a brief non-committal, non-love relationship, you owe that person the right to feel their emotions freely. It's called empathy.
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maculated
Nov 18, 2003, 4:00 AM
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I prefer dumping people in email haikus:
You were a jerk, yes
But maybe I was as well
Anyway, go to hell
I've found someone cuter
He's way smarter than you, too
That's why it's over
Feel free to steal them. :)
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deleted
Deleted
Nov 18, 2003, 5:52 AM
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yeah, but ... have you ever [i:690e0fd58c]put off [/i:690e0fd58c]breaking up with someone because they had a really bitchin' stereo, maybe a commercial espresso maker?
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traddad
Nov 18, 2003, 1:43 PM
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In reply to: Well, if you fear physical violence maybe, but otherwise it IS just plain callous and not fair to the person being dumped. It's a selfish, cowardly easy-out on the part of the dumper. If that person isn't going to be coming after you with weaponry, then you should have the common human decency to do it in person and in a more private setting where they CAN cry, wail, ask why, etc. If it's more than just a brief non-committal, non-love relationship, you owe that person the right to feel their emotions freely. It's called empathy.
Unfortunately, a person I love dearly has experience in this area and it has colored my view. The pictures she had taken at the police station are seared on my memory.
No one gets out of a break up without wounds. While you SHOULD be empathetic to your soon to be ex-partner, you also have a duty to yourself. Being in a public place does not preclude empathy, frank discussion or emotion. As the old song goes "breaking up is hard to do" and sometimes you have to make it a little easier on yourself for your own sanity. I am NOT an emotional terrorist but there are some people you SHOULD dump with an E-mail haiku...and a restraining order. Others with hugging and crying. Clean breaks are hard to achieve when someone is trying to drag you down into an emotional crevass.
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unabonger
Nov 18, 2003, 3:00 PM
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Personally, I appreciate that you broadcast on the internet your intentions. That way all us guys dating someone named Cali that lives 11-12 hours away have been forewarned.
The Fornicated UnaBonger
PS It's ok, I cheated on you with your best friend.
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moabbeth
Nov 19, 2003, 12:20 AM
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Unabonger, you're back!!! Where have you been? I've missed your sage words.
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climbinggirl33
Nov 19, 2003, 5:16 AM
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All things end badly - or else they wouldn't end.
Life!
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jaylaka
Nov 19, 2003, 12:17 PM
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In reply to: You were a jerk, yes But maybe I was as well Anyway, go to hell I've found someone cuter He's way smarter than you, too That's why it's over
mac, those crack me up. :D
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unabonger
Nov 19, 2003, 2:25 PM
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In reply to: Unabonger, you're back!!! Where have you been?
I can't really say. Except that it involved national security and bestiality. Ok, gotta run. My parole officer is calling.
The Recently Released UnaBonger
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rvega
Nov 19, 2003, 10:48 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: You were a jerk, yes But maybe I was as well Anyway, go to hell I've found someone cuter He's way smarter than you, too That's why it's over mac, those crack me up. :D
ME TOO. Super Funny. :lol: I especially like the first. Precious.
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xcaliclimber
Nov 20, 2003, 3:06 AM
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In reply to: Personally, I appreciate that you broadcast on the internet your intentions. That way all us guys dating someone named Cali that lives 11-12 hours away have been forewarned. |
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unabonger
Nov 21, 2003, 12:35 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: Personally, I appreciate that you broadcast on the internet your intentions. That way all us guys dating someone named Cali that lives 11-12 hours away have been forewarned. :lol: thanx for making me laugh ~Cali
Sure. And thanks for all the good times. You can mail all that stuff I left at your house to your ex-best friend's place. I'm spending a lot of time there now.
The Ex UnaBonger
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maculated
Jan 21, 2004, 9:36 PM
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gg
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