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billcoe_
Jan 25, 2004, 11:23 PM
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_ was just perusing the pics of Trangos new maxcams and saw this bit of humor on the trango site that needs to be shared. (apologise if this has been done, I didn't see it).
From:
http://www.trango.com/
http://www.trango.com/maxcam.jpg
You know you’re a trad climber when…
all your draws are 12” long • your kid climbs harder than you do • you’ve worn out a set of cams • there is scar tissue on the back of your hands • you shave the back of your hands • you have six partially used rolls of tape in your pack • you quit sport climbing because you can’t do any of the routes • you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips • you say, “what?” when your leader says, “take!” • your ledge is set up in your room to hold all your climbing gear • you have climbing shoes you can wear all day • you don’t care when your gym membership expires • you enjoy guilt-free eating • you don’t know what your body-fat % is • you ask your partner how much water to bring along • you do a first ascent and report the names of both members in your party • you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay • you read back-issues or mountain gazette • you know how to turn a crack ‘n up into a beak • you know what a beak is • you wake up at 2:00am to go climbing • your drill uses a hammer • you take a nap in the middle of a climb • you spend three hours removing a fixed cam • you don’t want beta • you think a bong is a type of piton • you remember when climbing gear didn’t have springs • you take a forty footer • you summit a desert tower • you know what an abalakov hook is • you still use a gear sling • there is a holster on your harness • you rappel six pitches in the dark • you rappel six pitches in the snow • you drill from a stance • you’re looking down at the birds • you own a hammer and a haul bag • you have sex on a belay ledge • you’re on day 2 of a sport climbing trip and you can’t remember what you did on day 1 • you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit • your rack is worth more than your car • your best memories are from the epics you’ve had • you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn’t do the route you thought you did • you spend a night hanging in slings • you miss work on monday because you epic’d on sunday • a whole block of chalk fits in your chalk bag • you dump your S.O. because he just doesn’t get it • you wear out a set of jugs • you drive all night so you can climb all day • you drive all night because you climbed all day • you’re up so high the trees look like broccoli • your rack of pins is heavier than your rack of draws • your slings have knots in them • you know who larry penberthy is • you know the difference between a copperhead and a circlehead • you think “beta” is a video tape format • you can shit and and belay at the same time • you wear socks in your climbing shoes • a long approach doesn’t deter you from a good climb • a good job doesn’t deter you from a good climb • Hendrix runs through your head while you’re climbing • you coil your rope • you’ve set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack • your climbing pants don’t stretch •
Regards:
Bill
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craggincragin
Jan 25, 2004, 11:48 PM
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Heh heh
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coylec
Jan 26, 2004, 12:24 AM
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also,
you know how to break a Nalgene
coylec
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moeman
Jan 26, 2004, 1:14 AM
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In reply to: also, you know how to break a Nalgene coylec
Any redneck with a shotgun can do that.
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calamity_chk
Jan 26, 2004, 1:28 AM
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thanks for the ticklist. ;)
i'm about halfway there ..
- your kid climbs harder than you do (well, he's seven now, but he'll be outclimbing me before long)
- there is scar tissue on the back of your hands
- you have six partially used rolls of tape in your pack (okay, i only have three)
- you quit sport climbing because you can’t do any of the routes
- you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips
- you say, "what?" when your leader says, "take!" (or, respond with penalty slack)
- your ledge is set up in your room to hold all your climbing gear (deliberately found a house with a room with built-in shelving - dedicated to climbing stuff)
- you have climbing shoes you can wear all day
- you enjoy guilt-free eating
- you don’t know what your body-fat % is
- you ask your partner how much water to bring along
- you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay
- you know what a beak is
- you wake up at 2:00am to go climbing
- you take a nap in the middle of a climb
- you don’t want beta
- you summit a desert tower
- you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit
- your best memories are from the epics you’ve had
- you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn’t do the route you thought you did
- you miss work on monday because you epic’d on sunday
- you drive all night so you can climb all day
- you drive all night because you climbed all day
- you know who larry penberthy is
- you know the difference between a copperhead and a circlehead
- you think "beta" is a video tape format
- a long approach doesn’t deter you from a good climb
- a good job doesn’t deter you from a good climb
- Hendrix runs through your head while you’re climbing
- you coil your rope
- you’ve set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack
- your climbing pants don’t stretch
i'll be working on the rest this spring.
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scubasnyder
Jan 26, 2004, 1:37 AM
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thats great
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timstich
Jan 27, 2004, 1:56 PM
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In reply to: ... - Hendrix runs through your head while you’re climbing ...
???
Someone get an exorcist!
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shakylegs
Jan 27, 2004, 5:29 PM
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Amber, great list. Every one of them struck true, except the ledge: I actually rented my apartment because it has an extra-large closet with hooks already in place, perfect hanging the gear.
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crazygirl
Jan 27, 2004, 5:40 PM
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OH MY GOD! i couldn't event tick off half of these. i must be a sport climber in denial.
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njari
Jan 27, 2004, 5:44 PM
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I'm guilty on about 35 points.
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shakylegs
Jan 27, 2004, 5:51 PM
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nah, the kind of hooks that pull me off-stage when my jokes fall flat. i tell ya, i'm starting to bruise. ;)
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mrme
Jan 27, 2004, 6:07 PM
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i had a chick sleep on a ledgee with me though nothing else happend :( do i get half credit on that point.
and have you ever forgot to take of the harness and helmet because your so hungry your trying to get to the local kfc that is over an hour away to get something to eat before they close.
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howdidshedothat
Jan 27, 2004, 6:51 PM
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hee hee that is great!! I purposely rented a bigger house to have a room just for the gear!! :wink:
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shakylegs
Jan 28, 2004, 9:52 PM
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A few more distinctive qualities:
- you carry extra webbing, because at some point you'll have to fashion a belt due to all the weight you lost
- you can actually repair your equipment
- you will spend more time fixing your cam than were you simply to work it off
- you buy Altoids, not for their great taste, but because the tins are great carrying cases for mini-first aid & sewing kits, your cam repair kit (we have a theme here) and for smokes (either kind)
- shaving the back of your hands? nah, isopropyl alcohol and a lighter work much better
- you carry fleece on a climb, even in the middle of the summer, because you'll never know when you'll get be-nighted
- camping for $5/night, showers included? screw that, i could buy an extra nut or sling with that. off into the woods i go
- your gear doesn't cost more than your vehicle. you can't afford a vehicle.
- you don't care if there are more new climbers entering into the sport, as long as they remain boulderers or sport-climbers
i'm sure a few more will come up
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cologman
Jan 28, 2004, 10:38 PM
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Unfortunately, there are couple I will likely never get. But the one I had to smile the most over is the scar tissue on the back of the hands. I have to look twice to make sure the scar tissue is the back of my hands. :lol:
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pipsqueekspire
Feb 2, 2004, 10:53 PM
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Its an old maountaineers joke from R&I I think but it fits here-
"You know youre a trad climber when you pray to take a crap at 3am."
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smellyhippie
Feb 2, 2004, 11:06 PM
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That's awesome!
Nate
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slcliffdiver
Feb 3, 2004, 9:07 PM
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In reply to: i had a chick sleep on a ledgee with me though nothing else happend :( do i get half credit on that point.
Only if you attempted to ply her with "cheap" booze.
Great list but it should be; when you take a forty footer you turn your head to enjoy the view.
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micronut
Feb 4, 2004, 2:30 AM
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when...
you consider 40ft. of webbing and a knife essentail............
because you remeber last time when you had to cut some cord with rocks.......
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rokshoxbkr19
Feb 4, 2004, 3:06 AM
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Let me begin by saying that I am always angered by the lack of senses of humor on this site; so it behooves me to comment that eventhough I know this is a joke I would have to disagree with many points or at least say that some are missing.
You know you are a trad climber when:
A 50 ft. runout doesn't freak you out
as opposed to; you know you are a sport climber when more than an arms length between bolts make you mess your trousers.
You know you are a trad climber when:
You actually know how to climb
You know more than 1 knot
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micronut
Feb 4, 2004, 4:25 PM
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when........
you've actually taken a 20 footer.................
you know a #3 stopper will hold a fall.......
you know RP in the route description doesn't mean redpoint.
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bobd1953
Feb 4, 2004, 4:58 PM
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When you think you are better and cooler than other climbers and you talk more that you climb!
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jliebgott
Feb 4, 2004, 5:12 PM
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I wrote this last year in a fit of work-time boredom:
TRAD EYE FOR THE BOLT CLIPPER
What follows is my pitch to some high level television executives from the
cable channel 'Bravo.' Talks for the making of this new show are now
underway.
SUMMARY: Five weathered old trad climbers (quirkily know as the valley 5's)
descend upon an unsuspecting sport climber who is desperate need of a
climbing make over.
INTRO: Short interviews with the Sporto's friends.
"Johnny won't leave the house without his stick-clip, even if we're just
going shopping." - Partner
"I've never seen him climb without spandex on, old spandex... leopard
skin." - Girlfriend
"He calls 8 quick-draws his rack." - Concerned friend
THE VALLEY 5's DESCEND:
CHUCK: THE CRACK MASTER
"John, we're not calling you Johnny any more. Today we're going to be
getting your hands in shape for crack climbing. First, put your fists in
this bucket of ice water. Good. Now we'll just wait a few minutes before we
get out the belt sander." Chuck cackels an evil roar and lifts the sander
over his head.
LONESTAR: GEAR
Cutting the quick draws in half with a belay knife, "We won't be needing
these anymore. First, grab a handful of these hand-tied runners. Yeah, grab
some teal green ones and a few of the reds. Next, take about 20 of these
ovals - this rack of hexes and this." LONESTAR hands over a 12" big valley
dude cam. "ARE WE GOING BOATING? IS THIS AN ANCHOR?!"
JAVIER: CLOTHES
A pile of spandex and prana sits in the driveway. Javier picks up a can of
lighter fluid and sprays it all over the clothes. The flames take on green
hue and the smells drives them men back. "Today we are going shopping."
Next, John and Javier are seen behind a rack of blue jeans at the Salvation
Army. John opens the dressing room door and is wearing a pair of Levis,
some old Vasque hiking boots and a beaten wool sweater.
SIMON: CULTURE
"Okay John, we're gonna be talking about beer." John is holding an Old
English and sniffing it questioningly outside of a gas station. "But, I'm a
Bud Light drinker." Simon shakes his head and takes a long slug. "Anyways
then, we'll be sampling a few." Brown bags appear to be filled with Tooth
Sheaf Stout, Guinness and a few tall boys of Coors yellow bellies. "The
problem is that you never know what you may run into out there in the hills.
I once went into a Phillips 66 and all they had was Boone's Hill and
Bartel's & James. I had to do some quick thinking to get out of that one
alive."
SARGE: TRANSPORTATION
"Until you can get your hands on an old 70's model F-150 this'll have to
do." Sarge walks over to a yellow Nissan Exterra with a roll of duct tape
and a black marker. He pulls out 8 inches of tape and slaps it over the
Nissan ornament on the tail-gate that reads 'Extreme Sport' and writes
across the tape: 'TRAD'
OUTRO: The Valley 5's stand in John's front yard next to a smoldering pile
of clothes drinking from brown bags in different states of innebriation.
John is seen puking in the bushes and wandering back to the crowd. John
says, "So guys, when are we going climbing?"
"Climbing?!" The crowd roars with laughter. "We already are."
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tradaddict
Feb 4, 2004, 5:44 PM
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Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! I'd watch it.
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