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ddc
Feb 7, 2004, 11:09 PM
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Ladies-
A quick question from the other half of the species. I am wondering how smart this idea would be (I am a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart, but that doesnt always lead to practicality).
I recently got my GF into climbing. Early in the summer, we will begin some simple trad climbs, and by mid summer, I have planned a trip to a certain mountain which I have summited myself, and found to be one of the most beautiful views I have ever seen (sorry for the vaugeness.. I dont think she reads this forum, but you never know!!). I am trying to set everything up, so that this is her first, REAL summit. And, at the top of this mountain, I would like to pop the question.
Now, I think this would be an incredibly romantic, exciting, and very fitting way to get engaged (we are both very adventurous people, love the outdoors.. it would be perfect). But, what about the emotional side of it? Think back to your first big summit.. the exhilaration, the intense joy, the adrenyline.. now think back to when that special guy, asked you to marry him- the intense emotions, the thrill.. would you want those two mixed??? Do you think it would be too much?? Would it be better to wait until after a successful summit, and return? I figure a little advice from the better 50% would be a good thing... so I am open to suggestions! :)
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dancesonrocks
Feb 7, 2004, 11:46 PM
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I say go for it!
I'm assuming you want a "Yes!" right? Hehe.
Don't worry about it being "too much" -- the only thing you'll miss out on is you won't have 2 special places -- 1 her first summit and 2 the place where you proposed.
However, combining the two would make for easy anniversary trip decisions -- just go back to the summit ;)
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climbhigh2005
Feb 8, 2004, 1:42 PM
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awww.. I think that is the swetest way ever! go for it!
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iamnotender
Feb 9, 2004, 5:24 AM
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what a great idea! if she loves you and climbing and being outside, there couldnt be a better place. and i dont want you to think im making assumptions about your girlfriend, but if shes the outdoorsy type, then she would love that more than the whole cliche "down-on-one-knee-in-a-fancy-french-restaraunt" deal.
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blackmountaineer
Feb 9, 2004, 2:58 PM
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It really does sound like an excellent idea. Just a few pieces of advice:
- Don't get your heart set on this particular mountain before you know she's ready. It's more important that she's comfortable as a beginner. You wouldn't want the trip to go poorly (she hangdogs the whole route, is sore and miserable, etc.) and then have her at the summit in a bad mood.
- Make sure she's really into the climbing. A lot of women climb with their boyfriends although they are not that into it. I see this a lot with my male climbing buddies' girlfriends. It's cool because they are showing their support and making a real effort. Still, if she's not into it, the being-on-the-mountain thing will be more special to you than her.
- Make sure she's going to say yes! :) I can't think of anything more awkward than having a guy that I'm not ready to marry lead me up a a technical route on a mountain (especially one that that I can't get down on my own) and having him propose. Oh the rappel would be so uncomfortable!!! :shock:
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ddc
Feb 9, 2004, 5:31 PM
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In reply to: It really does sound like an excellent idea. Just a few pieces of advice: - Don't get your heart set on this particular mountain before you know she's ready. It's more important that she's comfortable as a beginner. You wouldn't want the trip to go poorly (she hangdogs the whole route, is sore and miserable, etc.) and then have her at the summit in a bad mood. - Make sure she's really into the climbing. A lot of women climb with their boyfriends although they are not that into it. I see this a lot with my male climbing buddies' girlfriends. It's cool because they are showing their support and making a real effort. Still, if she's not into it, the being-on-the-mountain thing will be more special to you than her. - Make sure she's going to say yes! :) I can't think of anything more awkward than having a guy that I'm not ready to marry lead me up a a technical route on a mountain (especially one that that I can't get down on my own) and having him propose. Oh the rappel would be so uncomfortable!!! :shock:
Already have these three taken care of :D . This particular mountain, has a few 3.0 and easiesh 4.0 routes to the summit. If she isnt ready to do one of the low 5 climbs, it would be just as fun to do an easier route.
As for the climbing thing- if she isnt really into it, we will probably do one of the 3.0 routes up (more of a scramble/hike, than a climb) and I know she LOVES hiking, and think she will enjoy scrambling. If it turns out she doesnt really want to do it, I have a few backup plans.
As for saying yes- I am very confident she will. We have had many a conversation talking about marrige, and she has been hinting for white a while... so I think it is all good.
-DDC
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adventureman
Feb 9, 2004, 7:22 PM
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I think that's awesome! Go for it...and congrats!
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iamthewallress
Feb 9, 2004, 11:55 PM
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I'll toss some opposite points of view, although I think it might be a romantic, good choice depending on your gf's disposition...
1. Will you be able to safely descend, etc. if she turns you down?
2. Will you have the time to do anything other than share a quick smooch before needing to descend?
3. Will you be so wiped out after the event that you'll just want to shower an pass out?
The longest climbs that I've done w/ my SO are some of my most special memories with him. Nonetheless they've ranked incredibly low on the romance scale. Either we had to be too focused on getting the job done to stop for a smoochie or we had gotten so skanky from the effort that we were more into appreciating each others presence from a respectable distance. If the Class 3 summit is pretty easily attainable, maybe it won't be an issue.
I think that if I was just proposed to and accepted said proposal, I wouldn't want to have a 10 mile hike standing in between me and my beloved being able to snuggle and say a bunch of sweet things to each other.
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moabbeth
Feb 10, 2004, 12:35 AM
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I think your girlfriend is a very very lucky woman ddc. You idea is wonderful and will be something the two of you will never forget. Plus, it'll definitely win top prize for "how/where did your fiancee propose?" conversations she'll have with her girlfriends later on :wink: !
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jumpingrock
Feb 10, 2004, 6:56 AM
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Ok so for a guy's perspective well I probably wouldn't propose on the summit. Especially considering some of the very valid points brought up in this thread. That's not saying that you shouldn't it's just that I wouldn't. But then again I am not prepared to even start thinking about proposing so I suppose I'm not the best help. What I would probably do is do the climb and hopefully it goes well and then in the evening after the showers (or not depending on where it is) underneath the stars with nothing but the sound of our hearts beating and the crickets in the distance I would pop the question. Then I would get married on the mountain so I would need to find a suitably fit minister (or whoever performs civil marriages) but that is a topic for another thread.
And for you ladies who are no doubt interested by now I am single and looking. 8)
Jumping Jimminy JackRock
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blackmountaineer
Feb 10, 2004, 3:44 PM
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In reply to: Already have these three taken care of :D .
Cool! Then go for it!
I just had another idea. My husband carries a superdooper special light locking biner to hang his wedding ring on when he climbs tough routes. You might want to bring one (brand new and pretty...Metolius makes a nice bronze and purple one) that she can use just in case the ring doesn't fit or something. That's assuming you're doing the engagement ring thing.
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indigo_nite
Feb 10, 2004, 11:37 PM
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seconding blackmountaineer... maybe you should wait to see how she's enjoying the big mt. summit before proposing... in case things/moods don't work out exactly as planned
good luck...
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oceannas
Feb 11, 2004, 5:11 PM
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I think it's the best idea ever! Im jealous of your girlfriend!!! lol I agree with the other girl...be sure it's the right time even if you had chose this moment in your head...it's maybe not for her....and the best advice I think: be sure she is well clipped in her harness...she would probably fall with the exciting moment....I would!!!!
(sorry for my poor english....I speak french!)
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phylp
Feb 11, 2004, 11:18 PM
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"We have had many a conversation talking about marrige, and she has been hinting for white a while... so I think it is all good."
Good lord, man! What are you waiting for? Ask her on Valentine's Day!! Why in the world would you want to wait until summer? By another 5 months from now she may be so frustrated and sad with your apparent lack of willingness to take the next step that she could be half way out the door.
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moabbeth
Feb 12, 2004, 1:09 AM
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In reply to: "We have had many a conversation talking about marrige, and she has been hinting for white a while... so I think it is all good." Good lord, man! What are you waiting for? Ask her on Valentine's Day!! Why in the world would you want to wait until summer? By another 5 months from now she may be so frustrated and sad with your apparent lack of willingness to take the next step that she could be half way out the door.
No way man, Valentine's Day proposals are so routine. That date has the highest number of marriage proposals on it....everybody does it. Proposing on a beautiful summit somewhere is WAY more memorable and special than taking her out to dinner on Valentine's Day and hiding the ring in a champagne glass or some other stale method. If she loves him and knows he loves her and is committed to her, she'll still be around in 5 months.
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sharpender
Feb 12, 2004, 5:31 AM
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Yeah man! That was my proposal. Summit Whitney in the full moonlight. Propose at Sunrise. Only problem. Didn't have anyone to propose to. Gotta tell ya though, since I wasn't gettin any younger I did the moonlight trail and that sunrise with moon setting over the mountain lakes in the west was unreal. Gettin the hint here man? Just let me say congratulations now.
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phylp
Feb 12, 2004, 4:43 PM
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Moabeth,
well I was laughing as I wrote that reply, since I knew someone would gag at the thought of a Valentin'es Day proposal.
But seriously, what really matters here is
What would SHE want?
DDC - ask yourself, is she a "Hopeless romantic" too, or is she the decisive, quick to action type?
(you can see my background as a coach coming into play here. If I knew her Enneagram type or MBTI type, I could probably predict reasonbly accurately how important a romantic proposal would be to her, or how annoyed she might be at the wait.)
As to memorable...
my husband and I have been together 24 years. Neither of us is at ALL the romantic type. We had been living together for 5 years, when my mother let me know that my old Italian Dad was worried about why we were not married when we seemed so happy together. When I told my husband this, we just looked at each other and said, so let's do it! the next weekend, we grabbed our friend Ernest and went up to Tahoe. After a day of cross country skiing at Royal Gorge, we drove into Reno and got married at the City Office there. Ernest lent us his high school ring to use in the ceremony. The lady told us we were the most relaxed couple she had EVER married. Then we went to South Lake Tahoe and ate our wedding night dinner at Ceasar's Palce buffet - where we saw Fred Becky sitting alone at a table reading a mountaineering book!! The next morning we used a coupon for a free breakfast at a casino and on the way out I put a dollar in a slot machine and won $100! We've never forgotten that great, fun, relaxed day and none of it was carefully planned...
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climbhigh2005
Feb 12, 2004, 10:15 PM
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My bf was talkinga bout how he was gonna ask me to marry him.. (just jokingly) and he said he was gonna lead a route, and while I was cleaning it, there would be a ring on the last quickdraw.. and then (ofcourse he would be belaying me fro the top, and when i got to the top he would ask me to marry him.. LOL kinda sweet... kinda silly :lol:
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moabbeth
Feb 13, 2004, 2:43 AM
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In reply to: Yeah man! That was my proposal. Summit Whitney in the full moonlight. Propose at Sunrise. Only problem. Didn't have anyone to propose to. Gotta tell ya though, since I wasn't gettin any younger I did the moonlight trail and that sunrise with moon setting over the mountain lakes in the west was unreal. Gettin the hint here man? Just let me say congratulations now.
I summited Whitney on a day where that evening the full moon rose and it was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. And the sunrise from Trail Camp the next was stunning. Great idea for him!!
And phylp - I'm just bitter cause the only two times a guy whipped out a ring and proposed to me was *literally* both times in the dining room of the apartment I was living in at the time (different guys different apartments). Just a crappy coincidence, but a "hey, I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything" followed by a marriage proposal is definitely not the way a guy should go :lol: :lol: ! Needless to say, I'm not married :wink: !
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ddc
Feb 13, 2004, 7:05 AM
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Well, this is also something she and I have talked about.. She is a hopeless romantic as well.. but at the same time, wants to start moving in that direction. The way that I feel about her- she is PERFECT in every way.. an absolute angel.. and so when it comes to a proposal, and setting up the rest of our lives, I feel like I would be doing her a great dis-service if I just did something to get it out of the way. (in fact, none of the ideas, even the top of the mountain proposal, seem worthy of her.. She really is my angel..)
As it stands now, I am having a custom ring made, by a very close friend of the family. That in itself, will take till May or so (still in the drawing stage.. moving on to wax models next). She knows that to me, a proposal is a man's chance to truly show his bride to be, what she means to him. Not all guys look at it that way, but I do.. and deep down inside, she knows that unless I feel like I have gone to all ends of the earth to make it special, it wouldnt be me (if that makes any sense at all!!).
Since the ring is going to take until Mayish to make, a mid summer proposal seems much more reasonable.. That being said, since I already have the diamond (set in a temporary setting) it has been hard for me not to just spill the beans.. but deep down inside, I know that on the top of a mountian, or at least one of the many other beautiful places we will be this summer, will be a much more perfect propsal.
As for her waiting for 5 months.. from our discussions, she has said that she would be very happy to be engaged within the next 2 years.. so 5 months wont be too bad.. :)
And I am taking all this great advice to heart.. I have already started making contingency plans for if the climb itself, doesnt go too well. I hope, hope, hope that it will.. but if not, I have a few other tricks up my sleeve.. ;)
Man.. does it feel good to get some of that out in the open.. :)
-ddc
In reply to: Moabeth, well I was laughing as I wrote that reply, since I knew someone would gag at the thought of a Valentin'es Day proposal. But seriously, what really matters here is What would SHE want? DDC - ask yourself, is she a "Hopeless romantic" too, or is she the decisive, quick to action type? (you can see my background as a coach coming into play here. If I knew her Enneagram type or MBTI type, I could probably predict reasonbly accurately how important a romantic proposal would be to her, or how annoyed she might be at the wait.) As to memorable... my husband and I have been together 24 years. Neither of us is at ALL the romantic type. We had been living together for 5 years, when my mother let me know that my old Italian Dad was worried about why we were not married when we seemed so happy together. When I told my husband this, we just looked at each other and said, so let's do it! the next weekend, we grabbed our friend Ernest and went up to Tahoe. After a day of cross country skiing at Royal Gorge, we drove into Reno and got married at the City Office there. Ernest lent us his high school ring to use in the ceremony. The lady told us we were the most relaxed couple she had EVER married. Then we went to South Lake Tahoe and ate our wedding night dinner at Ceasar's Palce buffet - where we saw Fred Becky sitting alone at a table reading a mountaineering book!! The next morning we used a coupon for a free breakfast at a casino and on the way out I put a dollar in a slot machine and won $100! We've never forgotten that great, fun, relaxed day and none of it was carefully planned... |
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blackmountaineer
Feb 13, 2004, 3:17 PM
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In reply to: And phylp - I'm just bitter cause the only two times a guy whipped out a ring and proposed to me was *literally* both times in the dining room of the apartment I was living in at the time (different guys different apartments).
In reply to: When I told my husband this, we just looked at each other and said, so let's do it.
In reply to: As it stands now, I am having a custom ring made, by a very close friend of the family. That in itself, will take till May or so (still in the drawing stage.. moving on to wax models next). She knows that to me, a proposal is a man's chance to truly show his bride to be, what she means to him.
The more I think about this, I'm beginning to think it's the ring that screws things up. It forces men to plot and plan. Then the ring (which was probably mined by some poor African making less than a living wage and then sold to fund atrocities in Sierra Leone...sorry...off topic..) turns into an object of so much significance. The moment my husband realized he wanted to marry me, he asked. It was a perfect moment because it was simple and bumbling and honest.
In my opinion, a planned moment can never be as perfect as a spontaneous one. Once it's planned, then it better be really special (a la ddc...given the circumstances, he sounds like he's doing the right thing) A planned moment done poorly (a la moabbeth) ends up being a letdown.
moabbeth, if you were in the same dining room, drinking your morning coffee with bedhead and rubbing sleep dust out of your eyes and one of those guys stared at you for a moment wide eyed, oddly dreamy, then suddenly dropped down on one knee, landed on an ice screw, swore, got back up, moved the screw, dropped back down and said "Your are so beautiful. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let's get married."...or something like that (no ring, and obviously no planning). Then after you said yes, he excited started planning what to do next (we have to get a ring! we should go outto dinner! etc.)
Wouldn't that have seemed special?
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adventureman
Feb 13, 2004, 4:11 PM
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In reply to: The more I think about this, I'm beginning to think it's the ring that screws things up. It forces men to plot and plan. Then the ring (which was probably mined by some poor African making less than a living wage and then sold to fund atrocities in Sierra Leone...sorry...off topic..) turns into an object of so much significance. The moment my husband realized he wanted to marry me, he asked. It was a perfect moment because it was simple and bumbling and honest. In my opinion, a planned moment can never be as perfect as a spontaneous one. Once it's planned, then it better be really special (a la ddc...given the circumstances, he sounds like he's doing the right thing) A planned moment done poorly (a la moabbeth) ends up being a letdown. moabbeth, if you were in the same dining room, drinking your morning coffee with bedhead and rubbing sleep dust out of your eyes and one of those guys stared at you for a moment wide eyed, oddly dreamy, then suddenly dropped down on one knee, landed on an ice screw, swore, got back up, moved the screw, dropped back down and said "Your are so beautiful. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let's get married."...or something like that (no ring, and obviously no planning). Then after you said yes, he excited started planning what to do next (we have to get a ring! we should go outto dinner! etc.) Wouldn't that have seemed special?
I have to disagree and agree as well. The ring can get in the way of things...such as having to have a ring first to propose. I, personally, asked my wife to marry me without having a ring (or a dime to my name, really)...and she didn't care and said yes. :D However, we just replaced our wedding rings for our 10th anniversary (which isn't actually for another year and 4 months, but we're impatient people) and I got her the ring she's always dreamed of (the diamond was probably mined in Russia, if that's any consolation :lol: )
I think the ring can either make the moment or break it. it depends on the man and it depends on the woman. Does your love transcend physical objects, or is that symbol really necessary? My wife would love me even without the ring, that's why I married her. But the ring is a reminder to her of me and my love for her every time she looks at it and it sparkles back at her.
So I'm of two minds on the subject. But it boils down to this: a ring is a symbol, not a proposal...without love it doesn't mean squat.
There, that's my overly-sentimental take on things...could be because tomorrow's V-Day. :D
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ddc
Feb 13, 2004, 4:50 PM
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In reply to: The more I think about this, I'm beginning to think it's the ring that screws things up. It forces men to plot and plan. Then the ring (which was probably mined by some poor African making less than a living wage and then sold to fund atrocities in Sierra Leone...sorry...off topic..) turns into an object of so much significance. The moment my husband realized he wanted to marry me, he asked. It was a perfect moment because it was simple and bumbling and honest.
I think that it is different to different people.. Like mentioned by adventureman, I think she would easily marry me without a ring. At the same time, it is a very nice token/reminder. As my mom told me (she and my dad are VERY in love), the ring didnt really matter.. but, it was that extra icing on the cake that made it all that more special. She said it might sound cheesy, but when they are arguing, all she has to do is look down at her hand, and see that symbol, and she knows that eveything will be ok. Some times we all need a little reminder :).
As for the diamond industry- I searched for 6 months to find just the right diamond.. and ENSURED it was a non-conflict diamond (I searched for canadian diamonds only). In fact, about 2 months into my search, I found exactly the diamond I was looking for, at a great price.. however, the history of the diamond showed some signs of alarm- it came from a region in Africa which had known problems of conflict diamonds (thought it was claimed to be a non-conflict diamond). I passed on it.. 4 months later, found a canadian diamond that was just about the exact same specs, for about 5% more.. but I KNEW it came from a reputable mine.. (back onto topic.. ;) )
In reply to: In my opinion, a planned moment can never be as perfect as a spontaneous one. Once it's planned, then it better be really special (a la ddc...given the circumstances, he sounds like he's doing the right thing) A planned moment done poorly (a la moabbeth) ends up being a letdown. moabbeth, if you were in the same dining room, drinking your morning coffee with bedhead and rubbing sleep dust out of your eyes and one of those guys stared at you for a moment wide eyed, oddly dreamy, then suddenly dropped down on one knee, landed on an ice screw, swore, got back up, moved the screw, dropped back down and said "Your are so beautiful. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let's get married."...or something like that (no ring, and obviously no planning). Then after you said yes, he excited started planning what to do next (we have to get a ring! we should go outto dinner! etc.) Wouldn't that have seemed special?
Again, I think that there are two approaches- the planned approach, and the spontaneous approach. Different ways work well for different people. I think that a spontaneous proposal that was done out of rushing, is probably just as bad, as a poorly planned "planned" proposal. I feel that my proposal will be a mix of both. The place, and time is planned, however, what I am going to say is not.. I am basically going to spill all that is in my heart when we reach the right place.. so there will be some spontenaety (sp??) Heck.. the place might even be spontaneous.. we might not reach the summit.. Or she might not be enjoying the climb..
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adventureman
Feb 13, 2004, 4:57 PM
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ddc, another thought is this: a ring is also a gift from you to her. This gift is probably the most extravagant and (I daresay) expensive thing you're likely to buy her in her lifetime. This is a gift that you took a great deal of time to find; it had to be perfect in your opinion.
For our new wedding bands, I took my wife to New York City for a weekend getaway so that she could pick out the exact stone she wanted from a diamond broker we trust. It was my gift to her, but she got exactly what she wanted...and that ring hasn't left her finger since she got it.
My wife and I are much like your parents, just a look at the ring is a reminder of the love and devotion we share for the other person.
I think that however you decide to propose, whether spontaneous or planned, whether there's a ring involved or not...you're heart is definitely in the right place and I wish more people in the world were like you. Best wishes.
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ddc
Feb 13, 2004, 5:02 PM
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Adventureman-
Thanks so much for the words of encouragement.. Deep down inside, I know I am doing this right, but sometimes with something so involved, ya need to hear it! :)
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