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smallnutsandbigballs
Feb 29, 2004, 4:25 AM
Post #1 of 33
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Registered: Oct 30, 2003
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1. "Oh, you're at the top already? I didn't even know you started...."
2. "Wait, you're climbing on the green rope? Then what's this red rope for?"
3. "I think I'm gonna pass out." (Actually got this one...)
4. "Nylon?! I'm allergic to nylon!!"
5. "Can you just hang on real tight for a second?..."
.....
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thinksinpictures
Feb 29, 2004, 4:39 AM
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Registered: Jun 25, 2003
Posts: 447
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This thread has been done to death before, but since it's back again, I'll repost the best thing I've ever seen in one of these threads - I fully admit that I'm stealing this from someone, but I don't know who:
Belayer: Dude, if you die climbing, can I have your gear?
Climber: Yeah man!
Belayer: Off belay!
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rckclimbergurl
Feb 29, 2004, 4:51 AM
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In reply to: Belayer: Dude, if you die climbing, can I have your gear? Climber: Yeah man! Belayer: Off belay!
That's one of the funniest things I've heard in awhile.. nice!
:)
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xcel360
Feb 29, 2004, 4:54 AM
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Registered: Jul 20, 2002
Posts: 481
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I'll tell you what I heard a little girl said this weekend after she let the climber rip 40 feet and smack the ground at an awkward angle. I didn't know I wasn't suppose to open it all the way (referring to the gri-gri belay device), or that I should've let go when she started to fall.
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itakealot
Feb 29, 2004, 5:29 AM
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In reply to: I'll tell you what I heard a little girl said this weekend after she let the climber rip 40 feet and smack the ground at an awkward angle. I didn't know I wasn't suppose to open it all the way (referring to the gri-gri belay device), or that I should've let go when she started to fall.
Just goes to show you that Gri-Gri's are not idiot proof.
"Your belayer giving beta to the climber on the next climb over."
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karlbaba
Feb 29, 2004, 6:18 AM
Post #6 of 33
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Registered: Jul 10, 2002
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True story; I was doing some unknown aid climb in Colorado 25 years ago and my belayer asked if I was on a good piece. I said "Yeah Bomber" and he ran off.
Some rattlesnake had slither right over to him!
The snake left and eventually I got my belay back
peace
karl
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mrme
Feb 29, 2004, 7:04 AM
Post #7 of 33
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Registered: Oct 5, 2003
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you do know your not on top rope?
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1080climber
Feb 29, 2004, 7:27 AM
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Registered: Feb 12, 2004
Posts: 46
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was actually told this while tying in for a comp climb. "That guy told me how to work this thing (ATC) this morning, as if I'd listen to him..........."
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cliffmonkey2003
Feb 29, 2004, 7:47 AM
Post #9 of 33
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Registered: Jan 29, 2003
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So I'm climbing a gym route and I'm about 25 feet off the deck when I hear some muffled talking below me. It was my belayer and one of the gym staff. My belayer says, "Hey you on something good?" I said yes, to which he replied, "Ok, hold on a sec." A few seconds later I hear, "Alright, I've gotcha and I'm gonna lower you down!" I looked down and this was coming from the staffer who now mysteriously had me on belay; on the same gri-gri my partner had been using :shock: ! Turns out my partner hadn't put the biner through both wholes in the gri-gri. :? I figured a gri-gri was simple to use and so I only gave my partner a couple seconds of instruction, but now I realize that its not FOOL-proof. :roll:
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dangermonkey
Feb 29, 2004, 8:04 AM
Post #10 of 33
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Registered: Jan 15, 2003
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I witnessed a belayer tie off a climber to go to the bathroom. The climber was working the finishing moves of Pole Position in Yosemite. The climber was working the moves for a while, but, needless to say, I had some words with the belayer. No joke. The climber had no clue what was going on.
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elcommunisto
Feb 29, 2004, 8:07 AM
Post #11 of 33
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Registered: Feb 18, 2004
Posts: 26
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I heard this one at the gym a month or so back:
Climber: Hey! Give me some slack up here!
Belayer: Huh? Oh.
Climber: What're you doing down there? You're supposed to be watching me!
Belayer: Well, I can either stare at your ugly arse, or I can stare at this cute girl's arse over there. Which would you do if you were in my place?
Climber: I'd be watching you!
Belayer: That's what I thought. You're a homo.
Much laughter occured at this point as several people turned to listen at the "cute girl's arse" comment.
Luckily the climber had just clipped the top of the route, as he was laughing so hard he lost his grip on the wall.
Gyms aren't all bad. :D
EC
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jebel_andi
Feb 29, 2004, 8:23 AM
Post #12 of 33
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Registered: May 20, 2003
Posts: 122
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1- Belaying for top rope is just like belaying for a lead climb, you just keep letting out the rope wright?
2- Look... no hands !
3- Who says you can't knit and belay at the same time?
4- I had some bad curry last night! (as he proceeds to take off his harness and head for some bushes)
* Number 4 is even worse to hear when you are belaying for someone on an over hanging rought
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littlebilly
Feb 29, 2004, 3:52 PM
Post #13 of 33
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Registered: Feb 10, 2004
Posts: 69
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climber: "on climb?"
belayer: "climb on."
climber: "belaying."
belayer: "belay away"
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roughster
Feb 29, 2004, 3:56 PM
Post #14 of 33
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Registered: Apr 3, 2002
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In reply to: True story; I was doing some unknown aid climb in Colorado 25 years ago and my belayer asked if I was on a good piece. I said "Yeah Bomber" and he ran off. Some rattlesnake had slither right over to him! The snake left and eventually I got my belay back peace karl
I have had that happen as well, but fortunately for me I just clipped into a bolt which I would prefer over hanging out on a single piece of trad gear any day!
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greyicewater
Feb 29, 2004, 9:09 PM
Post #16 of 33
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Registered: Dec 8, 2003
Posts: 419
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i have actually heard this couple next to me say "wait... is this how you belay?" and then they tied the eight not all wrong!
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angry
Mar 1, 2004, 2:49 PM
Post #17 of 33
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Registered: Jul 22, 2003
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I've got a 13 year old brother, this probably happened when he was 8. We were climbing at Vedauwoo, it was his first lead belay (yes he was tied down and the anchor was going to take the weight, not his hips). I emphasised to him that if he kept the rope too tight I'd be unable to move. I climbed a little ways up, it sure felt easy for a beginner belay. I looked down, my bro had probably 20 feet of slack out. I kind of froze up, even though the rock was easy, to which he replied "Don't worry, you've got plenty of slack"
Love that kid, but sometimes he needs an ass-kickin'
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dirtineye
Mar 1, 2004, 3:15 PM
Post #18 of 33
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Registered: Mar 29, 2003
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The oldie but goodie, " If you die can I have your gear?", is my all time favorite, along with, "If you fall there I am not carrying you out.", and, "I don';t do rescues anyomre, I just flat rock em."
By the way, that stuff about getting laughed off a climb is a great game to play. I got laughed off a climb once when a friend accused me of preparing to do a Butt dyno.
One last note, in the Art of Stealing Your Partner's FA, while belaying it is very important to give bad beta, needle the leader as much a possible, and generally make fun of their efforts, so that they will either fall off or get disgusted and say, OK Smart-ass, YOU come up here and do it!". However, unfortunately the Geneva Convention of Unscrupulous Belaying Practices has for the moment outlawed short roping. Such a pity.
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enitine
Mar 1, 2004, 3:19 PM
Post #19 of 33
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Registered: May 23, 2003
Posts: 103
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This one happened in a gym few weeks back. New couple comes in, takes the class (mustn't have payed attention), and then goes off on their own when class is over like your able to. The moron guy...thinking he's a hot shot, ties in and starts climbing away like a bafoon, not realizing his chick is not even on belay.... :shock: He not only reaches the top of the climb....but looks down and says "Hunny when are you going to decide to take up my slack?" I looked up at him and said.... "Sir, she's not even on belay!" ....... :roll: .....MORONS!
Ended up he had to hang on the beam up top while she got situated and then he was safely lowered....... :lol:
If he wanted to impress her that bad...shoulda taken her to a bed and breakfast.... :wink: Jeez
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pyrodude
Mar 1, 2004, 3:41 PM
Post #20 of 33
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Registered: Aug 17, 2003
Posts: 97
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1.What happens when I run out of rope?... Just wondering!
2. I am going to the bathroom, be back in a little bit.
3. I am scared of hieghts
4. [silence]
5. What is this thing?
6. 6.[more]
7. i just passed first grade
8. i just failed first grade
9. i will get you back
10. (once you have started climbing) so how do you do this again?!?
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mrmons
Mar 1, 2004, 8:38 PM
Post #21 of 33
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Registered: Sep 19, 2003
Posts: 115
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Saw this one happen at Crow Hill last season...
The climber is making her way up and doing really well. She reaches out for a hold and as she's just about to put her weight on it, her belayer let's out this blood curdling scream. The climber ended up losing her grip and dropped a few. The climber is hanging and yells down, "What was that for?"
The belayer responded, "I thought you were going to fall!" The climber replied, "Okay that's it, bring me down right now!"
It was only funny when the climber was down safe.
Mr.Mons :twisted:
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wonder1978
Mar 1, 2004, 9:10 PM
Post #22 of 33
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Registered: Aug 1, 2002
Posts: 250
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Me and a friend have this tradition of saying before a climb: you fall I get outta the way. But it's just a nice way of saying the opposite.
Nicest thing I ever heard my belayer say as I was going through the easy finish of a route: hang on for a minute I'm lighting up the 'good job' spliff.
W.
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fenix83
Moderator
Mar 1, 2004, 9:43 PM
Post #23 of 33
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Registered: Feb 23, 2004
Posts: 2397
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-As you approach the crux you hear your belayer clapping to encourage you...
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pdwaugy
Mar 1, 2004, 10:04 PM
Post #24 of 33
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Registered: Jul 4, 2003
Posts: 38
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This last summer I was climbing at my local gym with a friend of mine, it was her first time belaying. so i gave her all the instructions that i usually do when teaching someone how to belay for birthday parties. i asked her to run though it with me again befor i went up so that i would feel okay with my life in her hands. so i climbing the route and she is lettin me down nice and slowly. then i stop and hear "ouch thats hot!" as i go creaming down about 15 feet and land on my back and shoulders. once i relizd what happened i asked her why she let me fall. her reply was "the rope was burnning my hand and i didnt want to ruin my nice soft skin. oh by the way are you okay?" that was the first time that i relized that a monkey can use a gri-gri but an honors studnet cant. but it now makes for some good laughs, in hind sight.
Waugy
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dieselweasel
Mar 1, 2004, 10:30 PM
Post #25 of 33
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Registered: Mar 1, 2004
Posts: 8
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I'm ashamed to admit this but it was my first season climbing. I had lead a short piece and was about to put my very experienced partner on belay so he could follow me up when I realized I hard forgotten my ATC in my pack.
My partner asked me if I could tie a muenter hitch (which I had been practicing). I said yes and then asked him, "The loop goes over the top before you clip it into the 'biner, right?"
Shortly after that exchange I pulled a pre-tied muenter on a carabiner up to my position and successfully belayed him to the top of the piece. He was extremely pissed when he got to the top and gave me a rather stern lecture about competence and safety.
Needless to say I studied the muenter much more carefully after that and had several more seasons of good climbing with that partner before he moved away.
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