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DrAwkward
May 27, 2011, 3:04 AM
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So one of my good buddies is also my main climbing partner and climbing with him has been a freaking downer lately.
He gets really upset whenever he can't send a route or problem after one or two tries and it makes him look like a pouty little girl. He punches the wall and walks around like he stepped in dog shit without shoes. The thing is that these routes/problems are above his limit yet he expects to magically get better without putting in the hard work and effort. I've tried bringing it up to him and nothing changes.
I tell him that climbing should be fun at the very least and that he shouldn't be climbing if he is going to leave the gym/crag all fumed. I tell him that if he is pushing his limit that he should not only expect to fall, but to fall over and over again. He tells me how much better I am than him at climbing but in a way where he is putting himself down but it is because I worked my ass off (I sent almost every V0, V1, and V2 before even touching a V3 at the gym). I could go on and on.
The worst part is that when this happens his safety goes out the damn door. We were climbing on TR the other day and there was literally 15 feet of slack in the system which I know isn't a "big deal" compared to lead falls but it's not necessary. (I was climbing on an overhanging route and the rope was drooped over my shoulder and I couldn't see it, otherwise I would have stopped sooner) He stops doing partner checks and I know that it is stupid/mindless stuff like this that is going to get one of us hurt/killed in the future (if I keep climbing with him)
I already have multiple climbing partners but I want to keep climbing with him based on our pasts. How would you guys approach this situation?
TLDR
My good buddy is my main climbing partner. He becomes a whiny little bitch whenever he can't send and his safety goes out the window. What would you do?
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bearbreeder
May 27, 2011, 3:10 AM
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had the same issue somewhat ...
if it continues find another partner ...
life is too short to NOT enjoy climbing ... more climbing less drama ...
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hyongx
May 27, 2011, 3:21 AM
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for most people,
telling them not to get upset, or telling them what they should do instead, doesn't help. appealing to the rational is not particularly useful if its an emotional response.
unless you want to slip him some vicodin or something before you go climbing, i would find a new partner. lol. or just take a break. maybe he'll be better in a couple months.
good luck.
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subarnoob
May 27, 2011, 4:01 AM
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I hear you, my buddy does the same thing. He doesn't get stupid and punch walls but he's pouty when he can't send a 5.11b when he's only sent like 2 5.10s.
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TheRucat
May 27, 2011, 4:14 AM
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I too am in a similar boat. I hate my primary climbing partner. He is a good friend of mine, and an all around douche bag. He throws a fit when he fails on routes, makes up excuses like "I'm too tall for this move", and can't belay for shit. That being said, he's the only one of my partners that will climb anytime I ask him to. So I keep climbing with him and ignore the BS the best I can.
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shockabuku
May 27, 2011, 6:47 AM
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Well, looking at what you're sending (according to your profile) I'd be looking for all the excuses I could come up with too.
How far in Northern NJ do you live? I need a new partner!
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lena_chita
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May 27, 2011, 1:46 PM
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DrAwkward wrote: TLDR My good buddy is my main climbing partner. He becomes a whiny little bitch whenever he can't send and his safety goes out the window. What would you do?
Safety is something you shouldn't compromise on. Whining or temper tantrums are unpleasant, but safety would be a deal-breaker.
beyond that, it is just the fact of life that not everyone is compatible as climbing partners go.
There are friends who irritate the hell out of me if we climb together. We have different goals, different attitudes towards climbing, different mindset, etc. etc. So we only climb together very occasionally.
Get new partners. Then maybe you have a chance of remaining friends with this guy. Otherwise, your buddy won't be your buddy much longer, and you'll be forced to look for new partners, anyway.
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blueeyedclimber
May 27, 2011, 1:57 PM
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DrAwkward wrote: So one of my good buddies is also my main climbing partner and climbing with him has been a freaking downer lately. He gets really upset whenever he can't send a route or problem after one or two tries and it makes him look like a pouty little girl. He punches the wall and walks around like he stepped in dog shit without shoes. The thing is that these routes/problems are above his limit yet he expects to magically get better without putting in the hard work and effort. I've tried bringing it up to him and nothing changes. I tell him that climbing should be fun at the very least and that he shouldn't be climbing if he is going to leave the gym/crag all fumed. I tell him that if he is pushing his limit that he should not only expect to fall, but to fall over and over again. He tells me how much better I am than him at climbing but in a way where he is putting himself down but it is because I worked my ass off (I sent almost every V0, V1, and V2 before even touching a V3 at the gym). I could go on and on. The worst part is that when this happens his safety goes out the damn door. We were climbing on TR the other day and there was literally 15 feet of slack in the system which I know isn't a "big deal" compared to lead falls but it's not necessary. (I was climbing on an overhanging route and the rope was drooped over my shoulder and I couldn't see it, otherwise I would have stopped sooner) He stops doing partner checks and I know that it is stupid/mindless stuff like this that is going to get one of us hurt/killed in the future (if I keep climbing with him) I already have multiple climbing partners but I want to keep climbing with him based on our pasts. How would you guys approach this situation? TLDR My good buddy is my main climbing partner. He becomes a whiny little bitch whenever he can't send and his safety goes out the window. What would you do?
First, your comparing of negative traits to women is chauvinistic. In my experience, traits like that are MUCH more prevalent in males.
With that said, if you do not like climbing with him because of these things, then you have three options.
1. Don't climb with him anymore.
2. Stop whining like a guy  , and put up with it....or
3. Confront him about it and make him aware in the hopes that he will change.
If #3 doesn't work, then you are left with #1 or #2.
Josh
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clc
May 27, 2011, 2:05 PM
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Man your not married to the guy. You need more parteners. I like to have at least half a dozen parteners that I can call up depending on the routes you are going to try.
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cracklover
May 27, 2011, 3:29 PM
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DrAwkward wrote: So one of my good buddies is also my main climbing partner and climbing with him has been a freaking downer lately. He gets really upset whenever he can't send a route or problem after one or two tries and it makes him look like a pouty little girl. He punches the wall and walks around like he stepped in dog shit without shoes. The thing is that these routes/problems are above his limit yet he expects to magically get better without putting in the hard work and effort. I've tried bringing it up to him and nothing changes. I tell him that climbing should be fun at the very least and that he shouldn't be climbing if he is going to leave the gym/crag all fumed. I tell him that if he is pushing his limit that he should not only expect to fall, but to fall over and over again. He tells me how much better I am than him at climbing but in a way where he is putting himself down but it is because I worked my ass off (I sent almost every V0, V1, and V2 before even touching a V3 at the gym). I could go on and on. The worst part is that when this happens his safety goes out the damn door. We were climbing on TR the other day and there was literally 15 feet of slack in the system which I know isn't a "big deal" compared to lead falls but it's not necessary. (I was climbing on an overhanging route and the rope was drooped over my shoulder and I couldn't see it, otherwise I would have stopped sooner) He stops doing partner checks and I know that it is stupid/mindless stuff like this that is going to get one of us hurt/killed in the future (if I keep climbing with him) I already have multiple climbing partners but I want to keep climbing with him based on our pasts. How would you guys approach this situation? TLDR My good buddy is my main climbing partner. He becomes a whiny little bitch whenever he can't send and his safety goes out the window. What would you do?
This is what happens when the "everybody is a winner" generation is confronted with reality.
Sorry, I don't have any advice for you. Therapy might help.
GO
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carabiner96
May 27, 2011, 3:34 PM
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Dump him. Tell him how he's bringing down your day, and be on your way. You'll meet more people at the gym when you're not being tailed by an asshole.
When I see a guy like your partner, I give them - and whoever he happens to be with - a wide berth.
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rtwilli4
May 27, 2011, 3:55 PM
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Don't climb with him for a while. Choose other partners, locations. Then maybe he'll get the picture and act like an adult.
If that doesn't work, you could just tell him that he's being a little bitch and that it's not cool with you.
If that doesn't work, kick him in the vagina.
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jbone
May 27, 2011, 3:57 PM
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First thing you should do is show him this thread.
As far as the safety concerns go, if your concerned he isn't doing his job on belay then yell at him. If he's as good a friend as you claim he will hear you, otherwise you will piss him off, make him look as bad as he feels and he will quit, either way its a win-win.
Better to have a partner who cares though. Can't tell you how many partners I have roped up with that lose their ambition when things don't go as expected.
Also try and take some of that motivation and use it to your own means. When he gets fired up, throw some gas on the fire. Make the guy understand that in his rage he loses any sense of control then show him that losing that control equates to failure.
Keep making this guy try till he literally throws up, then see how upset he can get. Turn it into a game if you have too and get all the rest of the climbers at your gym or crag to play along with you.
On another note, his rage may be a security blanket for his own fear. He may be using the rage to suppress his freakout. If this is the case goading him will only force the dude away from you.
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jeepnphreak
May 27, 2011, 6:23 PM
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DrAwkward wrote: He stops doing partner checks and I know that it is stupid/mindless stuff like this that is going to get one of us hurt/killed in the future (if I keep climbing with him)
I think that this is the most important part of the post. I have seen many many times people that have climbed a few seasons and quit partner check because they think they know it all now. 2-3 seasoned climbers are the most dangerous IMHO. Beginners over check and over think and make tipple sure and over compensate for their lack of skills (there are exceptions). More seasoned climbers have made the mistakes are those lucky enough to survive do the little "mindless" checks because they know it will save their and friend's life.
If your friend is being dangerous stop climbing with him until he gets his head out of his ass as grows up a bit.
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DonH
May 27, 2011, 10:13 PM
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if you are a good friend you will help him calm down. my climbing buddy is a larger fellow trying to get in shape and he gets pretty upset to. i simply told him to go sit take a breather and re-evaluate the route he was trying to take. offer pointers etc. but mostly remind him you are there to have fun and progress in the sport. you simply cant progress by getting mad at yourself.
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DrAwkward
May 28, 2011, 1:55 AM
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some good advice here. I'm definitely going to start calling him out every single time he starts to throw a fit and if things don't change fast then I'm going to take a break from climbing with him for a while to see if things change
Another example today, he was working on this V3 and finally sent it. Then he tops out and starts spewing BS about how it wasn't a clean send because he struggled to get up and didn't "style it". He even gets upset when he sends! WTF?!
I feel like I'm preaching to the damn choir
Anyways, in other news, I on-sight/flashed 4 V3's (in the gym) and linked up/sent a V2 roof problem :)
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socalclimber
May 28, 2011, 12:43 PM
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cracklover wrote: DrAwkward wrote: So one of my good buddies is also my main climbing partner and climbing with him has been a freaking downer lately. He gets really upset whenever he can't send a route or problem after one or two tries and it makes him look like a pouty little girl. He punches the wall and walks around like he stepped in dog shit without shoes. The thing is that these routes/problems are above his limit yet he expects to magically get better without putting in the hard work and effort. I've tried bringing it up to him and nothing changes. I tell him that climbing should be fun at the very least and that he shouldn't be climbing if he is going to leave the gym/crag all fumed. I tell him that if he is pushing his limit that he should not only expect to fall, but to fall over and over again. He tells me how much better I am than him at climbing but in a way where he is putting himself down but it is because I worked my ass off (I sent almost every V0, V1, and V2 before even touching a V3 at the gym). I could go on and on. The worst part is that when this happens his safety goes out the damn door. We were climbing on TR the other day and there was literally 15 feet of slack in the system which I know isn't a "big deal" compared to lead falls but it's not necessary. (I was climbing on an overhanging route and the rope was drooped over my shoulder and I couldn't see it, otherwise I would have stopped sooner) He stops doing partner checks and I know that it is stupid/mindless stuff like this that is going to get one of us hurt/killed in the future (if I keep climbing with him) I already have multiple climbing partners but I want to keep climbing with him based on our pasts. How would you guys approach this situation? TLDR My good buddy is my main climbing partner. He becomes a whiny little bitch whenever he can't send and his safety goes out the window. What would you do? This is what happens when the "everybody is a winner" generation is confronted with reality. Sorry, I don't have any advice for you. Therapy might help. GO
Absolutely brilliant response!
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superchuffer
May 28, 2011, 1:23 PM
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find a hot girl to warm up on his v3 'projects.' like a pup in a wolfpack, once he is owned, he will know his place in the pecking order and stfu.
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sungam
May 28, 2011, 1:47 PM
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If you can handle his failure tantrums etc. but can't handle the safety shortcomings, consider using him as a bouldering-only partner. I mean, if no one else is available to climb you can still go bouldering, and at least he won't kill you.
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robmcc
Jun 1, 2011, 5:13 PM
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DrAwkward wrote: We were climbing on TR the other day and there was literally 15 feet of slack in the system which I know isn't a "big deal" compared to lead falls but it's not necessary. this situation?
Really not the point comparing it to a lead fall. Lead falls are longer because they have to be. Doesn't excuse somebody being a crappy belayer on TR.
Personally, I'd be done with the guy already. I climb for fun, not to deal with somebody's temper tantrum. I seem to remember climbing with someone like that. Can't remember who, probably because I wouldn't have done it twice. Short story, he's not safe or fun to climb with. Ditch him. It's HIS job to be someone you want to climb with, not yours to tolerate any crap he chooses to shower upon you.
+1 for kicking him in the vagina. Awesome response. ;-)
Rob
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ceebo
Jun 1, 2011, 5:52 PM
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I could put up with the temper tantrums purely for the an extra contact to climb with. But he clearly has no respect for your well being.
I sacked a partner last month for dropping me 5M on lead when their was no reason for me to fall more than 2-3 foot. Mistakes happen granted, but he did not seem to care.. ''i still caught you didn't i?'' was his reply. What if that was second bolt, i told him, ''but it wasn't''. Guy could not even say sorry for a needless fuck up.
Fuck people like that.
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aprice00
Jun 1, 2011, 6:16 PM
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rtwilli4 wrote: If that doesn't work, kick him in the vagina.
This is totally signature worthy ha!
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bigo
Jun 1, 2011, 6:26 PM
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take a video of him throwing a tantrum and make him watch it later.
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markc
Jun 1, 2011, 6:31 PM
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robmcc wrote: +1 for kicking him in the vagina. Awesome response. ;-)
Sorry, I think it's a lame response, and I should have said so to the other guy. It's misogynistic crap that presupposes that women complain more than men. At least in my experience, these types of antics are almost entirely on the part of men.
robmcc wrote: Really not the point comparing it to a lead fall. Lead falls are longer because they have to be. Doesn't excuse somebody being a crappy belayer on TR. Personally, I'd be done with the guy already. I climb for fun, not to deal with somebody's temper tantrum. I seem to remember climbing with someone like that. Can't remember who, probably because I wouldn't have done it twice. Short story, he's not safe or fun to climb with. Ditch him. It's HIS job to be someone you want to climb with, not yours to tolerate any crap he chooses to shower upon you.
That I agree with. First off, the people I climb with have to be solid partners. I've only told one regular partner that I was going to stop climbing with him because of his lack of attention and his frequent injuries. There's no reason for that much slack to build up in a toprope. If your buddy isn't on the clock while belaying, he has no business doing it.
Attitude comes not too far after that. If I'm going to be spending a lot of time hanging out in the woods with someone, I better enjoy his/her company. We all occasionally have a bad day or get visibly frustrated. If it's all the time, I'd start branching out and finding new partners. I'd also talk to the guy away from the crag and on a non-climbing day. In the moment he isn't going to be receptive.
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I'm about as far north in NJ as you can get. Just a stone's throw from the NY border. 
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