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epic_ed
Feb 10, 2007, 12:01 AM
Post #51 of 71
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Wow. And just that quick, it's over. Sorry I didn't see this thread sooner. Sorry for your loss. Cancer is the devil himself, ain't it? My thoughts and prayers go out to you & T and the rest of your family, Rob. Grieving sucks -- there's no way around it.
Ed
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nikegirl
Feb 10, 2007, 8:35 AM
Post #52 of 71
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I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful thoughts.
It's been so unreal.
My poor Mom
tears*
everything she IS has been touched by him.
How do you just go on?
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overlord
Feb 10, 2007, 1:01 PM
Post #53 of 71
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nikegirl wrote: I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful thoughts. It's been so unreal. My poor Mom tears* everything she IS has been touched by him. How do you just go on?
dont mention it.
its hard, but you really should focus on good memories and try to move on. it can take a while, but im sure shell be ok. as will the rest of the family.
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macherry
Feb 10, 2007, 4:43 PM
Post #54 of 71
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~T and Rob, much love sent your way. I am so sorry for your loss
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reno
Feb 10, 2007, 5:46 PM
Post #55 of 71
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nikegirl wrote: How do you just go on?
One day at a time.
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kachoong
Feb 10, 2007, 8:28 PM
Post #56 of 71
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Oh crap! That sucks so bad.... stay strong you guys and hold onto one another and keep you're whole family close. One day at a time is right.... in your own time..... in your own way.
Our thoughts go out to you.
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maww
Feb 12, 2007, 5:06 PM
Post #57 of 71
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reno wrote: nikegirl wrote: How do you just go on? One day at a time.
That really is the only way to do it.
Big hugs to you all and all your family and friends.
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brent_e
Feb 12, 2007, 5:19 PM
Post #58 of 71
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I'm sorry for your loss, Rob and family.
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nikegirl
Feb 12, 2007, 7:30 PM
Post #59 of 71
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We're hanging in there.
It's odd...there really is "no dress rehersal" to life.
I think I've so many feelings that I didn't know were inside me.
some here have been on rc.com to know me.
I've shown a lot of my emotions on my sleeve, in the early years here on rc.com...
quotes were my absolute favorite...
http://www.rockclimbing.com/..._reply;so=ASC;mh=25;
because I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS found a quote that was so true to my heart at that MOMENT and then I'd post.
It was purging my heart/thought/pain.
It was way before blogs...or so many message boards, as they do now.
anyway..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert...
no words as to who he is to me.
for me thru this all...
manna
It's truly only beginning this life change...
New roles, all life altering.
wow.
We truly are okay.
I just want you all to know that this means so very much to me.
We have a rc.com Family here, and I know why I run here...
you all make me feel safe.
silly as it may sound.
ramblings of a heart heavy day.
warm hugs to you all, from me.
thank you...thank you...
~T
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thomasribiere
Feb 12, 2007, 9:08 PM
Post #60 of 71
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I'm so sorry for your loss, T. It has been so quick! Fortunately?
Your last message made me cry. Yes we are a large family, with nice and stupid people, sometimes in a good mood, sometimes jumping on other people for no reason or for good reasons. ANd that's why I'm here again tonight.
My sincere condoleances, though I hardly know you, T. I just can't stop remembering the day I accidentaly met you in Portland everytime I see you posting here. That was an odd moment... MAke your pain positive, it that makes any sense.
Love,
Thomas
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the_climber
Feb 12, 2007, 9:12 PM
Post #61 of 71
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I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to all of you. Hang in there.
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josephine
Feb 12, 2007, 10:02 PM
Post #62 of 71
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Registered: Nov 8, 2002
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
My sincere condolences..
My heart and thoughts go out to you and your family..
((((((((((((R T))))))))))))
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reno
Feb 12, 2007, 10:59 PM
Post #63 of 71
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nikegirl wrote: We have a rc.com Family here, and I know why I run here...
Damn right, and if you need anything, holler.
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shortfatoldguy
Feb 13, 2007, 6:49 AM
Post #64 of 71
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Registered: Nov 4, 2002
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T,
I haven't been around much, and then I find this. I'm so very sorry.
My grandfather died when I was about your son's age. Thirty-some years later, I have so many fond memories of him. Take care of yourselves and know that a lot of people are thinking of you.
David
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miademus
Feb 13, 2007, 11:27 AM
Post #65 of 71
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Registered: Nov 8, 2005
Posts: 511
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nikegirl wrote: We're hanging in there. It's odd...there really is "no dress rehersal" to life. I think I've so many feelings that I didn't know were inside me. some here have been on rc.com to know me. I've shown a lot of my emotions on my sleeve, in the early years here on rc.com...
quotes were my absolute favorite...
http://www.rockclimbing.com/..._reply;so=ASC;mh=25;
because I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS found a quote that was so true to my heart at that MOMENT and then I'd post. It was purging my heart/thought/pain. It was way before blogs...or so many message boards, as they do now. anyway.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Robert... no words as to who he is to me. for me thru this all... manna It's truly only beginning this life change... New roles, all life altering. wow. We truly are okay. I just want you all to know that this means so very much to me. We have a rc.com Family here, and I know why I run here... you all make me feel safe. silly as it may sound. ramblings of a heart heavy day. warm hugs to you all, from me. thank you...thank you... ~T
.....so lovely words....it's just a small tribute if we name him in the memmorial forum...
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hangerlessbolt
Feb 13, 2007, 7:16 PM
Post #66 of 71
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Registered: Dec 2, 2001
Posts: 7255
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I’m sitting in my office looking at the calendar.
It all happened so fast...
It seems like only yesterday, T and I were at their wedding. They’re both in the mid-60’s. Nancy had moved up from Southern California and Bob was her real estate agent. They fell in love. Bob is a tall man…well over six foot. Nancy might break five feet is she’s standing on a curb. He is her knight in shining armor and she is his queen. They are a perfect match…each having lived alone for so much of their adult lives…to find each other…is truly amazing.
Fast forward a far too short three and a half years later…
As you know, we spoke with him Wednesday the 31st. Hospice came in on Friday. Sunday night he was slipping in and out of consciousness, so they took him to the hospice facility. We rushed to hospice as soon as we received the news.
When I got in, Nancy said, “This must be like déjà vu for you.” …referring to the many times I’ve been through this. I smiled and gave her a hug.
I watched his breathing and prayed.
I prayed that his passing would be peaceful and that he would not be alone on his journey. Then I told him that when he was ready, he could go and that we would take care of Nancy. He stirred.
He came to for a precious few seconds. He called Nancy his baby as she fed him ice. Then fell asleep.
Nancy was not ready for him to go.
We came back on Tuesday and again Wednesday and Thursday. Bob showed no signs of giving up. His breathing was steady; though, he hadn't come to again.
Then, Friday, we received the call. He had passed away earlier that morning.
We rushed over to Nancy’s house, my heart so heavy for the pain I know she was feeling. I prayed that God would guide me in my words and actions as this would be one of the darkest days of her life.
She was in bed, her oldest daughter lying beside her.
I walked to her and held her hand as she talked to the girls.
She broke down into screams and wailing several times that morning…yelling, “I want to go with him…I WANT TO GO WITH HIM!!”
We all agreed that she would need to be medicated to make it through this and called her doctor for a prescription.
We went to the crematorium to fill out paperwork. She kept asking me if he was in there, pointing to the roll up doors at the back of the building. I assured her that he was and that he was being well cared for. She wept, saying, “I don’t want to sit in the front [referring to the memorial services that are being held this Thursday]…Robert, don’t let them make me sit in the front. I don’t want people touching me…I don’t want people staring at me.” I promised that I would make sure her wishes were respected.
We left the crematorium and I held onto her. I apologized for not being as tall as her honey. (‘honey’ is the name she used for Bob.)
When we got in the car, she reached for her cell phone. I knew what she was going to do and it was everything I could do to keep from bawling as I was driving.
She was calling Bob’s voicemail…to hear his voice.
She screamed and cried…then she rocked back and forth repeating the voicemail over and over again.
She said, “It’s not fair…IT’S NOT FAIR…IT’S NOT FAIR!!!”
I held her hand and told her, “No ma’am…it’s not fair.” Fighting back tears. She leaned her head onto my shoulder and wept.
We got her to the hospital to pick up the meds. ~T took her in while Jennifer (the oldest sister) made a phone call.
I stepped out of the car to give Jennifer her privacy as well as telling myself over and over to ‘fucking, keep it together Rob…you’ll have your time…but you have to fucking keep it together right now’ as tears streamed down my face.
Nancy and ~T got back to the car. I had a bottle of water so we had her take one of the pills, (Lorazepam) which seemed to help almost immediately.
We went to a small café for lunch, where she and Bob used to sit and eat…then we went home.
She said that Bob was more than blessing, that he was a miracle.
I agreed and pointed to their wedding picture on the mantle and said, “You know, in as much as he was a miracle to you…you were a miracle to him. Look at the smile on his face. In every picture the two of you are in, he is just beaming and you did that for him.”
She nodded and said, “He sure loved me.”
I said, “He still does. Nancy? Bob didn’t want to go and he’s so sorry that his body gave out on him, but he loves you just as much today as the day that picture was taken. You know that?”
She nodded.
She asked if it ever stops hurting. I said, “No ma’am. It eases up in time, but it never stops. There will be smells that remind you of him. There will be sites and sounds…and your heart will hurt…but, in time, you’ll smile…recalling the wonderful times that you’ve had.”
We stayed with her and the family throughout the day and came back on Saturday. The medication really helped. It was just enough to take the sharpest of the pain away…allowing her to still function and communicate.
~T visited on Sunday and we all had dinner there last night.
This is the first time I’ve been alone…able to sit and recall the events of the last two weeks. Now it’s my time.
You see, one of the reasons Nancy clung to me is because she knows that I know that pain…
Now, I consider myself to be a pretty strong man and don’t know too many people who’d argue that fact standing face to face with me…but this pain, crumbles me…leaving me in a heap…weeping.
All of this brings back very difficult memories and feelings.
A 9 year-old, read-headed boy, walking through the doors of the church towards the pulpit….where, just below, is a casket holding his hero.
The boy walks passed the pew where, only months before, he sat nestled against his father’s side…watching to the preacher, but not hearing a word...just the beating of his daddy’s heart.
He walks to the side of the casket and peers in…there lies the man bigger than life…the man who offered absolute protection and interminable affection…
Then it hits the boy…there would be no more fishing trips. There would be no more calling him “squirrel” when he did well and “turkey” when he didn’t. There would be no more softball games. There would be no more guitar playing while they both sang old country songs.
The boy feels a rush of emotion that would subdue an army of grown men.
I was that boy.
A few years later, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
It seemed like time went by far too quickly when, again, a boy…this time, 15 years old…stood by his mother’s side for the last time as she was lowered into the ground.
… I was that boy.
I’m 34, and my heart still aches for those two.
I made a promise to Nancy that I would pass on a request;
• I ask the husbands to call their wives today and tell them how much they love them…I ask the wives here to do the same.
• Parents, I ask that when you get home tonight that you throw your arms around your children and you give them the biggest hug they’ve ever had.
• Children, if you haven’t spoken to your parents in a while…today might be a good day to give them a call.
Remember, the most precious gift we can give is not money, or flowers, or toys…the most precious gift we can give…is time.
Thank you all for your support.
-Robert
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thomasribiere
Feb 13, 2007, 7:39 PM
Post #67 of 71
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Registered: Aug 24, 2002
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second time in 2 days I cry. Wonderful post.
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snoangel
Feb 13, 2007, 7:46 PM
Post #68 of 71
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Registered: Jul 28, 2004
Posts: 1715
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I too was moved to tears. That was beautiful Rob. Thank you for sharing. That could not have been easy.
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wideguy
Feb 13, 2007, 8:23 PM
Post #69 of 71
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Registered: Jan 9, 2003
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Damn you Rob! I do so good till someone like you comes along. I was fortunate to make it to 21 but the feelings sound so familiar. I live it fresh every time I have a parenting dilemna because I don't have that guy to go ask advice of.
But what you said was key. Only his body failed. The rest of him, and your dad and my dad and all the rest, live on. And the last thing they would want is to see them causing us pain. So we must celebrate the lives and relive the joys as often as possible to do them honor.
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epoch
Moderator
Feb 13, 2007, 8:47 PM
Post #70 of 71
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Registered: Apr 28, 2005
Posts: 32163
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My heart goes out to you.
I am sure that there are several who know the pain of losing a loved one.
Your story is quite touching. It's good to realize that he isn't suffering anymore and that he resides in a better place waiting for you all to join him when it's your time.
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macherry
Feb 13, 2007, 10:53 PM
Post #71 of 71
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Registered: Sep 10, 2003
Posts: 15848
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rob, that was moving.
thank you
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