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ecocliffchick
Jan 15, 2006, 12:29 AM
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So I finally decided to do something about my 'single-ness' and put up a profile on fitness-singles.com to find the climbing partner of my dreams.
Have any of you used the site before (or any other online matchmaking thing) and what can I expect? I'm really hoping to not be bombarded with sickos....
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happiegrrrl
Jan 15, 2006, 4:59 AM
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I also recently put my profile on that site, and so far it has been okay!
I got a response right away from someone who seems quite attractive, who welcomed me to the site, said it was nioce to have woman climbers posting and said "if you're ever in this area...." So, it started off good.
Some other climbers have done the same - "if you're in this part of the country..." Maybe it is because I specifically wrote that I travel to climb other areas, but I thinkit is just more of a "getting to know you" opener. The guys (climbers, at least) seem to be more friend-like as opposed to trying for some quick pick up hit.
I already met one in person, who lives nearby, and though it was not a romantic connection, we both got another potential activity partner out of it.
There have been a few women who also emailed, quick to point out they are not "interested," except as a climbing partner. These women were from areas that have a low number of woman trad climbers, and again, maybe it's because my profile shows me climbing in their area.
And there have been a few who try to do that instant message thing, which to me - is gross, if they haven't contacted me before. I find it rude and aggressive, but maybe that's just me. Funny, I checked their profile and if I was interested, I sent them an email explaining I preferred not to IM until I knew a little more about them. One emialed back, the others didn't.
But I think it seems to be a pretty good quality of people, so far. No sleazy experiences. If you are looking to scrape the barrel and get sleaze - may I suggest Craigslist!? I tried that last year, and it was actually traumatic. I had no idea there were so many obnoxious, misogynistic, self-entitled, coniveing, cheating sleazebags out there. Thank god, it is not a true representation of the many great guys out there.
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ecocliffchick
Jan 15, 2006, 5:27 AM
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Fortunately for me my computer won't do the instant messaging thing so I won't have to worry about that. Hopefully I'll get some responses from people who are reasonably local. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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clausti
Jan 15, 2006, 3:50 PM
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sorry, mildly random question, but....
you think IMing itself is gross? or some dude you hadnt talked too before wanted to cyber?
if you dont want to IM till you know them better or whatever, is you IM name listed on your profile? if so, why? if not, how did they get it? 'cause if they got it some other random way that might be kinda creepy.
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happiegrrrl
Jan 15, 2006, 4:05 PM
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The site seems to have a function where the person can click on a button on your profile to begin an instant message type thing. You need to accept or decline in order to proceed.
I find it annoying, becuse my computer starts fluttering to cue me that this is occurring, but the text box announcing the request to chat doesn't pop up to the front of the screen. The first time it happened, I was like "what is wrong with my computer?"
Maybe there is a way to not allow this function in the profile. I'll check it and see. Didn't occur to me it was an option. So, thanks for your post, clausti.
Anyway - I don't really like IM even with people I know. I CERTAINLY don't like it when it is coming from someone whom I have never even heard of before. I really react negatively to it. I don't like the intrusion. But, I have issues.....
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maculated
Jan 15, 2006, 7:56 PM
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IM can be invasive, that's for sure. The biggest problem I find is that people can really throw their hearts at you and you can just sit there typing stuff to a random entity - it's very unbalanced.
That said, I have more than a couple people from this site that I started IMing randomly and formed a bond with that way before I ever met them, so it can be cool, too.
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comet
Jan 15, 2006, 10:54 PM
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I met my current boyfriend on match.com, so yes, it can work.
However, there were a LOT of weirdos on there that I had to wade through--I had better luck contacting guys that I thought I might be interested in than I did with the group of men who contacted me. Hopefully fitnesssingles is less creepy, and good luck :)
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trinity_
Jan 18, 2006, 2:25 AM
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i tried lavalife for awhile, and yea i met lots of weirdos, kinda got me down on the whole idea. but i met one guy who was pretty cool, a climber and we dated for a bit. ended up not working out, but i met my current bf at the climbing gym that the lavalife guy and i climbed at. so for me it worked out in the end.
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acacongua
Jan 18, 2006, 4:34 PM
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I don't try these sites, although I know I've had friends meet their mates that way (my friend just got married and he met her on eHarmony).
However, I did go through the fitness singles site out of curiousity. The featured guys were mostly body builders with an obvious vanity and superficiality ("Look at my hot body ladies!"). I wonder if they realize that pumping muscles decreases penis size so they're not attractive to me.
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happiegrrrl
Jan 18, 2006, 7:15 PM
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On Fitenss-Singles, it is funny that the overall "top 25" on both male and female tend to be the bodybuilders..... I wondered if the site didn't have it's roots based in that group somehow. Or if those really are the ones "most" people felt compelled to click on! I can see it for the women; after all - the bodybuilders have next to nothing on in the photos. But for the guys - I didn't think think the majority of women found that kind of muscle attractive. I know I sure don't. When it comes time for gift-giving, just think about how dificult it must be finding shirts with a neck big enough!(joke)
You can pare down the "top 25" to be according to activity type. For instance......*I* and currently the second most "clicked on" woman, in the Rock Climbing category.(thank you, thank you very much.....). There are '"tricks" to keeping your profile in the top sections, which is sort of important to do, if you want it to be seen. But I just can't sem to grap that crowning top spot!!!!! grrrrr.......
hahaha
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kimmyt
Jan 18, 2006, 7:47 PM
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See, now ima have to go on there and check out the rockclimbing people to see if I know any of them. Heh.
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happiegrrrl
Feb 9, 2006, 3:31 AM
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Okay...an update, sort of....
Fisrt, I had been posting a picture of myself climbing, as the one that people saw when they searched the site. Then, in my section, I have other pictures, one which is a close up(hey, I would so much rather get the picture pass over and done with right away. It really hurts to have someone emailing me and then they get the "what I look like" picture and they disappear....).
I figure - I really like to climb, and I prefer to meet guys who also share that interest. Not adverse to non-climber guys, but....anyway, so up my climbing shots go.
So, It's been about a month since I joined that site, and I pretty much think all the guys who are rock climbers or outdoors adventurers have checked my profile and passed, or sent emails or whatever. I'm feeling a little like "that's it?" this last few days, because the guys that now are clicking on my profile are the ones who don't have pictures up, and are very local. Pretty much just cruising the site, I guess.
So....I decide to experiment, and change my profile picture to be the close up head shot, to see how it affects who checks it out. I can tell you. the stupid face shot gets 3 to 4 times as many guys attention. I guess I should take that as a compliment; if they thought I wasn't attractive, they wouldn't click, right?
But it's also a little disappointing, in that it shows that there are so many people just cruising, looking at pretty pictures. I don't know whay that upsets me, but it does. I don't want creepy NYC guys who have put down Walking/Fitness or Rollerblading or Jogging as their primary activity clicking on me, dammit! hahaha....
Second....I just had to share. This is the profile picture of one of the guys who checked me out this afternoon. Now, keep in mind, this site is specific to people who are into fitness. I guess this guy must list body building as his primary fitness, but OH! What a shocker it was to open up the link to see who had clicked on my profile, and see these babies staring out at me.....
http://img.photobucket.com/...0Links/tittyshot.jpg
Does anyone else find this funny, or repulsive!, or am I just in a very odd mood today? I just can imagine them talking...
"Hey, Righty, think she thinks we're hot?"
"I dunno Lefty; you're looking a little flabby....can't you be a little more perky?"
"Okay, here - I'll just flex a bit...Quick, person who we belong to! Shoot the picture!
"There, how's that, Righty?" Think the girlies will click on his profile now?"
Why is it okay for a man to post a titty flash picture?????
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cindylou
Feb 9, 2006, 4:19 AM
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Is that a woman or a man? I'm serious.
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happiegrrrl
Feb 9, 2006, 4:27 AM
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A man. And apparently, he is quite enamored with his physique. I just went back to look at the "who's clicked" and he's already changed the profile shot. Now he's got up a picture of his MASSIVE(think BURT BRONSON saying that, people) flexed arm muscle up......
I guess it's a bit funny. I mean, the women who post pictures that exploit their body get lots of attention, but this poor guy doesn't realize two important things:
1) Women aren't as ogle-ey as guys are; we'd prefer to see a face shot, or because this is the fitness site....a shot of them engaging in thier preferred activity.
2) His body is.....not that attractive
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ecocliffchick
Feb 9, 2006, 3:23 PM
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He clicked on my profile too! Hilarious!
Ya, my month with fitness-singles is almost up. I have met a few people that I'm emailing regularly - they just aren't local, so that might be a problem.
Maybe I should switch up my profile shot and see if I get a new audience.
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happiegrrrl
Feb 9, 2006, 3:39 PM
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That's funny. I guess he's taking the spermatazoan approach "Spew it all over the place, and maybe one lucky fella will break through." Poor guy.
Doing the update thing definitely gets you more hits, because it seems a lot of people scan that "who's new" section. I have to admit, I sort of got off track, and went for the "can I get the top spot in the 25 rock climbing chicks" I sit there, today....because of putting my face picture up. But....the profile change I made is pretty snippy, and isn't going to be attractive to anyone reading it. So, I need to redo that.
I went for the whole year thing....the biz chick in me just couldn't pass up the cost per unit savings and...of course the free magazine scrip. hahaha.
I haven't had much success, to my disappointment. Had one guy that I developed an email exchange with, and was enjoying. But he went mia a few days ago. And there are a couple "if you're ever in this area and want to climb" guys but I didn't make a lot of effort at fostering the email exchange and they are just sort of noted in my head.
One thing I didn't do was be proactive, and initiate the emails. People have said that is the way to go, and I guess I could try it. I just have such a naturally dominant personality that I have been trying to rein in, and I didn't want to do that. Probably the real reason I haven't, though, is the rejection aspect - but it is SO silly to fear rejection from an online picture and a bunch of words, isn't it? Maybe Mistress Happiegrrrl should just accept herself for who she is and start whip-cracking......
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booger
Feb 9, 2006, 3:49 PM
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I'm telling you gals, the friendster.com thing is so much better! 8^) For example, I just searched my "second degree network" (friends of friends) and found 4 single climber-guys in the NY city area. They don't look too shabby either :wink: I'm in love, but it never hurts to ogle around a bit... :D
Anyway, keep updating us, this is great stuff!
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happiegrrrl
Feb 9, 2006, 5:32 PM
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It is fun, that I have to admit, even just seeing who has clicked on my profile.
I am not worried about NYC guys....I actually already know several local climbers, male and female, who are single and available. But you know, the strings got to go zing! Some of these guys have all the "credentials," if one looks at that as a prerequisite to determining ones interest. But what I need to get is that sense of an ability to enjoy the spontaneous hilarity in the everyday situation. This is probably the #1 thing that piques my intrigue in a person.
I figure that if there is a local climber "meant for me" that I will probably happen upon him at the Gunks. And being from far away(so long as there is a fairly direct flight) doesn't deter me, really. I dated "someone" (an rc'er) who lived in another area, and it was okay.
I was, and am, willing to travel, and if the times comes when I want to be closer to someone, I am willing to leave this city. I'd welcome it, actually, so long as I moved to a place that had charm(this means, close to good climbing, and a sense of sophistication, which can come through very humble surroundings, I refer more to an attitude than materialistically). And, if they lived in a depressing place, hopefully they would want to come up here by the Gunks or Adirondacks.
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alisonwndrlnd
Feb 9, 2006, 8:32 PM
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In reply to: I don't try these sites, although I know I've had friends meet their mates that way (my friend just got married and he met her on eHarmony).
This is the third time I've heard someone say that a friend of theirs met their future husband and/or got married through eHarmony! My sister wanted me to try it, which I've tried Match.com before-but I think I'm kind of done with online dating. (although I did meet a guy from Match and we are currently going on a second date this weekend...)
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clausti
Feb 13, 2006, 3:48 AM
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apparently i am most attractive to men in their mid-30's.
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jumpingrock
Feb 13, 2006, 4:29 PM
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Everyone using fitness-singles should read this. I have never tried fitness-singles but the concepts are all the same. (granted I wrote that as suggestions for a guy, but again the concepts are exactly the same regardless of your sex.
ps if anybody does go to OKcupid you should add me as a friend, SoulfulClimber. ;-)
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ecocliffchick
Feb 13, 2006, 7:49 PM
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Okay, so to fill you all in on the progress to date: I've got a second date with bachelor #1 from fitness singles (he's driving up for the weekend)
and I'm going to fly to RedRocks to meet bachelor #2 in a couple of weeks.
Crazy.
I'm also emailing 2 others daily and they seem like interesting fellows - they just haven't suggested meeting yet.
My next question is - how do you go about dating 4 guys at once and how do you remember who you've told what story to? I find with all the emailing and phone calls I'm getting confused!
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acacongua
Feb 13, 2006, 10:00 PM
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In reply to: and I'm going to fly to RedRocks to meet bachelor #2 in a couple of weeks. Crazy.
Um, what kind of precautions are you taking with meeting up with a guy in RR?
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jumpingrock
Feb 13, 2006, 11:32 PM
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In reply to: My next question is - how do you go about dating 4 guys at once and how do you remember who you've told what story to? I find with all the emailing and phone calls I'm getting confused!
I used to keep notes, just brief ones. More about what they told me than about what I told them. I also used to focus on one girl at a time. (After going through the three at a time, ended messy in all but one case) That's the benifit of using a free service where there is no rush to get all your matches met in a certain period.
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