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rockbel
Jul 22, 2006, 11:01 PM
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Okay so here's the scoop- I'm single, in my late 20's, and looking to buy my first house.
reality: can't seem to find a good man or a good house
problem: all my other friends seem to have no problem finding either. Just had 3 good friends get married and move into great new homes this summer with more on the way in the fall...
I've realized that I feel depressed, angry, and that I'm crying more easily then I used too. I was just wondering if any of ya'll have been through this and what you did to get over it. When I say/type the situations out it just sounds like petty jealousy; but that's not how it feels. It doesn't "feel" like jealousy, it's differant somehow.
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8flood8
Jul 23, 2006, 3:15 AM
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focus on the positive.
exercise.
be happy for your friends and smile.
i read a book called mencius a while back. in it there was a parable :
the king promised a king's ransom to the man who could tell him one sentence that could make him laugh with the greatest joy of life and weep with the worst of sorrows.
Eventually Mencius stepped forward and said "This too, shall pass."
yah.. depression sucks bad.. talking about it helps tho, so does typing i guess :)
smile!
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alexis_86
Jul 23, 2006, 3:41 PM
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you're entitled to feel whatever you feel. There's nothing wrong with it. I feel this too alot, but it's usually because I feel alone, I don't have very much friends and I wonder how people who have hopping social lives do it and I want their lives too. I haven't the slightest idea if it'll pass because god knows, my funk is still here after years. But actively trying to do something about what upsets you will help. And if the feeling keeps dogging you, maybe find a counsellor to talk to, sometimes, it's nice to have someone talk to you and give you objective insight on why you feel the way you do. Hope you get out of this patch soon. :)
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clee03m
Jul 24, 2006, 1:08 PM
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Depression is a terrible disease that can discolor all your view of life. Being single or not finding a house may not be your problem. Have you talked to a professional?
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lena_chita
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Jul 24, 2006, 1:58 PM
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Depression is no joke. If you really find yourself crying and sad all the time, maybe you need to talk to someone who has experience with this sort of things.
I have been through depression but under different circumstances. Because of it, I feel that there is nothing rational that I could possibly say that would make you feel better b/c this is not about being rational. There is MOST definitely a lovely house out there that you will eventually find and love. There is quite likely a man out there that will be the right man for you.
But being negative is not the way to find either.
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mindaa
Jul 24, 2006, 9:12 PM
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A few months before I met my husband (was also in my late 20's) I found myself struggling with lonliness and a strong discontent with being single. I fought it as hard as I could - I've always been very independant and really just wanted to enjoy my life as it was, not hoping for things I didn't have.
In hindsight...fighting the feeling just exacerbated the frustration. I wish I would have just accepted it, perhaps as sign to start "preparing" myself for soon having someone in my life. :D
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girl2thetop
Jul 27, 2006, 12:38 AM
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I think you are just experiencing life and your emotions are normal now. I am going through the same thing -- I am in my late 20's and all my friends and sisters are married and having kids and are enjoying life. I am enjoying life too, but it seems hard to find new people to go climbing and kayaking with since the people with whom I used to go with have a hard time finding the time. I recently got out of a 7 year relationship that I thought would last forever. I've been feeling what you're feeling -- emotional, crying over gosh-knows-what -- but I am trying to focus on setting new goals for myself, such as becoming a better climber or kayaker or meeting new people, etc. Things will work out, but you have to let them! Let me know if I can help ...
:D Laura
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rockbel
Jul 28, 2006, 5:09 AM
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thanks everybody. I figured I should post up and let everyone know- Life is getting slowly better. I decided that if I continued to cry for two weeks I would seek out professional counceling (I heard that was the sign of a true depressed episode somewhere...don't know if that's true, but it seemed to make sense)..so I figured I'd try to weather out the storm). Anyway, I am trying 3 things:
1) reconnecting with God to find my worth
2)stop focusing on myself
3)making new friends
So, I just wanted to say thanks for the support-thanks Hoss for the PM- and it's getting slowly better.
<><
cb
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8flood8
Jul 28, 2006, 11:36 AM
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Glad you are feeling better!
yah having those feelings for two-weeks or more is a "symptom" of depression.
It sounds like you have a good plan for working your way out of that hole!
Do what you need to do and remember to love yourself. ... easier said than done!
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lewisiarediviva
Jul 30, 2006, 4:36 AM
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Not that I am against gods or religions- but If you disconnected in the first place do not try to reconnect in the same way. You don't have to change anything about a god or a religion- but you must under stand that you are a different person now. AND you are not the people that raised you under that "god" or "religion."
"Going back" can actually feel like a warm fuzzy blanket. You feel good, but the world outside is bugging you and that is why you won't leave your blankey- or, going back will just purely suck.
But I do believe that believing something is very important. I also believe that accepting that something isn't right is important- and all your friends lives changing could be enough. But it could be something else. My sister, after two or three years of denying that she was depressed finally went to the doctor. She has a thyroid disease. Be good to yourself.
(oh, and she always claimed she couldn't afford to go to the doctor. . . . kind of like not taking the time to watch that eagle fly over your head when you are climbing that rock. Yes, you must connect. Your tears are just as much a part of the great spirit as the fish that eagle just caught. The eagle though isn't waiting to take care of himself.)
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rockbel
Jul 30, 2006, 7:37 AM
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um...all I can say to the last post...
is that I'm a Christian, and I am profoundly thankful to all those people who helped me along my path towards Christ. I feel that going back into the Church, into fellowship, and deeper into my faith is not a "comfy blanket" but rather the most challanging, dynamic, complex place I can be. That I am not running away from my problems by seeking out God, but that rather I am striving to understand them, and myself in a deeper more meaningful way.
I previously left those places and conversations because I was lazy; because it is easier to float through life without making choices then it is to be critically self aware, and to try to be an authentic loving person. Because a daily personal walk with Jesus is a hard to maintian, especally when you lack disapline like I do.
being called to Christ is not a comfortable place in the world; yet it meets our individual needs like nothing else on earth can-because the God who created us is the only being who truly knows us and is the only being who fully and unconditionally loves us.
You are right, I did need to accept that something wasn't right in my life- and that something was: I was allowing my self-worth to be defined by others; that I was looking at material gains, and marriage in the wrong light; and that I was allowing apathy to rule my daily existance. Now, as I am more fully engaging in Scripture I am finding a balance that I had lost. Yes, I still want a house; and yes I still want a hottie hubbie-but I am realizing that without those things I am still a valuable worthy woman. That those are wonderful goals and dreams; but that they shouldn't keep me from living the fullest life that I can lead presently. That I can't subsitute my daily existance for my dream reality. I'll never be happy trying to force those square peds into round holes. The more I focused on the things I "lacked" the less I was able to see how many many many blessings I do have currently in my life.
And as someone who was diagnosed with a hypo-thyroid when she was 12, thanks for bringing up that point. I had my levels checked just a month ago (and do take my pills everyday), so I know that I'm fine there. But it is a good thing to keep in mind for everyone else-hypo thyroidism typically manifests itself in ways which can be misdiognosed as depression. It is alway important to keep up with your Dr. and to make sure that your body is working properly.
Is Jesus my quick fix and my comfortable blanket? Well, he can be, and he has been...But if that's all he was, Christianity would have died out generations ago. Let me encourage anyone else who reads this thread in the future to at least conside spending time with Jesus. Will you be miraculously and suddenly healed of your sadness? maybe, maybe not...he does work in "miraculous ways". All I can guarentee is that if you spend time with Him, spend time seeking Him and listening to Him you will be a changed individual.
Once again, thank you to everyone who has voiced their support/concern/opinions.
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bizarrodrinker
Sep 1, 2006, 6:51 PM
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I have recently run into a similar situation in that two of the guys I climb with (which actually makes up a large fraction of my friends) just moved. One decided to stay in BC this summer on our climbing trip, the other moved to CO, so I have been very alone for the past couple of months.
Now that I think about it back in college I used to do community service a lot which was great. I worked at a community center with the kids in the neighborhood, and it seemed to make them really happy, and after awhile, I noticed that I was a lot happier too.
The point of the story...focusing on helping on helping out other people can take your mind off of/make your own problems not seem quite so drastic. You may even meet someone in the process.
Good luck! :) Hope everything works out!
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blonde_loves_bolts
Sep 1, 2006, 8:11 PM
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In response to the last post by the OP: With all due respect, it might have helped had you mentioned in your first post that Christianity is primarily the focal point of your life. This is not intended to pass judgment. Rather, I think it might help you out in terms of specificity to hear from people when they know what your ultimate goal is. It's possible that the responses you would have elicited from this thread would have been different and possibly more helpful in regards to your particular situation.
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slablizard
Oct 25, 2006, 7:29 PM
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Classy Blonde;) What a style.
EJECT EJECT EJECT!
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slablizard
Oct 25, 2006, 7:30 PM
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I know I could not resist....sorry...
EJECT EJECT EJECT!
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htotsu
Oct 26, 2006, 2:51 AM
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In reply to: [I know I could not resist....sorry... EJECT EJECT EJECT! |
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slablizard
Oct 26, 2006, 10:08 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: [I know I could not resist....sorry... EJECT EJECT EJECT! You could. You chose not to. What are you doing in here, anyway? Someone was upset, got encouraged, found her way to her own peace. Why come in here just to mock her? Go away.
WEll..everytime I read "god that created us all" (a bit of religious propaganda never hurts...right?)
I just can't resist expressing my opinion.
what creationism has to do with depression anyway?
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wa_hoo
Oct 29, 2006, 4:20 AM
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Let's get back to the topic here. I would just add that I've found when I get off track and feel out of sync, that it's most helpful to reconnect to my core - what are my priorities, what can ground me? I find too that the spiritual reading and contemplation regrounds me the best, ensuring I'm taking care of my physical health by eating well and working out, along with reaching out to new/old friends and having some good girl time.
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avk
Nov 15, 2006, 6:32 PM
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You're in the right track. And just remember, you're not alone. I get in the funk from time to time. I have lots of friends but still feel lonely. Getting spiritual and focusing on helping others do help. I know how you feel because I'm mid 30 & still single :-).
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maww
Nov 29, 2006, 5:54 AM
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Oh hunny I am in the same boat..except I can't afford the house just yet (Colorado real estate is $$$$).
I also focus on the positive, let myself cry if I need to, eat chocolate if I need to and always remember we all have our own paths! Just because it hasn't happened for you yet (it being marriage, boyfriend, house, kids, perfect job, whatever) doesn't mean it isn't just around the corner. Things happen at given moments in our lives for different reasons - cliche but true. Hang in there sister, you will find an incredible place just for you!!!
And no your feelings are not petty. I feel the same way. I am thrilled for my friends but become depressed and sad for me. Just focus on the great things you are doing and try doing things you enjoy and make you happy. Your life will unfold as it should.
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c_mtnbear
Dec 2, 2006, 8:51 PM
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Hey-
Um-I can relate to a lot of what you speak of. I was in a relationship for 5 years and things looked like they were going to settle down for me. But the road changed direction and I was forced to define myself apart from my relationship...which has been the greatest yet most difficult journey I have faced. I have spent much time balancing my inner energies.
Many of my friends and family told me "this too will pass" and it was nice and gave me strength. It's hard to believe when things are so down and yucky that it will pass....but it does....and good people will enter your life and they will add something to your days in a new way. I just tell myself---somedays I win, and somedays the world wins. The good times are when you win more.
Hold to your faith....find what brings you purpose and strength. And ask the deeper questions...discover, define, make the story, take the journey.
PM me sometimes if you are looking for a partner...I too am from E. TN and I'm always looking for good people.
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watchmego
Dec 3, 2006, 5:30 AM
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glad your feeling better.
regardless of which path you choose and what you are looking for, it will find you soon enough. trust in what you trust and think positively, i feel this also means that you are not against the world. believing in this division is one thing that can strongly contribute to depression, at least for me.
i slowly healed my depression years ago when i realized that i am part of everything else in this world and if i am depressed i am making my world depressed. not too long before life was much better.
i know that i bring into my life what i will into it. i don't mean the lottery or even necessarily a house, but good friends, opportunities, higher spirituality for instance.
although recently i have had several troubles including splitting with my boyfriend, we live (and climb) together and graduating college with no money or job. so i have been trying to think more positively and take in everything i need and rid myself of that which i don't. of course this is mostly easier said than done.
take care (and be prepared).
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rockbel
Jan 31, 2007, 7:44 AM
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well, after being insainly busy for a while and not checking this site (wow...uh...it changed)-I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their well wishes...and although I haven't been climbing much lately-I did finally find a house. A perfect little tiny fixer upper that's about a 10 min walk from my work. It's exactly what I was hoping to find! little and cheap and on a safe street.
I just thought that after posting about my house sadness-I should post the happy end of the story too...
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overlord
Jan 31, 2007, 8:38 AM
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good to know. keep it up 
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