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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:19 AM
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So another thread (Climber ladies and non-climber men) got me thinking...I've gotten into a bad habit of either dating my male climbing partners or turning my dates into ciimbing partners, which is bad because when what we have ends, I have to look for a new partner. I think I do this mostly because I have a hard time finding cool girlfriends TO CLIMB WITH (not date, hehe)...the last girl I tried to climb with always wanted to talk about this guy she was seeing and was asking me about what I thought he meant when he said certain things...or the brand new crash diet she was going on...that kind of conversation makes me want to run and hide. So I think girl partners are out, unless I find a diamond in the rough.
ANYWAY. Where do you guys find your partners? And whats the average "turn-over rate" (if applicable) for you?
Thanks to all who reply and give advice:)
(This post was edited by karmiclimber on Nov 14, 2007, 7:22 PM)
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bizarrodrinker
Nov 14, 2007, 12:41 PM
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I would say that you need to find as many people to climb with as you can and not limit yourself to a certain "partner". I used to only climb with a few people and then ALL of them moved away or stopped climbing which left me bouldering alone and not getting on a rope.
Now I climb with whomever is interested and if we don't mesh socially, i climb with someone else.
You can never have too many climbing partners. i hate the idea that climbing should be a monogamous relationship.
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happiegrrrl
Nov 14, 2007, 3:13 PM
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...ahhh, the search for the ever-elusive great climbing partner....
Sometimes I really get jealous of those teams I meet who have a long-standing partnership. (Edit: I refer to all partners, not bf/gf ones specifically). The trust and familiarity with each other's abilities, quirks and nuances seems to allow them to get on more routes and push themselves further.
This year was a totally sucky one for me, partner-wise, and my climbing suffered for the lack of partners. Having spent the last 2 weeks in JTree on a solo trip, I started to think "I need a climber b/friend is what I need, dammit!" Seeing all those couples out there road tripping......
I know you asked for the men to advise their partner stats, and I am really interested in hearing that, too. Sometimes I think we feel "we're the only ones" (having difficulty), especially being a minority gender in the craft, and it's good to hear what others deal with.
As for partnering with good women, I can suggest the Goddess on the Rocks events as a place to meet other great women to climb with. The workshops do tend to be geared toward learning, but if you have passed that point you can always volunteer to help out for the event. I have met awesome women with experience
levels ranging from first time out to been there back in the day and still going strong.
As for partnering with guys, I have climbed with lots and lots of them, and had many good days. But I can see how serial boyfriending them would definitely present some issues. Seeing SO many partnerships of couples this last trip, it started to make me wonder about that, and how many women find themselves in the revolving scene that you mention(or having developed longterm relationships and marriages with their climbing partner).
I don't know your age, but as for myself, I'm 45. Many of the guys I have climbed with are young and others already married or in established relationships, so the hook-up aspect is eliminated in many of the cases. While I certainly would like the climbing b/f(because I want to go on an extended trip next year, and....it would be more fun that way.....hahaha), I would, like you, really be unhappy if my getting out there depended on a b/f.
I did have one guy I was seeing that I would travel with and get some decent adventure(or so I thought; I was a n00b and didn't really know better.....), and have to admit that getting out in the back country was an experience I would relish again, regardless of the gender.
Plus, not all guys are looking for the hookup, and even if they are hopeful of meeting a "nice girl," they are often still good partners once the dynamic of a platonic partnership is established. I've heard many guys tell of enjoying being out with women partners because the pressure is off. They don't have to posture, be macho, and other behaviors that they themselves drawn to when climbing with other guys.
One thing you might want to consider, when climbing with guy partners, is making an effort to NOT boyfriend them. That's a deep issue, and one I'll let others talk launch if they care to be frank about the concept, since it seems lately that I'm getting nasty remarked more than I care to in this forum, when I bring up these types of things. But it's certainly an issue that would be helpful to be discussed.
(This post was edited by happiegrrrl on Nov 14, 2007, 3:16 PM)
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lena_chita
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Nov 14, 2007, 4:34 PM
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I don't know why this belongs in the ladies room, but I agree with bizzard-- try to establish a "pool' of climbing partners, rather than trying to find that one perfect partner that you always go with.
Yes, I, too, would love to have the one ideal faithful perfect partner I can always go with. I sort-of have one -- that is my husband. But we can't always go climbing together. IN fact, MOST of the time we can't... so I go with whoever can go.
Some of those people I interact with better than others, and some drive me bonkers, especially if it is the wrong time of the month. Oh, well...
As to where I find the partners -- gym mostly. It can be tough. I have enjoyed having a regular climbing partner for Wednesday nights for about 6 months starting in January. Then he got a girlfriend, who is also a climber-- and one of my partners. I still climb with him sometimes. I still climb with her. But it makes sense that when they are BOTH able to climb, they want to climb together...
And I can't say much about "turnover". Some of my climbing partners moved away, but if they haven't we would have still been climbing partners, I think. And if they come back, they E-mail me and we go togehter... And some people I used to go climbing with, but haven't lately b/c of stuff that is not related to climbing-- different work schedules, other stuff going on in their lives, etc.
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uhoh
Nov 14, 2007, 4:55 PM
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karmiclimber wrote: ANYWAY. Where do you guys find your partners? And whats the average "turn-over rate" (if applicable) for you? Thanks to all who reply and give advice:)
I found mine in a gear shop for about $80 - a gri-gri. I'm hoping a Silent Partner serves me as well as that gri-gri has.
For flesh and blood climbing partners I hang out at a climbing wall and try to get a pool of people together.
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notapplicable
Nov 14, 2007, 5:34 PM
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I'm only half serious when I say this but I have found that an MP3 player makes for a fantastic climbing partner. Its no substitute for a solid climber who challenges you on the rock but I wouldnt let the lack of partner keep you from getting out there.
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bizarrodrinker
Nov 14, 2007, 5:40 PM
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That really only works for bouldering as not quite as many people rope/free solo.
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notapplicable
Nov 14, 2007, 5:44 PM
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bizarrodrinker wrote: That really only works for bouldering as not quite as many people rope/free solo.
Your probably right but top rope soloing is pretty straight forward and a great way to train or spend a few bored hours.
Hell, I have spent nearly as much time at the crag by myself as I have with a partner and I'm a stronger, more well rounded climber for it.
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iamthewallress
Nov 14, 2007, 6:45 PM
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karmiclimber wrote: ...that kind of conversation makes me want to run and hide. So I think girl partners are out, unless I find a diamond in the rough.
I don't get it quite...Do all girls act like this around you? Do you find it OK when you are dating them, but not when they are 'just' your climbing partner?
Good partners are hard to find. If sexual chemistry trumps everything else, the odds are probably good that she'll bore you with girl talk and not care a whole lot about climbing.
Consider what you look for in men whose company and conversation you enjoy and who you find to be compatable climbing partners. If you don't hold women to the same standard, then you'll probably spend time with women who let you down on both counts. On the other hand, if you look first for someone who is compatable w/ you in those ways, then you can't loose whether the sexual chemistry is there in the end or not.
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lhwang
Nov 14, 2007, 7:09 PM
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I've found a few partners through this website or a local climbing website for my area. I've also been introduced to other climbing partners by people I already climb with. And then of course, there's my fiance, who fortunately loves climbing as much as I do and is interested in the same style of climbing. We don't get to climb together as often as I'd like, unfortunately, because we're both pretty busy.
I guess part of it depends on where you are. I've never really had a hard time finding partners, and all of my female partners are really down-to-earth, strong, confident women.
I have to agree with happiegrrl that serial dating your climbing partners is a bad idea. And if you do decide to date your climbing partner, I firmly believe that you should always make an effort to have other climbing partners and climb with other people too.
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harmonydoc
Nov 14, 2007, 7:09 PM
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I agree with the people who've said it's good to have a pool of potential partners. I've found partners at the gym, my local climbing club, and off the internet. I don't have a "primary" partner, but do have a bunch of people of both genders that I climb with. I don't have the "partner boyfriend" issue since I'm married to a non-climber, and I've never found any of my female partners to be airheads. Maybe you were just unlucky with that girl?
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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:09 PM
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lena_chita wrote: I don't know why this belongs in the ladies room
I put it in here because I specifically wanted responses from women about how to find partners. For whatever reason, its harder for me to find a partner...it seems easier for guys. I guess it can be moved though, if need be...sorry if I put it in the wrong place!
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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:14 PM
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harmonydoc wrote: I don't have the "partner boyfriend" issue since I'm married to a non-climber, and I've never found any of my female partners to be airheads. Maybe you were just unlucky with that girl?
Unfortunately, it seems there is a shortage of female climbers at the gym I go to. I'd love to go with a more mature and experienced climber, but part of the problem is that I'm not that good and I doubt someone much more experienced than me would want to be held back.
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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:16 PM
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iamthewallress wrote: karmiclimber wrote: ...that kind of conversation makes me want to run and hide. So I think girl partners are out, unless I find a diamond in the rough. I don't get it quite...Do all girls act like this around you? Do you find it OK when you are dating them, but not when they are 'just' your climbing partner?
LMAO. I am so sorry if this wasn't clear...I am a girl and I date guys. I've had issues with female partners...thank you for the rest of your advice.
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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:29 PM
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Happiegrrrl...thank you for the great advice! I will definitely be checking out the goddess on the rocks events.
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iamthewallress
Nov 14, 2007, 7:35 PM
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Honestly though, I've found that I've had different standards for female partners (unreasonably high sometimes and not high enough at other times). The reasons for that is probably a whole 'nother topic, but recognizing it has helped me cultivate a few good friendships/partnerships and avoid wasting my time on dead end climbing 'dates'.
I'm not shy when it comes to asking questions about what kind of climbing day someone wants to have (or routinely has) before it turns into a waste of time for both of us. I met one of my regular partners here after I posted a laundry list of 'requirements' for a holiday weekend. It might sound anal, but I didn't want to drive 8 hours each way to spend 3 days w/ someone whose plans and expectations were totally different than my own.
I also find that the more agro your climbing plans are, the less time that's left for chit chat. This can serve as a good social buffer. When you're doing something w/ heaps of downtime, the personal stuff can be harder to take. I'm partial to driving myself to climb w/ new partners for this reason.
It just takes time, and you probably need to kiss a lot of frogs to find one that will turn into a compatable same-sex platonic climbing partner...or something like that.
(This post was edited by iamthewallress on Nov 14, 2007, 7:37 PM)
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mindaa
Nov 14, 2007, 7:37 PM
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I started climbing with a couple of gals I met while working part-time at REI. Five years later, they are great friends and still about my only regular climbing partners besides my hubby. They rock and I think climbing with chicks is fantastic when you find ones that "click."
I would suggest introducing yourself and offering your number to gals at both the crag and the gym that you've had the chance to "observe", getting a feel for whether you think they're someone you'd want to hang out with. Even if they're stronger than you, don't be intimidated. They'll probably be flattered, and know the value of having a variety of partners, as has been mentioned here.
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granite_grrl
Nov 14, 2007, 7:49 PM
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There are two posibilities as to why you end up dating almost every climbing partner you get. Its either just because of the time you spend with them and you get along well, or its your personality and you're flirty or clingy something.
Honestly the first one will happen and there's nothing wrong with it until you break up (which I'm sure sucks because climbing circles tend to be small). If its the second thing then you have to decide what to do with that personality and if its actually a problem.
I like a larger pool of partners and they tend to be at all stages of life. Different people tend to push me in different ways and in different styles, but also most of them are my friends and I like to hang out with them. I don't think I would enjoy only having one climbing partner.
AndI have to laugh at Happie's comments about going on a road trip with a bf. When I think of heading out on the road with my husband I'm trying to figure out how we'll find other people to climb with so we're not stuck with each other all the time!!! Sure, its great to have the back up partner always there, but I think it's going to make finding other climbing partners hard when the time comes. And that's going to suck.
There's good and bad in every situation.
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karmiclimber
Nov 14, 2007, 7:56 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: There are two posibilities as to why you end up dating almost every climbing partner you get. Its either just because of the time you spend with them and you get along well, or its your personality and you're flirty or clingy something.
I honestly think its because I want to find someone I can share my rockclimbing experiences with...rockclimbing, hiking, cycling are all things I want to do with someone I'm dating. But for now I want to take the focus off of that and find only platonic partners, of either gender...
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granite_grrl
Nov 14, 2007, 8:06 PM
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karmiclimber wrote: granite_grrl wrote: There are two posibilities as to why you end up dating almost every climbing partner you get. Its either just because of the time you spend with them and you get along well, or its your personality and you're flirty or clingy something. I honestly think its because I want to find someone I can share my rockclimbing experiences with...rockclimbing, hiking, cycling are all things I want to do with someone I'm dating. But for now I want to take the focus off of that and find only platonic partners, of either gender...
Yeah, thus far you seem like a pretty cool chick so I figured it was most likely something like this.
I guess I've never really had a problem with keep my partners platonic (except for that one guy, but then I married him so I'll consider that cool). I guess I have climbed with a bunch of elegible young men, but I have probobly climbed with more guys who would either be too young, too old, too married, or smoked.
If you could find some cool chicks then you'd be set. Problem is seperating the cool from the not cool. Happie's sugestion of checking out something like the Rock Goddess thing is good. Do any of the climbing gyms around you have ladies' nights? I've met a couple of cool chicks like that too.
Good luck, if you live closer I would totally want to try climbing with you...but you're a little too far away for that. 
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geogoddess
Nov 14, 2007, 9:45 PM
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notapplicable wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: That really only works for bouldering as not quite as many people rope/free solo. Your probably right but top rope soloing is pretty straight forward and a great way to train or spend a few bored hours. Hell, I have spent nearly as much time at the crag by myself as I have with a partner and I'm a stronger, more well rounded climber for it.
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EGrant
Nov 14, 2007, 9:47 PM
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I feel the same way that you do at times. I climb in and out of the gym. The gym that I climb at has probably a total of about 3 girls that actually climb. My ex-boyfriend is the person who got me into climbing and I would go with him and his friends. Since we broke up I still climb with a decent amount of them. It got to a point where I was getting frustrated because boys climb differently then girls, and I was looking for a girl to climb with so I could learn from them or just have some estrogen around me. But I came across girls who weren't serious into climbing like I was. Sure it was fun in the gym with them, but thats it...they weren't into going outside really. I just gave up. I continue to climb with my boys and I prefer it that way. Sure you may form a crush or something, but your out there to climb, not to meet prince charming. And if you meet him, then even better. I climb with the boys for a few reasons too. One, they really push me and my limits and make me try hard things. Two, I trust them spotting me on a problem, they are bigger then me and they can really help me. And three, they have different beta so it really pushes me to get creative on problems and figure out "short girl beta"
All I can say to you as my advice, is climb with whoever makes you comfortable and who you trust. Whether it be guy, girl, cat or dog. Don't focus so much on the sex of your partner, just on the personality of them. Then focus on the climb. Best of luck finding your partner.
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notapplicable
Nov 14, 2007, 10:47 PM
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geogoddess wrote: notapplicable wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: That really only works for bouldering as not quite as many people rope/free solo. Your probably right but top rope soloing is pretty straight forward and a great way to train or spend a few bored hours. Hell, I have spent nearly as much time at the crag by myself as I have with a partner and I'm a stronger, more well rounded climber for it. I need to look into this. I work for myself and have more flexible time during the day than I do at night (when I have my son back from school). I am pretty spontaneous and like to jsut go. and neither the gym nor bouldering really push my buttons- yet.
Yeah, bouldering has never realy "done it" for me either. All you need is an ascender, a static rope and access to the cliff top. Its a pretty good time, but I have always enjoyed my own company. Some of my partner would never go climbing by themselves, there just social creatures.
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clausti
Nov 15, 2007, 12:48 AM
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you didnt mention how old you are, or who is hitting on whom to initiate the relationships, but one thing i found when i was in college, was that older guys were less likely to be a sexual tension hassle. like, when i was 17-21, some of my most faithful, trouble free partners were men in their early to mid 30s. oftentimes, with guys closer to my age, we'd end up entangled or their girlfriend woudlnt let them climb with me (for no reason whatsoever i might add, i do not poach.)
the older guys, while prone to the same emotional/sexual... whatever, are capable of not being all up in your grill about it, and are also capable of letting it go if you have a fling, are done with it, and want to keep climbing.
i meet partners hanging around the camping/parking at major crags, and online, sometimes at the gym. two off a bulletin board: one awesome+ one shitty.
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erisspirit
Nov 15, 2007, 1:43 AM
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I've been pretty lucky in that I was never really all that attracted to the guys I have climbed with. It definitely sucks however when you cross that boundary and then it doesn't work out. I agree with having a pool of climbing friends. I don't think I could have just one person I always climbed with. I just need to be more bold now and meet people in the parking lot 
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