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sweetpea
Apr 19, 2005, 7:05 PM
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Registered: Sep 29, 2004
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Sigh, I think I am the "climbing girlfriend". I have suspected for awhile but thought I was actually progressing out of it.......
Most of the climbing friends I have here are guys, so posting here seemed like a good idea---kinda what the disheartened post said in the beginning.
I have been climbing for about seven years. The first three or so I basically just tagged along with the boys because I love being outside. I mostly toproped and enjoyed it but never thought I would be a good climber. As my interest in fitness evolved I became more interested in climbing harder and started leading. Last fall I had some major setbacks. There was a climbing accident at my crag which really freaked me out and another girl climber joined our group. She was naturally very good I became envious---uncontollably. I posted before about that situation.
This past weekend I had a frustrating day climbing. I feel like my friends are progressing and learning but I am stuck in a rut. Maybe I do not want it bad enough? Maybe I will always be a mediocre climber? I hate when we are out climbing and everyone is trying 11's and up and then we go "find me" a 5.9.......I am tired of toproping because toproping overhangs in NOT fun. I am not sure what to do. Is my partner/boyfriend not teaching me right? How do I get him to help me progress? How do I help myself? I have read the Warrior's Way----it helps but you have to constantly be reading it and remembering. Am I just a lazy American that doesn't know how to "work" for something????
I want to be more than just the girlfriend---does anyone have advice?
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jt512
Apr 19, 2005, 7:24 PM
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Duplicate post. What's up with this "only moderators can delete posts in this forum" bullshit?
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jt512
Apr 19, 2005, 7:25 PM
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In reply to: I am not sure what to do. Is my partner/boyfriend not teaching me right? How do I get him to help me progress? How do I help myself? I have read the Warrior's Way----it helps but you have to constantly be reading it and remembering. Am I just a lazy American that doesn't know how to "work" for something???? I want to be more than just the girlfriend---does anyone have advice?
My advice would be to stop making it your boyfriend's responsibility to teach you how to climb, take responsibility for yourself, rephrase your question in those terms, and post it in the Technique and Training Forum, where you might get some useful training ideas rather than just empathy.
-Jay
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caughtinside
Apr 19, 2005, 7:26 PM
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If you've been climbing for seven years, you should have some idea why you fall. Pump? Bad footwork? Poor technique?
You need to find what is holding you back, and address it specifically. If you don't learn what you need to improve on, it will be hard to improve.
Or else just blame your boyfriend for not teaching you right. 8^)
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outdoorsie
Apr 19, 2005, 10:40 PM
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I find it interesting that the first two posts to this thread are guys who jump all over her for "blaming her boyfriend". Sheesh. Did you read the rest of the post?
If you're the only girl climbing, there is a good chance that you're getting a ton of crappy beta from the guys. Just because all the tall guys with big shoulders go about climbing a route their way does not mean that you should be able to get up that route the same way "if you want it bad enough". Climbing as a smaller/shorter girl presents it's own challenges and opportunities, and you might need to start looking at it that way.
You might need to really start focusing on yourself, and how you climb, and what you need to do to over come your own obstacles. Also get creative. Just because the guys swing from jug to jug 8ft apart doesn't mean you can't use little fingers on little crimpers and a lower center of gravity to make it up the same section.
Finally, recognize that being a girl has its advantages. Instead of having them look for a "5.9 for you", have them look for a 5.11 finger crack for you. I always have way more fun on finger cracks than the guys I'm with. Have them look for a thin 5.10 slab for you, or a 5.11 corner, whatever... play to your strengths once in a while, and you might be surprised at what you can do.
In the end, my rule when climbing with guys is usually "DON'T EVER GIVE ME BETA!" (Screamed from the middle of a cruddy reachy section during semi-hormone-induced hysteria)
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kellie
Apr 19, 2005, 11:18 PM
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Okay, I'm going to jump in here. Advice from a climber girl who has never had a climber boyfriend.
I think the important question you asked is "how do I help myself?" First of all, take responsibility. It's great that you were just hanging out and having fun for a few years, but now you want more. That's great. Look at every climbing situation and partner as something you can learn from. Think of it not as their responsibility to teach you, but yours to watch and think and absorb everything useful you can from them. This may consist of what not to do. That's valuable information too.
Sit down and think: if I didn't have a boyfriend, how would I go about improving my climbing? Then do that. It may mean you need to climb with other people at times.
Don't have the boys look for any kind of climb for you. Look for something for yourself! Decide what you want to work on, go find a route that will work that, and get someone to belay you. If you belay your bf on his projects, he should be willing to belay you on yours, regardless of the numbers attached.
Consider finding a partner close you in ability level so you can go out together and not have a "rope gun" to rely on. This will force you to lead what you want to climb. If you have been toproping 11s cleanly, you may be surprised to find you can lead harder than you think you can.
Conversely, when you are hanging with the ropegun boys, let them talk you into toproping things harder than you think you can climb. Work out the moves. Think "how would it feel to lead this?" Try to visualize what moves you would make, how you'd make that clip, etc. etc.
Figure out what your weaknessess are and train to overcome them. No endurance? Do endless laps on 5.8 at the gym. Etc. etc. Performance Rock Climbing, How to Climb 5.12, Flash Training are all decent books.
good luck!
kellie
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justhavefun
Apr 19, 2005, 11:20 PM
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Justhavefun's three-step no-fail guide for females who are miserable climbing with groups of guys and who want to improve:
1) Abandon the group of guys.
2) Climb with more women.
3) Just have fun.
Seriously, you sound discouraged and frustrated. You say your lack of progression bothers you, but you don't say why. What is your motivation for wanting to climb better? You don't discuss that at all in your post except for saying you want to be "more than just the girlfriend." Is it the social function climbing provides? The camaraderie of climbing with friends? The physical fitness? Bragging rights? To be able to compare yourself to others more favourably? To be able to impress the others in the group? Figure out what you really want and then it will be apparent how to go get it. Or perhaps it will become apparent that your motivation is a destructive impulse that is destroying any joy you find in climbing. You have to want it for you, not for anyone else.
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maculated
Apr 20, 2005, 3:31 AM
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for your musings . . .
improvement in climbing, and in most things, is based on expectations.
I had a serious problem breaking the 5.10 barrier both following and leading the first few years. I had this number set in my mind that I needed to "reach." When in reality, it's just a kind of move.
Sometimes I get really irritated at myself for not improving by leaps and bounds, but so far ::knock on wood:: I haven't had a seriously debilitating climbing injury and when I look back from a year ago, I am expecting to climb stronger than I used to, and viola! I AM climbing harder.
Maybe you have to get outside the mindset of climbing with people who are better than you and "finding" a 9. If you've been climbing steadily and seriously for seven years, despite a setback, I find it hard to imagine that you are flailing on even 5.9.
Honesty with yourself is important.
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rockelf
Apr 20, 2005, 12:45 PM
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Hi Sweetpea,
I have had some of the same feelings...walked in your shoes a bit. Two years ago everyone in my climbing group was progressing faster than me, and I really started to get upset and frustrated. All sorts of things were holding me back, all my own stuff. I had to step back and remember why I love to climb.
After chewing on that for a while, I decided to just get over myself, and not worry about what everybody else was leading, but focus on discovering my own strengths.
Yep, some of them can lead harder stuff than me, but none of them can get the crimpy, facey"elfholds" like me.
I may never be able to lead a 5.10, and for me that is ok, I am a strong climber, I am getting stronger leading, and I am loving climbing, and my friends that I climb with.
Now all of that being said, I too witnessed a fatal accident last fall, involving a friend, so now I am working my way back through new doubts and fears, with the rest of my climbing group. I lead on sport last weekend for the first time and almost had a heart attack I was so scared. Now I need to rediscover what climbing means to me.
So, look in to your heart, the answer about what kind of climber you are meant to be is there....and don't let those guys, beta you around.
XXOO
The elf
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mother_sheep
Apr 20, 2005, 3:30 PM
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First off, stop comparing yourself to others. If the other people are climbing harder than you, don't sweat it. Find enjoyment in what you do, even if it means feeling confident on leading 5.6. Lead some easy stuff, get confident in the lower grades and work your way up. TR your partners harder routes in addition to your leads. It's hard not to get sucked into the rut when everyone around you seems to be climbing harder. I climb with a lot of kick ass climbers, some of which I can't believe would want to waste their time with a gumby such as myself, but I don't compare myself to them, not any more anyway. I used to and it got me down. I felt like a failure just about every time I went out. I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere wishing and feeling jealous. I took matters into my own hands and took my own advice, which I'm now offering to you. My climbing has improved as a result. It's been a lot of hard work for me. Seems like successes don't come very easy for me. I don't climb all that hard and it's been a battle just getting to where I'm at now but I enjoy it. Just wait until you start seeing that slightest bit of progression. It feels damn good. Good luck to you.
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sweetpea
Apr 20, 2005, 3:45 PM
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Registered: Sep 29, 2004
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wow and thank you. There was so much good advice in all your posts I don't know if I can quote and respond to all. I really appreciate all of your posts. Yesterday when I typed the original post I just needed to vent to SOMEBODY who would understand----thank you.
I am actually going to print your replies out for reference.
With that said, the reason I love to go climbing is it makes me feel alive---whether it's happiness, accomplishment, terror or frustration----I feel like I am living---not just sitting on a couch or drunk in a bar somewhere. Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees? I can see myself progressing---getting stonger etc---but I am a slow turtle and not fast. That is OK, I know this, but sometimes when everyone is racing past you ----it's hard not to want to catch up. I know I need to appreciate the journey and not the destination---It's just that sometimes I want to feel like I am good ----at climbing---at something. I am at a weird place in my life. Grad school is not working out the way I planned, I am still poor and almost 30, bills, bills, bills. So climbing is my escape from the ordinary---I want it to make me feel better---like I can do something well. Vertical therapy? :)
I think I just need to step back, re-evaluate/reaccess, and stop comparing myself to other people.
I need to be more assertive about what I want to climb---
You all have given me a lot to think about-----
Thank you.
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angelaa
Apr 20, 2005, 4:18 PM
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In reply to: Vertical therapy? :)
Love it !
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wonderwoman
Apr 20, 2005, 4:49 PM
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Hi Sweetpea - That's too bad that you are feeling frustrated. For myself, I've found that I am a much happier climber when I don't compare myself to other climbers. Since I've been thinking that way, I feel like my climbing has improved, too.
Maybe you should try to go climbing without your guy sometime and with a whole new set of people. That way you might rediscover what climbing means to you, rather than being 'that girl'.
And let's face it, guys don't climb like girls. Maybe he's giving you bad beta. Maybe you depend too much on his advice rather than feeling the climb for yourself.
I am just guessing all of this, but I hope you can figure stuff out and enjoy climbing again! Good luck!
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ecocliffchick
Apr 20, 2005, 4:53 PM
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In reply to: Maybe I will always be a mediocre climber? I hate when we are out climbing and everyone is trying 11's and up and then we go "find me" a 5.9....... ---does anyone have advice?
Grades don't really have anything to do with your situation. If your gang was climbing 5.14's and you were stuck on 5.12's you would still confront the same situation.
Just picture this: You are all off to the newest, hottest crag and there is one 5.12 warm-up that is all polished and that is all you have to climb, while the gang plays around on the latest test pieces. Even though you are climbing 5.12 it still wouldn't be a very fun day for you.
What you have to do is research areas and climbs that you want to do. You don't have to drag the whole gang out there, but make sure you have some fun days too. Maybe find some other climbers that are closer to climbing your grade, or want a mentor to teach them to lead.
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