In my circles it is almost as if you are single, female, and in your thirties, you are inferior if you say you feel like you need someone in your life, and that bothers me.
What's sad, Phill? People suggesting a single woman needs to 'find that man' as Olive mentions?
Well, Olive, I have been pretty lucky in that during my 20's and 30's, the various people I knew didn't seem to do that sort of thing(couple off and then pressure their single friends to do the same). Although I do remember one girl in particular, who did seem to feel she received that pressure.
What's sad, Phill? People suggesting a single woman needs to 'find that man' as Olive mentions?
Well, Olive, I have been pretty lucky in that during my 20's and 30's, the various people I knew didn't seem to do that sort of thing(couple off and then pressure their single friends to do the same). Although I do remember one girl in particular, who did seem to feel she received that pressure.
No, your English comprehension is lacking.
I was agreeing with Olive that it is sad that she feels that her friends think that she is inferior because she is feeling the need to have someone in her life.
Phil - was that meant to be snarky? Both Olive and I questioned the same thing, so maybe it wasn't my(our her and my) comprehension that was the issue.
No need to have answered actually, as I saw you had clarified to Olive when she asked.
I used to think that, however, nowadays I am inclined to think that in fact, I am not complete when I dont love and am not loved, I think that is a basic (and important) component of being human.
RC.com is a truly surreal and unexpected place to find out that I am infact, not a human!
Am I a space alien then? Perhaps some other form of earth born mammal?
This is all very overwhelming.
(This post was edited by notapplicable on Jan 13, 2008, 9:01 AM)
I think in Western culture the word soulmate implies someone who completes you and for me, that's BS. I don't need someone to complete me - my completion lies within myself...
Soulmate is another word for prearranged marriage really, with god setting it up rather than Dad or Mom or Uncle Mustaffah.
I wonder what the soul-mate divorce rate is? I'm guessing its higher than the average.
The most common iteration of soulmate I see is a couple who does everything together, 24/7. they live in each other's back pocket and wouldn't think of doing anything without the other person. Fine if you like it that way. God help you if you wake up one morning and want to be by yourself....
Soulmate is another word for prearranged marriage really, with god setting it up rather than Dad or Mom or Uncle Mustaffah.
I wonder what the soul-mate divorce rate is? I'm guessing its higher than the average.
The most common iteration of soulmate I see is a couple who does everything together, 24/7. they live in each other's back pocket and wouldn't think of doing anything without the other person. Fine if you like it that way. God help you if you wake up one morning and want to be by yourself....
DMT
I can't tell you how many climbing partners I've lost to the soulmate complex.
It's a weird thing, though...OTOH, I definately think that some people are meant to be together, no question. But at the same time, you need to work at it. I think sometimes people mistake the initial, intense "wow" factor of a new significant other to be the "soulmate" thing, and the relationship subsequently tanks after however long a period (i.e years, after marriage has occurred).
The idea that two people meet and some unseen force propels them along throughout life untouched because they are meant to be together is ludicrous. As Rob put it, you have to help things along yourself in addition to natural compatability, etc.
Soulmate is another word for prearranged marriage really, with god setting it up rather than Dad or Mom or Uncle Mustaffah.
I wonder what the soul-mate divorce rate is? I'm guessing its higher than the average.
The most common iteration of soulmate I see is a couple who does everything together, 24/7. they live in each other's back pocket and wouldn't think of doing anything without the other person. Fine if you like it that way. God help you if you wake up one morning and want to be by yourself....
DMT
Usually when I hear someone talk about soulmate, it's the hippy touchy feely types, not the up tight conservative ones. Does everything go back to your dislike of organized religion?
As far as "soulmate", I think we can agree that's BS. Any 2 reasonable people can make it work, but your assertion that prearranged marriages fail more often is absolutely incorrect. Google it if you don't believe me. Divorce isn't a socially acceptable option amongst many of these groups, so they stick it out and make it work. Maybe if people in OUR culture had a little shame anymore about divorce, everyone wouldn't bail out as soon as they were "bored", didn't "feel" in love anymore, or the grass was greener on the other side.
Soulmate is another word for prearranged marriage really, with god setting it up rather than Dad or Mom or Uncle Mustaffah.
I wonder what the soul-mate divorce rate is? I'm guessing its higher than the average.
The most common iteration of soulmate I see is a couple who does everything together, 24/7. they live in each other's back pocket and wouldn't think of doing anything without the other person. Fine if you like it that way. God help you if you wake up one morning and want to be by yourself....
DMT
Usually when I hear someone talk about soulmate, it's the hippy touchy feely types, not the up tight conservative ones. Does everything go back to your dislike of organized religion?
As far as "soulmate", I think we can agree that's BS. Any 2 reasonable people can make it work, but your assertion that prearranged marriages fail more often is absolutely incorrect. Google it if you don't believe me. Divorce isn't a socially acceptable option amongst many of these groups, so they stick it out and make it work. Maybe if people in OUR culture had a little shame anymore about divorce, everyone wouldn't bail out as soon as they were "bored", didn't "feel" in love anymore, or the grass was greener on the other side.
Moreover, I also read some research (though dont ask me to provide links, I cant even remember when/where I read it) about how marriages between people who are from similar socioeconomic and family backgrounds tend to be more successful. Which is basically what you get in those arranged marriages.
The most interesting data I've seen is that people with high IQ's (>125) are less than 1/2 as likely to get divorced within 5 years than those with average to low IQ's (<110).
Having become a divorce journeyman through two years of practice as a family lawyer, the observation about IQ is fascinating. If I had to guess, I'd guess I had a wide range of IQs in my divorce practice -- but the bell curve was definitely at work in terms of misery. There were misery outliers at each end of the IQ spectrum, with a lot of unhappy people working out from the middle.
I celebrate my ten year wedding anniversary in September, after getting married on the day after my 22nd birthday. Hubby and I don't credit any special magic, and we have our days, but we make good partners and we've grown up well together. I know a handful of couples in our social circle who have to "work really hard on their marriages" and I wouldn't say that about us -- it's less effort than "working really hard on our marriage" and more like just being as kind as possible to each other, and working together on making decisions that affect us both. Our longevity is as much about having gotten to know each other very well over the years, and learning what and when to compromise, as about anything else.
I guess it also helps that after nine plus years of marriage (and nearly twelve years together) we still just really like each other's company.
The postscript is that I have decided, at least for now, I prefer the petty criminals to the custody disputes, so I'm doing less domestic work and more other things. It is possible to have a civil, rehabilitative and productive divorce -- I actually enjoy helping people through the process, when that's what they're seeking -- but I think a lot of those folks figure out how to do it without attorneys, so we mostly see the more difficult cases.
I can't tell you how many climbing partners I've lost to the soulmate complex.
It's a weird thing, though...OTOH, I definately think that some people are meant to be together, no question. But at the same time, you need to work at it. I think sometimes people mistake the initial, intense "wow" factor of a new significant other to be the "soulmate" thing, and the relationship subsequently tanks after however long a period (i.e years, after marriage has occurred).
The idea that two people meet and some unseen force propels them along throughout life untouched because they are meant to be together is ludicrous. As Rob put it, you have to help things along yourself in addition to natural compatability, etc.
I can't tell you how many climbing partners I've lost to the soulmate complex.
It's a weird thing, though...OTOH, I definately think that some people are meant to be together, no question. But at the same time, you need to work at it. I think sometimes people mistake the initial, intense "wow" factor of a new significant other to be the "soulmate" thing, and the relationship subsequently tanks after however long a period (i.e years, after marriage has occurred).
The idea that two people meet and some unseen force propels them along throughout life untouched because they are meant to be together is ludicrous. As Rob put it, you have to help things along yourself in addition to natural compatability, etc.
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