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dougitup4
Aug 29, 2003, 1:20 AM
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I just started climbing in January, and have enjoyed the few times I have been able to get out so far. The problem is my wife is very worried about me. I have a hard time having fun when I know she is sitting home waiting for the police to knock on the door. any advice on how to ease her mind.
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tenn_dawg
Aug 29, 2003, 1:24 AM
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Ummm, Take her with you?
That's what I would do. It's easy to be scared of something you know nothing about. Even if she dosn't want to climb, she could see the basics of your systems, and understand how safe it really can be.
The only potential problem is if you ARE a scary climber, who dosn't climb safely.
You do climb safely now don't you?? :wink:
Travis
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christopherjay
Aug 29, 2003, 1:24 AM
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Take her with you sometime so she knows exactly what's going on. Let her meet your climbing buddies and show her that what you're doing is "safe". unless you're a free climber or something then she really shouldn't be worried about you.
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celticelement
Aug 29, 2003, 1:33 AM
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Bring her along. Get her on the rock as well. Understanding what is going on removes unreasonable fear.
Show that you have a level head and make good decisions in other areas. Then she can at least have the peace of mind to know you will make good decisions and not go beyond your limits.
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gravitysucks
Aug 29, 2003, 1:51 AM
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i can tell you one way to NOT ease her mind and that is to show her the photos in the HOTTIES THREAD...
:roll: :? :shock: :wink:
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emtclimber
Aug 29, 2003, 2:52 AM
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I have the same problem with my wife....the only difference is I don't think about her while I'm climbing! If she's worried about me, and what I'm doing, she should come with me to see what I do even if she doesn't climb (she could just be my belay slave for a day). But she doesn't and it's her choice not to come with me, so why should I ruin a perfect weekend of climbing cause she couldn't be bothered to check it out. So I go without her!!! And if she doesn't like it...too bad, I'm going anyway. In the end I might just be a little bitter with my wife on this subject so...maybe you shouldn't take my advice on this unless you don't care about your marriage.
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tc
Aug 29, 2003, 3:03 AM
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The best way to ease here into climbing, take her to a gym a few times, then outside got her and my five year old out this year. its all fun if you play safe.
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trbrts
Aug 29, 2003, 4:30 AM
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My wife is too scared to climb most of the time. But, she likes belaying just to get out with me.
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tori
Aug 29, 2003, 6:46 AM
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you could read accidents in north american mountaineering for last year, i think only 19 people died in the usa and canada combined. tell her that, but don't let her read the book, and make sure you get the most recent year because 19 was a low year. the most risky part of the day is probably the drive to the crag, or your job, or a slip and fall in the tub, etc...
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apollodorus
Aug 29, 2003, 7:06 AM
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You might try using statistics: sailboating kills more people than climbing, on a per-sportsman basis. HIghway driving is nn% more likely to kill you than cragging.
Or just use the usual response: "I was smart enough to marry you, wasn't I, so why are you worried?"
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redpoint73
Aug 29, 2003, 1:31 PM
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I agree with taking her to your local gym or crag. If she is that scared of you climbing, she probably won't try it. But she could at least watch and get a feel for what you are doing. Preferably somewhere close, so that she doesn't get bored watching all day. Many non-climbers have a scary perception of climbing since they have never actually seen it. Crazy Hollywood movie scenes and sketch-tastic Marines commercials don't exactly help.
You said you just started in January. Are you still top roping? Particularly if she sees the TR setup, and how little you drop even when you peel off the rock, she will realize how safe climbing really is. Preferably anchor to some gigantic trees, boulders, or bolts -- newbies like that. They are more tangible and understandable than trad gear. And we fear what we do not understand. . .
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arrettinator
Aug 29, 2003, 2:05 PM
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My wife won't climb or belay. She knows how safe we are, but she still worries. She'll always worry. It would bother me more if she stopped worrying.
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kam_ill_eon
Aug 29, 2003, 2:37 PM
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The easiest way to avoid this problem is to not have a wife in the first place. :lol: Just kidding. I had this problem but on a smaller level with my girlfriend. Once she saw one of the big guys in our group fall she wasn't worried at all. The manufacture's also print a weight or force rating on all their gear so that may be another way to calm her down a bit.
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tradman
Aug 29, 2003, 3:16 PM
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Is the stat about only having 19 deaths in USA and Canada true? That's incredible! Here in Scotland we get nearly three times that many, including two deaths in the last two weeks alone!
I don't doubt the accuracy of your statistics at all, but over here, climbing (including rock climbing in all its forms and mountaineering) is the second most dangerous sport after air sports!
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tradman
Aug 29, 2003, 3:24 PM
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Uuuuh...yeah, I should probably add tp the above, "second most dangerous sport after air sports...only don't tell my girlfriend please or I'll never be allowed out again!"
:)
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pirate
Aug 29, 2003, 4:23 PM
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Well heres what worked for me (keep in mind I was climbing for about 15 yrs before I met my wife)
Anyway she would worry allot at first when she met me and I was off on another trip.
Now although I had years of experience it was probably a little more scary for her anyway because I Alpine,Ice,Trad,Aid climb primarily. This means that coming home many hours or even many days overdue is fairly common.
I always stayed honest with her and what I was up to and would tell her things like on a single day trip dont get worried until im at least 24hrs overdue my return time etc. This bothered her at first but as she got to know me more she realized that I was very capable and was always as safe as possible.
Now coming home overdue is just routine (while when I climb with other partners besides my main one, thier wives /girlfriends will phone my wife all worried and she calms them down)
Things I believe have made the difference:
- Time
-Experience
- Educating (I talk about climbing constantly and try to explain things to my wife so that she does understand the redundancy in optimal systems, how safe gear is while giving examples of things she can relate to.
I also explain my head space my theories on climbing how different circumstances require certain measures like climbing unroped {this is for only those that know when it is warranted and have the experience/skills to do so safely} I have found that this has actually helped over time as she understands I will do whatever it takes to live/survive and ultimately I climb to live and therefore need to survive so that I can climb again.
-Demonstrating Ive shown her the basic sport climbing but often I demonstrate through my photos (keep in mind if your going to have photos of you leaning trad but you only explained tr with her and alluded that this is all you do then she will become worried. BE HONEST
The bottom line is if you want to climb you have to decide if its worth the process on you and your family. If you believe it is then stay honest communicate what you are doing reassure constantly and let the process begin.
Since you are new it would be worth;
1 reading tons of books and practicing (show her you want to learn as much as you can so that you can stay safe)
2 Take some courses (your wife will appreciate this)
3 Climb with more experienced ones for a long time
4 Invite her along on climbing days that would be enjoyable for her (when you do this go somewhere you have been are comfortable with and is not pushing your limits this way thier wont be any wisting of time and things will go smooth)
5 Love your wife allot (extra attention when you get back Im not talking like being spineless trying to make up for going, I mean how you should basically feel after a long trip, you know you missed her and that you feel a closer bond and feel more alive and appreciate life in general more. communicate how you feel and react accordingly. She will no doubt appreciate that you dont climb to escape her and your not climbing to hide from reality but rather you choose to climb to expose yourself (climbing nude is optional-jks-you know what I mean)
Anyway hope this bit helps I could go on and on but I think you get the gist
The thing is it will take time and she can grow into it if if work on it with her and since you need time to grow into the sport as well it is possible to have a relatively smooth transition (there will be rough spots to be sure, keep firm yet patient, loving and understanding. Balance is key)
Okay Im done rambling
cheers :wink:
just thought I should quickly add my wife and I have now been married for 5 years. Now she gets pissed if climbing partners bail out on me or if thier wives rag on them or make it miserable to go or just buy gear.
Of course fair is fair and I support her in the things she likes to do, as of this summer she has decided she would like to learn to climb so now I support her in that as well.
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kimgraves
Aug 29, 2003, 6:04 PM
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Your good question prompted me to ask my wife whether my climbing frightened her – a question I’ve never asked her before. Her answer was “No, I trust you.” I think trust is an important part of the equation. She knows how safety conscious I am. She knows I won’t take silly risks. The trust we share stems from 15 years of married life and dealing with other issues as well. She also knows how much I love climbing and how important it is to me.
So if you’re wife is worried because you climb like a knucklehead and take silly ass risks, then maybe she has good reason and you should pay attention to her. But if you’re a competent and safe climber, which I assume you are, then it’s really a matter of education and talking it out. Just like in other things having to do with married life.
Best, Kim
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edge
Aug 29, 2003, 6:18 PM
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I agree with what Kim said; trust is key. I had been climbing for about 10 years before I met my wife, and although she has no interest in it, she knows that I will be safe and so she encourages me to get out. She also supports our 15 year old daughter in her climbing pursuits, as she knows that climbing is great for confidence building, in addition to being good for mental and physical conditioning. My wife had no worries whatsoever when I took Meaghan up Beginners Route on Whitehorse Ledge, an 1100' 5.4, at age 7.
And Kim, I looked at your profile and see that you are also a custom furniture maker. Cheers on the nice work! You can check mine out here:http://www.furnituremasters.org/artistpdf.cfm?ID=22
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kman
Aug 29, 2003, 6:23 PM
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In reply to: That's incredible! Here in Scotland we get nearly three times that many, including two deaths in the last two weeks alone
Hey Tradman, my wife was in Austria with a guide and he was telling her that the brit guides are a dangerous bunch with bad practices. Is this true?
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floridaputz
Aug 29, 2003, 7:01 PM
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Dude, not to worry, I have the perfect solution. Buy a bunch of life insurance and name her as a beneficiary, She will probably buy you a bunch of new gear !!!!
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fredo
Aug 29, 2003, 8:10 PM
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As everyone else has said, take her out with you, let her TR, see how safe everything really is. I also found that my wife relaxed a ton once she got to know the people I climb with on a regular basis. Personal connections with the people her husband trusts his life with go a long way to ease her shattered nerves. Eg. I just cracked my ankle in a lead fall. I went to the ER for X-Rays my partner gave my wife a call. She later told me that she was not too worried because she trusts my partner so much. I also found that coming home around the time I mentioned I would be home helps a lot also, that way she does not sit and worry. With my wife it comes down to respect. She respects me enough to let me be who I am without projecting her fears/insecurities. The least I can do is be on time. Everyone wins...
Rock On!!
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drkodos
Aug 29, 2003, 9:04 PM
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let her have sex with your hotter looking partners....
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chugach001
Aug 29, 2003, 9:43 PM
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I agree with Pirate. I learned the 24 hour rule after having to wave off a rescue helicopter when only 12 hours overdue. Also, climbing makes me a Prince and my wife loves my mood when I come back from a trip. She now sees the math Climbing=Special Treatment. My climbing future depends on me carrying my end of the bargain.
Here's a few other things that have worked for me are; climbing with people she trusts (grizzled vets with children vs. radsters), not telling her about the dicey 40' run-out on the 3rd pitch, and getting professional instruction (books, videos, classes, local SAR).
Good luck and good for you. I have super talented friends who won't climb because of their satanic wives.
Jeff
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josephine
Sep 3, 2003, 7:34 AM
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take her with you!!
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enigma
Sep 3, 2003, 8:57 AM
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Okay now since many of my partners have had a worried wife at home, my advice is well thought out with much actual experience, you can do the following:
1. Ignore the guilt trip she is trying to give you, and has been successful at. :evil:
2. Tell her you're more likely to be hurt or killed in a car accident :idea:
3. Don't tell her you're going climbing at all. Just say you're going hiking, hey non-climbers seem to be often confused and mistaken about the difference. :?
4. Get a large insurance policy and tell her about how rich she'll be if you have a fatality, (sure she loves you, but it will ease her grief knowing she'll have millions , if you're gone.) :cry:
5. Tell her if she continues to give you a hard time about climbing,she'll have to climb too.(even if she doesn't want to) :shock:
6. Get her a prescription for a sedative and make sure she takes it while your out climbing(hey if she's doped up on valium , she won't be so worried). :lol: Or pot :lol:
7. Get her into drinking with her friends while you're gone :lol: .
8. Tell her you won't stand for her acting up , and you might consider some sort of a long climbing road trip if she dosen't behave better. :shock:
9. Encourage her to go away on some sort of activity while you're gone climbing. 8)
10. Give her a present that she really wants, or a vacation, dinner etc.. :P
11. Call her constantly . and make sure you have your cell available at all times while climbing. :roll:
12.Tell her you're having an affair,lost your job, have a child with someone else, going to lose the house, owe lots of money from gambling,have a drinking problems, have a disease, etc. and then the climbing won't be so much in her mind. :twisted:
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