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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 4:42 PM
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Call us last.
Folks, just because they're a computer company, doesn't mean they can, or are going to help you with your problem.
Especially not for free over the phone.
I am not a help desk!!!!!8
wtf?
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tgreene
Oct 30, 2003, 4:44 PM
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Registered: Oct 22, 2003
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The internal coffee mug holder on my computer won't retract anymore. How can I fix it..?
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:47 PM
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
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I am calling the internet manually, but all i get is weird sounds? hello.... internet .... hello.... are you there?
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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 4:47 PM
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Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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overlord
Oct 30, 2003, 4:47 PM
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In reply to: I am calling the internet manually, but all i get is weird sounds? hello.... internet .... hello.... are you there?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
nobody home but us mice :P
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:48 PM
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
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I cannot find ANY key on my keyboard, can you help?
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tgreene
Oct 30, 2003, 4:50 PM
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That's been circulating for years, but never looses effect! 8)
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overlord
Oct 30, 2003, 4:50 PM
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In reply to: I cannot find ANY key on my keyboard, can you help?
hey, thats homer simpson :lol: :lol:
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:51 PM
Post #9 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
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I bought this new computer, and I am sitting in front of it waiting for hours, but nothing happens. Am I cheated or what ?
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:53 PM
Post #10 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
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My computer was crashing, and somebody told me that too many open windows might be the problem. So I closed all the windows, but it is getting hot here, can I open one ?
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overlord
Oct 30, 2003, 4:54 PM
Post #11 of 33
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waht do the air conditione and a computer have in common???
they both stop working when you use "windows"
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:56 PM
Post #12 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
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I watched wargames last week, and decided to buy a computer. Now when I type "hello", it says
In reply to: 'hello' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file
and where is the tictactoe ?
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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 4:57 PM
Post #13 of 33
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Registered: Oct 30, 2002
Posts: 8522
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I'm gonna start my own software company.
I'm gonna call it Macrohard.
Why be small and soft when you can be large and hard.
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 4:59 PM
Post #14 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
Posts: 1456
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I found some music files in my computer, but I didnt downloaded them, because I know that it is illegal, and bad thing etc. I think the company put them in. What should I do? Should I delete them? If I didnt delete them, am I in trouble, or it is the computer companys problem? What should I do?
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cerikpete
Oct 30, 2003, 5:01 PM
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Registered: Nov 22, 2002
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In reply to: I'm gonna start my own software company. I'm gonna call it Macrohard. Why be small and soft when you can be large and hard.
:lol:
I once had a person ask for their mainframe password to be reset, so we usually just set it to the day of the week and asked them to change it.
Me: "Ok, I set your password to 'tuesday', try logging in to make sure it works."
Them: "Ok. :typing: It doesn't work."
"You typed in t-u-e-s-d-a-y?"
"That's not how you spell Tuesday!"
"I'm sorry, my mistake, type in t-u-e-s-d-a-y and then change the password."
:roll:
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 5:01 PM
Post #16 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
Posts: 1456
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My friend told me that he send me an email, but I havent received it. What is happening? Could somebody have hacked into my computer? Would this have happened if I was using unix, because I know that it is more secure and stuff?
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 5:09 PM
Post #19 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
Posts: 1456
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I cought cold a couple of days ago, and I try not to come close to my computer, to avoid virus problems. There are some files that are important, and I do not want my computer to get infected. But I need to send those files to my boss, what should I do?
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tgreene
Oct 30, 2003, 5:14 PM
Post #20 of 33
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Registered: Oct 22, 2003
Posts: 7267
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USER: I spilled a soft drink all over my keyboard, what should I do..?
TECH: Go to a DOS Prompt and at the C:> type 'WIPE'
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melekzek
Oct 30, 2003, 5:16 PM
Post #21 of 33
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Registered: Nov 16, 2002
Posts: 1456
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my computer was running slow, and the tech people told me that I should defrag. Now I running defrag 3 times a day, but it doesnt seem to get faster?
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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 5:25 PM
Post #22 of 33
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Registered: Oct 30, 2002
Posts: 8522
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Error Report
1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
__________________________________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
__________________________________________
17. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in.
__________________________________________
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems Form. Please allow 1 week response time so that the problem will resolve its self or you will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue.
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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 5:41 PM
Post #23 of 33
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Registered: Oct 30, 2002
Posts: 8522
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Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in "Little" drives.
Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes
before inserting them into the drive.
Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.
If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.
Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.
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tgreene
Oct 30, 2003, 5:48 PM
Post #24 of 33
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Registered: Oct 22, 2003
Posts: 7267
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I just printed those to use here at the office, since the old/fat/stupid/fat/psycho bitch upstairs has be start her computer each morning, because she can't get it to work...
I just push in the {POWER} button, and it starts right up!
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arrettinator
Oct 30, 2003, 6:00 PM
Post #25 of 33
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Registered: Oct 30, 2002
Posts: 8522
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I hate it when this one lady, who is the second in command contact for our biggest client, she calls up and asks me how to do something in our software.
So I tell her how, and she tells me, "that's not how." "You can't do it that way."
Yes you f**kin can. I know how my software works, damnit!
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