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puppypower
Dec 15, 2003, 9:46 PM
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Out of curiousity, but do most of you girl climbers end up dating climbers?
Just wondering if it really does make a big diff since it's an activity that you love, that you need to be with someone who loves it as much, to share in that... Or it just happens cuz that's who you hang out with! (though I wonder if things turn sour, you could lose a good climbing partner...)
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gipsy
Dec 15, 2003, 10:18 PM
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I actually got into climbing thru an ex. He introduced me to trad, then when we broke up I lost not only my climbing partner, but also my biking/backpacking/skiing, etc., partner. Not fun! (especially since I was now relegated to sport routes :roll: Anyway... Yeah, you can try to have that "I'm not gonna date a climber" rule, and it might work, but the bottom line is that if there's chemistry, there's chemistry, and even if he's not a climber when you start dating, odds are that he will be at some point in the relationship (especially if climbing is a passion) If both of you can be the least bit adult about the situation, you can make it work even after a break up. You obviously saw something in each other initially that you found of value; that aspect is still there after you break up. Besides, in a male dominated sport, you gotta hold your own, Sister!! We've got as much right to be on the rock as the boys do, and if they have a problem with that, then they can either get over it and give you a belay or go elsewhere; there's enough rock to go around! btw - I've since returned to trad and MAN did I miss it!!
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deleted
Deleted
Dec 15, 2003, 10:56 PM
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[quote:3db3a96298="puppypower"]though I wonder if things turn sour, you could lose a good climbing partner.[/quote:3db3a96298]
there's a lot of fish in those waters. cast again.
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calamity_chk
Dec 15, 2003, 11:16 PM
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i tend to date climbers mostly because it's so much of a lifestyle that it would probably become an issue of compatibility otherwise; though, if i met a cool non-climber guy, i would probably date him just the same.
however, i've twice made the mistake of letting a climber bf become my main climbing partner and i likely wont make that mistake again. it's difficult enough for me to lose friends over relationships, losing a climbing partner over it is about the equivalent of cutting my heart out with a spoon. true, you can find more partners, but i'd rather not cross the bridge at all.
assuming that i end up doing the exclusive dating thing again, i seriously doubt that my bf will become my main climbing partner. yeah, it'd be cool to take trips and such together, but as for general cragging, etc., it'll be from a different pond. (think about the cliche: never sh!t where you sleep. ;))
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climbingurlie
Dec 16, 2003, 12:35 AM
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My last two boyfriends were climbers. It's cool having a boyfriend to climb with, but I'd much rather just climb with friends. I find that I get too caught up with kissing him on the third floor than training. Plus, after we broke up, I lost a couple of my climbing partners. Not good. Although, I do have to admit it was hilarious when one of them was leading and the other belaying and he fell and they almost collided. :P
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jaylaka
Dec 16, 2003, 1:01 AM
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three years ago, an ex got me into climbing. my most recent ex is a climber. my current boyfriend is quickly getting into it. so climbing's not a prerequisite, but my significant others must be willing to camp, hike, run, and climb with me. among other things, it's a lifestyle choice. (then again, so's being a parent, i suppose.) you gotta be down for both if it's gonna work. :wink:
and lo and behold, my new boyfriend and my son adore each other, and he's quickly getting into climbing. :D
jen
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moabbeth
Dec 16, 2003, 4:08 AM
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I guess I can only date climber guys cause other than work and sleep, climbing is such the main center of my life that I need someone who understands that same kind of passion. Plus I'm on the road every weekend climbing somewhere so I'm not in town much other than for work. But ITA on Amber's statement that it would be great to have a climber guy...someone you adore and can go to the same places you love, be there to cuddle around the campfire, etc. And be at the crag with you but not necessarily be your main climbing partner. Cause if he is your partner and it ends or ends badly it just sets you up for a world of hurt.
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rvega
Dec 16, 2003, 5:42 AM
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My first serious boyfriend got me into climbing. Dated a bunch of other nonclimber guys and none of them took. My life partner and I climb three days a week and went out on our first date to the local climbing gym. I think we are great together not only because we can climb together but also because we have similar passions for the outdoors, adventure, academics, and living simply.
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climbs4fun
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Dec 16, 2003, 6:03 AM
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I have found that since I climb with a lot of men, guys that I date who aren't climbers, don't understand the intensity of the relationships with my male climbing partners. This becomes a problem. They also don't understand why I would want to go on camping and climbing weekends with other men. They don't and can't relate to my lifestyle. Destined to fail. So... just ends up that I date guys that climb. Not to mention that those are they guys that I meet. The rest of my time is spent at work. Just like when I was a competitive swimmer. I spent so much time in a pool that the only other guys I ever met were swimmers too.
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atg200
Dec 16, 2003, 6:45 AM
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i guess as one of the guys being talked about here, it is tough. i didn't have too much trouble pushing myself, but i had a hard time watching her push herself(even though i encouraged it) because i worried a lot. that manifested itself in other parts of our relationship, and i think i became overprotective. even worse, since i was way more experienced i took on an often unwarranted superior sort of role in nonclimbing issues.
i don't think dating climbers is a problem, but being a partner in an unequal climbing partnership can become a pitfall - especially if one partner or the other spends a lot of time teaching. familiarity breeds contempt, which is heartbreaking.
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spider_woman
Dec 16, 2003, 2:28 PM
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I date a climber and absolutely love it. I have been climbing for a year and up until June of this year was single. I saw the light after the last dead end date being right before a road trip. The guy asked how I would take a shower during this 4 day road trip if I was in the back woods and there was no water? ( isn't the answer obvious?) Anyhow I told him that I wouldn't be showering during the trip, he was appalled. That was the first date, and I never heard from him or saw him after that. That was last December, and from then on I decided no climber no dice. It makes road-trips, climbing and camping that much more exciting when you can share them with someone you love.
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gblauer
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Dec 16, 2003, 2:47 PM
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I broke up with a non climber because he would not climb. I was becoming increasingly obsessed with climbing (as were my kids) and he refused to try. Normally, that would not be a reason to break up, but, we had many other issues, so the climbing issue was the "straw that broke the camel's back". I am now dating a climbing guy (Mitchal) and we are having a wonderful time. We go on fabulous adventures, he is totally great with my kids (teenagers...'nuf said) and we are amazingly compatible off the cliff as well. I think that if you are really into climbing, having a non climbing S.O. will be an issue. Think about it...you are away all day on weekends and/or planning all your vacations around climbing. You are typically climbing with other guys (mostly...not too many women out there). Your non climbing S.O. will feel left out, not involved and not a part of your life.
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the_pirate
Dec 16, 2003, 5:02 PM
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Climbing, dating, or quality trash talk........ I'm available.
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calamity_chk
Dec 16, 2003, 5:31 PM
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In reply to: Climbing, dating, or quality trash talk........ I'm available.
In reply to: being a partner in an unequal climbing partnership can become a pitfall - especially if one partner or the other spends a lot of time teaching.
as far as climbing partnerships go, i would tend to disagree. i enjoy having partners who are more experienced than i am so that i can watch and learn, if you will. if the partner is encouraging and supportive, then i can learn a whole lot simply by watching how s/he does things, checking out the anchor setup, etc. then again, if the partner is negative or condescending, i quickly collapse into test-anxiety mode and become clusterf*ck queen of the year.
as far as dating a climbing partner, the ideal setup in my mind would simply be someone who is encouraging/supportive of my goals and is happy to see me achieve them. based on my personal experiences, however, having a "partner" be a primary climbing partner causes more harm than good - i'd rather just swap stories and support each other than spend most of our time climbing together. though, climbing is a lifestyle for me so dating climbers is more or less a compatibilty factor in my world.
big if - but if i end up seeing someone exclusively again, i'd rather have more climbing without him than with. i'd rather our time together be spent talking about our respective trips, hiking/exploring the canyonlands or scoping out each others climbs - maybe we could schedule trips to the same place with other partners so that we can swap stories at the campfire or share a myriad of adventures together. hell, i'd be way stoked if i had someone to go see the ballet or a cool independent film with, maybe debate over if the av's or stars will win, and check out a nice symphony or small theatre performance every once in a while, but i seriously doubt that i'll pursue another relationship that's strictly focused on one thing or another - be it school, sex, or climbing. i'd rather have a relationship that justs fits in with my life in general. until then, i'm pretty content to work out at the gym, read books about climbing, and study for the GRE.
then again, i've had enough drama over the past year to last me for a while so my basic game plan is work on becoming a strong trad leader, get some solid experience with aiding, go back to school, and move to chile after i finish my masters. after that, we'll see where life takes me .. but i suspect that it will be a fun effin adventure - mostly because i wouldnt have it any other way. ;)
that's my .02 .. though, i'm sure that i'll throw more change in this forum from the cube tomorrow. ;)
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climbingbetty22
Dec 18, 2003, 10:39 PM
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I've been climbing for almost 5 years now and like some of the other folks have said in this thread, its not merely a hobby for me, its a lifestyle.
That being the case, I have had several interesting, caring, adventuresome men interested in me from time to time you were non-climbers. And I was simply not attracted to them because they did not climb. I felt bad about it; I agonized over it in some cases, thinking I was being shallow and I should give them a case despite that.
Then I met my current boyfriend, who is a climber, and I realized all the reasons why I wanted to date another climber. He climbs harder then I do, but that just pushes me. He's patient with me. But I think where it is important is that we are on an even level when it comes to technical knowledge. I don't need him to tell me how to set up my rig for rappeling or anything like that. We have similar aspirations when it comes to climbing. If he wants to climb something harder than I can climb, I have no issues if he climbs with another partner. All-in-all, its a great relationship and I think we will be climbing together and sharing other adventures for a long time to come.
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maculated
Dec 19, 2003, 4:58 AM
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In reply to: That being the case, I have had several interesting, caring, adventuresome men interested in me from time to time you were non-climbers. And I was simply not attracted to them because they did not climb. I felt bad about it; I agonized over it in some cases, thinking I was being shallow and I should give them a case despite that.
My sentiments exactly. I went back to school because I realized how happy climbing makes me, and how many life choices I make because of it, and I can't see myself being happy with a guy who doesn't understand that.
Problem is, I think, many guys with that level of commitment are usually only interested in chicks-for-the-fun-of-it and not useful relationships.
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deleted
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Dec 19, 2003, 5:07 AM
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[quote:8b6f80fa94="maculated"] ... I can't see myself being happy with a guy who doesn't understand that. Problem is, I think, many guys with that level of commitment are usually only interested in chicks-for-the-fun-of-it and not useful relationships.[/quote:8b6f80fa94]
"chicks-for-the-fun-of-it" -- hmmm ... sounds like a great name for a brothel. perhaps one with a drive-thru window. hey -- don't hate me because i'm beautiful. :roll:
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climbhigh2005
Dec 20, 2003, 1:43 AM
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I actually got my boyfriend (of 2 years) into climbing.. butwe were both pretty new to it when we started... I couldnt ever imagine dating anyone besides Simon, not only because there is nowhere in the world I feel more comfortable being, but because we share the same interest, and we spend so much itime on the rock together. All the toher people I climb with are all guys... and I see myself more like one of the guys then anything more with them...
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artofclimbing
Dec 23, 2003, 12:52 AM
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im dating a climber...well more like a boulderer...but the thing is when we go bouldering its like im not even there any more...cause when im on my v3s and 4s hes on his v7s and 8s but he does give me beta and he does set routes for the gym we go to so he makes some problems for me...hes really good at that so i like dating a climber....i dont really have time for frieds outside of school and climbing so when your my friend and you climb it works out...and its even better since i have a bf who climbs so we can see each other more often....we have been dating for about 3 months and its been going great ever since...we met climbing...i like him..a lot haha :)
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potatoe
Dec 23, 2003, 5:31 AM
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I'm not dating a climber, nor have I ever, but it seems like a great idea to me. Someone I could learn a lot from that shares my passion. And then maybe he will be the first guy who understands why my hands are destroyed! Haha.
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kellie
Dec 23, 2003, 10:27 PM
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If I were looking for another climbing partner (which I'm not particularly, I have plenty now) I'd be looking for a good climber. However, in regards to a boyfriend, I've got my eyes open for a good man. Not necessarily the same thing.
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moabbeth
Dec 24, 2003, 4:19 AM
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In reply to: In reply to: Someone I could learn a lot from that shares my passion. though everyone is different, i've found that dating climbing mentors is a horrible idea. if things get serious, teaching/learning together can become pretty frustrating for both individuals and can actually cause problems with the relationship itself. i'd rather learn from one person and share my life/passions with another, but that's just me .. and i am kinda weird. ;)
You're not weird. Some guys make good boyfriends but lousy teachers (and vice versa) and it can cause damage to the relationship. Most climber guys I know tend to agree, teaching your girlfriend is not a good idea. Be around and climb in the same area but let someone else you trust do the instructing. Let HIM do the dirty work and tell you what you're doing wrong, what isn't working, what you need to start doing better, etc etc :wink: . Cause saying "I love you" in the morning to someone only to have them yell at you on the rock hours later when you don't understand something isn't healthy for a relationship.
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