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lovnlife
Jan 14, 2007, 6:24 AM
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htotsu
Jan 14, 2007, 7:34 AM
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I will respond as though you are serious.
[Reality check]
lovnlife wrote: What I want peoples opinions on are why is he still talking and flirting with me, even though he is with someone
lovnlife wrote: What I really am asking is there really something there between us, and it will just never happen, or am I just part of a big game.
lovnlife wrote: WE are both completely honest with one another and have nothing to hide it was just wrong timing.
lovnlife wrote: it was just wrong timing.
[particularly harsh but well-meaning wake -up call]Is he asking these questions on a forum somewhere right now, or is he, perhaps, not thinking of you at all, and spending quality time with the woman he chooses to claim publicly and without shame or secrecy? If he really wanted to be with you, HE WOULDN'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS SOMEONE ELSE. This really the kind of guy you want to be with? You must think you deserve no better, which is something I recommend you look into. [/particularly harsh but well-meaning wake-up call]
lovnlife wrote: I just can not find anything wrong with him.
You can be this guy's plaything while having no claim on him whatsoever, and be a part of his infidelity, and you can pretend there is nothing wrong with it. You can look at your post as though your best, most treasured, precious woman friend wrote it, and write out the response you would send to her, and follow the advice yourself. Choose.
[/Reality Check]
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crackrn
Jan 14, 2007, 10:54 AM
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Okay, I would never have taken the time to write all that out but it is absolutely, without a doubt, dead on. Nice job, htotsu.
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happy_climber
Jan 14, 2007, 2:56 PM
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Move on - you can do so much better! Do you really want to be with someone who has a girlfriend, but can not be faithful to her? Htotsu hit the nail on the head!
Take care 
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macherry
Jan 14, 2007, 9:14 PM
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no mention of climbing in the OP's post. come on peeps, if were' gonna talk relationships, could we at least mention climbing
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lovnlife
Jan 14, 2007, 11:50 PM
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ok, we were climbing on a mountain and i started thinking that things didnt make sense, so we climbed down and talked it out :)
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clee03m
Jan 15, 2007, 11:37 AM
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No matter what is going through his head, this will never work out. Even if he ends up with you (which he won't), you will always be paranoid that he is cheating on you and think he will eventually ditch you like he did his last girlfriend. He will eventually get sick of your jealousy, and what you feared will come true. Hope you are wearing a condom; he sounds like he gets around. I mean, you don't think you are the only other woman?
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miademus
Jan 15, 2007, 8:45 PM
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my friend had the same relationchip with a girl,so vice versa.
they were gd friends and so, but for him there was always something more in it then for her...
at you ,manner i belive that you probably best fit...try outs should worth it for sure.
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shimanilami
Jan 16, 2007, 12:05 AM
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Whether he is doing it consciously or not, and whether he is doing it honestly or not, he is using you. Even if you could piece together a relationship, its foundation will be shaky at best.
I know because I used to be this guy. And I used to love women like you. But in the end, I'd never commit to someone that allowed me to walk all over them. Frankly, I just didn't respect them the way I needed to if we were to be together in a committed fashion.
IMHO, you need to move on.
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lovnlife
Jan 16, 2007, 12:14 AM
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What do you mean by women like me? Do you mean that I am there every time he calls? Im not trying to sound offended, just curious :) In the beginning of our physical history we were both using each other, but then I that the last time we were together that I could not do it anymore. I have not seen him since then, but we do seem to talk a lot.
We just go way back, and I frankly think that he needs to move on too, but we are just drawn to each other in good and bad ways. Thank you for your advice. I have cut back on talking to him as much too, which will slowly diminsh. It hard to stop talking to someone overnight.
We both are at different levels in our lives so that helps.
(This post was edited by lovnlife on Jan 16, 2007, 12:20 AM)
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shimanilami
Jan 16, 2007, 12:26 AM
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lovnlife wrote: What do you mean by women like me?
Sorry. Didn't mean to overgeneralize. What I meant was women who feel that if the guy's being honest and open, then the cheating is acceptable. And that he'll eventually "come around".
I was once dating two women at the same time. I'd sleep with one in the morning and tell her I was going to go sleep with the other one in the afternoon. And I'd tell the second that I'd just slept with the first that morning. And they both tolerated this. It seemed to me as though they both thought they could outlast the other. Neither realized that I had no respect for either of them. They thought I was "figuring it out." But I had it well figured out already.
I appreciate that it's difficult to stop talking to someone overnight. But to use the analogy, "If you're going to cut off your/his finger, do you cut it off a little bit at a time until it's gone? Or do you just cut the whole thing off at once?" Your choice.
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lovnlife
Jan 16, 2007, 4:41 AM
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I have never done anything physical with him while he had or has a girlfriend. If I did, I did not know. I questioned his actions, and he said that they were not together when anything ever happened to us. I do believe him... only I dont like the circumstances surrounding it.
Relationships can get rocky and you arent together. But I believe at the time they werent together because of the rockiness, was when he decided I will give this other girl a call.. that being me.
But I understand that I probably would not have his respect in the long run if I were to keep flirting and talking to him more than normal when he has a girlfriend. Besides, I would not want to end up with him because I do know that I would have doubts.
(This post was edited by lovnlife on Jan 16, 2007, 5:14 AM)
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foodlovur
Jan 16, 2007, 6:13 AM
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Registered: Aug 25, 2006
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I hear you sista! I'm totally crushin' on this guy with a girl. He tells me what I want to hear: they're not compatible, she's the last thing he needs, he just doesn't want to hurt her...
Yes, I think there is something between you. Yes, you could get your happy ending. But, for the time being, there isn't anything you can say or do to make that unfold now.
But my heart doesn't really give a crap about that truth. Yours?
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Flyweight
Jan 16, 2007, 11:26 AM
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Registered: Dec 21, 2006
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It sounds like this situation is causing you a lot of pain. I suggest you get some counselling to help resolve your underlying issues (it's probably more than just "relationship" problems).
Also, try http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ . It's a dating/relationship site and you might get some good advice there.
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stymingersfink
Jan 19, 2007, 5:03 AM
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because as the saying goes...
one is never enough.
or...
a man will always take as much as he can get.
can you be happy with that? If not it's time to get over it and move on with your life.
if you can live with it there's a whole 'nother bag of issues which will need to be dealt with.
neither road is easy...
but then life never is.
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