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guangzhou
May 18, 2012, 2:03 AM
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I am a man and when people ask me why I have no children, I explain that I am to selfish. I spend all my free time doing what I want, when I want, where I want. Children would slow this down.
I find nothing wrong with being selfish.
E
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olderic
May 18, 2012, 2:06 AM
Post #27 of 94
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guangzhou wrote: I am a man and when people ask me why I have no children, I explain that I am to selfish. E
redundant
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guangzhou
May 18, 2012, 6:31 AM
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Nice. I've always known I was selfish, I didn't realize it was all men.
Living in Asia, I often get asked about how many children I have. Here in Indonesia, people can't imagine a husband and wife not wanting children, or even waiting to have children.
My wife and I say we're waiting so we can enjoy our time together and travel more. The people who ask are amazed that we put traveling and climbing ahead of being a three child family.
Only recently have I even considered having children actually.
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iamthewallress
May 23, 2012, 2:18 PM
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I think that having kids is usually selfish (unless you're doing it for your spouse or parents and don't want it yourself), but actually raising them requires the selflessness to put the kids needs first when appropriate. Either way, I don't care for them enough to want to make my own, and I think the planet is down with me not adding to its burden in this particular way.
My MIL was talking about how awesome it was to take vacation as a retired grandma when there were no kids around to take to the potty or get a snack every few minutes...you just get to do what you want. I laughed and said that one need not wait until retirement to indulge in this pleasure....ask me how I know. Since I'm sure she'd be thrilled with a couple more grand kids to take to the potty, she instantly started back tracking. LOL.
My husband and i have been lucky to both be the youngest in our families whose sibs have already provided some grandkids. We've never gotten any real pressure.
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Khoi
May 26, 2012, 5:10 AM
Post #30 of 94
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wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children.
I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish.
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drivel
May 29, 2012, 4:33 PM
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Khoi wrote: wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children. I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish.
from girlfriends or from random people?
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Khoi
Jun 1, 2012, 5:59 AM
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drivel wrote: Khoi wrote: wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children. I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish. from girlfriends or from random people?
Never from any girlfriends. I am upfront about my desire to remain child-free early on. It's been from relatives, family friends, and a few random people.
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granite_grrl
Jun 1, 2012, 1:14 PM
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Khoi wrote: drivel wrote: Khoi wrote: wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children. I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish. from girlfriends or from random people? Never from any girlfriends. I am upfront about my desire to remain child-free early on. It's been from relatives, family friends, and a few random people.
I feel as a married woman I have had a lot more pressure from aquantences and the guys on the floor I've worked with about having babies than my husband has. Ironically most of this pressure has been from guys (though that might be more a function that there are very few women anywhere that I've worked).
I feel that there's more expectation that the woman will want, and should want to have babies.
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SylviaSmile
Jun 1, 2012, 2:55 PM
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granite_grrl wrote: Khoi wrote: drivel wrote: Khoi wrote: wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children. I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish. from girlfriends or from random people? Never from any girlfriends. I am upfront about my desire to remain child-free early on. It's been from relatives, family friends, and a few random people. I feel as a married woman I have had a lot more pressure from aquantences and the guys on the floor I've worked with about having babies than my husband has. Ironically most of this pressure has been from guys (though that might be more a function that there are very few women anywhere that I've worked). I feel that there's more expectation that the woman will want, and should want to have babies.
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josephfazioli
Jun 4, 2012, 6:10 PM
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My mother nags me constantly about having kids, but not so much my wife, Katie. She thinks it's my responsibility to start a family (whether Katie wants to or not) and it's a little bit creepy. The pressure I get about having kids comes mainly from family, and it's terrible.
I'm young, immature, self-centered, essentially transient, and poor. Yeah, my kids would have a great childhood. Lol.
I hate that "society" puts pressure on women to procreate. Not only is it a personal decision, but it seems like a huge conspiracy to reduce career potential. That's not to say that children will prevent a career, but statistically, mom's earn less. WTF is that about?
While I'm ranting.... I had a job interviewer ask if I had, or was planning on having kids in the near future. I said "no" and he said "good." Harsh. I didn't take the job. Regardless of whether or not I want kids, a stance in one way or the other is off-putting. Whatever decision you want to make, I'm all for it.
Kudos to youdos.
Joe
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granite_grrl
Jun 4, 2012, 6:19 PM
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SylviaSmile wrote: granite_grrl wrote: Khoi wrote: drivel wrote: Khoi wrote: wonderwoman wrote: We are not selfish when we don't want to have children. We just don't want children. You would never hear a man being accused of being selfish for not wanting to have children. I'm a guy who doesn't want kids. I've faced more than a few accusations of being selfish. from girlfriends or from random people? Never from any girlfriends. I am upfront about my desire to remain child-free early on. It's been from relatives, family friends, and a few random people. I feel as a married woman I have had a lot more pressure from aquantences and the guys on the floor I've worked with about having babies than my husband has. Ironically most of this pressure has been from guys (though that might be more a function that there are very few women anywhere that I've worked). I feel that there's more expectation that the woman will want, and should want to have babies. Just noticing the wording of your post, I wonder if maybe women feel it as "pressure" more than guys do. In other words, maybe all the teasing/razzing/accusations of being selfish roll off a guy's back more easily? I've never been in the situation myself, so I don't know how it would feel or work firsthand.
I would be will to accept this, hopefully some fellows following this thread will be able to let us know how many people have approched them and sugested they have kids (and I'm not just talking family here, mom will probably nag both son and daughter just as much, I'm talking about people who I work with and truthfully barely know).
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madaloon
Jul 8, 2012, 11:16 PM
Post #37 of 94
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I never played house or with baby dolls when I was a kid. I was happier parachuting my Barbies off the roof and tearing around on my Big Wheel and then bike. Then I hit puberty and got talked to about my babymaking potential. I knew that I never wanted to have anything growing in me.
Many have told me that this is a phase, that I will feel my clock start ticking and have an overwhelming desire to breed. My mom is the most vocally disappointed. Relationships have ended or hardly started because the guys realized that I was serious about my no baby policy.
I wouldn't say that I'm selfish, I just have no desire to raise a human. I'd happily raise a cat or two and could be talked into a dog.
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wonderwoman
Aug 17, 2012, 6:44 PM
Post #38 of 94
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Just found this and had to share:
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potreroed
Aug 19, 2012, 6:02 PM
Post #39 of 94
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wonderwoman wrote: Just found this and had to share: [image] http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/391544_459484617418009_1502268531_n.jpg[/image]
Someday, when you are a lot older, and you realize that your lineage ends with you, you might regret this decision.
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granite_grrl
Aug 20, 2012, 2:36 AM
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potreroed wrote: wonderwoman wrote: Just found this and had to share: [image] http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/391544_459484617418009_1502268531_n.jpg[/image] Someday, when you are a lot older, and you realize that your lineage ends with you, you might regret this decision.
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lena_chita
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Aug 20, 2012, 3:52 PM
Post #41 of 94
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granite_grrl wrote: potreroed wrote: wonderwoman wrote: Just found this and had to share: [image] http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/391544_459484617418009_1502268531_n.jpg[/image] Someday, when you are a lot older, and you realize that your lineage ends with you, you might regret this decision. I don't understand this line of thinking.
Me neither.
But I have heard the sentiment before. For example, my father had commented at one point that he was sad that after my generation there would be no one else carrying his family's last name, since my male cousin had only a girl child, who presumably would marry and take on her husband's name, and my children also have a different last name.
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wonderwoman
Aug 20, 2012, 4:43 PM
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potreroed wrote: wonderwoman wrote: Just found this and had to share: [image] http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/391544_459484617418009_1502268531_n.jpg[/image] Someday, when you are a lot older, and you realize that your lineage ends with you, you might regret this decision.
That's my risk to take. And exactly how young do you happen to think I am? Your comment has a paternalism written all over it.
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potreroed
Aug 20, 2012, 6:19 PM
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Recommended reading: The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.
I would never ask a woman her age.
(This post was edited by potreroed on Aug 20, 2012, 6:25 PM)
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lena_chita
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Aug 20, 2012, 7:26 PM
Post #44 of 94
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potreroed wrote: Recommended reading: The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. I would never ask a woman her age.
Whose age? Marion Zimmer Bradley's. who died in died in 1999, or Morgaine's?
And having read Mists of Avalon, I still fail to see a connection...
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wonderwoman
Aug 20, 2012, 7:33 PM
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potreroed wrote: Recommended reading: The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. I would never ask a woman her age.
You are assuming that I am childbearing age or a young woman, and giving me advice about my personal life according to that assumption. That's pretty paternalistic. PS - I am not a young woman.
I have not read Mist of Avalon. But I can see that it is a piece of fiction.
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potreroed
Aug 20, 2012, 9:31 PM
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I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.
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clee03m
Aug 20, 2012, 10:48 PM
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potreroed wrote: I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.
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dr_feelgood
Aug 21, 2012, 12:45 AM
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clee03m wrote: potreroed wrote: I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children. And you think this is a good reason to bring a child into this world?
"When I am a derelict old fart, I am going to regret not burdening myself and the world with another human who I could have guilted or shamed into taking care of my decrepit ass, both physically and financially, as I did not make the decision that seemed emotionally sound and rational to me at the time."
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chadnsc
Aug 21, 2012, 1:45 PM
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potreroed wrote: I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children.
At that age I might regret not trying a lot of things. It doesn't mean I shouldn't have done them.
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Toast_in_the_Machine
Aug 22, 2012, 12:10 AM
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dr_feelgood wrote: clee03m wrote: potreroed wrote: I am not giving advice. I'm just commenting that when you reach an advanced age you might regret never having had children. And you think this is a good reason to bring a child into this world? Seems about as selfish as it gets... "When I am a derelict old fart, I am going to regret not burdening myself and the world with another human who I could have guilted or shamed into taking care of my decrepit ass, both physically and financially, as I did not make the decision that seemed emotionally sound and rational to me at the time."
Shit. I knew I had kids for all the wrong reasons. I did it so I could play with little kids without being creepy. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go, these ponies aren't going to play themselves.
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