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a_guy_named_smith
Mar 6, 2005, 1:52 AM
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In reply to: She's playing you like a banjo. JL
Yup he is the banjo and she is the violinist. I have this image of a violinist sitting down to play at a concert and pulling out a banjo and plucking out some bluegrass much to the dismay of the audience. Those two worlds, while both good and entertaining, just dont fit-kinda of like our hero's love of climbing and his girlfriend.
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lightandfast
Mar 6, 2005, 1:54 AM
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shoulda known.............. youre from Tulsa, Oklahoma.
home of the worlds largest ghetto riverside redneck trailer park.
just wanted to clarify.
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deschamps1000
Mar 6, 2005, 2:04 AM
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Okay. Here are my thoughts.
It sounds like a major reason she doesn't like you going on climbing trips is that she finds it dangerous and is worried. If this is correct....
You need to address this issue. Do you give her the imprerssion that it's dangerous? Do you tell scary climbing stories to her? Do you watch movies like touching the void with her? If she is worried because of stories you tell, than all of this is really your fault, and you need to rememdy that situation.
If you actually are a wreckless climber and do have a lot of close calls, you need to change the routes you do or how you climb them, if you expect to stay in a relationship with someone that loves you and worries about you.
Also, people always think climbing is less dangerous once they are taken out and shown proper anchors and explained how much force a piece can hold, etc.
Well, good luck. And remember that life is about balance. Climbing is important to many of us, but human relationships should be important too.
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ctardi
Mar 6, 2005, 2:18 AM
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sounds like she has watched too many hollywood climbing movies...maybe try to convince her that it isn't like in hollywood when at least one person dies per trip?
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a_guy_named_smith
Mar 6, 2005, 2:19 AM
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In reply to: shoulda known.............. youre from Tulsa, Oklahoma. home of the worlds largest ghetto riverside redneck trailer park. just wanted to clarify.
what did you expect to find in a person who is from a city when spelled backwards is "a slut"
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montaniero
Mar 6, 2005, 2:19 AM
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In reply to: It sounds like a major reason she doesn't like you going on climbing trips is that she finds it dangerous and is worried. You need to address this issue. Do you give her the imprerssion that it's dangerous?
What are you talking about? Climbing IS dangerous. If you don't assume that from day 1, you're in denial and that will only get you killed faster.
In reply to: If you actually are a wreckless climber and do have a lot of close calls, you need to change the routes you do or how you climb them, if you expect to stay in a relationship with someone that loves you and worries about you.
With all due respect, but you sound like a violin player, not a climber. EVEN if you are not a wreckless climber and do not have a lot of close calls, shit happens (rock fall, avalanche). Specially if you climb routes like the Central Pillar of Freney.
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petsfed
Mar 6, 2005, 4:28 AM
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In reply to: After my last trip she nearly got a nervous breakdown and wanted to split up with me when I got home. I convinced her to give me a second chance (third chance actually) and promised that I wouldn’t go climbing for a while. I love her very much and she knows how important climbing is to me, but apparently she can’t handle the stress of me leaving and maybe not returning (that’s how she sees it).
Oh, passive agressive bullshit. Awesome. We will tell you that she's holding you back. You won't listen. We'll tell you that she has you wrapped around her finger. You won't listen. She'll have you on your hands and knees, waiting to her every whim while she can't be bothered to give you the time of day. We'll tell you "we told you so". You won't listen.
I'd give you advice, but you won't listen, just don't expect me to listen when it finally falls through. And I said "when" not "if".
/has seen it all before
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sumo
Mar 6, 2005, 4:29 AM
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In reply to: I quess anything goes on the site as long as it is remotley tied to climbing. For example, I cant get an erection............is my harness too tight. I have a receding hairline............is it from my helmet. how do you change a flat tire.................Iam on a road trip.
don't forget 401k
on topic
its all about what your willing to compromise
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gastone
Mar 6, 2005, 4:38 AM
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In trying times like these...turn to the wisdom of Snoop Dogg.
Drop it like its hot...
The girl that is. If she was, I mean is, the one, why the hell are you asking for opinions on a rock climbing board. If that is not a subliminal answer to yourself, I don't know what is.
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pawilkes
Mar 6, 2005, 4:45 AM
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at times of confusion or trouble I always turn to music. In this case i would go with a Lyle Lovett song called "If I were the Man You Wanted". the refain goes:
And if I were the man you wanted
I would not be the man that I am.
I'm not saying you should dump her, i know how important relationships can be but its just something to think about. Can you live without climbing? maybe you can but it will change you to some degree. best of luck
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johnhemlock
Mar 6, 2005, 4:45 AM
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I feel for you. My wife is beautiful and intelligent (no violin player, though) and wouldn't sleep on the ground if you gave her $500. But she knows I have to feed the rat. I would agree with the earlier posters who suggested that she's going to have to love you for what you are. In this case, that is apparently a mountain climber. Until that happens, this is an either/or and you have zero chance.
You can make yourself more loveable (and vice versa) with some compromise. I just quit my job in order to climb and screw around for a year. My wife didn't think much of this idea initially and rightly so. But once I demonstrated that I worked hard in preparation so that the bills will be paid, that I would be happier, etc, she warmed to the idea. It took some honest discussion and compromise but I managed to get trips to South America, Nepal, and Scotland out of her without any argument. I was going to try and add-on a West Rib or Moose's Tooth but thought that might be pushing my luck. :D
BTW, I think this sort of discussion is appropriate for this forum and more interesting than "Gri Gri versus Reverso" and "Why Not Backclip" threads. Good luck in sorting it all out.
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servantsheart
Mar 6, 2005, 5:00 AM
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I must say there is a lot of crap advice some guys give... how many of you have girls? good ones?
But there are good things in all this, it is about what you are willing to compromise. I know how hard it is... 90% of the guys on this site will know that it is hard to face situations when in love. Do what your heart desires. Go out to watch a sun set... be alone, contemplate. What is in your heart should come out. You WILL get over her if it is that... or you WILL get over climbing. It is not something that is going shrink your manhood...
you will not regret anything that your heart desires. If you regret it, then you made the wrong choice. You will miss climbing (if that is what you choose)... but you will remember the reason when you wake up and see her face every morning if you get married. Take the advice of taking her to a climbing gym. Maybe introduce her to any of your buddy's girlfriends and when you climb with him... the ladies can hang out and your buddy's g/f will help calm your g/f
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mack_north
Mar 6, 2005, 5:21 AM
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Whenever my night companion Amy worries that I climb too much, I just recite some love poetry to her. This one has proven particularly useful, by Robert Seger. . .
"We've Got Tonight"
I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry, no one will care girl
Look at the stars so far away
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
I've longed for love, like everyone else does
I know I'll keep searching, even after today
So there it is girl, I've said it all now
And here we are babe, what do you say?
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Both of us lonely
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Let's make it last, let's find a way
Turn out the light, come take my hand now
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay?
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robbiehirsch
Mar 6, 2005, 5:52 AM
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I think it all comes down to what do you want more? To have a relationship with a cool girl or go climbing. Hopefully if you choose to stay with your girlfriend she'll be slightly more understanding and let you go on a trip once in a while. But it probably means you're not going to get to live in the Valley for the summer either. So how bad do you want to climb? My ex-girlfriend and I ran into this problem too. Ironically she's the one who got me into climbing and then broke up with me because I climbed too much. But then again I'm 20 and would rather climb than have a relationship.
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reach
Mar 6, 2005, 7:15 AM
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1) girlfriend who climbs? you might as well hunt for the grail :(
2) if she can't handle you spending time away and reams you out about it when you get back the future is dark my friend.
My advice would be to ditch the bitch today and find someone who supports the things you love. :D
Finding love is like finding a good pair of boots; sometimes you need to try on as many pairs of boots as possible to get the right fit (but don't forget to wear a sock). :wink:
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reach
Mar 6, 2005, 7:19 AM
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In reply to: You WILL get over her if it is that... or you WILL get over climbing. It is not something that is going shrink your manhood...
You won't get over climbing and it will shrink you manhood by aproximatly 62.7%. And after that she won't want you anyway
Climb or die :!:
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adeptus
Mar 6, 2005, 10:21 AM
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Thanks guys.
A lot of good advice and a lot of not so good but thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I always though that climbing was the most important thing in my life, but I realise that there are things just as important, like family.
I will have to make a compromise between climbing and my girlfriend and just wait and see if it will last.
I will definitely take her climbing to prove that if can be safe. But I will also start doing some of the things she likes to do and encourage her in pursuing her interests.
I think the word compromise is the key in solving problems like this.
I will not give up my dreams, but I will not chase them like it’s the only thing in life.
I hope others have learnt something from this discussion too.
Thanks again
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deschamps1000
Mar 6, 2005, 2:39 PM
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In reply to: I will not give up my dreams, but I will not chase them like it’s the only thing in life.
Exactly.
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far_east_climber
Mar 6, 2005, 3:33 PM
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She sounds neurotic and possessive. I don't know what else I can say here. Do what you think should be done (I sure know what I would do). I don't mean to be rude or anything.
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wonderwoman
Mar 6, 2005, 3:45 PM
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In reply to: I will have to make a compromise between climbing and my girlfriend and just wait and see if it will last.
Just remember, compromise does not equal sacrifice. If climbing is part of who you are then the person that you ultimately end up with will have to accept that.
In reply to: I will definitely take her climbing to prove that if can be safe. But I will also start doing some of the things she likes to do and encourage her in pursuing her interests.
That is a totally healthy way of looking at things. But when you mention the 'nervouse breakdown' part in your original post it's kind of worrisome. Is she really scared or is she trying to control you? If this is the woman that you would consider spending the rest of your life with, maybe you should do some couples counseling.
Just some input from a woman happily married to her climbing partner! :D
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duracellbunny
Mar 6, 2005, 3:54 PM
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Invite her to spend a day @ the crag and let her try, she might like climbing @ the end...... :wink:
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overlord
Mar 6, 2005, 5:29 PM
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you have three choices.
the two that are easy to accomplish but not that good:
a) stop climbing
b) break up
the third would be to somehow convice her that climbing is a very safe sport. take her climbing. then maybe shell even come with you on your trips.
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comet
Mar 6, 2005, 5:56 PM
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as reiterated by a few today, climbing ISN'T safe. you can (and should) focus on making it as safe as possible, and not just to assuage your girlfriend's fears; that's just good sense.
i am appalled by some of the advice you've gotten here. it sounds like your girlfriend is legitimately upset, not trying to take over your life or control you (i could be wrong; maybe she does want her way all the time). give the poor girl some credit. she does appear to actually love you, and you her. attempting a compromise seems like a good first line of attack.
geez guys. i love to climb too, and i'm not suggesting he give it up, but there IS more to life than climbing. really. and you guys have the nerve to bitch that there aren't any good girls out there. your standards are so high--requiring her to worship the ground you walk on and love every single part of your existence--it's no wonder you're alone. hmph.
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justthemaid
Mar 6, 2005, 6:08 PM
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This may not be so black and white.
Is there room for comprimise? Does she like hiking and camping? Could you involve her somehow?. If she hates outdoors, maby you could keep climbing closer to home (day trips only). I assume the stressful trips are the ones where you leave for multiple days. Call her at the end of each day to let her know you're alive. Women (myself included) naturally assume you are dead in a broken heap if you don't call. I'd like to think you could keep BOTH things you love.
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petsfed
Mar 6, 2005, 7:14 PM
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In reply to: as reiterated by a few today, climbing ISN'T safe. you can (and should) focus on making it as safe as possible, and not just to assuage your girlfriend's fears; that's just good sense. i am appalled by some of the advice you've gotten here. it sounds like your girlfriend is legitimately upset, not trying to take over your life or control you (i could be wrong; maybe she does want her way all the time). give the poor girl some credit. she does appear to actually love you, and you her. attempting a compromise seems like a good first line of attack. geez guys. i love to climb too, and i'm not suggesting he give it up, but there IS more to life than climbing. really. and you guys have the nerve to b---- that there aren't any good girls out there. your standards are so high--requiring her to worship the ground you walk on and love every single part of your existence--it's no wonder you're alone. hmph.
I was speaking from experience.
Consider this: for a lot of the people here, climbing is major part of their lives. If a woman (or man) asks them to give it up for them, its clear where in the priority list that person really lies. More succinctly, if my girl asked me to give up climbing, she doesn't really understand how much I enjoy climbing. I might reach a point where I'll stop climbing for her, but not because she asked me to.
ANYTIME somebody issues an "it or me" ultimatum, they really don't understand the value of "it". Its a selfish viewpoint, to be certain, but if the person is feeling so threatened by "it", maybe they should make themselves more worth my time.
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