|
clausti
Jun 24, 2006, 4:07 PM
Post #1 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 5, 2004
Posts: 5690
|
Given:
Climbers can be very independent people.
The self-concept of "independence" can be integral to the person's self-image.
?A relationship requires a certain amount of inter-dependence?
An extended road trip/ sharing/living-in a car involves an enormous amount of time in each other's physical presence.
Both parties in the relationship enjoy and trust one another as climbing partners.
SO, has anyone here taken an extended road trip with their partner? did the relationship survive? How did you accommodate each person's need for autonomy?
|
|
|
|
|
colotopian
Jun 26, 2006, 3:29 AM
Post #2 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 17, 2005
Posts: 518
|
In reply to: Given: Climbers can be very independent people. The self-concept of "independence" can be integral to the person's self-image. ?A relationship requires a certain amount of inter-dependence? An extended road trip/ sharing/living-in a car involves an enormous amount of time in each other's physical presence. Both parties in the relationship enjoy and trust one another as climbing partners. SO, has anyone here taken an extended road trip with their partner? did the relationship survive? How did you accommodate each person's need for autonomy?
Yee-uuuhh... Ever been alone in a crowd? How about totally alone and not even aware of it? Are you worried about your image? His maybe?
In reply to: The self-concept of "independence" can be integral to the person's self-image.
In reply to: Both parties in the relationship enjoy and trust one another as climbing partners.
Yes, I have, to answer one of your questions. Not a big deal... we couldn't keep our cloths on. To accommodate each others need for space we... gave each other space.:? I bet this is one of those "lets just be friends" and not really wanting to be friends kind of things. Complicated... and not at the same time.
Hey, there's a 'pants parties' joke in here somewhere. :lol:
|
|
|
|
|
comet
Jun 26, 2006, 4:15 AM
Post #3 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Feb 5, 2005
Posts: 358
|
Independence and compromise aren't opposites--you can do both, and the success of the trip will lie in your ability to balance your and your partner's needs. If by "independence" you mean "Whatevah, I do what I want, when I want, end of story": Yup, you will run into major problems. If you can be more flexible about what success entails, communicate with your partner, AND you have similar goals, your relationship can do well and your climbing/independence/whatever needs can get met.
In my experience, the closer you are in terms of ability, motivation, and likes/dislikes, the better off you'll be. Even a weeklong trip can end up sucking if you're not on the same page.
On the other hand, Colotopian might have a point...Is this being spurred by apriori doubts you have about the relationship?
|
|
|
|
|
granite_grrl
Jun 26, 2006, 2:00 PM
Post #4 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Oct 25, 2002
Posts: 15084
|
When I fist met my to be husband we were both on climbing trips. I travelled with him for 3 or 4 weeks, then at the end of my trip I visited him and we hung out/travelled for another 3 weeks. Since then we've been on trips/visiting each other for up to two weeks at a time.
We are not the most compatable climbing partners, we did/do have to comprimize. Sport climbing makes things easier because at a min there's usually something I can work on at a crag that he has stuff he wants to do. Trad climbing is harder because I have to follow what he leads (sometimes too hard for me), and he has to follow what I lead (sometimes boring for him).
But does that stop us from travelling together? Nope, because its nice to have someone to cuddle up with at the end of the day. Nice that you could share something special with someone you care for. I do like to have a bit of my alone time, but I haven't found it to be too much of an issue with my husband, he'll usually give me space if I need it.
|
|
|
|
|
acacongua
Jun 26, 2006, 3:04 PM
Post #5 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Feb 14, 2003
Posts: 657
|
Colotopian: I really think there is something wrong with you. Really, I do.
Clausti, no advice from me because I'm smart enough to avoid that. Just kidding ... good luck though. But I would recommend that you both make an agreement that if one requests space or time alone that the other agrees to it without question.
|
|
|
|
|
colotopian
Jun 26, 2006, 7:51 PM
Post #6 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Dec 17, 2005
Posts: 518
|
In reply to: Colotopian: I really think there is something wrong with you. Really, I do.
yep, chances are... but hey, I mean well. :D Did some good bouldering in telluride the other day by the way!
|
|
|
|
|
cracklover
Jun 26, 2006, 8:55 PM
Post #7 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 14, 2002
Posts: 10162
|
A few thoughts based on my experience...
In reply to: Given: Climbers can be very independent people.
Check.
In reply to: The self-concept of "independence" can be integral to the person's self-image.
"Can" being the operative word in this sentence. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think that as you get older, it's less necessary to actively prove your independance. It starts to simply be part of who you are. Unless it's not who you are. Know what I mean?
In reply to: ?A relationship requires a certain amount of inter-dependence?
Abso-freaking-lutely. This is a very difficult line to walk. You just have to figure out what level of independence versus interdependence works for you, individually, and as a couple. What works for me and my partner doesn't work for you and yours. Communicate. Listen. And not just to what your partner says, but also to what he doesn't say.
In reply to: SO, has anyone here taken an extended road trip with their partner? did the relationship survive? How did you accommodate each person's need for autonomy?
I could answer your question directly, and with specifics, but I don't think that's as valuable as what I really want to say:
My last long term relationship ended *despite* such times, not because of them. We were closer - even when we were fighting - on trips together... because we had shared goals. It's those times I cherish more than any other. I'll remember the adventures I had with her to my grave.
Each serious relationship you get in will have its own unique hurdles around independence/interdependence. I could share mine, but they will not be the same as yours. Hell, mine aren't even the same as mine, one to the next! Bring creativity, intelligence, plenty of energy, and a sense of humor, and you're halfway over whatever the times throw at you. And never presume that you're done learning.
Okay - here's what I think, boiled down to the essence: your relationship will last as long as it lasts. Cram all the good stuff into that limited time that you can - good sex, good adventures on the road, good screaming fights where you learn something real about him and yourself that never would have come out, and good times when just being in each other's presence, doing nothing, feels like a gift.
GO
|
|
|
|
|
mink
Jun 26, 2006, 9:19 PM
Post #8 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Aug 17, 2005
Posts: 46
|
Comet has a good point - you can have your independence while compromising on things that aren't as important to you. You find ways to get your own down time. I recently took a ~3 week climbing/hiking road trip with my climbing partner in the end our friendship is a lot stronger and we are much closer.
I found ways to get away on my own early in the morning while he slept and late in the afternoon after we climbed. I went for a 1-2 hour run or siesta at the pool. My absence (I assume) also gave him the down time that perhaps he needed as well. Even during the approach to/from crags, which sometimes took up to 2 hours, we would hike at our own paces, stopping only to point out something interesting or to get our bearings. So while we were together, we had our own personal time.
We did prepare the obvious stuff that could have resulted in potential arguments and/or tiffs - e.g. printed copies of all the driving directions to each hotel/crag and hotel reservations/confirmation and brought a ridiculous amount of maps and guide books. So if we ever found ourselves either directionally lost or looking for something, it turned into an adventure, not a stressful situation. And for those long days spent in the car/plane/train/hotel room for hours, just respect each others' space. Bring along a iPod (or similar device) or a good book and lose yourself in your own world - likewise allow your partner to do the same.
As for climbing, if you can't find crags that have a range of levels for the both of you, assuming you don't climb at the same grade, take turns during the day, or try out different crags on alternate days that suits each others' climbing preferences.
Just take it day by day and relax. Try not to plan every day or every moment. Good luck and enjoy your trip!
|
|
|
|
|
caughtinside
Jun 26, 2006, 11:53 PM
Post #9 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Jan 8, 2003
Posts: 30603
|
In reply to: My last long term relationship ended *despite* such times, not because of them. We were closer - even when we were fighting - on trips together... because we had shared goals. It's those times I cherish more than any other. I'll remember the adventures I had with her to my grave.
Maybe if you pop a string of gear on what sounds like a C2 relationship, you aren't qualified to be telling beginners how to do it? :P
|
|
|
|
|
cracklover
Jun 27, 2006, 3:24 AM
Post #10 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 14, 2002
Posts: 10162
|
In reply to: In reply to: My last long term relationship ended *despite* such times, not because of them. We were closer - even when we were fighting - on trips together... because we had shared goals. It's those times I cherish more than any other. I'll remember the adventures I had with her to my grave. Maybe if you pop a string of gear on what sounds like a C2 relationship, you aren't qualified to be telling beginners how to do it? :P
I dunno if trolling with inside jokes is kosher in the Ladies Room. But it gave me a smile - thanks!
Qualified? Unqualified? Who the fuck knows. I know I don't belong in the Ladies' room. But I only poke my head in here very rarely, and never for long.
Adios,
GO
|
|
|
|
|
bigevilgrape
Jun 28, 2006, 3:12 PM
Post #11 of 11
(1983 views)
Shortcut
Registered: Nov 4, 2001
Posts: 922
|
If you can't stand to be around each other for a few weeks on a road trip then its not going to be a lasting relationship anyway. You'll deffinitly have some good fights on the way, like when someone misses a turn and you wind up in the middle of nowhere in canada at 1am, but you should recover once you blow off some steam.
|
|
|
|
|
|
