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peytonweiler
Apr 17, 2010, 3:12 AM
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Okay. Would it be better if I added that he works at the gym I go to... and that he coaches a youth team?
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clausti
Apr 17, 2010, 3:13 AM
Post #27 of 51
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karmiclimber wrote: Guru? Really? Sweetheart, he sounds like a jerkface! Find some chicas your own age to climb with. How do I know what is going on here? Because I keep working the same angle on Dingus to be my guru. And no he is not a jerkface because I am fully grown at 29. But still utterly fly, tyvm.
i know you said your mommy claws are coming out, karmi, but that's a little harsh.
so i'm a girl, and i started climbing in the gym when i was 15. there were exactly two other teenage climbers at the gym from then till i graduated high school, and both were boys. but to be honest, i didn't climb with them a lot. mostly, like the OP, i climbed with college kids and whoever was around. and those guys, whatever they may have thought of my body, would not have touched me with a 39 and a half foot pole while i was underage. so while the OP may or may not be throwing herself at said "guru," absent any tales of him acting sketchy, i'd assume he's, at worst, biding his time.
but i wasn't allowed to climb outside, because my parents didn't want me overnight with boys or anyone old enough to buy me alcohol. this finally changed after i graduated high school, though i was as couple months shy of 18.
i'd say, my best advice is get as strong as you can in the gym, and save up whatever you can to buy your own gear to climb outside. because if you can put up your own routes, then you can approach the partner search at a much more comfortable balance of power. and then have a birthday, and move out of your parents' house.
oh, and sometimes fish in barrels should be shot.
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clausti
Apr 17, 2010, 3:19 AM
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peytonweiler wrote: Okay. Would it be better if I added that he works at the gym I go to... and that he coaches a youth team?
i mean, maybe. i don't see anything wrong with it in the first place, unless y'all are doing it, which i didn't hear mentioned.
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peytonweiler
Apr 17, 2010, 3:30 AM
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nope. Just climbing buddies (and I know I'm going to sound immature but... ew).
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karmiclimber
Apr 17, 2010, 4:00 AM
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Glad to hear I was wrong. I didn't mean to be harsh I am a mom and I get protective. Now go kick some ass climbing.
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karmiclimber
Apr 17, 2010, 4:04 AM
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I didn't mean to be harsh. I'm just a mom and old enough to know that personally sometimes older guys view younger females in a sexually objectifying manor and I wanted to raise awareness. Sorry
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coastal_climber
Apr 17, 2010, 4:19 AM
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You guys don't realize this is probably a DATELINE sting?
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jager824
Apr 17, 2010, 5:31 AM
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haleymay wrote: if I were your age and my dad had issues (which as your parent he rightfully should be worried) I would take my dad to the gym, teach him to belay and make him my belay slave until I could find a decent partner he approved of. good luck.
+1
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coastal_climber
Apr 17, 2010, 6:56 AM
Post #34 of 51
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I climb with women 14 years older than mean, what does that mean?
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sungam
Apr 17, 2010, 10:06 AM
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karmiclimber wrote: I like you so don't take this personal like. You are wrong. No nice 28 year old would mentor a 17 year old girl. Just based on how it looks. Lets be real.
No offense, but this shit get's me pissed off. People need to be less fucking paranoid about this, it's dividing generations - who will the young guns learn from if not those with experiance?
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sungam
Apr 17, 2010, 10:11 AM
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karmiclimber wrote: I didn't mean to be harsh. I'm just a mom and old enough to know that personally sometimes older guys view younger females in a sexually objectifying manor and I wanted to raise awareness. Sorry
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granite_grrl
Apr 17, 2010, 1:43 PM
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karmiclimber wrote: I like you so don't take this personal like. You are wrong. No nice 28 year old would mentor a 17 year old girl. Just based on how it looks. Lets be real.
I figure there has to be a reason why some women get plagued with getting hit on, while other ladies like myself have never had a problem (could be that climber boys think I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm much worse than average). So at the risk to being mega flamed myself, I'm going to say it comes down to how ladies carry themselves. I've seen the mega flirty girls complain about boy scuz they have to deal with. I'm not going to say they were asking for it, but there are ladies out there that tend to lead guys on.
So after that full rant I'm going to sugest the OP not use her sex in anyway to gain climbing partners....it's too liable to backfire and go places you're not interested. It's better to be a strong proud girl and get partners that respect that about you.
I'll also echo clausti's comment about being self sufficient. There's a lot more out there for you if you can put up lines for yourself.
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johnwesely
Apr 17, 2010, 2:01 PM
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sungam wrote: karmiclimber wrote: Guru? Really? Sweetheart, he sounds like a jerkface! Find some chicas your own age to climb with. How do I know what is going on here? Because I keep working the same angle on Dingus to be my guru. And no he is not a jerkface because I am fully grown at 29. But still utterly fly, tyvm. If a guy is being nice enough to teach a girl younger then him how to climb but isn't being a creeper he isn't being a jerkface, K. It's just a nice thing to do. I reckon that was a pretty tight thing to say. And I mean tight like tight-assed and mean, not tight like the stupid way that people like Weasly use it.
Me? I hope I never used that word. If I did, I am sorry.
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karmiclimber
Apr 17, 2010, 2:01 PM
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Its all good. I'm the lone dissenter anyway. I honestly can say that I don't use my sex to get to partners, but I stick to talking to women when I go to the gym. It always feel like if I am friendly (not flirting) to the guys, they think it means something else. Granted that is WAY more of a problem here in Ohio. I felt like I could talk to anyone in California or Oregon and guys didn't automatically assume I wanted something more. Sometimes though I do get to just chit chat with guys and they are cool here. I dunno, its a mixed bag.
But I have had female climbing partners from all over...and when it gets to chit chat time in the tent...I have heard about dbags taking advantage.
So, Magnus, get your panties all in a bunch all you want...not every guy is YOU. I'm not saying they are all bad, but you can't speak for everyone.
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johnwesely
Apr 17, 2010, 2:05 PM
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karmiclimber wrote: I guess. I'm just trying to look out for her best interest. I'm not saying all guys are creeps, but some do and will take advantage. Even johnwesley said he would not climb with a 17 year old girl and he is 21. Just imagine if it was your daughter...17 years old and her climbing partner was male and 28...
I wouldn't climb with her because it would be viewed as inappropriate, not because it actually is.
That being said, There are a lot of guys my age that are rather "predatory", for lack of a better word, to younger women. They are not a majority or at all representative of the male population, but they are out there. These guys tend to be outspoken and vocal about their proclivity, so they tend to be overrepresented in the collective consciousness.
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karmiclimber
Apr 17, 2010, 2:42 PM
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Well spoken. In my opinion, if the older guy is telling the girl she is "stupid" or "can't do it on her own", he is attempting to make her cling to him. If a guy does that, run in the opposite direction quickly.
I dunno. I used to have a Facebook. And on that facebook I had a friend with a 13 year old daughter, who also had a facebook page. And I live in Ohio, midwest, blah blah blah. Sometimes when I looked at her page, I would see her friends profile pics...or what they posted on her wall. Maybe I'm just an old fuddy duddy, but it seems like the kids are getting sexual younger and younger. And women are being raised in a culture that values women in a very sexual way...if you don't like something about yourself...go get plastic surgery! Instead of, become strong and value yourself for what you have to offer as a human being. I'm tangeting hardcore lol. Blah, flame away people. I'm only offering ONE woman's perspective on MY OWN life experience. Carry on.
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dan2see
Apr 17, 2010, 2:45 PM
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haleymay wrote: if I were your age and my dad had issues (which as your parent he rightfully should be worried) I would take my dad to the gym, teach him to belay and make him my belay slave until I could find a decent partner he approved of. good luck.
Yes!
I often say, "If you don't like the way things are getting done around here, then help!"
Maybe he'll turn around and decide that climbing is fun and healthy and good for growing girls. When my girl was your age, I sometimes chauffeured her around town on my motorcycle. We'd pretend that I was her biker slave.
So if he won't help you, just do it. A lot of teens do a lot of things that the old folks don't want. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
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sungam
Apr 17, 2010, 7:51 PM
Post #43 of 51
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I can second the sentiment about friendliness being confused for something more. I've found myself in some awkward situations from just trying to be friendly/nice.
PS BTW FWIW Weas, I was just joking. I know you wouldn't say "tight".
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Adk
Apr 17, 2010, 8:38 PM
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I don't know... Try to encourage those that you do climb with to bring their girlfriends???
I have a daughter just a few years younger than you and it would be ok with me if she climbed with guys or gals in their 20's.
Your dad needs to realize that the climbing group as a hole is not as wacked as is most of society. Well, we are but we climb for the love of the rock not for the thrill of the belayers view.
See if you can hook up with an older couple that has children as old as you.
Good luck
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jbro_135
Apr 17, 2010, 9:08 PM
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i'd climb with you
(legal in Canada)
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mheyman
Apr 18, 2010, 4:17 AM
Post #46 of 51
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In reply to: So after that full rant I'm going to sugest the OP not use her sex in anyway to gain climbing partners....it's too liable to backfire and go places you're not interested. It's better to be a strong proud girl and get partners that respect that about you. I'll also echo clausti's comment about being self sufficient.
Life lessons for many girls/women IE not applicable to just climbing!
(This post was edited by mheyman on Apr 18, 2010, 4:32 AM)
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tehbillzor
Apr 18, 2010, 4:38 AM
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I think their was a Question asked in the original post that has not been answered yet, and my be very useful for peyton.
"...get talking with the other climbers but I'm not sure how to ask if they want to climb sometime"
The way I ask climbers at gyms or crags to go climbing is find someone i would like to climb with ask if you can borrow them for a few belays if they are not with some one else, and after a little bit of climbing ask if and when they frequent the gym or crag. If you enjoy climbing with them then you ask if they would like to meet you again at a future time and date, and if you feel comfortable trade phone numbers. If they say yes great if not well your in the same spot you were before.
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petsfed
Apr 19, 2010, 4:24 AM
Post #48 of 51
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karmiclimber wrote: Glad to hear I was wrong. I didn't mean to be harsh I am a mom and I get protective. Now go kick some ass climbing.
I could actually go either way on this one. I worked at a climbing wall for a long time, so I tended to know who was underage and who wasn't. And on more than one occasion, I'd chuckle to one of my coworkers "He does know she's 17, right? RIGHT?" It never became a real issue, since I worked at a college wall, but its true, some some people will start climbing with other people just because they find them attractive. There were jokes about it amongst the staff, but if we saw one of our friends do it, we'd rake him (or her) over the coals for it.
As with all things, you shouldn't automatically assume the worst, but it never hurts to be cautious when dealing with new partners. That goes for belaying ability as well as any double entendres that involve the word "belay".
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karmiclimber
Apr 19, 2010, 1:09 PM
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I totally see your side of things. I truly do. And I want for things to be like that...where any age or sex can climb with any age or sex and everything is wonderful. Because, if you ask me, rockclimbing is THE BEST thing a teenage girl can get into. The absolute best. Its wonderful for guys too. But for girls...its a chance to be strong and find your true self. To do something that nurtures the soul and helps you find meaning. I guess I just really didn't want her experience to be tainted by some wacko. I shouldn't have assumed...I guess I'm just a little bitter. But I did not mean to start all of this drama!
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clausti
Apr 19, 2010, 1:35 PM
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petsfed wrote: karmiclimber wrote: Glad to hear I was wrong. I didn't mean to be harsh I am a mom and I get protective. Now go kick some ass climbing. I could actually go either way on this one. I worked at a climbing wall for a long time, so I tended to know who was underage and who wasn't. And on more than one occasion, I'd chuckle to one of my coworkers "He does know she's 17, right? RIGHT?" It never became a real issue, since I worked at a college wall, but its true, some some people will start climbing with other people just because they find them attractive. ....
yeah. i'm coming down hard on the side of "does not matter" because i was, for a long time, the underage girl at the wall. and the most untoward thing that ever happened was a dude brought me flowers before he figured out i was in HS. despite any designs of mine (and there were occasionally designs) the guys would not touch me- and this is not figuratively stated.
i actually think i'm closer to karmi's position on this than she realizes, with the line of thought that "decent guys avoid the appearance of impropriety."
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