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Re: [matterunomama] Climbing and being a mom:
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robbovius
Feb 12, 2009, 2:03 PM
Views: 4466
Registered: Nov 20, 2002
Posts: 8406
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matterunomama wrote: Sebs wrote: But would be great to get more single dads, with or without children, to pipe in. Just a thought. Doesn't it strike you that the single Dads don't chime in because they, in general, don't have the same issues? If they need a wife, they hire out the tasks or let them go. Women feel they 'have' to be both parents .
I work two jobs to support myself and my son. My daughters nominally live with their mom who bailed out to go live with her boyfriend after the second daughter graduated from high school. Hiring an aupair? are you kidding? I clean when I can, and cajole/browbeat/guilt trip my son into doing some housework when I can. otherwise, well, its a happy cluttered mess.
for over 5 years, before my divorce, when I was still living in the family home (and working every machination i could to stay there due to my kids' mom's substance abuse) I overcompensated for her lacking simply in order to provide a stable home. the choice was, assume both parenting roles, or run away...and so many immature dads have made the latter choice, that its sullied the reputations those of us who make the former, and in fact feeds into the marginalization of all dads, single or not.
does this make me think that all women are so afflicted? no, does this make me think that my situation is commonplace, or the norm? no.
- BTW, neither mons nor dads can "be both parents" all they can do is try their best to discharge the various obligations and abilities as best they can...some are culturally assumed to be mens' roles, and some womens'. I'm no mom, and single moms arent' really dads...
As I mentioned on page 3 of this thread, the attribute of stoicism under adversity is a characteristic that can sometimes be more closely assiciated with male behaviour, than female. further, again, reiteratively, males arent' so prone to assuming the type of auto-solidarity females can sometimes be attributed to having.
I know a few other single dads, but we don't talk about it much. it has been my observation that guys don't talk abotu it much. BUT, I can't speak for ANY of them, and I won't assume to. Neither will I make the mistake of assuming that the behaviour of single moms can be generalised meaningfully.
I'm just tryin' to muddle through and do the best I can - live my life, do right by my kids, pursue my enthusiasms, and find a little happiness here and there.
To be sure, I don't have the same issues a female would, because I'm not female. But I experience the same hindrances, and stresses, and obligations that single parenting include, and figure out coping mechanisms as I go along. There's no manual.
as a further aside, my climbing OP, my Original Partner, is a single mom, who I've known and enjoyed one of the closest friendships of my life with, going on 10 years.
(This post was edited by robbovius on Feb 12, 2009, 7:52 PM)
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Edit Log:
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Post edited by robbovius
() on Feb 12, 2009, 2:11 PM
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Post edited by robbovius
() on Feb 12, 2009, 2:14 PM
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Post edited by robbovius
() on Feb 12, 2009, 2:18 PM
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Post edited by robbovius
() on Feb 12, 2009, 7:52 PM
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