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subtle
Jun 26, 2006, 3:51 AM
Post #801 of 977
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In reply to: Dear noob, I notice that you have a philosophy that "One good f--- up is all it takes to end you". Don't you think this is fitting, since one good f--- is all it takes to begin you? So my question is this. I keep hearing talk of these "pitons" and "crampons"... What are these? Are they feminine hygene products? I know there are lots of female climbers out there, but don't you think they should leave all that kind of talk in the ladies only section?
Ummm...I'm pretty sure that's not my philosophy.
We here at Ask The NOOB have a strict code of conduct that prohibits any sort of philosophical ramblings, musings or trancendental explorations of any sort. Our corporate consultant for Firmwide Risk Managment...Jason Kehl, obviously...pointed out that the growth rate of pro climber navel-gazing was escalating dangerously year-over-year. This disturbing trend likely started with Chris Sharma...who actually seems to mean it, incidentally...but has now been picked up by a virtual who's who of the hard sending elite and is filtering down the food chain as we speak. I just know I'm going to the gym some day soon and hear some V2- troglodyte waxing rhapsodic about the sense of peace and inner fulfillment the green taped route by the soda machine gave him...at least, the first three moves, brah...that fourth move is haaaard.
Then again, maybe I'm just jealous. I can't do the...ummm...second move.
Allez. Keep your musings off my body, man...wow, that totally didn't come out right. Homard.
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the_iceman
Jun 26, 2006, 10:18 AM
Post #802 of 977
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Ahh yes, my mistake. That is dirtineye's quote.
So will the green routes really make my life meaningful? Does the location of the route in proximity to the soda machine have any bearing on the meaningfulness it will provide? Also which soda/sport drink will make me the best climber I can be?
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shanz
Jun 26, 2006, 12:58 PM
Post #803 of 977
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In reply to: Ahh yes, my mistake. That is dirtineye's quote. So will the green routes really make my life meaningful? Does the location of the route in proximity to the soda machine have any bearing on the meaningfulness it will provide? Also which soda/sport drink will make me the best climber I can be?
So that explains it i only been climbing the blue, red, and purple routes ---- What have i been doing all my life, im so ashamed
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boulder_junky
Jun 28, 2006, 5:06 AM
Post #804 of 977
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Dear nOOb,
It seems i have a terrible predicament. I would really like to be a great sport climber, and per your advice, i began searching for the shiniest gear i could find. However, I know that it is majorly important to have matching gear and I am colorblind. Is there any hope for me? Is it OK if it looks matching to me? Should I crawl under a crashpad, put on a beanie and stick with bouldering? I am in desperate need of advice.
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subtle
Jul 2, 2006, 2:06 AM
Post #805 of 977
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In reply to: It seems i have a terrible predicament. I would really like to be a great sport climber, and per your advice, i began searching for the shiniest gear i could find. However, I know that it is majorly important to have matching gear and I am colorblind. Is there any hope for me? Is it OK if it looks matching to me? Should I crawl under a crashpad, put on a beanie and stick with bouldering? I am in desperate need of advice.
Terrible predicament...are you kidding me...it's far worse than that, brah. You can buy all the uber-flash cutting-edge widgetry you mom's credit card can handle, but none of it is going to cure the central problem.
There's no way you're going to be able to follow the right color tape on the problems at the gym. None whatsoever. You're doomed to be that guy...you know...simultaneously doing part of a V12 and part of a V2 and pissing off the entire gym by going "Honestly...it doesn't feel that hard...I must just be really strong today". Ooooh, they're going to pound on you, drood...especially the tatted-out guy who's been obsessively toothbrushing that glassed-out micro-sloper you just used as a smeary foot jib...I think he wants to talk to you about something. Far as I can tell, there's only one thing that can save you.
You need a seeing eye dog.
This is pretty much the perfect solution, no matter how you look at it. For a highly trained animal that's been conditioned since birth to safguard a human life, barking once if the tape is blue and twice if it's red shouldn't be too difficult. Woof...woof...woof...send! Cake. Next! But wait, it gets even better. Seeing eye dogs usually come with one of those harness-type deals, complete with a super-reinforced dorsal tie-in hoop. That's right...not only can you rack Fido along with your color-coded C4s, if you teach him how a gri-gri works he could belay you on the proj. Man's best friend, indeed.
As if you weren't already delirious with anticipation, I have saved the best for last. Remember the uber-cute girl in the excessively revealing PRaNA top who looks vaguely like Thomasina Pidgeon if you squint...a lot. Well, she thinks you are a sketched-out creep job with hygene issues...but she loooooves your dog. That's right, broham...Fido is going to get you a chance to talk to her. Chances are he is also going to get you a chance to get kneed in the jibblies by her...but that's not his fault.
He barked twice. You just weren't paying attention.
Allez. Three barks is for mace... Homard.
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shanz
Jul 2, 2006, 6:04 PM
Post #806 of 977
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Well i was packing for my next little trip and was packing my gear food and stuff -- well i got my qd's and my trad gear, my harness shoes rope and enough slings to keep my better half tied up for a week. So i go to
.the fridge to get my food in the cooler, well im OUTTA HAM, Now im depressed as i spent the money on one of those starbucks coffee things (a friend told me he climbs harder after a good cup of joe and some herbal enlightenment(freaking hippie -- or um yuppie - im still not sure which, is it possible to be both) anyway back to the ham thing i was thinking i have some bologna in the fridge and it has pork in it, and since ham is pork maybe i could substitute it... Will this affect my climbing? should i cancel my trip? or should i just sit here with Starbucks coffee and cry.. Which perosnally i dont see whats so great about starbucks 5 bucks for coffee that tastes burnt only thing is they cover it up with flavorings...
Any help please im desperate
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ratmnerd
Jul 3, 2006, 3:00 AM
Post #807 of 977
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dear noob-ish one,
i tried a really hard 5.3 trad lead ("chossy pile of scree", the guidebook called it) the other day and i couldn't find any gear placements. the guidebook said there were heaps of bomber placements, but since i couldn't find any i think it was lying. so anyway, i eventually found a textbook #0 stopper placement just above halfway, but the rest of the climb i kept thinking what if i fall and it fails? when i got to the top i couldn't even eat my ham sandwich as i looked down 20 feet to my belayer. do you think i'm cut out to be a trad climber? or should i just give up?
i wait in anticipation of your next pearl of wisdom.
ps how do you know all this stuff?
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sbaclimber
Jul 3, 2006, 3:05 AM
Post #808 of 977
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In reply to: "chossy pile of scree", the guidebook called it ....the guidebook said there were heaps of bomber placements
(you've really got to watch out when he uses the words 'subtle pro'...)
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climbingtrash
Jul 3, 2006, 3:24 AM
Post #809 of 977
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NOOB, two questions. How many articles of fleece must you be wearing to enter an REI and what kind of approach socks do you wear?
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karina
Jul 6, 2006, 4:40 PM
Post #810 of 977
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Registered: Feb 1, 2005
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In reply to: In reply to: I've been exploring my dating options....And then there's the trad bunch...who also have a certain "je ne sais quoi" about them. So...should you date a Trad climber? I've never actually met one, but from what I read online they are clearly virile men of adventure, wild and free like lions...or eagles...or some sort of magical eagle-lion...an eagle-lion with a righteous rack. Check it out, he's totally got triples from .5 to 3", with an outrageous set of aliens and enough bongs, chocks, hexes, squidgies, and nuts to nearly fill a blacked-out Chevy panel van. Stop on over and he'll show you...it's the one with the missing rear bumper...cause, y'know...Layton Kor sawed it into pitons back in '73. Bring some beer...and...corned beef hash, if you have any. Oh, toilet paper. Yeah. And more beer.
Hey Noob,
Me again. So I went for it. I'm dating a trad climber. The "je ne sais quoi" did it for me.
So now I have a relationship dilemma and I thought I should refer back to you, my original guide in the climber's world of dating.
While my trad climbing boyfriend is very eagle-lion-esque, he's not exactly virile in the bedroom, if you catch my drift...no technical difficulties...just can't seem draw his attention if that direction.
He's always wanting to show me his RACK! He wants me to touch it...to play with it, stroke it...Now don't get me wrong. I love his rack...it's a lovely and quite "sizeable" rack....but c'mon!!! What do I need to do here?
So I was trying to devise ways to entice him. If it were a boulderer I'd just tape a route on my body...you know...go from the jugs to the open-hand sloper, to the two finger...nevermind...But with this trad boy...well, this isn't exactly my forté...do I need to leave a ham sandwich trail to the bed?
Please help!
K.
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boondock_saint
Jul 6, 2006, 5:36 PM
Post #811 of 977
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In reply to: In reply to: In reply to: I've been exploring my dating options....And then there's the trad bunch...who also have a certain "je ne sais quoi" about them. So...should you date a Trad climber? I've never actually met one, but from what I read online they are clearly virile men of adventure, wild and free like lions...or eagles...or some sort of magical eagle-lion...an eagle-lion with a righteous rack. Check it out, he's totally got triples from .5 to 3", with an outrageous set of aliens and enough bongs, chocks, hexes, squidgies, and nuts to nearly fill a blacked-out Chevy panel van. Stop on over and he'll show you...it's the one with the missing rear bumper...cause, y'know...Layton Kor sawed it into pitons back in '73. Bring some beer...and...corned beef hash, if you have any. Oh, toilet paper. Yeah. And more beer. Hey Noob, Me again. So I went for it. I'm dating a trad climber. The "je ne sais quoi" did it for me. So now I have a relationship dilemma and I thought I should refer back to you, my original guide in the climber's world of dating. While my trad climbing boyfriend is very eagle-lion-esque, he's not exactly virile in the bedroom, if you catch my drift...no technical difficulties...just can't seem draw his attention if that direction. He's always wanting to show me his RACK! He wants me to touch it...to play with it, stroke it...Now don't get me wrong. I love his rack...it's a lovely and quite "sizeable" rack....but c'mon!!! What do I need to do here? So I was trying to devise ways to entice him. If it were a boulderer I'd just tape a route on my body...you know...go from the jugs to the open-hand sloper, to the two finger...nevermind...But with this trad boy...well, this isn't exactly my forté...do I need to leave a ham sandwich trail to the bed? Please help! K.
Well have you tried different positions? Perhaps something that displays an "enticing feature" more prominently? Think: what excites a trad climber more than anything? The most likely answer is: a sweet crack.
The doggy-style position would probably be the most suitable for what you are trying to achieve, as it it will lure him in with a challanging fingercrack and then reward him with nice big fistja... eh nevermind ...
One thing to keep in mind is his every-so-precious rack. Hide it well before you try this, because the retrieval of a stopper or cam from that area might not be too pleasant.
Wish you the best,
I.N. (Interim Noob)
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belayingis4play
Jul 6, 2006, 6:43 PM
Post #812 of 977
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Registered: Jul 7, 2005
Posts: 25
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Hey n00b,
First off I would like to say that I love you posts! They have really helped me make my way through the world of spraying. Now I have a few questions of my own.
1. (sorry it's about sport climbing) I am really worried about ground fall on my proj so I have been stick clipping as much as I can. The only problem is that my pole isn't long enough (obviously this is the only time I have this problem since I'm a climber). Do you have any suggestions on how I can clip all the way to the anchors before I leave the ground, and is it still a redpoint if I do this?
2. I want to get the maximum amount of noise coming from my rack when I walk so that everyone knows that there is a rad trad hardman coming up the trail or out of the locker room. Is it louder to put several stoppers or cams on the same biner or should they each get their own for maximum swing/impact?
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wannabe
Jul 6, 2006, 8:14 PM
Post #813 of 977
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Registered: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 483
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Hey Noob. Ever been sketched out 0.95ft above your last piece of pro, hands sweaty and slipping off of the bomber jug you've been gripping on to for the last five minutes. Hungry and scared....what do you do? The solution, cheezy poofs in the chalk bag. Now you can recharge your system and chalk up at the same time(you see that orange stuff sticks to your fingers), giving you the power to move onto your next jug. Leaving a trail orange goodness for your second to follow.
YOUR WELCOME
the wannabe
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the_iceman
Jul 7, 2006, 5:07 AM
Post #814 of 977
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My buddy uses sunflower seeds...
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karina
Jul 7, 2006, 1:33 PM
Post #815 of 977
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In reply to: Well have you tried different positions? Perhaps something that displays an "enticing feature" more prominently? Think: what excites a trad climber more than anything? The most likely answer is: a sweet crack. One thing to keep in mind is his every-so-precious rack. Hide it well before you try this, because the retrieval of a stopper or cam from that area might not be too pleasant.
lol, that's too funny...do you think he'd need to get somebody to second and clean the gear?
K.
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deltav
Jul 7, 2006, 1:41 PM
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Being second is never as much fun, everything is all slippery from sweat and chalk...
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boondock_saint
Jul 7, 2006, 2:11 PM
Post #817 of 977
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In reply to: In reply to: Well have you tried different positions? Perhaps something that displays an "enticing feature" more prominently? Think: what excites a trad climber more than anything? The most likely answer is: a sweet crack. One thing to keep in mind is his every-so-precious rack. Hide it well before you try this, because the retrieval of a stopper or cam from that area might not be too pleasant. lol, that's too funny...do you think he'd need to get somebody to second and clean the gear? K.
Sounds like an invitation to me ;)
Are there any other routes available though?
I must let you know, I'll climb three number-grades harder on the face just to avoid the crack.
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the_iceman
Jul 8, 2006, 1:58 PM
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Seconding on the face is always more desireble than seconding cracks... Of course you also can't discount the enjoyment of some good firm jugs....
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sungam
Jul 8, 2006, 3:18 PM
Post #819 of 977
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Dear Mr Noob,
You didn't answer my question?
In reply to: The other day i went to the climbing gym! it was really cool, because is was differant than what i thought it was! it wasn't actually rock! it was plastic that acted just like rock! it was way cool because the could change the routes. But i saw some people climbing up... without a rope above them! someone said they were "leeding", but i don't understand, how can the rope catch you, if it's below you? please explain! im scared for those people! and someone said i should try in a few weeks... but tje easiest climb is 5.3! so i will fall! but what if i fall from high up? will i die? i don't wanna die...
I can't do this! THE CLIMB IS A MASSIVE 25 FEET TALL! IF I FALL I WILL DIE!!
Help me out here dude! you my last chance!
-Magnus
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mburke225
Jul 8, 2006, 3:21 PM
Post #820 of 977
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Registered: Apr 18, 2004
Posts: 119
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In reply to: In reply to: Well have you tried different positions? Perhaps something that displays an "enticing feature" more prominently? Think: what excites a trad climber more than anything? The most likely answer is: a sweet crack. One thing to keep in mind is his every-so-precious rack. Hide it well before you try this, because the retrieval of a stopper or cam from that area might not be too pleasant. lol, that's too funny...do you think he'd need to get somebody to second and clean the gear? K.
I think the important part is that everybody act like gentleman and don't leave this particular route looking like a painter's radio.
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hiyapokey
Jul 9, 2006, 4:40 AM
Post #821 of 977
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In reply to: NOOB, two questions. How many articles of fleece must you be wearing to enter an REI and what kind of approach socks do you wear?
Its obvious even to the novice that socks are taboo at REI. As far as layers of fleece you should be OK with 1 or 2, but be sure to have a wind breaking layer over the fleece. Preferably, Goretex Columbia Sport Wear.
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hiyapokey
Jul 9, 2006, 4:45 AM
Post #822 of 977
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In reply to: In reply to: In reply to: Well have you tried different positions? Perhaps something that displays an "enticing feature" more prominently? Think: what excites a trad climber more than anything? The most likely answer is: a sweet crack. One thing to keep in mind is his every-so-precious rack. Hide it well before you try this, because the retrieval of a stopper or cam from that area might not be too pleasant. lol, that's too funny...do you think he'd need to get somebody to second and clean the gear? K. I think the important part is that everybody act like gentleman and don't leave this particular route looking like a painter's radio.
This is BS man you have over 100 replies that means your not a NOOB anymore. Why don't you go answer questions in the Trad area. Hmmmph.
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hiyapokey
Jul 9, 2006, 4:59 AM
Post #823 of 977
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In reply to: Dear Mr Noob, You didn't answer my question? In reply to: The other day i went to the climbing gym! it was really cool, because is was differant than what i thought it was! it wasn't actually rock! it was plastic that acted just like rock! it was way cool because the could change the routes. But i saw some people climbing up... without a rope above them! someone said they were "leeding", but i don't understand, how can the rope catch you, if it's below you? please explain! im scared for those people! and someone said i should try in a few weeks... but tje easiest climb is 5.3! so i will fall! but what if i fall from high up? will i die? i don't wanna die... Please! the day of truth is only THREE DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!! I can't do this! THE CLIMB IS A MASSIVE 25 FEET TALL! IF I FALL I WILL DIE!! Help me out here dude! you my last chance! -Magnus
Your right. You will die. The guy you saw climbing at the gym with the rope under him was doing what's called lead soloing and should only be attempted by 5.4 climbers. I think you should be OK though on a 5.3 so long as you use the technique called "pig hauling". Hope I helped.
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subtle
Jul 9, 2006, 6:24 PM
Post #824 of 977
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Hi, I'm new here and I just wanted to post up and let you all know what I'm thinking. I see that there are a lot of posts in this thread, so it must be a good place to just, y'know, talk about whatever. I suppose I could read some of the older posts to see what this thread is about, but...I'll do that later...maybe. Or I'll go hang out in Community. Wait, this isn't Community? My bad...anyway, I've got a bunch of stuff to say...where was I?
Allez. Talk amongst yourselves. Homard.
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jakedatc
Jul 9, 2006, 6:44 PM
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In reply to: Hi, I'm new here and I just wanted to post up and let you all know what I'm thinking. I see that there are a lot of posts in this thread, so it must be a good place to just, y'know, talk about whatever. I suppose I could read some of the older posts to see what this thread is about, but...I'll do that later...maybe. Or I'll go hang out in Community. Wait, this isn't Community? My bad...anyway, I've got a bunch of stuff to say...where was I? Allez. Talk amongst yourselves. Homard.
HAHAHA you think that people here actually read a thread if it has more than 8 replies to it... NOOOOOOB!!!!!! i mean get a clue eh?
Venga. Ceuse sucks. Langosta. 8^)
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