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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 8:26 PM
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All you parents of us adolesence, maybe you'll understand... maybe you won't. But here goes; My family and I have been renovating our household and a couple weeks ago started on my room. My room isn't very large, it's something like 12x7.5, and I've got a large single waterbed to cram in there somewhere.
Of course I'm thankful that my dad's finally finishing it, but does he really have a say in all the decisions that go into my room? First of all, I never got to pick the wallcolor, my father did. He tells me that HE wants a neutral color so we can sell our house. Understandable. But it's a gross neutral color. Kind of like, off-pink. And pink carpet. I like the carpet, it's not really pink, but I can't describe it as anything else. It's soft, it's plush. it feels nice between my toes. But the wall color just grosses me out.
Sure, we're selling our house, most likely to developers because no one with the amount of money my dad's asking for would jump at the chance to buy our house. I really don't think it's worth that much (exluding the location and property size) So he got away with choosing the wall color, now he's telling me where everything is going to go in my bedroom. EVERYTHING! He wants this massive (not really massive, but in comparison to the size of my room) right in the center!
Well, let me describe my room. On one wall, (the 7ft long one) there's a small closet (door sized) and adjacent to that wall, closest to the closet, there's a nice big, pretty window with a floor heater thing underneath at the bottom. Opposite to the window there is a door about two feet from the wall with the closet. The last wall is just a wall, there's nothing on it.
Anyways, so this bed of mine, my father wants it at the centre of the plain wall. Thus, leaving a foot and a half, maybe two on either side. And on the wall with the closet, a big dresser shelf. (I agree on the dresser shelf location, it's the only place that'll fit perfectly for it. Okay, so with that, there's no room left for anything else. I've got this desk, you know the kind where you store things and do your homework on top of it? Yeah, so where's this going to go? Obviously not in my room, as there's nowhere to put it.
I've told him I want my bed either under the window or on the opposite side, so I can have my desk on the other. So why is it so hard to let a teenager make her own decisions about her own room?? Why does every father feel like we're incompetent little bastards that everything we do is the wrong choice? It's my fucking room and he's no right to make EVERY little decision that goes into it.
Not only is he an arrogant, selfish man, he's also a very stubborn one. I've never won an arguement with him (I'm quite the stubborn one as well) regardless whether I was right or not. I only wish he could let me make some of my own decisions once in a while. You know, maybe the wall color in my own room perhaps? Errgh. I mean, it's not like I'm making some thirteen-year-old-I'm-not-really-thinking-about-what-I-want-to-do, it's an I'm-almost-17-now-and-I-think-I-can-handle-where-to-place-my-furniture-in-my-own-bedroom decision.
Whatever, maybe I'll move out and live on the streets. At least that way, I can rearrange my cardboard box however I like. Hell, I can even choose what the box will look like AND where I'll live. And then sell it for $250 000 because I'm located on the beach. Hot damn.
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macherry
Mar 24, 2004, 8:33 PM
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waaaaaaaaaah!
Seriously, the biggest lesson i learned at home was, the folks had the last word. it's their house, they pay the bills, and so on and so on and so on!
Now, i'm a grown up, have my own house and tell my kids what to do. I'm not that anal about furniture placement though...........
Too bad about the lack of self-expression.
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ipsofacto
Mar 24, 2004, 8:36 PM
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23456789
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crazygirl
Mar 24, 2004, 8:36 PM
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won't you be moving out of his house in a year or so, anyway?
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wideguy
Mar 24, 2004, 8:38 PM
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You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're joking.
First of all the Nazi analogy is offensive and mocks the true horrors that were perpetrated by the Nazi's. Hyperbole or not, it's distasteful.
Second. Sounds like a good plan based on the layout of the room.
Third. (I hate saying this) His house. Do you pay rent for that room? If you do then legally, family or not, you have certain right within your tenant laws. If not, be glad for the free roof over your head and deal.
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jumpingrock
Mar 24, 2004, 8:38 PM
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Suck it up. Or plaster the wall with posters.
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kimmyt
Mar 24, 2004, 8:39 PM
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That sucks.
Seriously.
I mean, he does have a point about the whole neutral color thing, but PINK is not a neutral color, no matter the shade. If a family wants to move in and is too lazy to repaint, what if they have boys and the boys are not gonna want to stay in a PINK room. The whole PINK thing makes me think that your father is convinced you are still just a little girl, which you are not.
And the furniture thing? What should it matter where the furniture goes in your room? You're going to be the one that is living in the room, right? Having furniture in a particular place isn't going to offend him, right? It just seems like he is hell-bent on controlling your life.
I mean, my parents were bad, but they never seemed that bad....
So, now that I'm done sympathizing with you, I'll give you my opinion on how I'd go about approaching this one. Which would involve treading very lightly and trying not to let any bit of anger show at all.
You're going to have to go about this logically. Draw diagrams of how you want your room to be set up, to show that there's more room with the bed in a certain position. When he won't move, calmly ask him why he feels it should go in the center. Be prepared to rebut all of his reasons with your own carefully thought out responses. Don't give in to frustration, showing it will only convince him that you can't make your own decisions. But, if after all this he still won't give in, just give it up. Throwing a fit about it and giving him the silent treatment will only prove to him how immature you are. Some things are better left alone, and sometimes the only way to live with difficult people is to acknowledge to yourself that they're doing something silly and find a modicum of amusement in the whole thing. I mean, in the long run, you're not going to be in your room forever, so...just deal with it till you can get the hell out. And, when you do get your own place it'll feel that much better!
:)
Good luck with the whole thing.
Edited to say: yeah, I agree with her (I don't think anyone should just give in, she should at least try to get them to see her point of view) maybe because I'm closer to her age...whatever, she has a valid point. I mean it's not like she wants to paint her walls black or install a sex-swing in the corner!....you don't do you??
K.
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 8:42 PM
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In reply to: Seriously, the biggest lesson i learned at home was, the folks had the last word. it's their house, they pay the bills, and so on and so on and so on.
I understand that, and often it's like that in my family. But I don't view things that way. I'd rather be heard and listened to, before I get shut down on ideas that go into my own room. But my father makes me feel like I'm living under a communist roof.
The arguement with the placement of my bed is that my dad's tactics aren't as strong that he can just ignore mine. "The bed goes in the centre so you can clean behind it." Where I've told him I'd like it against the wall so I can fit a desk in my room because I need to be able to do my homework without distraction -- (and I continued on about getting better marks, getting a better education etc) and that as a teenager, a closet and a dresser shelf is not enough room to store all of my things.
I don't mean to come across as a selfish little fuck, but it'd be nice to be listened to for a change, wouldn't it? I'm not a child anymore. I think I'm mature enough to make a few bedroom decisions.
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kimmyt
Mar 24, 2004, 8:45 PM
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In reply to: I'm not a child anymore. I think I'm mature enough to make a few bedroom decisions.
But you are.
You're THEIR child. So.....
K.
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crazygirl
Mar 24, 2004, 8:46 PM
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I'm trying to imagine what i would do in your situation. I'll probably make sure that all my things that don't fit in the closet are stored in not so neat little piles behind the bed.
but thats just me, don't take my advise. in the end, most of us had to just suck it up.
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charley
Mar 24, 2004, 8:47 PM
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Go buy
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 8:48 PM
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In reply to: Suck it up. Or plaster the wall with posters.
With my mom's last painting idea (a few years ago) which turned out peachy-pink, I'd already done that, but our realtor came in and argued the fact that it doesn't look appealing to buyers. So I took them down and wore sunglasses in my room for a few weeks before my dad's "neutral" color idea.
In reply to: But, if after all this he still won't give in, just give it up. Throwing a fit about it and giving him the silent treatment will only prove to him how immature you are. Some things are better left alone, and sometimes the only way to live with difficult people is to acknowledge to yourself that they're doing something silly and find a modicum of amusement in the whole thing.
I completely understand where you're coming from, and I have pretty much given up, I've learned, when my father wants something, he'll do anything to keep it his way. Including ignoring his daughters ideas and such.
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macherry
Mar 24, 2004, 8:52 PM
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It's not a communist rule, it's a dictatorship.
My dad sounds a lot like your dad. My room was not my room and i never felt like i had my own personal space. My folks liked the show home look. No room for self expression. Hey, there's a pun in there.
like kimmy said try and reason and don't whine or get in a huff. Remember, you'll be out of there soon enough.
Hah, just painted my daughter's room. She's going through a goth thing and wanted the room black or some version of grey. We went through the whole compromise thing and i gave her a range of colours to chose from and it worked out. She could accessorize as she pleased. She went for black lepard and zebra prints. turned out nice! :lol:
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 8:53 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: I'm not a child anymore. I think I'm mature enough to make a few bedroom decisions. But you are. You're THEIR child. So..... K.
Maybe "child" wasn't the right direction, but he treats me like I'm ten years old, and I'm not anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore.
He's also got this inane idea that when we sell our house, we're going to move out of the city, possible somewhere like Kamloops. Where I'd be forced to change schools for my last year of highschool. We've talked about it before, and agreed that there would be a possibility of billeting with a friend of mine during the week to stay at the school I'm currently at. So if we sell this house soon (soon being soon enough that I don't go nuts in a room with nothing but a bed and a dresser shelf).. then I guess I'll deal with it. But I was just on a rant and I'm sorry guys.
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cupton
Mar 24, 2004, 8:58 PM
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Dont worry about it too much... after all its just a room.
As previous people have said, just be thankful you have a FREE ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. When you actually do get out and actually do live in a cardboard box (or low rent equivilant) you will wish for your pink dad designed room.
I long for the days when my parents supported me. I know what I am talking about as I now live in my friends kitchen on a cot and still pay him rent.
You have it better than you realize. Just wait.
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 8:58 PM
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In reply to: It's not a communist rule, it's a dictatorship.
Dually noted.
In reply to: My dad sounds a lot like your dad. My room was not my room and i never felt like i had my own personal space. My folks liked the show home look. No room for self expression. Hey, there's a pun in there. like kimmy said try and reason and don't whine or get in a huff. Remember, you'll be out of there soon enough. Hah, just painted my daughter's room. She's going through a goth thing and wanted the room black or some version of grey. We went through the whole compromise thing and i gave her a range of colours to chose from and it worked out. She could accessorize as she pleased. She went for black lepard and zebra prints. turned out nice! :lol:
I think my dad's afraid of me getting into a phase like that, and I'm really not, I just want some personal space. You know a part of the house that's mine where I can refuge back to when my father and I get into arguements. But when I run back to my bedroom, all I'm going to see is my father's ideas, and it's going to make me want to break something. Agh.
Maybe I'll just tell him to toss out the bed, and I'll sleep on the nice, plush carpet.... :lol:
Black leopard and zebra prints sounds exciting though, I had an idea for more of a plain bold color, like red. I've always found that a deep shade of red always looks nice in a room. It also has a way of making the room look bigger.
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kimmyt
Mar 24, 2004, 8:59 PM
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:D
It's okay. I ranted to my diary alot...at least you get to rant to real people. At least most of us are real....i think :oops:
K.
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climbinganne
Mar 24, 2004, 8:59 PM
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i caught myself last night repeating things my parents said to me when i was your age
i told my son that when he grows up and buys his own house he gets to make the rules...until then..he is stuck with mine
suck it up
one day you'll be saying the EXACT same thing to your kids
and you'll be right then, too ;)
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 9:02 PM
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In reply to: Dont worry about it too much... after all its just a room. As previous people have said, just be thankful you have a FREE ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. When you actually do get out and actually do live in a cardboard box (or low rent equivilant) you will wish for your pink dad designed room. I long for the days when my parents supported me. I know what I am talking about as I now live in my friends kitchen on a cot and still pay him rent. You have it better than you realize. Just wait.
Oh, I do realize how good I've got it, but I hate the feeling of living in a museum. I'm just tired of not having any say in anything, regardless of how important they are.
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 9:07 PM
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In reply to: i caught myself last night repeating things my parents said to me when i was your age i told my son that when he grows up and buys his own house he gets to make the rules...until then..he is stuck with mine suck it up one day you'll be saying the EXACT same thing to your kids and you'll be right then, too ;)
Thanks anne, you made me smile. And I feel better now. Still angsty, I'm smiling now. :)
....Is it wrong to not want to live in a museum? ... or something that has absolutely no character to it at all?
Which reminds me, my father also has these orders of what goes on my walls as well. I'm allowed one poster (that I got for christmas) and these two hanging pictures, one of some guy climbing, the other snowboarding off of a cliff. And of course, he's putting them up where he wants it. Lovely.
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climbinganne
Mar 24, 2004, 9:31 PM
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kat...it ain't easy being your age
the years between 12 and 18
i would never want to relive those years again
put the desk in the closet if you have to, study hard go to college...work hard for a degree in something you'll probably not use
and then when you turn 35....PARTY! :lol:
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wishiwaswest
Mar 24, 2004, 9:34 PM
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In reply to: i caught myself last night repeating things my parents said to me when i was your age i told my son that when he grows up and buys his own house he gets to make the rules...until then..he is stuck with mine suck it up one day you'll be saying the EXACT same thing to your kids and you'll be right then, too ;)
Gawd if I had a dime every time something comes out of my mouth that I SWORE as a teenager I would never say to my kids when I was a parent ....... I could hire someone to kill drkodos.
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carnaged
Mar 24, 2004, 9:35 PM
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I once tried cramming a nightstand and 19" television into my closet, Not only did I have to take the door off to get the nightstand out, I scratched up my tv and somehow managed to ruin a few stations on it. Weird. But I think trying to fit a desk in there... may be a little tough.
Maybe I'll just pile all of my stuff onto either side of my bed until my dad gets fed up with it and moves it back to where I'd like it to be. :lol:
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climbinganne
Mar 24, 2004, 10:26 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: i caught myself last night repeating things my parents said to me when i was your age i told my son that when he grows up and buys his own house he gets to make the rules...until then..he is stuck with mine suck it up one day you'll be saying the EXACT same thing to your kids and you'll be right then, too ;) Gawd if I had a dime every time something comes out of my mouth that I SWORE as a teenager I would never say to my kids when I was a parent ....... I could hire someone to kill drkodos.
hahahahaha....viv
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madriver
Mar 24, 2004, 10:32 PM
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......bwahahahahahah!!!!!!!....I'm sorry.....bwahahahaha!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:
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