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clmbr121
Apr 14, 2005, 2:07 PM
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I need to solicit some help from our little nook of paradise here on rc.com.
Chuck (cyaniderush) and I are taking a friend of our climbing in the Gunks this weekend, his first time on multipitch. While discussing the gear we needed, we suggested that he pick up a brain bucket. After claiming that the one size didn't fit (which we know it did), he said he would just use his bike helmet instead.
Jump ahead, we convinced him to get an actual climbing helmet, but couldn't resist taking this further. This was in spired by the Ask Men article on how to rock climb.
Yes, my friends, he is now going to buy suction cups.
Now, the real test, and where I need you, loyal posters, to give me some help. What can we tell him to do with them? It needs to be something outrageous, but not so off the wall that he doesn't buy it.
The payoff? Oh, this will be well documented. We will post pictures.
So...ideas?
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phaedrus
Apr 14, 2005, 2:23 PM
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Just tell him he has to put one on each foot, one on each knee, and one on each of the palms of his hands.
AND GET PICTURES FOR US!!! :D
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pendereki
Apr 14, 2005, 2:35 PM
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Toilet plungers make great suction cup substitutes and the red ones are very photogenic!! I will be watching for the TR.
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macherry
Apr 14, 2005, 2:36 PM
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i'm assuming you're using the term "friend" loosely here
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clmbr121
Apr 14, 2005, 2:40 PM
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In reply to: i'm assuming you're using the term "friend" loosely here
He is a friend. However, he is a friend who was an Eagle Scout, and therefore is Keeper of Knowldges of All Things Outside. We're just taking him down a notch here.
And having a little fun. Come on, suction cups?
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climberpunk
Apr 14, 2005, 2:50 PM
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russian aiders? a baseball cup? but for the suction cup, how big? maybe stick them to each other, then use it as an "energy absorbing quickdraw", properly backed up of course.
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oklahoma_climber
Apr 14, 2005, 3:17 PM
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In reply to: This was in spired by the Ask Men article on how to rock climb.
that article is hilarious here... but i really wonder how many idiots its going to inspire, not to mention the well-meant ignorance it spreads.
sad day.
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taino
Apr 14, 2005, 3:53 PM
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They might get used a lot at a hanging belay - you know, for that added protection in case the bomber anchor just isn't enough. Put them on your knees and hands.
They might get used when pulling roofs, so that you can get a good hold where there is none. Put them on knees, hands, or both.
Can't you take him to Peterskill?? Yegods, I want to see this...
T
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climberpunk
Apr 14, 2005, 4:14 PM
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ooh! tell him to use them on slopers!
In reply to: "Rock climbing is incredibly dangerous. You need to be tremendously physically fit in order to stay alive -- blunt, but true." "Now that you've learned the basics, you're ready to enroll in a climbing course and impress everyone with your knowledge. If you follow the proper procedure, you'll have the time of your life, even if you might still be scared. From there, it's only a matter of time before you can be like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger. If anything, you'll be able to impress hotties like Charisma Carpenter, Ashley Judd, Evangeline Lilly, and Lucy Liu, who are into the sport"
that article ruled. a lot. i love seeing how ppl who have no idea what the hell they are talking about view the sport. I especially liked the part about not lifting your arms above your head.
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microbarn
Apr 14, 2005, 4:17 PM
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Strap two to his back and tell him they help during chimneys. What else can he use to hold on to the wall that is behind him.
Chimneys are horrible no matter what, the suction cups on the back should only add to it.
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all_that_is_rock
Apr 14, 2005, 4:28 PM
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god damnit, this ask men suction cup thing stole my idea. I was planing on free soloing dirty chimney (5.0) with a full rack of plungers on a buisy day in the gunkx.
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theledge
Apr 14, 2005, 4:29 PM
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If you can do it with a straight face have him strap them to his chest. tell him they are for protection against a fall on slab climbs.
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bluenose
Apr 14, 2005, 4:59 PM
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Get the ones that the window installers use. They are pretty cool, handles and air release valves. You could actually climb a glass building with two of these things. Borrow some from someone, or rent them form an equipment rental place, they would be the best.
Used on those faces that have been worn smooth by a lot of climber traffic. Gives you something to hold onto while placing a good piece or clipping a bolt or just getting a grip when all else fails. Usually only used by newer climbers until they get good at gripping the grains on the rock. Nobody keeps using them, even though they are easier, as they are considered AID climbing gear, which is why he won't see any other climbers at the face with them.
Jeff.
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mlcrisis
Apr 14, 2005, 5:11 PM
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http://onlinecatalog.anixter.com/common/images/viewex/PR7394V1.JPG
get him 2 of these, one for each hand, for the really steep sections....
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cyaniderush
Apr 14, 2005, 6:11 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: i'm assuming you're using the term "friend" loosely here He is a friend. However, he is a friend who was an Eagle Scout, and therefore is Keeper of Knowldges of All Things Outside. We're just taking him down a notch here. And having a little fun. Come on, suction cups?
Yeah our "friend" was also under the misconception that if he held the rope I was clipped into, he'd be able to hold me in the event of a fact 1 fall...while standing on top...without being clipped in...weighing in at about 40 pounds less than me...he's a toothpick....with a bad grasp of physics....
I guess you could PM me for the whole story, but needless to say He nearly got me killed.
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curt
Apr 14, 2005, 6:26 PM
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In reply to: ...From there, it's only a matter of time before you can be like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger....
And what real climber doesn't aspire to that ultimate goal?
Curt
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cyaniderush
Apr 14, 2005, 6:30 PM
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In reply to: They might get used a lot at a hanging belay - you know, for that added protection in case the bomber anchor just isn't enough. Put them on your knees and hands. They might get used when pulling roofs, so that you can get a good hold where there is none. Put them on knees, hands, or both. Can't you take him to Peterskill?? Yegods, I want to see this... T
We actually are going to be at the Gunks this weekend, trad climbing on saturday and bouldering on sunday, maybe we'll swing by. Look for us, Brian(clmbr121) and I will try and make sure he wears the suction cups hanging off his harness.
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zozo
Apr 14, 2005, 6:35 PM
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In reply to: Yeah our "friend" was also under the misconception that if he held the rope I was clipped into, he'd be able to hold me in the event of a fact 1 fall...while standing on top...without being clipped in...weighing in at about 40 pounds less than me...he's a toothpick....with a bad grasp of physics.... I guess you could PM me for the whole story, but needless to say He nearly got me killed.
So.....uh.... you let him do this? Who's the dumb ass?
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cyaniderush
Apr 14, 2005, 7:10 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: Yeah our "friend" was also under the misconception that if he held the rope I was clipped into, he'd be able to hold me in the event of a fact 1 fall...while standing on top...without being clipped in...weighing in at about 40 pounds less than me...he's a toothpick....with a bad grasp of physics.... I guess you could PM me for the whole story, but needless to say He nearly got me killed. So.....uh.... you let him do this? Who's the dumb ass?
Technically, no. I do understand it seems that way. So in an affort to make me not look like such a dumbass(or to make it worse) here's what happened:
The two of us were sport climbing in Mocanaqa(spelling?)
Totally pumped out, I got to the spot where the repell anchors should have been only to find that someone sawed off all of the repel anchors all the way across. He lowered me off my last piece and I cleaned the others on the way down. On the side of the Library(the area we were climbing in) there's 5.4ish climb that leads to the top. I made a coil pack and tied the rope to my back and followed him up with the intention of repelling off the top and getting the gear back. So we were climbing without any sort of protection, but it was in a corner and relatively easy going(Maybe 60' high, I forget how high the library at Mocanaqa is).
He topped out and I was about 15 feet from the top when I hit a problem. The corner flaired out so that it was parallel with the rock face that I was climbing. Francois, standing 6'1 and weighing all of 140 pounds fit right between the rocks to the top. Well me I'm a bit beefier. I'm 5'7 and 180 pounds. My head fit into the gap(turned to the side, but the top of my chest couldn't even fit. I figure it might be the rope tied as a coil on my back. In the very corner was a huge hand hold(the only good one in fact) and I jammed my feet and knees into the corner to free up my left hand. I untied the rope(holding it in my teeth just incase it fell) and swung the end of it to Francois. No go, I still didn't fit.
Outside of the corner, which I couldn't climb because I'm to broad, there were no really solid holds. The closest one was up and left, according to Francois it was a big two handable jug, but I'd have to dino out of the corner and up about four or five feet to land it. So I told Francois to tie a figure eight and clip a locking biner into it and then tie it around a tree, then to lower it to me.
Now my arms are getting tired. About a minute later I see the Biner coming down. I figure it's been too soon for him to have tired it around a tree so I ask how big the tree is he's used. "Oh dude, it's ok I'm holding this end, I've got you if you fall, just clip in" I don't think I really have to get into how futile it was to argue with him(who thinks a bike helmet work just the same as a climbing helmet) while I'm holding on and getting weaker. I screamed a few obscenities to get my point across and told him to tie it around a tree. A minute or two go by REALLY REALLY slowly. Finially here comes the biner again. I cliped myself in, hoping in my head that he found a nice sturdy tree. In probably the luckiest dino move ever, I stick the jug, and it really is bomber. I hoist myself over the top and follow the rope to the tree he used. It's about as around as my forearm and is half brown and half green. It would not have held my fall, if I had fallen.
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climbsomething
Apr 14, 2005, 7:22 PM
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Gee. You all make it sound like this one poor bastard's outing is the only time to see hopeless gumby action. Like 99 out of 100 of you couldn't turn the cameras on yourselves at any time.
Y'all like campfire songs? Check out my sig and get out a harmonica.
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clmbr121
Apr 14, 2005, 7:39 PM
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To reply to Climbsomething's post:
Not at all. We are merely having some fun with a friend of ours. I am very aware of faux pas I have made, and know I will make many more. I understand you comments, as many here on rc.com are ready to flame anybody who shows a bit of ignorance to the sport, and it often comes off as an attempt to make themselves feel better while in the presence of better/more experienced climbers. A sad fact of our little hamlet here in cyberspace.
However, we will let him in on the joke...after some incriminating photos have been taken, of course. There is no ill-intent. Its more "Candid Camera" than "Spot the Noob". Fortunately for us, he has a good sense of humor.
That being said, part 1 of how things have played out so far...Part II: A plan is hatched to follow soon.
“I’ll just wear my bike helmet.”
These words rang in my ears. I had quit my job at Return Every Item 2 months ago. Partly because of professional issues, but I would be lying if having to answer inane questions and listen to the nonsensical raving of ignorant customers didn’t factor into the decision as well. I was much happier at the new position, shuffling piles of papers from one side of my desk to the other. There was less responsibility, regular hours, better pay, and friends from college. I had more time at home, more time with my fiancé, more time for me.
And with this new found freedom, I actually had time to go climbing again, something that always seemed to have to take a second seat to everything else for the past several months. (Rather ironic, I feel, seeing as how I was previously employed by the largest climbing gear dealer in the country.)
Of course, with climbing more often came the urge to go back up to New York to climb on some real rock. Chuck and I started making plans a month prior, getting our gear sorted, buying what we needed, and so on. Then, a week before we go, he drops the bomb: Frenchie is coming with us.
I have no problems with Frenchie. He’s a really nice kind, generally optimistic, talks during movies (so much so that John won’t go near him anymore for fear of inflicting bodily harm upon his person), good guy to have around. But three people climbing definitely slows things down a bit. No worries. This will still be fun, I can take Frenchie up on his first multipitch, good times.
The emails start flying about. We start talking gear, what he needs to bring. We mention the need of a helmet. He agrees. He goes down to the local Expensive Mountain Shit to try one on. It is too small, he says. I furrow my brow.
“That’s the size I wear,” I tell him. “Chuck wears that size, and he’s got a larger melon than either of us.”
“Yeah, but what if I have long hair, or want to wear a hat? The strap was opened as far as it would go when I got it on.”
Again, I am puzzled. “So when you opened the strap up all of the way, the helmet fit?” He concurred. I tried to explain that the hair really wouldn’t be an issue, and that there was no need to wear a hat under the helmet.
“I’ll just wear my bike helmet.”
I should have let this go. I had explained to him why this wouldn’t work, why a bike helmet was designed for blunt force impact on relatively even surfaces, and why it would be split open like a cantaloupe should he take any piercing damage. He still didn’t see the light, and I should have just let it go. It would have made for a spectacular picture, him climbing at one of the most popular crags on the East Coast in his bike helmet. But the more prudent side of me, the one that visualized the ensuing rescue that would have to be mounted to pull Frenchie’s dent-riddled skull form the side of the cliff. I tried again.
After several conversations, he finally relented and agreed that $60 wasn’t too much to spend on a proper helmet.
Steve Riches wrote an article about rock climbing for an e-mag. A quote from his work:
“When the face of the mountain doesn't offer any more grips and holds, some experienced climbers pull out suction cups and similar tools to climb up. This is a very dangerous method.”
To be clear, suction cups are not used for climbing purposes. At least not rock climbing. And most suction cups available only can hold 25 pounds or so. But this gave us an idea.
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scuclimber
Apr 14, 2005, 7:56 PM
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Sounds good so far. You may want to edit the paragraph beginning "I have no problems with Frenchie..."
Colin
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cchildre
Apr 14, 2005, 8:14 PM
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To keep it from sounding too outlandish. Have him get two and tell him to rack them onto his harness and when the route gets tough he can pull one out, stick it on and use it as a handhold or foothold. Go do some sick slab route and watch him pull them out because they will be nearly impossible to apply. This is going to be funny! But if you can pull the suggestion earlier and have him wear them on foot and knee it would make a great shot. LMAO you guys are twisted.....but I like it.
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clmbr121
Apr 14, 2005, 8:27 PM
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Part II: Where’s My Spider Man Suit?
It started innocently enough: a weekend of climbing at a beautiful crag during what looked like would be excellent weather. The plan started innocently as well:
“Hey Frenchie, before we go, could you go pick up some suction cups?
http://www.catalognavigator.com/...panyid=78121&catid=5" Source: e-mail sent on Wednesday, April 13, 2005
The reply:
“Sure, right after I get my Spiderman suit.
But if you were being serious, the largest only holds 25 pounds” Source: e-mail reply, Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Ah, an opening. A chink in his logic armor, so to speak. There is a little irony here: Frenchie, you see, was an Eagle Scout. He had spent quite a few days outside, and has been rock climbing before. And there was a part of him that wasn’t buying this line of bull for second. But then, a little voice in the back of his head spoke up…
Later that night, he called me to make sure that a bike helmet would not suffice, and I passed on my sagely advice and holy wisdom on the matter. He relented, and all was well.
The following day, on a lark, I e-mailed him and asked if he had picked up those suction cups yet. I figured that good ole horse sense would prevail and he would know that I was pulling his leg. Oh, but I couldn’t be more wrong:
“No, I haven’t any up yet. I’ll try and get some from Lowes tonight, but if not I’ll try Expensive Mountain Shit when I get my helmet tomorrow, but I didn’t see any.”
A full minute passed, and I only realized my mouth was agape because of the large fly that flew in. (Mmm…protein.) He was serious. He believed every sarcastic word I spoon fed him.
Forget about a chink in his armor, this was gaping hole. And one that could not be ignored.
But, as for any good con, we needed more people. So first, I made a call to my former employer, the aforementioned Expensive Mountain Shite (I had defected from Evil Green Empire East to the Evil Green Empire West in the summer of 2003). After securing the aid of Ridgway and Ed, I moved on to our little hamlet, rc.com and asked you, faithful readers, for more fodder for the back story.
The plan was set, the players in place, the catalyst action ready, and my finger poised to send the email that would get this snowball rolling…
Up next: Part III: The Peterskill Plan
More tomorrow...I have to try and write this epic to certain literary standards while still mmoving massive amounts of money from one place to another.
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taino
Apr 14, 2005, 8:56 PM
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In reply to: In reply to: They might get used a lot at a hanging belay - you know, for that added protection in case the bomber anchor just isn't enough. Put them on your knees and hands. They might get used when pulling roofs, so that you can get a good hold where there is none. Put them on knees, hands, or both. Can't you take him to Peterskill?? Yegods, I want to see this... T We actually are going to be at the Gunks this weekend, trad climbing on saturday and bouldering on sunday, maybe we'll swing by. Look for us, Brian(clmbr121) and I will try and make sure he wears the suction cups hanging off his harness.
I'll likely be at Peterskill all weekend, unless plans change drastically. Look for the bald guy with glasses and a goatee, with a yellow Petzl Ecrin Roc helmet that says "This is NOT a foothold."
Regardless, PLEASE take pictures!!!
T
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