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j_ung
Mar 8, 2007, 8:27 PM
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Here are some of the little, but nonetheless crucial lessons I've learned in life to get me through a typical day unscathed. Unfortunately, I learned them all by experience.
1. Check for toilet paper before pooping.
2. Before entering a stairwell, make sure you don't need a key card to get out of it.
3. If you do need a key card, make sure you have it on you.
4. To prevent pest infestation, clean your house every once in while.
5. Get a visual on your car keys before closing the door.
More?
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wideguy
Mar 8, 2007, 8:48 PM
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Make sure she's a REALLY a "She" before you pay for the hotel room.
Unless that's your thing..... Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Stuff like that?
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devils_advocate
Mar 8, 2007, 8:52 PM
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Check for wallet before making a purchase.
Check for transponder before getting on toll road.
Hide the last beer in the vegetable drawer.
Resist the temptation to eat pizza fresh (read: hot) out of the oven.
Turn down volume before opening any emails with video. (If it’s quiet/nothing is happening get ready for a screamer)
Check hall for coworkers before opening NSFW threads.
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macherry
Mar 8, 2007, 8:57 PM
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don't eat hot dogs at the 7-11
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macherry
Mar 8, 2007, 11:45 PM
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j_ung wrote: macherry wrote: don't eat hot dogs at the 7-11 Marge, is that a euphemism for something? 
nope, in fact don't eat the nachos there either
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marinaaxid25
Mar 8, 2007, 11:58 PM
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- ALWAYS remember to flush the toilet.
- Never hand out pennies in large quantities.
- Remember your wallet, keys, and cell phone.
- Look both ways before crossing a street.
- If you get lost, ASK SOMEONE FOR DIRECTIONS!!
- Run spell-check on everything---including email.
- Smile...you automatically feel better.
(This post was edited by marinaaxid25 on Mar 9, 2007, 12:00 AM)
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wjca
Mar 8, 2007, 11:59 PM
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Whenever someone says, "Hey, smell my hand." Don't.
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lagr01
Mar 9, 2007, 12:23 AM
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Get up a little bit before the turd hits the water.
Don't pull someone else's finger.
(This post was edited by lagr01 on Mar 9, 2007, 1:17 AM)
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devils_advocate
Mar 9, 2007, 12:49 AM
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marinaaxid25 wrote: - ALWAYS remember to flush the toilet. - Never hand out pennies in large quantities. - Remember your wallet, keys, and cell phone. - Look both ways before crossing a street. - If you get lost, ASK SOMEONE FOR DIRECTIONS!! - Run spell-check on everything---including email. - Smile...you automatically feel better.
Jesus, why don't you add "always put the toilet seat down and always admit that your lady is right". And any other femine type things that us guys simply aren't going to do.
The toilet doesn't have to always be flushed. Sometime, like when you're drinking beer, you know you're just going to be back in there in 30 mins. anyway. If it's yellow, let it mellow. And what if I want to show off some of my work?
And ask for directions? I don't think so, not going to happen.
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carabiner96
Mar 9, 2007, 12:52 AM
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devils_advocate wrote: marinaaxid25 wrote: - ALWAYS remember to flush the toilet. - Never hand out pennies in large quantities. - Remember your wallet, keys, and cell phone. - Look both ways before crossing a street. - If you get lost, ASK SOMEONE FOR DIRECTIONS!! - Run spell-check on everything---including email. - Smile...you automatically feel better. Jesus, why don't you add "always put the toilet seat down and always admit that your lady is right". And any other femine type things that us guys simply aren't going to do. The toilet doesn't have to always be flushed. Sometime, like when you're drinking beer, you know you're just going to be back in there in 30 mins. anyway. If it's yellow, let it mellow. And what if I want to show off some of my work? And ask for directions? I don't think so, not going to happen.
Dude, my hippie roomate pulls that shit and lets it sit overnight. I go to go pee in the AM and the whole place reeks of stale, unflushed urine.
So please, flush.
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devils_advocate
Mar 9, 2007, 12:53 AM
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That's why you pee in the bathroom and not your dorm room
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dr_feelgood
Mar 9, 2007, 3:34 AM
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don't pay for a 12 pack of cheap shit paper with pennies. Especially not when i am recieveing the pennies and 'lose count' about 8 times...
And then make fun of you with my boss and another customer when you walk out.
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petje
Mar 9, 2007, 7:44 AM
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j_ung wrote: Here are some of the little, but nonetheless crucial lessons I've learned in life to get me through a typical day unscathed. Unfortunately, I learned them all by experience. 1. Check for toilet paper before pooping. 2. Before entering a stairwell, make sure you don't need a key card to get out of it. 3. If you do need a key card, make sure you have it on you. 4. To prevent pest infestation, clean your house every once in while. 5. Get a visual on your car keys before closing the door.
5a. Get a visual on your HOUSEKEYS before closing the door.
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thomasribiere
Mar 9, 2007, 12:21 PM
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Never handle penises in large quantities.
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marinaaxid25
Mar 9, 2007, 12:42 PM
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devils_advocate wrote: Jesus, why don't you add "always put the toilet seat down and always admit that your lady is right". And any other femine type things that us guys simply aren't going to do. The toilet doesn't have to always be flushed. Sometime, like when you're drinking beer, you know you're just going to be back in there in 30 mins. anyway. If it's yellow, let it mellow. And what if I want to show off some of my work? And ask for directions? I don't think so, not going to happen.
...because generally---I don't want to flush someone else's poop. That wasn't a feminist statement; That's just gross to leave your golden coins for someone else to see. Oddly, leaving the toilet seat up isn't that big of a pet peeve compared to not flushing.
To Thomas: Handling penises in large quantities...hmm...are you trying to tell me something? 
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bizarrodrinker
Mar 9, 2007, 1:07 PM
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If that boulder looks like it will move if you step on it...DON'T, it almost certainly will.
If someone says lets do one more run then quit (skiing or riding) don't someone always get hurt on the "last run".
Don't trust that shifty character that tells you you can trust them. If you could trust them you would already know.
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snoangel
Mar 9, 2007, 6:33 PM
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bizarrodrinker wrote: If someone says lets do one more run then quit (skiing or riding) don't someone always get hurt on the "last run".
So true! My friends & I never say "last run", even when we know it will be.
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vivalargo
Mar 9, 2007, 6:38 PM
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Two things: watch your breath as much as you can, and focus on being totally in the present, not in your mind, reviewing (past) or postulating (future). Amazing things start to happen once you get dialed into this paractice.
JL
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granite_grrl
Mar 9, 2007, 6:57 PM
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snoangel wrote: bizarrodrinker wrote: If someone says lets do one more run then quit (skiing or riding) don't someone always get hurt on the "last run". So true! My friends & I never say "last run", even when we know it will be.
My little sister broke her wrist on the 'last run' while skiing ten years ago. She was still growing so the doctors wouldn't operate to fix 'er up for years. She still often wears a wrist brace.
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thorne
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Mar 9, 2007, 8:51 PM
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macherry wrote: don't eat hot dogs at the 7-11
How about the microwavable burritos? Back in my early 20s, I went on a 6 month stretch were I ate a jumbo "breakfast" burrito (usually meat and bean) about 3 times a week.
Jay,
The TP one is good.
As you age, peeing before bed becomes more and more important.
Don't go tubing on rivers/streams above flood level.
Be sure you know the location of your next rap.
Take a quick glance around before doing a slow and go through a stop sign.
Gasoline in a yellowjacket nest is very effective.
If you're taking narcotic painkillers (like Vicodin), don't drive.
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petsfed
Mar 9, 2007, 9:04 PM
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Eat before giving blood.
Always have a backup plan.
If you have to beg, don't be mad when people say no.
The back seat is ALWAYS more comfortable than the front seat.
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macherry
Mar 10, 2007, 2:17 AM
Post #24 of 59
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if you live with men, always check to see if the toilet seat is down, especially in the middle of the night.
and if you have little kids, check for drips on the floor and seat.
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girl_lostInVA
Mar 10, 2007, 6:01 AM
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petsfed wrote: If you have to beg, don't be mad when people say no. The back seat is ALWAYS more comfortable than the front seat.
I don't beg...it's a waste of time...
and I don't know if the back seat is more comfortable...is it???
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